MY ITACHI

Kisame knew the brat was a problem as soon as he saw him. The kid was only fourteen, and about two feet shorter than him. Kisame doubted he'd have any problems killing him if he got too annoying. But it was more than just his physical appearance. This kid, Itachi, was surrounded by S-ranked criminals, among them a shark, a plant, a living puppet, a snake, a guy held together by stitches, and a few others…and he wasn't even fazed.

In fact, he looked positively bored when told Kisame was his partner. After introducing the two, Leader took off, and the rest followed suit. All except for Kisame. He had to make sure the brat knew where everything was in the base.

"I'm only going to show you around once, so don't come crying to me later if you don't know where something is." Kisame was really getting annoyed at the kid, but he didn't know why.

Itachi nodded and remained silent for the rest of the tour. Their final stop was Kisame's room, which he would now have to share with his new partner.

"And here's where we stay," he said, opening the door. Two beds were in the room, the far one obviously Kisame's, as it was unmade. Two dressers also occupied the room, and to the far left was a door that led to their bathroom. Kisame remembered how there used to only be one bathroom, but after several incidents involving Deidara blowing up the shower and Hidan clogging the drains with human remains, it was decided that each group would have their own shower. Kisame grinned, remembering the near-fatal heart attack Kakuzu had when he saw the bill.

"What are you smiling about?"

His grin faded as he remembered the kid that was standing before him. Itachi was sitting on his bed, his bag laying beside him, staring at the shark.

"Nothing, kid."

Itachi frowned. "Whatever, shark."

Kisame glared at him. "My name's Kisame, not 'shark', you little punk."

Itachi glared right back. "And mine's Itachi, not 'kid', you big oaf."

Kisame stepped toward the kid, prepared to slap some respect into the brat. Itachi jumped up, his eyes flaring red. "One more step, and I'll break your mind into tiny little pieces."

Kisame glared at Itachi but stayed still, unsure if he should believe the threat or not. They continued to glare at each other for a good ten minutes before Kisame hmmphed and sat down on his bed. Itachi's eyes returned to their normal color, and he walked toward the bathroom door. "I'm going to take a shower, alright…Kisame?"

"Whatever, kid."

The door slammed shut behind Itachi. Kisame sighed. This partnership was off to a wonderful start…

Itachi and Kisame had just finished their first mission together, and Kisame had seen up close that the threat he'd been given by Itachi was something to be taken seriously. They were walking back to the base, and decided to stop at a tea house. Kisame placed his order, then asked Itachi what he wanted. "I don't care," the kid replied, eyes staring off into space. Kisame tried to think what kids liked to eat, and settled on dango. In about ten minutes, their food was ready. Kisame was about to dig in, when he was interrupted by Itachi's voice. "Kisame, what is this?"

Kisame looked at his partner. Itachi was staring at his food, a look of curiosity on his face.

"It's dango," Kisame replied.

"What's dango?"

Kisame stared at his partner. Itachi's face was completely blank. "You're kidding me. You've never had dango before?"

Itachi shook his head.

Kisame sighed and scratched his head. "Well, dango is kinda sweet, so I think you'll like it. Go ahead, try it."

Itachi picked up the stick and bit into one of the soya balls. His eyes widened in surprise. "This is really good!" he quickly ate the rest. "Kisame, can I have some more?"

Kisame grinned, biting back a chuckle. "Sure, Itachi, just don't eat too much…"

Itachi had two more helpings before the two decided to leave. "So, you like dango?" Kisame smiled at the teen.

Itachi shrugged his shoulders. "I guess I do."

"I'll remember that next time we're on a mission."

For the briefest instant, Kisame could have sworn he saw Itachi grin…

"How the hell could you let him get away?!"

"Why the hell didn't you stop him?!"

"Dear god, they're at it again, danna." Deidara and Sasori were watching Kisame and Itachi argue across the room. As usual. It seemed those two argued all the time. In fact, Kakuzu had taken this as a chance to make money, and set up a betting system to see how long the shark and weasel could go without arguing. Anyone who bet over a day was taking a sucker's bet. Right now, they appeared to be arguing about a mission, in which their target had gotten away. From what they could tell, Kisame had gone after the man and got caught up fighting two enemies, whilst Itachi had let the man run right past him, not noticing him at all.

