Almost Lover

(A/N: My first Life With Derek fic. It's incomplete because it's going to be a song fic. Tell me what you think so far. --NL)

Kasey MacDonald was hopeless, obsessed, and everything else that could be associated with a girl who had no idea what she had signed up for. To some people what she was doing would be considered sick and in serious need of psychiatric help and Kasey found herself in agreement, yet she couldn't stop. You can't control how you feel and sometimes your feelings are so powerful that they overwhelm every other part of your existence until you fall to the ground in pathetic weakness, begging to give in even though there's always that small voice that tells you to play it safe.

Well Kasey Klutzilla MacDonald, Queen of Scheduling and Plans had finally done something spontaneous and rash so ... unlike her Capricorn-like nature. She had fallen for someone she least expected, and hard. She tried to turn her mind away from it with schoolwork, and that worked for her in high school, but somehow reading 100 pages for her honors Biology college class seemed pointless and boring, even for a doctor-in-the-making like herself.

What did interest her at the moment was a certain slacker who somehow managed not only to get into college, but the same one she attended. Wasn't that ironic? Kasey fled halfway across the country to gain control of these ... delusions once and for all and they followed her, not only swimming around in her mind and becoming more vivid than ever, but also by being tangible, touchable, real memories. And they made her smile with a strange delight.

Kasey shuddered, disgusted that she thought this was amusing. It wasn't. She was sitting in her room having a huge tug of war with her emotions, trying to decide which side would become the coup de ... whatever it was called. God, now her brain didn't seem to be working correctly.

"This simply will not do." She stood up from her desk, shutting her Biology book, packing it into her bag and heading to her salvation, her sanctuary, a place that didn't hold memories of the fibers of his body connecting and creating new entities, a new way of existing, with hers. "Pen, pencils, notebook, laptop just in case ... extra pen..." Kasey ran off the list out loud as she added stuff to her shoulder bag, glad to have something that seemed normal to her--routine. This she could handle.

When she had made it safely out of the door, with no sign of the familiar knock or ring from that special someone, Kasey's anxiety level went down about a hundred times. This was doable. Thanksgiving break wasn't until November. It was still October and if she could do what she was doing now and stay clear of him then by the time the family reunited, Kasey could pretend like nothing happened because she would know that nothing was going to happen ... wait. That didn't make any sense.

Nothing did, but suddenly Kasey had reached her destination. She took a seat in the back past the easy-liquored up sorority girls and the solemn international students who studied almost as much as she did. Kasey grinned to herself. No way she was going to let anyone out-study her.

As she opened the Biology book again, she found that it was not only easy to read, but interesting too. Medicine was completely her calling. Just as she rounded up the first thirty pages, a loud thud on the table broke her concentration. "I'm reading here." She muttered without managing to sound angry or bitter in the least. It was part of the MacDonald cheerfulness she had inherited ... well not from her mom, but ... somewhere.

"And I'm studying here." A cool, self-assured, way too familiar voice echoed back. Kasey held her breath. She knew his voice as well as her own and all its different angles. Please no. In hopes that her ears had deceived her, Kasey looked up without hesitation.

"De-rek! God, what are you doing here?" She asked, standing up in the defense, knocking her knee into the table and causing an avalanche that not only made her book come crashing to the ground, but her laptop as well.

In slow motion the machine seemed to fall and in lighting speed Derek seemed to be there.

"Still a Klutzilla." He smirked, placing the computer back onto the table and away from Kasey.

"No Derek, you are not going to start that up again. Do you know what I had to go through in high school?"

"How's your knee?" He kneeled down next to Kasey's leg touching her with a tenderness that one would never guess could come out of such a goof-off jackass.

"It's fine." Kasey turned her attention away from him.

"Look, we can play this game or ... talk."

"That last time we talked Derek you made me do things that I shouldn't have. We're related. What we've done is all wrong."

"Does it feel that way to you too?" He reached for her hand carefully and longingly. The look on her face was heartbreaking. Kasey did this back and forth shit all the time. Derek just hoped that this time would be like the last. Because if she really said it was over, he wouldn't be able to handle it, not now not ... ever.

