She didn't want any of it. Why did she have to go through the pain? When you're with your best friend, isn't everything supposed to be good? He was different. Everything was. Their relationship took a different toll once they got together. It wasn't supposed to be like this. He was the reason for her smiles. Now all he causes, is her heartache. Love makes you go mad? That isn't the case for the story of these two love birds. Best friends, lovers, and then what. She wasn't his shoulder to cry on, he turned to worst things. Horrid things that caused these two lovers to drift apart. For one lover, to flee from the darkness. This is how the journey started.

My heart raced. Everything around me was beginning to obscure. My body ached. My head pounded. My mouth wet, yet so dry. Darkness swallowed me whole. I saw my arms underneath me, attempting to push my body up off the ground, but it seemed as if a ton of bricks were above me. I screamed and I knew, but I couldn't hear myself. I grasped tightly at the bed sheet, watching it scrunch in my hand. Pulling myself off the ground, at this moment, it was not the hardest thing.

He wasn't always like that. He was a good guy. The way the whole world knows him. They only see the exterior, not the interior. I honestly don't remember when it all began. He was my friend before he became my lover. He wasn't a monster. He was just Nick. My sweet, simple, funny Nick.

I hover over the bed, in which was a beautiful place once. I crawled to the corner and hugged my legs, rocking myself back and forth.

Why don't I leave? Because he is not him. That is not him. He isn't that of what I fear.

My breathing steadied.

Grrr

Food…the stuff that is made to energize your body. What our ancestors fought for, for survival. Right now, I didn't really care.

I crawl slowly off the bed, my body feeling ache as it stretches from the hours of me being balled up. My feet shuffle towards the door. I walk down the hallway into the kitchen. The noise coming from the T.V screamed through the area and living room.

Rrrrriiiinnng

"Yo whats up dawg...nah man...that's cool bro...alright Chris see ya later dude," I heard his voice, as he ended his call.

That voice. When I first met him, it was the only thing I could think of. He was so adorable, so full of energy, so happy...just for me. When I first met him, it was five years ago, he was 17 then. I remember, him and his bowl shaped like cut hair. Long enough for me to pull on it. I had been called to work as one of the make up artists. I had become part of the Backstreet crew. Everyone on the team knew I had a thing for Nick. They would tease me from time to time. They had thought it would be fun to have me as Nick's personal make up stylist.

I remember all those little jokes, stunts, and pranks he did just to get my attention. Sometimes he tortured me into thinking I had actually hurt him with the blush brush.

"I HATE make up," he mentioned once. Well, at least when I was around. He said it made him bring out his feminine side. I laughed.

That was my Nick. Not this horrid monstrosity.

The refrigerator door opened at the doing of my hand, making a sharp, tick sound.

I heard shuffling behind me.

"Baby?" he called out for me.

His voice sounded calm. No sign of anger.

"Star, baby? Come here a second," he said, so sweetly.

My name...Estrella Vasquez. I'm 21. My star sign, Cancer. I lived in the slums most of my youth. My mother was a strong woman. She was left alone when my brother was born. I don't remember much of my father. I was about three when he had left us. My mother worked multiple jobs just to get us by. I always looked up to her. She was my hero. After my mother had died two years ago, my brother was just doing bad for himself. I didn't know what to do. He's in the big house now. All I have is Nick...or at least I thought.

"Come here baby," he smiled.

I melted. What?! Yes, he has done all those things, but...I cannot help it. I love him.

I walked towards him, slowly. In light steps. I got to reaching distance and stopped.

He smiled. Oh! That sweet smile. Making him look so adorable and innocent.

He reached out, grabbing my wrist, and pulled me onto his lap. His arms slithered around my waist, bringing me closer to him. I flinched at the pain on my lower back, caused by it pressing up against his abdomen.

"You okay baby?" he whispered in my ear.

I didn't answer. Just sat there, in his lap, not moving just staring at his knees under me. His body moved slightly. His lips touching the back of my neck, tracing the small fainted bruise from a few days ago.

"Look at me," he whispered, with such demand, it sent chills down my spine.

I didn't notice how hollow my breathing had gotten. His hand began slowly creeping up my large t-shirt. I inhale sharply, holding it in. I look at him. His blue eyes. Getting closer, he leans, taking my bottom lip into his sweet, wet mouth.

May god punish me, a small moan escapes me. His finger gliding over my panty line with just enough pressure. His mouth moving to my ear. His wet lips brushing against the back of my earlobe. My eyes closed, taking in his hot breath tickling my ear, his fingers playing over my hot spot, his body pressing up against me. My concentration faltered.

"I love you," he breathed.

My heart stung.

Lies. I thought.

Then why are you not moving.

A little voice spoke at the back of my head.

"Baby?" Nick whispered in a sort of whine. His fingers reacting to my lack of reaction, making me gasp. He laid his lips on the nape of my neck. Arching my back, he growled low and deep, his chest vibrating against my back.

I hated but loved the power he had over me. And he knew this.

I whimpered, feeling him push my panty line aside, drawing small circles along my folds.

"Star," he breathed. "Look at me," he said, almost in a light plead.

I turned, looking into his eyes.

Why did he have to look at me like that? So intense. Like he would do anything for me. With so much love?

He doesn't love me. I screamed.

He leaned forward taking my mouth in his. Kissing me softly, but yet hungrily. His finger pushed in slowly, causing me to sigh at the sensation coursing through my body. His tongue teases my lips, wanting access in. I slowly part my lips, allowing his tongue to explore my mouth. Feeling another finger join the other, goosebumps spread over my skin, and I begin grinding lightly against his hand. With his free hand his fingers pull below my ribs turning me halfway around, so I was now sitting across, instead of, on Nick's lap. Removing his fingers, I whimpered, letting out a long breathe. He hooked his finger under my knee, lifting it up over his head, letting it lie on his shoulder, while his other arm, held me by my waist. Moving his hand back in between my legs snatching the hem of my underwear from one side, while the other hand that was on my waist grabbed the other side, tearing my panties apart. Dipping two fingers between my fold, rubbing my juices up and down. I moaned and whimpered the times he passed my clit.

