That Life

I roll over in bed, wondering what day it is. I've never been good at keeping track. It's school season, though, so I at least know what day of the week it is. It's Friday, if you wondered. The kids come home early on Fridays.

Looking to the clock on the nightstand, I notice I'm up a little earlier than usual. It's 7:00 AM. It's unlike me to be up so early. It's hard getting used to this new life. Whereas before, I would stay up for days on end, researching, or studying new data, and then simply crash on top of my desk, or covered in papers from a three-day stint on titans, now... Now I kiss my children goodnight; now I go to bed at 11, lying next to a man I love with my whole being.

The soft shush of the covers as I tear them back are no comfort as the cold air hits my skin. Small goosebumps raise the hairs on my body. Levi has already left the bed cold beside me. Of course. He never sleeps in past 5:30. I'm not sure how he does it. Although, I do catch him occasionally napping in unconventional places. You'd never believe the positions I find him in.

I grab my glasses off the bedside table, and I pull my hair up quickly into a simple, but ratty ponytail. It's not so cold anymore as I pad into the kitchen. Turning the corner, I see Levi, already at the breakfast table, mug in hand. He's reading a book. I think it might be a children's book. Levi carries some odd habits one would not expect of a man such as himself.

"Good morning, Hanji. Would you like some coffee? I've made some for you. It's still very fresh." He gestures toward the coffee pot. He's right; it's still fresh. The pot is still percolating as I take my seat. It's such a sweet gesture, because Levi doesn't drink coffee. He says it clouds his mind, so he drinks tea instead. That's why I appreciate it so much, but I don't know if I'll ever be able to tell him, even after all these years.

"What are you reading, love?" I say, getting up and grabbing a mug of my own. It scrapes lightly against the counter top, joining the other morning sounds of chirping birds, a bubbling pot, and the comfortable, familiar sound of Levi's steady breath. I breathe in deeply, letting the scent and feeling of home wash over me, and I know I will never grow tired of it.

"It's Amelie's," he says, gently placing the book down. I was right. It is a children's book. "It's about a girl who finds herself and her brother thrust into an adventure through time and space. It's about a world which is nearly consumed by a thing called 'It.' This book is ancient. It's a historical artifact. I'm unsure of when Amelie got hold of something so precious." It continuously amazes me how smart Amelie is; she has only just begun basic schooling, and yet she's already reading these great books, already having discussions with Levi about the world, talking with me about the science of the world.

"It sounds wonderful," I say, bringing my coffee back to the table.

"It is exactly your type of book," Levi says, leaning toward me. I look at his eyes, still deep and haunted, but less tired, less hollow. Now, I see happiness where there was none before. In every gaze he gives me, I swear there is more and more love each time.

"I love you, Levi." He leans in to kiss me, cupping my face gently. His hands are rough; years and years of battle had worn his body down. Scars have since covered his body, and grey speckles his dark hair. And still yet, I love him no less because of it. My body has taken just as much of a beating. We are no longer the young, beautiful, broken people we once were.

"I love you, too," he says quietly. Softly, he places a kiss to my lips, while looking right at me. Those big, dark eyes of his hold so many memories, secrets, pains, histories. In his eyes I find a hurt to last three lifetimes, but in the same face I find comfort and stability.

It took Levi four years after the war ended to tell me he loved me, and some days, like today, it seems, it still pains him. I knew he had loved me for many years, but he could never say it. The titan wars had torn us both apart.

I pause, reveling in the memories. See, I had thrown myself like a whirlwind into my work when Mike died, but Levi, my Hurricane Levi, with all his passion and hatred and love... Levi sickened himself with grief after Erwin died. And, gods, it was so long after Mike died when Erwin was killed. My wound had been old, but Levi's was fresh. It ripped me apart to see Levi falling to pieces without his lover. He was supposed to be the unbreakable leader, and the whole event reminded me of my own love lost.

