The Avengers Soap Opera
By NukaCola101
DISCLAIMER: All characters are copy righted by Disney/Marvel. I own nothing.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I was watching the Bravest Warriors minisode "DramaBug" and was inspired, especially since (at the time of this writing) the new Captain America movie is hinting toward pairing Steve/Natasha (at least in my opinion). Read and review!
It was late and Tony decided he could use a drink. But his definition of "a drink" was over a half of a six back of beer…and a few shots…and maybe (OK, just one) martini. Feeling in an elated, clearly drunk mood, Tony wanted to share some gossip with his ol' pal Bruce. Bruce noticed the glassy look in Tony's eyes as he sauntered into the lab. It could only mean one thing.
"You're drunk…again." Bruce told Tony and shook his head.
"No, I'm not. I'm high on life!"
Yeah right. Bruce thought to himself as he continued to write up his lab results.
"Say Bruce! I've got some gossip I just simply have to share with you."
"Tony, not now."
"Oooh, but it's juicy! And I even have props this time!"
Crap, not the action figures again!
Tony opened a draw in his desk and pulled out three toys. He placed a Captain America, Black Widow and Winter Solider action figure on the table in front of Bruce. As the scientist glared in annoyance at him, Tony gave him puppy-dog eyes in return. With an exasperated sigh, Bruce pulled up a chair and sat down.
"So, what's this 'juicy' gossip that you're just dying to tell me?" Bruce asked in exasperation. Tony grinned in excitement.
"You know how Cap and Red are sorta into each other? Well, now that Bucky Bear is back in the picture, it's just like those crappy soap operas that you watch when you're sick on TV!"
"Hey! I don't watch that garbage when I'm sick! You do!" Bruce pointed out. Tony just scuffed. "Whatever Bruce, at least I remember to erase them off the DVR." Bruce just rolled his eyes. "Just get on with it. I want to get these lab reports done."
Tony grabbed the Captain America action figure and started his interpretation of the "love triangle" of Steve, Natasha and Bucky.
"Natasha, you're the prettiest girl at S.H.I.E.L.D."
"Thank you, Steve!" Tony then picked up the Black Widow action figure and purposely raised his voice to mimic Natasha's.
"Will you come to the mysterious wedding today?" the Captain America toy asked.
"No." Black Widow said.
"But, but Natasha! I love you!"
"I…love you too. I LOOOOVE YOU!"
Tony's high-pitched girl voice was like hearing nails being scrapped across a chalkboard. As Bruce grimaced, Clint was walking by and noticed the strange show. He looked over at Bruce quizzically, who only shrugged. Clint stood by the doorway, eager to see where this was going.
"Marry me, Natasha!" Captain America proclaimed.
"No." "Why?!"
"I…I don't love you. Whoopsie!"
"NATAASHAA!" Tony screamed. Bruce and Clint both covered their ears; it was that loud. Tony then coughed to clear his throat and continued his performance.
"I'm in love with another." proclaimed Black Widow.
"Who is this man?!" demanded Captain America.
"He…is…you Steve. I love you!" Black Widow revealed.
Tony gasped in joy. "Marry me, Natasha!" he made the Captain America figure say.
"No." said Black Widow (for the third time).
"NATAASHAA!"
"AGH! Enough with the yelling!" Clint told Tony. Whether or not he heard Clint wasn't clear, but Tony proceeded on.
"I'm in love with your best friend." Black Widow told Captain America. "Bucky?! I'll kill him when I find him!"
"Or, he will find you!" Tony then grabbed the Winter Soldier action figure in one hand and had the other two toys in the other. "Bucky?!" Tony couldn't do both voices for Steve and Natasha, but waved the action figures as he said Bucky's name.
"The mysterious wedding has been our wedding all along! Natasha and I are getting married at the wedding today. You—" Tony made the Winter Soldier's arm "point" to Captain America. "Are not invited! Will you be my best man?"
"Of course Bucky, I hate you so much."
"Good-bye Steve, I'll see you at the bachelor party!" the Winter Solider said and Tony tossed the toy aside. He quickly grabbed the Black Widow figure.
"Good-bye Steve. I will always love you." Tony placed the Black Widow toy down and cuddled the Captain America one lovingly.
"Natasha." He whispered in sorrow.
As Clint was scratching his head in confusion, Bruce saw that Steve, Natasha and Bucky where standing in the doorway as well. He tried to get Tony's attention, but the billionaire hushed the scientist.
"Now I wanna act out the day Steve quit being Cap and Bucky took over!" Tony said but was cut short when Steve cleared his throat. Tony looked over and saw his team mates clearly angry. Natasha had her hands on her hips while Bucky's arms where crossed on his chest. Steve's fists where clenched at his side, ready to punch Tony's dumb face.
"Uh, hi guys." Tony said sheepishly and waved at them.
"Really Stark?" Natasha sternly said.
"Tony…can I speak with you for just a sec?" Steve was gritting his teeth in irritation and walked over to him, followed by Bucky. The two men began to drag Tony out of the lab.
"It was a joke! A harmless joke!" Tony tried to explain as he was being carried out.
"You want first dibs?" Bucky asked Natasha. "You better believe it!" she said.
As Steve, Natasha and Bucky left to go "talk" to Tony, Clint went over to the table and picked up one of the toys. He looked over at Bruce, who only gave a playful smirk and shook his head.
"He'll never learn." Was all Bruce could say.