"Nick," I breathed out.

He growled, taking my mouth with his, shoving two fingers in me. I groaned as he hooked his fingers, pressing against the soft bump inside, sending electric shocks. He moved his fingers in and out rapidly. Removing his fingers once more, he pulled away from my lips, leaving me panting, looking at him through a half hooded daze. Bringing his fingers up to his lips, he slowly licked me off of them, closing his eyes. Once he finished, he looked at me.

"Get up," he demanded in a low husky tone.

I got up slowly. I forgot about the pain I had been enduring earlier. Nick place either of his hand on my hips pulling me forward, making me crawl onto his lap. He stared at me again. His eyes falling over my body, seeing my arms hanging on my sides, not moving, not locking around his neck, like they usually did when I was in this position. His eyes moved back to mine. Leaning forward, he brushed his lips against mine, kissing me slowly, as if he was trying to be careful, like he didn't want to break me. He didn't know I already was.

His fingers tightened on my hips, pulling me down.

Whoa, when did he let him out? I gasped loudly, my finger hooking around his neck. His hands pushed me off only to bring me back down.

"Ride me baby," he whispered. His finger peaked under my long shirt, sliding up my back. I arched my back, grinding against him, making my moves long and slow. He laid his head back against the couch. His hands continued to glide up my back, past my shoulder blades, hooking over my shoulders.

He let out a groan, lifting his hips up off the couch. I gasped, my fingers leaving his neck down to his chest. Slowly, I began moving up off of him, only to fall back down on him. Soon enough I was bouncing, moaning, and clawing at his shirt. I tilted my head back, feeling my hair whip against my exposed back. I felt Nick remove his hands. I looked back at him, realized I had closed my eyes. He licked his thumb, quickly placing it on top of my clit, applying a little pressure, making small circular motions. My walls immediately clenched, having Nick growl and moan at the same time. I clenched my hands in tight fists, bunching up his shirt in my hands, on his shoulder. He leaned in forward moving his hands to my ass, giving it a tight squeeze, pulling me closer to him.

"Tell me baby," He whispered, huskily into my ear, sending shivers down my spine. "Come on Star." he kissed the side of my neck.

"Nick, I-" I breathed. He pulled me down hard, making me moan louder. I wrapped my arms around his neck tightly.

"Say it baby,"

"I love you," I moaned, running my hand through his hair, tightening my finger, pulling on it quite hard.

He quickly stood up, turning around and placing me on the couch. Taking my mouth once again, he began slamming into me, making me scream into the kiss.

"That's it Star, cum for me baby," he panted, pulling away, and holding on to my hips, looking down at our adjoining bodies.

My mouth gaped open. I slammed my hand on the back rest of the couch, clawing at it. Feeling my walls tighten, contracting around him. I let out a scream, arching my back. Feeling a tightness in my chest, as Nick still moved in and out of me. He slowly began to stop. He laid on top of me. His head on my chest. His arms wrapped around me.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

I looked down at him. My body still coming down from the high he had just given me. His eyes were closed. His eyes tightened as he turned and buried his face in between my breast. I didn't know what to do anymore.

He sniffled.

"I'm so sorry Star. I don't know whats wrong with me anymore," he sobbed.

My heart broke. I wrapped my arms around him.

"I don't like who I'm becoming Star, I don't. I hurt you all the time. And all you do is put up with me. I don't know what else to do," he continued to cry.

"Stop. Just stop," I answered softly.

He lifted his head, looking at me. "I try, but I can't. I thought I could, but I can't. I can't help but want it. The way I feel when I'm on it make me want it even more," he answered.

I looked at him. His tear stained face. "You like the feeling you get when you hit me?" I asked. It was meant to be more of a statement.

He looked away, laying his head back down. He stayed quiet. I didn't say anything either. I closed my eyes. Wanting to just forget everything. I didn't even know what to do. There were only two options in my mind. But I was torn. Nick needed me, but at the same time I needed myself also. I needed to help him, but I couldn't if he wasn't willing. Saying the words is one thing, but doing it...that's a whole different playing field.

Within minutes, my mind went blank, my breathing, steadied, and I was asleep.

Something wet and cold touching my face. My brows furrowed. My eyes still closed.

"Baby," I heard him whisper.

I opened my eyes slowly seeing Nick squatted in front of me, with AJ behind him. I quickly glanced down at myself seeing a quilt draped over me.

"I'm going off to the studio, OK? You call me if you need anything," he caressed my cheek.

I looked back at him, glancing over at AJ, who had a concerned look on his face. I simply just nodded. Nick smiled a small smile, leaning down giving me a small peck on the lips. Saying a quick 'bye' and a 'see ya later' before leaving.

I stared at the door for a good five minutes, before getting up and dashing towards the room. Opening the closet, I pulled out my old brown, hard, leather suitcase, throwing as much clothes as possible. Walking over to the air vent, I opened it and pulled out an envelope. Quickly looking inside making sure all the money I had saved was in there I walked hurriedly back into the room, slipping on a new pair of underwear and sweat pants. Grabbing my side pouch bag, I shoved the envelope in, snapping my suitcase shut, and strode off towards the entrance door, suitcase in hand.

I stood there, one hand placed on the door handle the other carrying my clothes. I contemplated whether to leave him a letter or not. To give him an explanation. I shook my head, opened the door, and walked out, not looking back...

He didn't need an explanation.