I've submitted this chapters sometimes ago, but it's gone, don't know why. So I'm redoing it. I'm putting both Prologue and chapter 1 here. Thanx a million to Wintersturm for beta-reading.

This's a songfic "My Immortal" performed by Evanescence.

MY IMMORTAL

Prologue

I'm so tired of being here,

Suppressed by all my childish fears.

He sat quietly, resting his back against the trunk of the large cherry blossom tree.

His light blue jeans had done a little to keep him warm in the current weathere in Meifu that was rather cold. A soft breeze blew and his ash blond hair swiftly swayed against his pale cheek. Pink petals softly swayed pass his unfocusing eyes. His green eyes matched the color of the cool grass beneath him, though his were a little darker now.

Except his eyes that blinked from time to time, he had not made a slightest movement. Hours had passed, Kurosaki Hisoka still remained motionless. Nothing mattered much. All that mattered to him was now gone.

He didn't know nor did he care about the passage of time. Until he heard his name was being called several times from a distance. His head slowly turned towards of where the sound came from, his eyes remained unfocus and dimmed as ever.

"Do you think he's around here?" A voice asked. The Osakan accent could be plainly heard.

"I don't know. What could we expect?" Came another voice replying.

Hisoka sighed and stood. Some pink petals didn't leave his clothes. He didn't brushed it off, he didn't care.

"I'm here, Tatsumi-san, Watari-san." The two men followed the voice's direction and found the boy stepped out from behind one of the tree. "Did you need me for anything?"

The secretary and the scientist exchange a glance before they came closer to the boy. "Well, nothing. We haven't seen you in the cafeteria. We just come looking for you."

"You look pale, Bon. Maybe you should go back and rest." Watari addressed.

"I'm always pale, Watari-san. It's my skin color. What can I do?" He didn't have any intention to be sarcastic. But he was too tired to care about it. He wanted to end the conversation. He wanted everything to end. "I'll just get back to work." With that, he headed to the building, leaving his elders behind.

"He's not himself at all." Watari implied while Tatsumi only watched the boy leave.

He couldn't focus on his work, and he knew why. He remembered how he had worked so well back then, despite having a person who sit next to him and do a noisy sleep talking. And he had to scold a person to shut up. Now, it was quiet, too quiet.

And he felt disturbed as a person wasn't there to disturb him no more.

He started writing some paper. He wanted to work. He didn't want anyone to worry over him anymore. He knew everybody just felt the way he does. Wakaba brought some food for him when he didn't show up at the cafeteria. Terazuma walked him home when he didn't feel quite well. But Hisoka just want them to stop.

Tatsumi and Watari were back in their office. They sat in silence, doing their work. Until Watari brought up a matter.

"Tatsumi. Do you think…how long will things continue this way?" Watari asked, his fingers hovering the keyboard slowing to a halt.

Gathering some paperwork file in his arms, Tatsumi whirled around, noticing Watari's hunched back behind his working table, and the nearly-blank computer screen. Undoubtly, Watari hadn't been focused on his work either.

"I have no idea. And hard as it is for us to accept the way things are, I bet it's much worse for Kurosaki-kun. He's just a child after all." Tatsumi took out some papers from the file he was holding and handed them to Watari.

"What's this?" Watari asked as he eyed towards the papers suspiciously. Nevertheless, he took them willingly enough.

"That's Kurosaki-kun's work, notice anything?" Said Tatsumi neutrally.

"It's…changed. I remember him having better handwriting than this, and even the way he write reports…" Watari couldn't help but felt sad for the boy. "Damn it. What can we do." The man suppressed his feeling to bang his fist on the table.

"There's nothing much, maybe nothing at all that we can do."

Kurosaki Hisoka had died the day Tsuzuki Asato ceased to exist.

Chapter 1

If you have to leave,

I wish that you would just leave.

"I'm so tired."

His words came out through trembling lips. The face once always held the beautiful smile was now stained with falling tears as its owner mourned desperately for death.