"Give the kid a break, Kisame," Orochimoro had walked into the room. "You're the one that let the guy get away in the first place."

"Thank you."

"YOU STAY OUT OF THIS!" Kisame yelled at Orochimoro. He then turned back to Itachi. "AND YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU LITTLE BRAT!!" he then stormed out of the room. Itachi proceeded to walk in the opposite direction, toward the door. Orochimoro stayed in the middle of the room, smiling and failing to notice that Deidara and Sasori were nearby.

"Poor dear. He really shouldn't have someone as uncaring as Kisame for a partner. That poor, sweet little boy…" he laughed to himself as he walked out of the room.

Deidara shuddered and scooted close to Sasori. "That snake really gives me the creeps, un."

"You and me both," Sasori thought as he stroked the blondes head.

"God dammit!"

The curse came from Itachi. He and Kisame had finally tracked down their target, killed him, and were returning home. The problem was, not too far from the village they were staying at that night, Itachi had twisted his ankle and was now unable to walk. He was currently sitting on the ground, hands wrapped around his ankle, a look of pain on his face. Worse yet, it was starting to rain.

Kisame paused, unsure of what to do. He decided to help the kid. Kisame walked over and scooped him

Up. Itachi, of course, began to struggle.

"Put me down! Put me down!"

"Easy, kid!" Kisame was having a hard time keeping a grip on his fidgeting partner. "You can't walk, you idiot! Just let me help you this once!"

"I don't want your help, you stupid shark! Just put me DOWN!!"

Kisame complied and dropped the kid onto the ground. Itachi hit with an 'oomph', then glared up at his partner.

"You wanna be a pain in the ass?! Fine, you can stay here!!" Kisame stormed off in the direction of the village, leaving the Uchiha to stare up at the sky.

It began to rain harder, and Kisame actually began to worry about the kid. He left the hotel room after an hour or so, and walked back along the way he came. There was Itachi, still lying in the middle of the road, staring up at the sky, mud and rain seeping into his clothing and hair.

Kisame leaned over him so that his face was directly over Itachi's. "Are you too stupid to move out of the rain or something?"

Itachi showed no emotion at all. "Kisame, will you help me?"

"Hmm?"

"I seriously can't move, so will you please just help me?"

Kisame was shocked. Itachi had actually said the word, 'please'. He really hadn't thought it was possible.

"Alright, but don't you dare try to kick me again."

Itachi complied and stayed perfectly still as Kisame picked him up, and actually rested his head against Kisame's chest.

When they arrived at the hotel, the clerk smiled at them. "Look at her. The little thing's fallen asleep."

Sure enough, when Kisame looked down, Itachi's eyes were closed, and his breathing was level. He'd fallen asleep in Kisame's arms…

"SHUT THE HELL UP!"

"MAKE ME!"

The weasel and shark were fighting again. The other Akatsuki members were watching with mild interest as the two continued to shout across the room at each other. No one was really sure about what had started this particular argument; all they knew was that it was last longer than most of their arguments did. MUCH longer.

"All you ever do is swing around that freakin' sword like it's some kind of club! You couldn't figure out a strategy if your life depended on it!"

"At least I can defend myself! All you have are those crappy eyes, and nothing else! Without those things, you're useless!"

"At least I'm not a moron who's only got brute force!"

"Oh yeah, it's much better to be a weak little punk who's only got a technique that's good for what, five, ten minutes?!"

Itachi's eyes flashed red. "That's enough time to kill you," he whispered, his voice full of hate.

The atmosphere in the room changed dramatically. Everyone looked at Kisame to see what he would do next. To their horror, he took hold of his sword. "Not if I kill you first." His voice had just as much hate in it.

"You won't even hit me."

Kisame snarled and darted forward. "We'll see abo-HEY!!" his body froze up, then was jerked back. Sasori had attached his chakra strings to the shark. Meanwhile, Deidara had pinned Itachi to the floor, holding one hand over the Uchiha's eyes to protect both Kisame and himself.

"Please, Itachi-san, think about what you're doing!" It was only because of his weight and the Uchiha's lack of physical strength that Itachi hadn't broken free.

