Author's Note: Hello & thanks for reading. Very strangely I felt like writing a sweet and simple story rather than my usual dramatic angst (a friend's description). Since this was buzzing or rattling in my head I thought I'd share it. This is a one shot about why Quinn & Rachel keep loving each other. Unlike my recent stories this ends on a nice note because I'm in a good mood & like where I am in life. If you want to see some of my random thoughts & humor my twitter is PlaceForAnEcho. Stay well.
Embracing love is harder for some than others who are more fortunate. Rachel Berry was among the fortunate. She had parents that loved her and supported her, she had a difficult but endearing personality once someone took the time and she had a forgiving heart that couldn't stop feeling if she tried. For Quinn love was something fearful for years. It meant trust, it meant having to earn it and it had meant conformity. Rachel with all of her unbridled passion and hopeful optimism on life waited for Quinn for years. She set the platform that was free of judgement, one that took Quinn years to really embrace. It comes back to the embracing. Allowing someone to change you and truly alter you. Rachel always welcomed Quinn's complications and had once said she loved her complicated girlfriend when their friends were giving Quinn a hard time, teasing her that she overloaded on some of the hardest courses for the semester. The smaller woman had gracefully snuck up behind the blonde, wrapped her arms around her waist and said in a sweet but strong "stop teasing tone" my smart girlfriend is great and can handle the workload, she finished proudly.
As she stood in the elevator to their apartment she replayed that moment in her mind. It was a nice mental break from her attempt at drilling the minute details of her show to memory and went on autopiilot for a few seconds. After stepping through the door and tossing her keys back in her bag she looked around and saw Quinn sitting at her desk, computer screen glare showing in her glasses, and a cup of tea giving off steam to her left. It was hard not to smile at the sight and she smoothly crossed the room swiftly on a mission only to stop inches away from her secretly nerdy girlfriend and gently place her hands on her shoulders. Slowly she started to move her hands and offer a massage.
"I adore you in glasses," the singer said as she bent down and whispered after giving a kiss to an elegant neck. Quinn always smelled good, faintly of lavender and a subtle hint of vanilla. Rachel gave up on the massage and opted to sit in Quinn's lap as she moved in front of the blonde and straddled her. The taller woman smirked, knowing full well Rachel was of course being honest. A beautiful trait the screenwriter loved about her girlfriend, had always loved about her girlfriend, even if she were too stubborn to admit it years ago.
Rachel continuously glanced at hazel eyes, then cheekbones, then lips only to repeat. Slowly Quinn removed her glasses in part because she wanted to have a real conversation and her eyes were starting to sting slightly from looking at the screen for hours.
"What did you do today?" She asked as she pulled the smaller woman more firmly into her lap, taking all her weight and feeling secure that Rachel didn't hold back.
"Auditioned after rehearsal. The show must go one but not all do and its insurance to have fall backs," the brunette said as she brushed the hair that had come loose near Quinn's temples behind her ears again, the usual side effect of the blonde removing her glasses that she only wore in the apartment. "What did you do?" She asked with genuine interest and better focus.
"Wandered the city, found an antique camera."
"Quinn! We have so many...the shelf is practically filled." Rachel tried to reason but loved to see the happiness in those hazel eyes. She remembered when she rarely saw happiness in them when they were in high school and wasn't about to really scold the blonde.
"I got it for a song," she stated in her practical voice and Rachel could only offer a smile because Quinn was a bit frustrating and endearing in her appreciation of vintage items with her charm and old fashioned expressions. "And I wrote," the blonde added with a slightly proud tone because they once discussed how forced writing was simply painful and rarely created anything substantial. And since Quinn was nominated for best screenwriting last year Rachel was rather apt to agree.
"I'm glad you had some time to enjoy the city." Rachel said with a tilt to her head, amazed that they were at this place in their lives where she could kiss the girl she wanted to, work on Broadway, and love.
"You love this city," Quinn countered contently as she held the brunette's hips, needing to feel that it was all real. Sometimes it was still surreal to her-how Rachel chose to be with her.
"I do, I even had a bumper sticker that said so," Rachel replied with a wink.
"Yes, I recall,' Quinn said with a growing smile because when they lived in Lima, Rachel was the only one with a I heart NY sticker. "On little guy," she added and paused to lean forward and kiss the brunette's nose as though saying 'you're so weird and cute. I commend you for pulling off the combination'. "I still can't believe you named your car that." She chuckled.