Nevertheless, I could do nothing but be there with him, and while I did, I fell in love again. I fell in love with Levi Ackerman. When I realized this, I felt so horrible that I wasn't even able visit their graves out of sheer guilt. It was a few years before I told Levi I loved him. I didn't know if it was even right, as both he and I had lost the loves of our lives. It sounds silly to say, but in the end, both of us knew that Erwin and Mike would have only wanted us to be happy.

I think Levi knows that I'm thinking about our past life again, because he puts down his book and envelops me into a warm hug. I breathe heavily into him, hoping he doesn't ask questions. He doesn't. His hands rub small circles into my back.

"I love you, too, Hanji."

As the day goes on, I go out to the market and buy some things for lunch. Since the kids return home early, they don't get lunch at school. Erd is fifteen now, so he's always eating. Always. I decide to grab two of everything in my basket. Hopefully it lasts until next week...

"I'm home," I say, walking into our house. The afternoon light slants into the sunroom through the open door, setting Levi off with a warm glow as he finishes off Amelie's book.

"I've just finished the book. It was very good. I'm going to ask Amelie what she thinks of it when she gets home, which is in about two minutes," he says as he glances at the clock on the mantle.

I walk past him, placing a kiss on his cheek as I put the groceries on the kitchen counter. The bags rustle softly while I am unpacking them, and then a familiar din fills the house as Erd and Amelie enter.

"Good afternoon, sweethearts!" I sing, grabbing Erd and planting a kiss atop his head. He's still short enough that I can do that, but I have a feeling he is going to hit a growth spurt soon. Erd is bound to be taller than either his father or me, which, in theory, is not hard to do. Levi snatches up Amelie as she bounces through the door, and he swings her in circles above his head before clutching her in a great bear hug. Her precious giggles tint the air, and I can't help but smile with her.

"Dad, Ba," Erd says, a grin covering his face, "Guess what!" He glows with excitement, and I think I know why, but I let him continue on.

"What?" I ask innocently, trying to hide my knowing smile. I pull the rest groceries out of the bag; it gives me an excuse to look away.

"I'm not staying for dinner tonight! I've got a date!" I knew it... It is a parent's job to know these things... I swear that Erd's face will split, with all his happiness that radiates about him. I begin to chop vegetables to hide my own small smile. He'll know I know if he can see me.

"Who might it be?" I ask, already with a great guess as to whom.

"Oh, Ba, you know her mums. It's Ellasie Reiss! Her mums are Historia and Ymir. Didn't you work with them? She's a year above me, though." He pauses to look thoughtfully away. I will let him be, with his thoughts about Historia's and Ymir's daughter. What trouble my son can bring...

"Amelie," I say, as I catch her running to Levi once again. She has always been so very attached to her father. "How was your day? Your father was reading a book of yours earlier. Do you care to tell me any about it?"

"I think I know which one you're talking about, Maba." She fixes me with a knowing stare, smart beyond her years. "It's very great. I like the little brother in the book. I think it said he was six, like me! He's so smart, and he can fight the It, and I can't wait to talk to Daddy about it!"

"I'm glad, Ame," I say, ruffling her short hair. "Where did you come across this book?"

"It was a gift from the historian. We took a trip this week, where we talked about the history of the walls. Teacher knows you and Daddy are my parents, so she made sure that I could talk to the historian all by myself for as long as I wanted. The historian gave me the book and said it's really, really old. He told me exactly how old but I can't remember now." Amelie takes off back to Levi, happy to discuss a great book with him.

I return to my cooking; today it is sandwiches and vegetables with some homemade dip. It's Levi's favorite, for dinner, though. I miss my old life at times, fast-paced and dangerous, but as I look at Levi, on the sofa with Ame, discussing books; Erd with his glow of young love, which I am grateful he will experience; and myself, cooking loving food for those I cherish most; then I do not miss that life.

–

AN: Amelie is pronounced "ah-meel-ee-ah"; Ellasie is pronounced "el-ah-zee"