Bella's Letter
Bella writes a letter to Edward on his old email, thinking he'll never read it, but when he does, can he see that love is all that matters and take a risk with Bella?
Bella's POV-
It got tiresome after writing to Alice's old email address so I decided to just write to Edward's old one, knowing he wouldn't see it anyways.
I opened up my computer and waited for it to load up. Once it finally booted up I opened yahoo. I press the 'new' button and typed in Edward's old email- EMCsquared, clever vampire. I smiled as I wrote.
Dearest Edward,
Hello Edward. I know you'll never read it but it helps get some air off my chest.
How are you doing? How are your distractions? I hope you've moved on, even though my heart will always be yours, no matter if you choose it not to be.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Not being changed into a vampire-not that I would ever know how that feels- I think its giving all your love to someone who will never return it. I was a stupid naïve girl who had her hopes to high, and I'm sorry for burdening you like that.
I'm not asking you to say 'I love you', talk about your feelings, look me in the eye, and say hello. Why? Because, don't say I love you, if you don't really care, never talk about your feelings if they aren't really there, don't look me in the eye when all you do is lie and never say hello, if you really mean goodbye. And never touch a life, if you mean to break a heart. Never do those do a girl if you move on. That's the worst feeling in the world, being led on.
Over and over, I tried. Over and over, you lied. Over and over I cried, and I don't even know why anymore.
I don't know what hurts more. Knowing you've gotten over me, or I haven't gotten over you, not will I ever.
Saying goodbye isn't the hard part, knowing you'll never be back is.
You might have the best memory, but I bet you'll never remember half the things I'll never forget.
You lied to me. You were acting. I hate that I will always love you. I won't move on.
You put on quite the show, really had me believing, curtains finally close, Very entertaining, but it's over now, Go on and take a bow. Bravo
Now I was just typing whatever I thought
When I look at you, my heart skips a beat. But later, the beat could mean a lifetime of tears wasted; on something I knew I could never have…
But I wouldn't consider my tears wasted, on you. I love you, and those tears were from my heart, that belongs to you.
You said you loved me, I said it too. The only thing was I didn't lie to you.
That sentence was so true, that it hurt. I felt droplets hit my keyboard, and I thought why? Then I touch my cheeks and see my tears. Crying comes naturally to me now; I can't even feel it anymore.
Edward, I know there's nothing to discuss. There's you, and there's me but there is no US. But, I can still wish, I can still dream.
I hope your life is perfect, I really do. I love you with my entire being, so I want what's best for you. You are happy without me, and then if your happy, a part of me is too.
It got up to the point, where my heart couldn't break anymore.
You'll never find some one like me, Edward. You know why? Because no girl is stupid enough to think we would stay together. Find someone better, and if you already did, good for you!
Why do I love someone who doesn't love me in return? Why do I cry over a person who didn't hurt me? Well, people may think you did, but I say the pain you gave me was inevitable, but me, choosing to suffer, was optional. People could move on, but I don't want to. I love you and only you.
But ever now and then, my heart gives in to the hope that someday you'll comeback to my window, the alone I wake, to my own mistakes and its just a foolish game.
There is no such word as 'loved'. Love has no past tense. If you ever stopped loving someone, then you never truly loved him or her in the first place. You are quite the actor, Edward.
Sometimes I want to just die. If my heart stops beating, maybe it wont hurt this much.
You don't understand how tempting it is when I go to the kitchen and see all those shark knives. You don't understand how much I want to end my suffering. You don't understand, Edward.
When I talk to Charlie, I pretend for you. I smile like nothings wrong, talk like everything is perfect, act like it's just a dream when your not here and pretend that it doesn't hurt. You are welcome.
My mom says" You have to forgive to forget and forget to feel again". I don't think that's possible.
Every time I think your name, it breaks my heart.
It's not when I look back at all the memories and good times we had that makes me sad, it's when you consider those memories nothing to you, when they mean everything to me.
There are times when I can't decide whether I want to see you or not. I want to see you because I miss you, but there are times when I don't see you, because every time that I do, the fact that you don't see me the way I see you, hurts me more.
I gave you my heart, but you decided you didn't want it anymore, but it's still yours.
Deep down I know its best for you, and me if you move on, if you already did great! But I can't stand the thought of being with someone else.
Now, when I tell all those fifteen year old girls who think they are in love, I don't say encouraging things, now I say "Don't let a guy build you up with his words, because the higher you are, the harder you fall, and trust me, you almost always fall". You inspired that, you know?
It made my heart swell and beat a million times faster when you say "I love you". Now, whether you meant it or not, is what bring me down.
Now, I hate you. Not really in that way like enemies hate each other kind of way. I think hate is just a word for somebody I love, but no longer believe in.
Whenever I bring up Renee when I talk to Charlie he always says "It was hard; but there comes a point in you life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your past, there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future"
I don't believe in that. If only our end would come like that. If only I could get over you, but I can't
I guess I should've known from the distance in your eyes when you were with me, that we would come to an end.
Remember when we carved each other's initials in that tree when we were together? Well, I carved THE END next to it. You said peace without reminders, but I guess you never remembered that.
So this letter is THE END. Goodbye, Love.
Love you always,
Bella
I hit send and smiled as a breathed in, the hole coming back not as big as before.
Finally, something productive! I love this story, though it made me cry writing it. I use quotes, as reference and I wouldn't be too surprised if you recognized one. Just please don't report me. :D Review!
Edward's Point of View Up next, so stay tuned.