"I think its absurd to name a car. It seemed fitting." Rachel said with a content shrug because Rachel Berry logic was an interesting thing. "What are you working on?"She asked curiously though Quinn was sensitive about her works-in-progress.
"Mmmm" Quinn thought and sighed heavily. "A new script. I'm thinking of directing..." she said the last part quietly.
"Really?" Rachel asked in a slightly louder voice, feeling this was serious and yelling her support sometimes made Quinn retreat. The blonde liked quiet and contemplating. She needed someone to calmly bounce ideas off of time to time and Rachel was often the person Quinn sought.
"Mmm yeah, I mean...I don't want it to be pretentious but at least thought provoking and universal" she shared softly as she ran her fingertips up and down Rachel's thighs in a self soothing manner.
"What's the plot?" Rachel asked in business mode. Sometimes Quinn needed direct and almost cold conversation to discuss her work which she blamed militant Coach Sylvester and Quinn's parents for. Brown eyes watched Quinn stretch her hands above her head, inhale through her nose and slowly out her mouth. When she did yoga exercises it was a tell she was stressed.
"Opens with a female voice, early twenties asking what's love to you? She'll have a candid conversation with her friend but for a few seconds I want the screen black and only a voice because immediately an audience has formatted and assumed what she looks like. So I want to wait it out. But the issue is that kind of limits the experience as well because anyone who is deaf or hard of hearing is then cut off from the premise and the whole point of this movie is to express everyone is connected on this basic, humanistic level that we try to love and its complicated because we don't simplify it enough...and because its subjective..." Quinn said in a stream of consciousness way.
"So you've given this some thought?" Rachel asked in a cheeky tone after her eyes had widened a little after hearing Quinn over analyze just the opening. This is what I get for dating someone brilliant. I asked for someone to keep up with me and I got Quinn Fabray. She smiled at the blonde and massaged the back of her neck to lessen her nerves.
"Right now its only a concept," she said with a sigh.
"Is there more or are you holding out on me and I'll only be allowed to see it when you get another nom?" Rachel asked in half seriousness because Quinn didn't let her see the film she was nominated for until it was the night before the award ceremony.
The blonde turned her head and cracked her neck a few times, making Rachel almost cringe. "Its like a hybrid coming of age story...which...ugh...sounds lame..." she groaned. "One of the character's sibling dies and she's the guardian...god parent...I'm not sure if I'm even going to touch on religion because I haven't in years and might be out of my element," she offered and for a second Rachel was glad she didn't see the cross hanging around the blonde's neck as she had those years ago. To her it represented a mean and restricted Quinn. A girl that lived in oppression and stifling expectations. Now Quinn was a quietly self proclaimed agnostic because she once said it seemed arrogant to say with absolute certainty that there isn't a god as much as it is to say there is. It was a gentle and rather philosophical approach that Rachel respected when she had met Quinn at the train station in college without her delicate cross necklace. To Rachel it always seemed delicate because religion often was, but to Quinn it felt heavy like a weapon.
Rachel looked back at Quinn and refocused. "Sorry, I'm listening," she said sincerely.
"The sibling dies in an accident and their mother is too...out of it and incapacitated to care for a child...and the kid goes to the twenty something character and its then about how she's forced to grow up but the kid of course...ugh this is sounding cliche..." she closed her eyes and didn't catch Rachel's frown who was wondering if the mother was based more or less off Judy Fabray. It was wise not to ask, Rachel rationalized at this time. Instead she began rubbing Quinn's forearms with her thumbs knowing they tensed when she wrote at long lengths.
"Ends up teaching her how to be happier and she teaches him..." she continued..."I think I want the kid to be a boy.. to have different perspectives on life as well such as love out of obligation lacks depth, when you have your own autonomy over who you love it has more value." She sighed. "And its possible a romance gets thrown in...but the nephew and aunt end up being two peas in a pod even though the aunt was kind of...the black sheep of the family. It ends on them having to get in the car to go back to her hometown and metaphorically face the firing squad...her family...but its clear they both love and respect one another...the last scene would be medium long shot and when they close their doors at the same time cut to black..." she finished and chewed her lower lip in intense concentration like she could see it play in her head.
"You have the beginning and the end worked out it seems. Just have to work the middle," she said with a wink.