"I'm thinking that I want to kill that stupid fish!"

Kisame tried to attack the kid at this comment, but Sasori still had a firm hold of him.

"What's going on in here?"

Everyone froze and looked up. Leader had just walked in. Uh-oh…

The order was given within five minutes. Itachi was no longer Kisame's partner. Instead, he was reassigned to work with Orochimoro, the only other single member. Kisame would remain alone until another member was found.

He stayed down in the living room stretched out on the couch until he was sure the brat had cleaned all his stuff out from their room. This meant that he had to endure death glares from Deidara, who couldn't accept what was happening.

"You can't let this happen, Kisame!"

"I can and I am," Kisame said, staring at the ceiling.

"But he's your partner, un! You're the only one the kid talks to, the only one he likes-"

"He tried to freakin' kill me with those eyes of his. That's not something a person who likes you does."

"You're wrong, un." Kisame looked at Deidara. Deidara was staring at the floor, a small smile on his lips. "I'll tell you a secret, Kisame. A long time ago, when Sasori and I first met, we hated each other, un. We couldn't be together for more than five minutes without trying to stab each other or blow each other up." Deidara's finger began to move in a circle. "But one night, things went too far, un. We were at a hotel, and started to argue, un. Danna tried to kill me with three of his puppets. I threw some exploding clay at him, and bolted out the window, un. I twisted my ankle, but I was too scared to even notice. I ran until I found a cave in the woods, and I stayed there, just shaking, un."

Kisame stared at Deidara. No one else in the Akatsuki had ever heard this story, not even Leader. "What happened?"…

Meanwhile, Itachi had moved his things into Orochimoro's room, not even glancing at the snake as he walked in. He was still tired from having to use his eyes on Kisame, and just wanted to go to bed. He hadn't meant for things to get so far, but he had to admit, he'd be better off without that shark around. Orochimoro just smiled at him. "I'm glad you're my partner now, Itachi. You have no idea how long I've wanted you here."

Itachi got up and walked to the door, deciding he wanted dinner. "I'm sure you have-"

Orochimoro had grabbed the kid and spun him around. Itachi was pinned to the wall, his body pressed against Orochimoro's. He gasped and shuddered as he felt the snake's tongue flick out and lick up and down his neck.

Orochimoro continued to smile as he retracted his tongue, pulling the boy towards his bed. "How very, VERY long I've wanted you…"

Deidara continued to smile as he spoke. "Well, I stayed in the cave for a while, until I heard danna calling my name, un. He came into the cave, and when I saw him I was shocked. My bomb had singed his whole body, and his torso was badly cracked. He ran up to me and kneeled down. 'Are you alright?' That was the first thing he said to me, un. I yelled at him, 'Of course not, un! You tried to fucking kill me!' He was surprised at how angry I was, but he still tried to get closer, un. 'I'm sorry, Deidara. Please, just listen to m-' 'I don't care what you say, un!' I jumped to the other side of the cave and curled up into a ball. "Deidara-' he said again. ' I said no, un! I hate you, un!' 'Deidara, please!' Danna's voice sounded funny, so I looked up. He was sitting on the floor, his head was in his hands, and he was shaking. I got up and went closer. 'I didn't want to hurt you, I never want to hurt you, but I always do, and I can't stand myself for doing it…' I got really close to danna, and looked right into his face, un." Deidara looked up and into Kisame's eyes as he said this, the smile still on his face. "And you know what, un? There were tears in his eyes. My danna was crying, un."

Kisame's jaw practically hit the floor. Sasori, the coldest bastard he'd ever met, crying?!

Deidara laughed. "I was shocked, too. I really couldn't believe it. I asked him why he was crying. 'Because I hate myself for doing this to you,' he said, un. I wanted to have Sasori in my arms right then, so I hugged him. I don't know why, but I started crying then, too, and soon it was Sasori who was hugging me, un. I guess I fell asleep, 'cause the next thing I knew, it was morning, and we were in our room, and I was curled up against Sasori, un. He woke up at the same time as me, and was looking at me. He was wondering whether I'd stay near him, or push him away and pretend that last night had never happened. The thing was, I could tell that no matter what I picked, my danna would still love me, un."