"Too?" Kasey glared to Derek, stunned which was the reaction he needed.

"Meet me here." He tossed out a torn piece of paper, obviously from the library, with an aisle number on it. By the time Kasey deciphered what the characters meant, Derek was gone. She sighed to herself. She had no choice so she went.

"Before you do anything Derek, I'm begging you ... not here. This is the one place where I don't have any memories of us."

"I'll take you to a special spot that you've probably never even heard of." He offered, unlocking a door in the back. Inside it was dimly lit with a guitar in the middle. "I know how you like ... you know." He whispered shyly, Kasey barely recognizing this Derek. If everyone else could just see ...

"Wait. I know this song." Kasey nearly shouted in pure amazement. "Derek, this is my song." She said protectively as he continued to play the chords.

"Our song." He corrected her. "We wrote it together, but you know I don't sing..." He suggested as Kasey picked up the first verse eagerly.

Before Derek could move onto the 8th bar of the song, Kasey was sitting beside him, and then touching him, and then staring at him, finally kissing him. This was so wrong. Evidently Kasey thought so too. Sitting on her knees completely naked in front of Derek, and him in front of her, she stood up dramatically. "I can't." She whispered. It was so low that Derek didn't know what had happened until Kasey was no longer wrapped in his arms.

"Do you have any idea what we're doing here? This is a crime. We're criminals..." Kasey ranted, pacing back and forth while spewing out all of the moral implications of what they were doing. After a while, she realized that Derek was abnormally quiet. "Are you listening to me?"

"I'm too distracted by the view." Derek answered as Kasey finally realized that she was completely nude, in front of him. She grabbed up the clothing that she had folded and organized so neatly that some would call it anal or overly fastidious. Derek grew to love how she was such an orderly do-gooder. It was the opposite of his 'bad boy' image which included a slew of female conquests, at least that's what he allowed everyone else to believe. "You need to calm down."

"What do you see in me? Seriously." Kasey probed, sitting crossed-legged and across from her step-brother, this time both of them were fully clothed.

"Seriously?" Derek searched Kasey's face unable to find a starting point. The truth? He loved it all. Her sporadic outbursts, her belief that perfect was possible, her ambition, her love ... even the things he hated about her, he learned to love.

"Why can't you just find another girl, like you used to? You must've had at least 20 girls walk into your life since our parents got married." She offered, trying to pass Derek off to someone else.

"Now I'm someone else's problem?" Derek looked down and chuckled to himself. "That's cool..."

"What about that tattooed girl?"

"Which one?" He answered, just to get a reaction out of Kasey which he did. She glared. "I've already had her." He admitted, adding fuel to the flames.

"That's disgusting Derek. I don't want to hear about your sexcapes with the poor naive girls on campus." She pulled her knees up and rested her chin on them.

"Then let's not talk about them... I haven't been with any girl since we discovered this--"

"Don't humor this situation. This is wrong and we are capable of ending it. Now." She answered seriously.

"Answer me this Kasey, have you ever felt this way about anyone else? Max maybe? Scott? Alex--"

"No." She licked her lips unsurely. "But this is an abnormal thing we're doing."

"We're doing what normal college kids do. Our parents got married, not us." Derek argued back, making some weird sense to Kasey which just freaked her out.

"Maybe this works with all of the other girls, but how do I know that once you get me in bed that ... that that won't be it? Maybe you're just losing it Derek and you can't think straight. I'm the queen of correct thinking and I think that what we're feeling will only ruin our family."

"If you're worried about other girls, I'll stop partying. I won't go out and make-out with random strangers. It's all nothing compared to when I kiss you anyway." Derek promised, his lips meeting Kasey as a huge burst of energy or ... something jolted between them. "This is what I want." He kissed her forehead lovingly, stroking her hair back.

"How did this happen?" Kasey wondered, resting her head on Derek's shoulder. "How did I fall for my own brother?"

"I don't know, but I can't make it stop."

"Then what do we do?" She asked, for the first time in her life not having the answer to something and not knowing where to find it.

TBC