"The middle is the whole life of it, its...very...difficult," she admitted in frustration because Quinn was naturally good at certain things but writing a script wasn't exactly a cup of tea, which she had picked up again and took a long drink from.
"That's life, that's life, that's what all the people say!" Rachel burst into song, knowing full well Quinn had a place in her heart for Frank Sinatra.
"I love you, you nerd." Quinn replied in a lighter mood.
"You can me a nerd? You're the heady screenwriter, soon to be amazing director, but let me tell you-it takes one to know one!" Rachel countered with raw enthusiasm that made Quinn let out one of her full-hearted, whimsical laughs. They were interrupted by Rachel's literal internal monologue.
"So what are we having for dinner?" She said with excitement and changed the subject once her stomach made a noise.
"Well beautiful, what do you want to have?" Quinn asked as she picked up her tea and took a tentative sip. The last time she burned her lip and wasn't thrilled it felt too sensitive to kiss Rachel for a day.
"Surprise me," Rachel replied quickly and happily as she removed herself from Quinn's lap to head to her bedroom to change into what she called her "lounge" clothes. As she made her way to their bedroom she got lost in thought. The last time she had a long gig it was a traveling Broadway show before she landed one of her dream roles in New York's Broadway. Quinn had lined up her chapsticks and burt's bees, placed them horizontally with bits of paper taped to each one. A picture came through late at night when they were done with the evening performance. They said I Miss You Stealing These. Surprising Quinn was one of her favorites.
She loved that Quinn was a film snob. Quinn loved that Rachel was a music enthusiast and didn't trust anyone they met at a party who said they weren't really into music. Rachel appreciated that Quinn stopped cooking meat and would only eat it herself when she wasn't around. She really appreciated the one time rehearsal ended early and came home to find the blonde eating a chicken sandwich with a lot of veggies and drumming her fingers on the smart balance water bottle in her yoga attire. Rachel almost didn't stop herself when she swiftly crossed the room because Quinn just after a work out in yoga pants was absurdly gorgeous. A firm finger was placed between them however, abruptly stopping her efforts to even kiss her on the cheek. The taller women had gotten up from her seat, went to the bathroom, left the door open and began brushing her teeth. When Rachel gave her a smile as a thank you hazel eyes looked mischievous like they were saying-I'm going to pounce on you in a minute. The wink sealed it. Playful Quinn was fun and cute and sexy. Even in high school Rachel knew Quinn had different sides to her, as most do, but Quinn always seemed like a force to reckon with. Brilliant, charming, cold, sad, selfish, giving, and filled with potential to be more. Over the years she considered herself lucky for having been allowed to see them.
It was obvious Quinn was gorgeous and sexy, she briefly considered as she removed her clothes for a tank top and beat in jeans. The reason why Quinn got the girl, as Kurt had once bluntly put it was because Rachel never took the former head bitch in charge cheerleader at face value. Being such an auditory person meant Rachel also loved Quinn's voice. When the former glee member would sing in the shower, which was with a disappointing rarity and the brunette had firmly voiced was a shame she felt like Chloe from Pitch Perfect on account she always, without fail wanted to barge into the shower and sing a duet with her. It had happened recently and the singer smirked at the memory.
"Get it together Berry," Quinn said with a smirk after she was out of the shower. She noticed a pouting Rachel as she was drying her hair. "You can hop in on the next one," the blonde offered and watched in amusement as the smaller woman tried to contain her excitement by biting her lower lip to keep from smiling. Quinn found it adorable. Too adorable rather. She turned away from Rachel, knowing full well she was being stared at since she was only in a towel, opened the cabinet mirror, grabbed a hair tie and smoothly put up her hair in a neat bun then turned back to Rachel. Slowly she raised her index finger in a come here gesture. The brunette raised her eyebrows just before Quinn took the hem of her shirt, flipped her wrist and pulled the material up. When her shirt was dropped to the floor they both stood smiling at one another, caught up, and falling in love more.
"Duet now?" Quinn asked with a smirk, clearly enjoying her pun and challenge of do it now. With a smirk of her own and without hesitation she wrapped her arms around pale shoulders and kissed the taller woman. When they were both in the shower Rachel caught Quinn's shoulders moving up and down in silent laughter.
"What?" She asked and semi-demanded.