Deidara's smile grew even wider. "So I did the only thing I could, un. I buried my face in Sasori and hugged him tight. He hugged me right back, and I felt so very happy, un. We still argue all the time, and get on each other's nerves, but it's ok, 'cause now we know how much we really love each other, despite what we say or do, un." Deidara looked into Kisame's eyes. "Do you understand, un?"

Kisame sighed and got up. "I guess."

Deidara grinned. "Good. Than go kiss and make up, un." Kisame glared at the blonde. "Well, just make up, un." Kisame walked out of the room.

"Deidara, are you in here?" Sasori walked in past Kisame. "Whoa, that guy looks freaked out. What were you two talking about?"

"Nothing, danna," Deidara giggled. "Just giving him so advice, un."

Sasori sighed and sat down, pulling Deidara onto his lap. "Do I even want to know?"

"Probably not, danna," Deidara replied, twisting around to kiss Sasori.

By the time Kisame got up and left the room, Itachi was naked on a bed, his hands pinned above his head with one of Orochimoro's hands while the other hand felt all over his body. He wanted to run, but his body had decided to stop working. Kisame was right; he really was weak.

Orochimoro was licking his torso, savoring the taste of the teen. "My my, Itachi, you're trembling. Are you scared?" He let out a wicked laugh. "I love seeing someone like you so frightened, so vulnerable. This is going to be me more fun than I thought…"

Kisame sighed and stared at the floor as he went upstairs. He thought about what Deidara said, but the situations really were entirely different. Deidara had thrown the clay in self-defense, but he and Itachi had actually attacked each other. Even if he felt something, the kid still- WAIT, when did he say he felt anything? Kisame stopped in front of Orochimoro's door, trying to figure out how he felt.

As Kisame stood there, oblivious to what was happening to his former partner, a million and one thoughts were racing through Itachi's head. "I don't want this…"

He thought of when he'd first met the kid…

" I can't move my body at all…"

Of the time they'd learned Itachi liked dango…

"I'm scared out of my mind…"

When he'd carried the kid and Itachi fell asleep…

"Someone please help…"

Of their fight and the hatred Itachi had in his eyes…

"Help me!"

What should he do?

"PLEASE HELP ME!"

What the hell should he do?

"KISAME!!"

The door flew across the room from the kick Kisame gave it after hearing Itachi's scream. Kisame took two steps into the room and stared at the sight in front of him. Itachi was lying completely naked under a half-naked Orochimoro, who had Itachi's hands pinned above his head, and was groping the poor boy below the waist line. In the next second, Orochimoro was pinned up against the wall by one of Kisame's muscular arms. "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING TO HIM?!"

Orochimoro couldn't resist a smile. "What does it look like I'm doing?"

Kisame punched Orochimoro's face and heard several satisfying cracks. The snake's face would look pretty messed up when he woke up. IF he ever woke up.

Kisame turned his attention back to Itachi, who had managed to sit up. "Itachi, get your clothes."

Itachi couldn't move.

"Didn't you hear me?! Get your freakin' clothes on!!"

Itachi still didn't move. Kisame swore and pulled his cloak off of him and wrapped it around Itachi, quickly carrying him out of the room bridal style. Fortunately, they didn't pass anyone in the halls, and were soon safely in Kisame's room. Kisame shut the door behind him and set Itachi down on his bed. "Itachi, are you alright?" The kid still hadn't moved, for god's sake. Itachi simply stared at Kisame, his mind still not registering what had happened.

"Itachi, wake up." Kisame gently shook the boy. He finally seemed to realize what had just happened, and looked at the wall.

"I want to take a bath," he said, walking toward the bathroom door, still not looking at Kisame. He quietly shut the door behind him, and about five minutes later Kisame heard the sound of running water. Kisame got up and walked out of the room, heading back to Orochimoro's room. He still needed to get Itachi's clothes back.

He walked in and began to search for the clothing. When he found them, he heard a groan from behind him. The snake was waking up.

"What the hell did you do that for?!" Orochimoro hissed at him. He was rubbing the side of his face that Kisame had punched, which appeared to already be swelling up.

