Author's Note:
Hrm, I have no idea here. Finishing this was difficult. In any case, I do actually really like it.
Written for Day 4 of Coldflash Week.
She's beautiful. Lush dark curls, big dark eyes.
She's beautiful and Barry is more than a little terrified.
She's holding the gun point blank at the back of Snart's head and Barry isn't sure he can stop her from firing in time.
"Poor little baby," she fake whines as her dark red lips turn down into an exaggerated frown.
"Let him go."
She looks up at Barry when he says it, a flicker of surprise on her face before it fades back into her indifferent mask.
"Why ever would I do that, Flash?"
"Because I'm only asking you once," Barry says, hoping his voice is as steady and even as he means for it to be.
The woman laughs, a musical thing that should sound lovely but only makes Barry's stomach twist.
"Oh, kiddo. It's so adorable that you think you can stop me."
Barry's eyes flicker down to Snart's face, see the resigned and tired look in his eyes. No, Barry can't let her do this.
He moves.
-x-
Barry never does learn her name. The gun ends up firing in their struggle. Leonard Snart takes a bullet through his shoulder-something that feels a blessing considering where she'd been aiming-and the woman...
The woman dies right there, a jagged piece of metal from the rickety warehouse having crashed into her while she and Barry fought.
He still sees her face, eyes wide open in shock as she dies.
-x-
He doesn't notice at first, too caught up in remembering that face, too caught up in the guilt that weighs heavy in his mind.
Doesn't realize it's not just his guilt he's feeling.
-x-
Snart corners him on a Tuesday afternoon, almost six full days after... after. He's dressed casually, a sling over one arm to keep his shoulder steady.
"I think we need to talk, Barry," he says, and Barry doesn't want to.
Doesn't want to remember that night.
"You can't pretend it didn't happen."
Yes, Barry thinks, he really can.
"Allen!"
Barry flinches at the sound of it, hates the way he reacts.
I can't stop seeing her face, Barry thinks.
"I can't either," Snart says, grabbing Barry's arm with his uninjured one.
"I didn't say that out loud..." Barry finally says, and he hears Snart's response even though Snart's lips never move.
I know.
-x-
When he slowly walks into the lab, he catches Caitlin's knowing eyes. He waits a beat, takes a deep breath with his eyes closed. He can feel Snart step into place behind him before it happens.
"What are you doing here?" Caitlin says, her voice growing steadily louder with every syllable.
"We have a-"
"meta-human problem." Barry starts, the rest of the words also tumbling out of Snart's mouth like they'd planned it.
They hadn't.
Why would they?
"Barry, you cannot tell me you trust-"
"He doesn't." Snart states, matter of fact.
It's true, and they both know it.
"She... did something... before she..." Barry manages. He doesn't specify who he's talking about.
They all know anyway.
-x-
Caitlin is fascinated by the prospect of them being in each other's heads. He knows she wants to study it, see how far it goes-the depth and the distance of it.
He can almost taste how much Snart-Len, Snart's mind supplies-hates that idea.
Barry doesn't blame him, he hates it just as much.
Some of the research that went into discovering the depths of Barry's powers had been fun, but Wells had soured that too.
It's not the same anymore.
Nothing's the same anymore.
-x-
Barry lies awake that night for several hours. He wants to sleep, to stop thinking. He wants to sleep and wake up and have the last week (month, year) be some sort of dream.
He lies awake and he's struck silent by the depth of tangled emotion and brilliance of Leonard Snart's mind, because he lies there and it feels like an extension of his own.
He doesn't pry-doesn't know how to do it even if he wanted to-but he feels it. He feels it and he knows that Len can feel him there like a lingering shadow.
I'm sorry, Barry thinks, I'm sorry that we can't shut this off.
Because the longer this goes on, the more they're aware of?
They both know it's only going to spread them open like books, crack their spines until their pages spill out and scatter.
It's getting stronger, this terrifying bond between them.
It's getting stronger, and Barry's only solace is that the woman's face isn't quite as prominent in his mind as it was before.
-x-
It starts to ache. A few days into knowing, being away from Len starts to feel like a strained muscle, a low grade headache.
Caitlin and Cisco are trying, but Barry doesn't think they'll find an easy answer with this one.
Neither does Len, who's started pulling away from the Rogues-even his sister-for fear of saying something that will reveal their strengthening bond.
-x-
It doesn't take long before half of Barry's conversations take place in his head. Until they're talking to each other because the buzz makes it impossible to ignore each other. They try everything that comes to mind, try every meditation and practice that Caitlin or Cisco can think of.
Nothing changes, nothing quiets the thrum under their skin. Nothing except exercising it, which does nothing but temporarily sate the flow of each other's every thought and word and sense-and strengthens it as well.
Barry knows Len more than he knows anyone else anymore, has witnessed through the shifting haze of memory many of Len's worst memories and his best. He knows it's worked in reverse just as much, knows Len's seen the best of him and the worst of him.
-x-
Being separated from him for a few hours starts to hurt worse and worse, starts to become nearly impossible.
Barry is just as terrified of losing the connection as he is of it becoming worse, the heavy reliance he's somehow maintained with Len in their combined space something heavy and addictive.
-x-
It all breaks on a Thursday, nearly a month after it starts. Barry hasn't left home in three days, Len hasn't left his side for more than a scant few minutes in twice that. Joe has looked on them in concern, but he doesn't berate them or attack Len because of Barry.
Because neither one of them are handling things well anymore. The Flash hasn't been seen in over a week, Captain Cold hasn't been seen in longer.
Caitlin and Cisco come into the house without knocking, carrying matching helmets that vaguely resemble those used against Grodd. It's not the first incarnation of them they've brought, not even among the first five.
But this time there's something different about them. Barry can tell as soon as Caitlin settles the device in his hands.