With a gleeful and teasing look Quinn started to sing "I'm bulletproof...nothing to lose...fire away..." it took Rachel all of two seconds for her to yell "our life is not like Pitch Perfect Quinn!" Though she seemed frustrated she ended with a happy tone that they were comfortable with each other and could mock in jest. Spontaneous and naked Quinn was attractive. Well naked Quinn being unfairly attractive was a given, Rachel reasoned as she folded some clothes and organized a few things while the foodie prepared dinner.
She loved that Quinn was a food snob and had gone so far as to take cooking classes. It was sometimes painful to watch Quinn beat herself up for being human. When she had cravings and she'd eat an entire pizza in a day a week before her period, feel guilty then eat veggies and be super healthy again it was hard not to simply say babe-you're GORGEOUS and I LOVE your BIG BRAIN anyway. But Quinn was difficult and would overdue her work outs only to groan and curse that there were too many stairs in the world if she ate an unhealthy meal. Rachel learned to take the good and the bad. She had lived through the bad when they were teenagers and now she felt they were at the good part.
It was hard not to adore Quinn when she bought a typewriter. Then it was even harder not to love her when it was only used to write love notes to her on it. When she mentioned it to Santana in a half drunken state Santana had rolled her eyes and said, "Legit? That nostalgic freaking romantic. Good thing you like her weirdness Berry." Immediately she shook her head then took another shot. But Rachel thought it was endearing when she found a neatly folded note with a hole punched in the corner and twine tied to the inside latch of her suitcase. "Sneaky Quinn," Rachel had said aloud to no one in her dull hotel room as she unfolded the quality paper.
You are undefinable. You are more than words and lyrics-more than their power and grace. Your heart could hold the world with all its beauty. I'm humbled you hold me.
Creative, thoughtful Quinn made her feel less lonely.
Before she had left for the traveling show over a year ago she had gone on a brief rant that she was more than an entertainer, more than a trained monkey who could repeat what was given to her and sometimes she wanted to drop everything and do charity work if it meant she perform maybe once a week, because she was Rachel Barbara Berry and she did still love applause. Rachel had this massive heart that Quinn was amazed could fit in that tiny body.
Love was a two way street. While Rachel was occupied in the bedroom Quinn was cooking and left alone to her thoughts. Strawberries were being placed in a wine glass as the blonde considered she loved how Rachel liked her wine the exact opposite of herself. The former HBIC was partial to a Merlot or a Spanish red, Rachel preferred the sweet whites that would be made fruitier with strawberries. It was a godsend Rachel had the patience and forgiving personality she did. It was hard not to be shocked they had formed a life together after what she had put her through. She considered herself lucky that she was given many second chances and appreciated Rachel's approach to connecting with people. She loved that Rachel rambled when she was nervous. She loved that Rachel always cheered for the underdog and sometimes literally dogs with her charity work with abandoned animals. There were too many reasons and not enough time to consider them as she caught Rachel coming down the hallway and take a graceful seat on the high chairs that were along their kitchen counter. She loved that Rachel once ranted they didn't see their friends enough and they had this massive dining room table to entertain, but it practically gathered dust. "Why do we even have that table?" She had yelled since Quinn didn't like having a huge space between them, it reminded her too much of her own family. Rachel was understanding when she explained her reasoning of how she didn't want to be like her parents. It also prompted them to have sex on the table that night but Quinn refocused on Rachel, leaned down, and kissed her in a way that said I love you now and I will continue.
Months ago she knew she wouldn't have the life her parents did. She wanted to sit and drink her flavored coffee from the expensive machine Rachel had bought for her birthday and read the paper together. She wanted to argue over which genre to play when Frannie would come over or Rachel's coworkers or their mini road trips. She wanted to adopt a cat and a dog together, maybe children. She wanted to groan in annoyance that Rachel was messing up the bed AGAIN when she had JUST made it because she was wearing only a tank top and underwear and it was impossible not to touch her. She wanted to go to Paris, Italy, Iceland, the world together. She wanted a lot of things and some of them, she knew may not happen but felt their lives would be rich with emotion, free of resentment and hopefully in the process they would keep learning and loving one another because... Love should never be a one way street she thought as she pivoted and put the finishing touches on their plates.
Author's Note (part 2): Domesticity! Typos are my own. Took hours to write this with the help of wine and a shower where most of my creative thoughts occur (strangely). Ended up longer than I expected. Tried for a "fluffy" piece and got semi angsty. Lastly- be kind & have courage.