Hisoka couldn't believe his eyes. He couldn't—didn't want to—believe that the person in front of him now was himHe should be an idiot who only cried for sweets, the lazy one who said the word "tired" only to slack off from work, the person who sulked only when Tatsumi or Kachou scolded himHe should be a baka—HIS BAKA

Conflicting. Of how someone could hide the true self from others. Hisoka didn't know Tsuzuki could be this good at it. That he could keep up himself as a sane person with those happy mask he always had put on. How Tsuzuki was now different, yet feeling so familiar. Feelings never lied, this was Tsuzuki.

Hisoka gasped as his head backed away slightly with disbelief, staring at the man in front of him.

For one thing, Hisoka didn't know how to react at the moment. Before he had jumped amidst Tohda's flames, all that was in his mind was about to save Tsuzuki. Although Watari had tried to stop him and Tatsumi had explained that this is all Tsuzuki's wish. Hisoka just couldn't accept it. He never will. The boy had hoped that if he reach out to Tsuzuki, his partner would come back with him. But he was wrong.

Tsuzuki had only shaken his head, and turned it to one side, directing his gaze downwards and away from Hisoka's proffered hand. Tears had rolled across his cheek and onto his hand.

"I don't want to live my life any longer. That's why, here, I'll-"

He was cut off and gasped when a small weight flung onto him, and arms tightly wrapped around his neck. Swaying backward slightly, Tsuzuki managed to remain upright.

"Hisoka?"

Tsuzuki cried out in disbelief. He remained motionless as Hisoka held onto him. His dimmed violet eyes startled as his ears caught the muffled words. And he felt the boy's tears falling on his neck.

'Hisoka was crying over him?'

"Then please live for me! I don't want to be alone anymore!"

He shifted his gaze until he could make out the familiar blond hair, his vision remained there, still shocked by the totally unexpected behavior.

"This is my only place to return to!" Hisoka whispered through his sobs even as he tightened his grip, pressing his face into Tsuzuki's broad but fallen shoulder. "And it is yours as well!"

Tsuzuki listened as the boy's voice became smaller and smaller as he cried. Then slowly, he raised his hands, returning the boy's embrace.

"Can I still…stay here?"

Hisoka couldn't bring himself to speak. A nod against Tsuzuki's neck was all he could managed. And he meant it.

'I won't be anywhere far ever again. I won't let go of your hands anymore. If it's the next world that you're going to, then I'm coming too! Tsuzuki!'

For a time, they remained tightly locked together. Black flames hovered everywhere, eating there surroundings little by little. Objects fell and walls crumbled to the floor, but neither shinigami cared.

For all that mattered were right here in their arms.

Tsuzuki let out a contented sigh that made Hisoka smile inside. No matter where Tsuzuki went, be it the way up above the highest heaven, or down low to the deepest pit of hell. Hisoka would be willingly to go with Tsuzuki. And they held onto each other for God knows how long.

At the moment, Hisoka knew this was what he ought to do. He'd never been so sure about anything in his entire life, but this was it. This is the very time that he can be so sure of what he was doing. Tsuzuki had held onto him, as much as Hisoka had wanted him to. He didn't want Tsuzuki to fear for his life, or forcing him away to protect him.

But then…

It happened fast. As he was just thinking of only to follow Tsuzuki, the next moment he had been pushed back. As if the time had stopped. His heart clenched as what laid before his eyes. Tsuzuki had pushed him away, fears inside those tearful violet eyes.

Hisoka wondered why.

Hisoka felt himself landed onto the floor some distance away. Hurt by rejection, he determindedly propped himself up using his elbow just in time to see a blackened projectile smashed onto the ground below.

Green eyes widened with shock, and looking past the fallen stone. He saw the spot where Tsuzuki had lain occupied instead by a fallen pillar covered with black flames. It was only then that Hisoka understood.

This time, his heart crashed, as if the whole place had collapsed upon him. His breaths stopped. And his brain might have stopped function as well, at least for a second or so…

"…Tsu…zuki…" His voice came out as a softest whisper, dread filled his eyes, before he suddenly shouted, "Tsuzuki!"

