I start too many stories…it's a bad habit. BAD. But I had to get this one out. Not kidding.

[The Misadventures of Alfred F. Jones]

Intro

Heroes Need Sidekicks

The world…was so boring. Alfred leaned back in his chair as he watched Tony play video games on his much-too-large TV. God damn it, he was Alfred Fucking Jones! He wasn't supposed to be sitting here, bored out of his mind watching his alien friend play video games! He was a goddamn hero! He was supposed to be out there, in the world, doing interesting, heroic things. Saving people's lives, that was his job.

And then it hit him. The perfect plan! It was the awesomest thing he had ever thought of, if "awesomest" was even a word. Not that it mattered though. After all, he was Alfred Fucking Jones; anything he said was pretty awesome, real or not.

"Tony, don't wait up for me! I'm going to go save the world!" Alfred shouted to his pre-occupied alien friend as he grabbed his bomber jacket off the floor and busted out his door. He was a genius, a real genius. Of course it was boring sitting in his home, there was nothing that needed saving there. So, if the world's issues didn't come to him, then he needed to go to the issues! Pure, unadulterated genius.

But, since he was such a generous and unselfish soul, he decided that his sidekicks should go with him, seeing as though they needed more exposure to his heroism. Surely, it would rub off on them, and they would become at least a fraction of the awesome he practically radiated.

He ran in the direction of Arthur's house first. He actually had no strategic plans to recruit him along, he just decided that no matter what, he was dragging both Arthur and Kiku along in his plan to save the entire world from whatever strife it was facing. That, too, he was not sure of.

Once he was in front of Arthur's house, he jabbed his finger at the doorbell. Getting impatient the second he had pulled his finger off, he decided Arthur was taking too long. So, he kicked the door down. On the other side of the door, a stunned British man who had outstretched his arm (probably just about to reach the doorknob) stood.

"You…what the bloody hell was that? You kicked my door down, you twat!" The British man glared at the grinning American.

"You were taking too long, Artie."

"You gave me 2 seconds!"

"But that's too long!" Alfred whined as Arthur fumed. Finally, Arthur managed to calm himself down just a tad so that he could figure out why in the world this hyperactive American was standing at his door and knocking his doors down.

"Well? What do you need from me?" Arthur managed to grind out through his irritation. Alfred just gave him his best smile as he wrapped his arm around Arthur's shoulders, succeeding in only irritating the British man more. Arthur believed in personal space, and he certainly did not approve of his space bubble being invaded by the American idiot.

"Artie, you, me, and Kiku are gonna go on a quest to save the world!"

"Absolutely not." Came the immediate reply as Arthur pushed Alfred away and proceeded to lift and slam the unhinged door in Alfred's face. Alfred just stared blankly at the door in front of him before easily kicking it back down, squishing the British man behind it.

"C'mon, Artie! It'll be fun! And maybe, you'll be a little bit more awesome. I mean, you sit in this dingy old house all day reading books. Books, Artie," Alfred said, a look of mortification crossing his face as he mentioned the evil, bounded pages. As Arthur dusted himself off and gently moved his abused door off to the side, he managed to leer at the American.

"And what, might I ask, is wrong with books?" Alfred made a face displaying pure horror at the Brit.

"Dude, Artie, they're BOOKS," Alfred replied as if it explained everything. Arthur simply rolled his eyes at the American, not in the mood to deal with him at the moment.

"You believe what you want, Alfred. Books are filled with beautiful poetry, as well as sophisticated literature. I don't know where I went wrong in raising you for you to despise these wonderful human creations so much. I mean, how can you not respect the talent that is Shakespeare?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, Shakespeare was that guy who wrote lots of books with a bunch of big words in 'em. You told me this already like, a million times. Live a little, Artie! Heroes need sidekicks to go with them on their adventures! They emphasize how awesome the hero is. It's like, the rule of being a hero."

"I already said no. I am not changing my answer just because you think that dragging me along on your bloody shenanigans will make the idea any less preposterous." Alfred faltered for a moment before an idea came to him.

"But…Artie…I got Kiku to go." Arthur raised an eyebrow at Alfred as he glanced up from his novel.

"Alfred, what does that have to do with anything?" Alfred pouted.

"Artie, at this part, you're supposed to just agree to go!"

"And why in the world would I do that?"

"Because that's how it always goes in the movies and stuff. I mention bringing someone else along that you know, and you instantly want to go! C'mon, Artie, I'm beggin' ya!" Alfred slumped to the floor in utter defeat and created a pile of depressiveness on Arthur's floor. After attempting to ignore the sulking lump on his rug, Arthur heaved a sigh as he gave in.

"Fine, I'll go on your stupid 'quest' or whatever you called it." Almost instantly, Alfred's face was wide with a grin as he practically dragged the Brit by the arm, headed for Kiku's house. Arthur, rather irritated at the sudden yanking of his arm and the loss of his novel, merely glared at the American, who was too busy running to pay attention to it.

"Now, we gotta get Kiku to go, then we're all set!"

"I thought you said you already got him to go with you." Alfred just grinned dumbly at Arthur.

"Didn't think you'd actually believe it, Artie." Arthur decided to just continue glaring at Alfred the rest of the way.

When they had reached Kiku's house, Alfred immediately slid the door open, revealing Japan sitting at a low table and drinking tea. Just as the sound of his door was heard, Kiku jumped up, his katana unsheathed and gleaming, pointed at the intruder. Alfred and Arthur both froze at the sight of the weapon.

"Kiku, it's me, Alfred! You can put the sword away now…" When it registered in the Japanese man's mind that it was no intruder and only his friends, he quickly put the weapon away and apologized profusely for his behavior.

"I am incredibly sorry, but it has become a habit of mine. I apologize for my behavior," Kiku said as he bowed to his guests.

"Aw, it's all right, buddy! But those are some serious ninja skills." Kiku simply acknowledged the statement, debating in his mind whether or not to take that as a compliment.

"May I help you with something, Alfred-san? And hello, Arthur-san." Arthur smiled and nodded in greeting before relieving himself of his shoes and stepping into the house. Alfred pulled the same stunt on Kiku as he had on Arthur as he smiled brightly at the dark-haired man.

"You, me, and Arthur are going on an awesome quest to save the world from all strife! I'm the hero, of course, and you guys'll be my sidekicks. Sounds awesome, doesn't it?" Kiku seemed rather taken aback by the proposition.

"That certainly does sound…interesting…Alfred-san. However, I do not believe there is any strife in the world to relieve it of."

"Aw, don't worry, Kiku! There's always trouble in the world somewhere! That's why the world needs heroes like me who are willing to go to them. I'm just that awesome. So, what'dya say? Let's go on an adventure!" Kiku merely glanced in Arthur's direction, wondering exactly how Alfred had even convinced the British man to go along with the idea. Quickly calculating the possibilities in his mind, Kiku came to the conclusion that the idea was completely stupid and an unnecessary addition to his life. But then, he thought of how the American would react to his refusal. Kiku groaned at his indecision.

"I suppose…that this adventure is not such a bad idea…" Before Kiku could figure out what was happening, Alfred had proceeded to hug him tightly, causing Kiku to lose his breath for a moment.

"Cool! So, what're we waiting for guys? Let's go save the world!" Alfred quickly launched himself out of the house and turned to wave back at his idle best friends staring after him. Arthur and Kiku quickly exchanged a look as they followed the American, both wondering how this whole thing was going to turn out.

The future seemed bleak.

I honestly imagined these three best friends going on a crazy adventure around the world. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.