Kisame walked over and stood above him. "You were gonna rape him, so I stopped you." His voice cold and deadly, just like the look in his eyes.

Orochimoro was not about to back down, though. "What do you care?! You tried to kill the kid, remember? And he tried to kill you too."

"That doesn't mean I won't protect him from perverts like you!" Kisame shouted.

"So, are you saying you hate him or not?!"

Kisame grabbed Orochimoro and pinned him to the wall again. "This is what I'm saying, and this is your only warning: Stay. Away. From. My. Itachi." Orochimoro gulped. He finally seemed to realize that the shark was prepared to kill him. He gave a weak nod, and Kisame dropped him, snatching Itachi's clothes as he left the room.

When he got back, Itachi was still in the shower, so he flopped down onto his bed and stared at the ceiling. It was a few more minutes before he heard the shower shut off, and a good ten more minutes before he heard the door open and shut. He was pretty sure Itachi would just crawl into his old bed and go to sleep, so h didn't even bother to get up. Needless, to stay, he was surprised when he heard his partner walk over and speak. "Kisame…" the shark in question sat up.

Itachi stood in front of him, shaking slightly. Kisame's cloak was pulled tightly around him, with the top part pulled over his head like a hood. He looked like he was about to break into a million pieces.

Kisame tentatively reached out to touch him. "Itachi…" he began, one hand lightly touching Itachi's face. Itachi lunged into Kisame's arms and began to sob. Kisame pulled Itachi onto his lap and wrapped his arms protectively around him. He didn't say anything at all; he just held his partner.

As Itachi cried, Kisame buried his face into Itachi's still wet hair. "Because I let my anger get to me…I fought him…I could have killed him…and if I hadn't come up here right when I did, that snake would have…" the thought of what could have happened to Itachi made tears come to his eyes. "I'm sorry…my Itachi…" he whispered almost silently into his partner's hair.

Eventually, Itachi fell asleep on Kisame, so Kisame tucked him in under the blankets with him. Itachi woke up once in the middle of the night, but when he saw that Kisame was still holding him, he relaxed and fell back asleep. Kisame decided then and there that no matter what it took, he was going to get Leader to give Itachi back to him.

The next morning, Kisame and Itachi walked into the kitchen together, Itachi refusing to get more than three feet away from him. When they walked into the kitchen, Sasori and Deidara were already there, eating breakfast.

"Have you guys seen Leader?" Kisame asked.

"Nope. Why, un?"

"I need to talk to him."

"What a coincidence. I also need to speak with you and Itachi." Leader had just entered the room. "It's about Orochimoro."

Kisame started again. "That's what I need to talk to you about!! That bastard-"

"High-tailed it out of here last night."

"What?!" Kisame couldn't believe it. Sure he was glad the snake was gone, but, whoa…he must have seriously scared the bastard to make him leave so fast.

"I'm sure you know what that means," Leader continued.

"We have to throw a party!" Deidara cheered.

"Besides that." Leader looked directly at Itachi. "Since he's gone now, you'll have to work alone, until we can find you a new part-"

"I want Kisame."

Everyone stared at the young Uchiha.

"That's out of the question." Leader stated. "You'll kill each other. Give me a few weeks, and I-"

"I'll kill anyone else you stick me with. I want Kisame to be my partner." Itachi looked Leader right in the eyes as he said this.

The room was deathly quiet. Finally, Leader let out a reluctant sigh. "Fine. You and Kisame are now partners." He glared at the two of them. "But so help me, if things get out of hand again like they did last night, I will personally kill both of you." He turned and walked out of the room.

Once he was gone, Kisame tapped Itachi on the shoulder. "Hey, Itachi?"

"Hmm?"

"Are you a very good swimmer?"

Itachi thought for a moment. "Not really."

Kisame grinned. "Well, how about I teach you a thing or two?"

For the first time since he killed his clan, Itachi smiled. "I'd like that…" he said, as he and Kisame walked out of the kitchen.

Sasori sipped his coffee. "Well, I guess this means that things will finally calm down around here."

"What are you talking about, un?!" Deidara exclaimed. "We have to plan the Good-Riddance-To-Orochimoro Party!"

Sasori sighed and smiled as his precious blonde began to make a list of all the things they'd need for the celebration.