Getting to his feet, the boy rushed where he thought Tsuzuki might be under that mess, levitating so as not to add anymore weight to the ruble. "Tsuzuki!" Tears started to fall off his cheeks once again, blurring his vision. "God!" He quickly wiped it away as his other hand began pushing the larger, burning pieces away. His hands burnt instantly as it touched those mess, but he couldn't care less.

"Tsuzuki!"

He thought he heard Tsuzuki's voice, moaning weakly under that pillar, feeding him with frantic hope.

Finally, using all of the strength his hands could offer, he was able to move a large piece of ruble to the side where it landed with a heavy thud. There he found Tsuzuki trapped under the burning wreckage. Only a part of Tsuzuki's face could be seen from where he hovered. Red blood with a black stain on his face.

"Tsuzuki!"

Slowly, Tsuzuki opened his eyes. His vision blurred, and only his left eye was working. His right eye was soaked with blood that dripped from his forehead to his chin. He looked up at Hisoka weakly.

"Hang in there, I'll get you out!"

Tsuzuki felt his world was getting dark. Regardless of that, he could see Hisoka and hear his voice shouting his name; he could see the burnt hands that tried to help him and the green fearful eyes that were glassed with tears.

"…That's enough…Hisoka. Just…go." Tsuzuki slurred. As he was sure that Hisoka would heard him but won't listen to him, he shouted on the top of his lungs. "JUST GO! Hisoka!"

"DAMN YOU! Tsuzuki! DON'T YOU DARE DIE ON ME!" Hisoka snapped back instantly. Then he saw Tsuzuki's gaze shifted upwards and mouthed some words to something behind and above Hisoka. Then the gaze settled back on Hisoka.

"I'm glad you came for me…Hisoka…Thanks."

That was it. Before Hisoka could place his hand once more on the burning mess, he touched into something else dark. Then he was engulfed by a darkness. He gasped even as he heard another loud crash right above him. And was forcefully pulled from the ruins by the darkness that shielded him. Tatsumi's shadow, he realised…and understood.

Panic rose into him. "No! Tatsumi-san! Tsuzuki!" Still the black shadow lifted him higher, and still Tatsumi remained nowhere to be seen. 'He's probably controlling the shadows from somewhere above,' Hisoka rationalised. Coming to this conclusion, Hisoka directed his attention downwards towards the partially-exposed face of his partner that was still smiling at him.. It was a real smile, unlike the faint ones that never reached his eyes.

'Damn his smile.' Right now, Hisoka doesn't want Tsuzuki's smile, he wants Tsuzuki's safety. He wants Tsuzuki's life.

Then it goes another falling pillars where Tsuzuki laid. Burnt hands raised themselves to cover his mouth in pure shock. Hisoka saw all of it happening.

"TSUZUKI!" He reached. Reaching desperately forward, but the dark shadow did well to keep him back, safe.

For a few seconds, Hisoka had bumped into something, Watari's arms. Only then did he realise that he was standing at the edge of the lab gate, at the very place where he had jumped into the flames.

Tatsumi had used his shadow to save him, and only him.

"Bon! Are you all right? Your hands!" Watari held the boy who leant against his arms for support.

"This place is not safe either; we must leave!" Tatsumi stated as the building continued to collapse. Hisoka promptly spun his head to the side, and saw Tatsumi searching for a way out.

"Tatsumi-san! Tsuzuki!" Hisoka cried urgently, only to get a sharp pang across his chest when Tatsumi shook his head sadly. "NO!" He yelled in denial and pried Watari's arms off himself.

"It's too late! Bon! He won't make it!" Watari said as he bit his lips, but the boy paid him no attention. Hisoka turned swiftly, back towards the laboratory.

However, before the boy could take a step to jump back into the flames once again, an arm pulled him back by the shoulder, and he received a hard blow in his stomach. Hisoka gasped, his world faded into the cold darkness.

End Chapter I

Thanks for reading!

As usual, I'm always in need of beta-reader. Please e-mail me if anyone can check over my English for fanfics. I still got other YnM fics I'm trying to finished and put them here.