It instantly slams walls down on the bond, and the loss of it is enough that Barry and Len both end up throwing up for nearly ten minutes after.
Barry knows Caitlin and Cisco explain how it works, but his head feels like it's full of cotton when he takes that helmet off. Len doesn't look any better, and something in Barry aches at the thought that he no longer knows for sure. Can no longer hear him, feel him.
When Len leaves a few hours later-after a stop at the lab, a meal that neither of them eat much of, and Caitlin's gentle prodding-he doesn't say a word to Barry.
-x-
It only takes a few days before Barry is back to duties as the Flash. He doesn't see any of the Rogues during that first week, just the usual suspects otherwise.
Barry pretends it doesn't hurt, not having Len.
He's pretty sure he's failing at hiding that as much as he failed at pretending the dead woman's face wasn't appearing in his head almost every time he closed his eyes right after it happened.
But he tries anyway.
-x-
Lisa Snart accosts him nearly a week later. She comes out of nowhere and punches him in the face when he's not expecting it, and a smattering of blood drips from his nose to his shirt.
He's not dressed as the Flash, and he's only just left the police station. A few newly off-duty officers step closer to them, obviously intent on defending him if need be.
He waves them off, holds his nose as he stares at Len's little sister. Watches her, the way her makeup is just a little smeared, the way her hair is just a little less put together than usual.
He doesn't know why she's here, exactly. But he thinks it's because of Len.
"What the fuck did you do to my brother?"
"What? I didn't do anything to him! He's the one who left!" Barry yells back, and he doesn't even realize what he's saying until it's out there.
Doesn't realize exactly how much he misses him until he says it.
"You kept him captive for weeks and you're pissy that he-"
"I didn't keep him anywhere! We didn't kidnap him!"
"You and your buddies at STAR Labs and the Flash-"
"Shut up, Lis. You don't know anything about-" Barry stopped talking, something suspiciously like panic hitting him.
It hadn't even been that long, but he and Len had been so close during that time. There wasn't a way to keep secrets between them. Barry knew everything about him, even the dark parts.
He even knew what Len's nickname for his sister was.
He knew what Len was doing, hiding away from him like this.
"Hey, hey!"
Barry didn't even realize he was hyperventilating until Lisa Snart had a gentle hand on his shoulder, squeezing in a pattern to mimic regular breathing.
Something Len used to do, when she was panicking as a child.
"Where is he?"
"Look, I get that for whatever reason you've decided my brother is your freakin' pet. But you're just a kid, and the rest of the Rogues will eat you up before you even get there."
"Where's Len?"
-x-
Lisa takes him there herself, makes him ride on the back of a motorcycle that's almost certainly Len's. Barry doesn't argue, doesn't complain.
He doesn't explain things to her, because he can't. Not without talking to Len, without telling the great and terrible Captain Cold exactly what he feels.
Because that's just it, isn't it?
Len has no way of knowing how Barry feels anymore. Has no way of knowing that what they shared-against their will or otherwise-over the last few weeks still means something. That with that mental wall up, Barry still wants something with him.
That he hasn't changed just because he can go back to being the Flash and Barry Allen, instead of an active participant in each other's heads.
Lisa unlocks the front door of an apartment that is so obviously hers-Barry knows where Len's places are, knows where he keeps his keys, knows where he prefers to hide-and she walks inside, holding the door open just long enough to let him inside before she latches it behind her.
"I'm giving you ten minutes, science boy. And if you upset him, not even the Flash will be able to save your ass."
Barry nods in agreement. Because, if this doesn't go the way Barry hopes? He's not sure he'd care if she came after him.
He knocks on the closed bedroom door-the open one is so obviously not holding him. He waits just long enough to start worrying when it swings open.
Len looks haggard and rough, not too unlike they both had at the end there. He's in need of a shave and a shower, but Barry doesn't really care about that.
Not now.
"Why..." Len starts, but Barry knows where he's going. He doesn't let Len ask anything at all.
Instead, Barry just shoves his way into Len's space and kisses him. He holds it there for a beat, afraid he's about to get punched-because he had no frame of reference for how Len would react to this, just a hope, and he can't see how Len feels unless he reacts-and then Len does react.
Barry can hear the startled noise Lisa makes in the background as Len wraps a hand around his neck and pulls him even closer, kisses back with even more passionate fervor. He ignores her, and it doesn't take long for him to forget she's there entirely because he's too wrapped up in this.
Somehow Barry ends up with his legs wrapped around Len's waist as he carries them back into the bedroom, ends up underneath him as Len presses hungry kisses into Barry's mouth and neck.
He loses track of time as they move together, come together, end up sweaty messes tangled together on the mattress is Lisa's spare bedroom.
And when they're sated, Barry tells Len just enough to make him understand that he's not going anywhere, listens just enough to know that Len isn't either, and then they curl up like cats in sunlight and fall asleep still wrapped around each other.
-x-
In the morning, Barry sees Lisa just enough to watch her wrinkle her nose in disgust when they come out of the room together and the blatant surprise that starts to break across her face when Barry kisses Len goodbye and speeds out with no hesitation for showing her who he really is.
He goes to work, and Joe catches on to the smile that he can't keep stamped down.
He doesn't hesitate when Cisco calls for the Flash, races through the city streets like he would have months before.
And when he runs into the Rogues, Captain Cold at the helm, attempting a theft, he doesn't hesitate then either.
He rushes into the fray with a well-timed pun he knows Len will appreciate, and does his duty.
He thinks of the girl, the beautiful girl who threw his whole world in a tailspin. He thinks of her life cut short, and the senselessness of it.
He thinks of the gift she was given, and the way it nearly ruined them.
And he thinks about Len, about the feel of his kiss and the memory of his brilliant mind, and feels like things might be okay.