Everything hurts. Everything is dark. I'm cold. I'm so cold.
Why does everything hurt so much? Please, Father, if you hear me, make this stop…
"Enjoying yourself, brother?" deep and insane voice sent shivers through broken angel's spine.
Cas shuts his eyes closed refusing to look in direction of voice.
"Lu-Lucifer… Please… Go away! Please le- let me be... Ha- Haven't you had enough yet?" smaller angel gasped fear filling his every single cell.
Lucifer gave Cas one of his crazy laughs.
"Do you really think I'm done with you, huh?" Lucifer said in disbelieve and Castiel heard that Lucifer was walking closer to him. Unwillingly, he moved away as much as he could, until he found out that he is standing in the corner of the room and there's nowhere else to go.
"Castiel, my little stupid brother, we have a plenty of time, and do you really think that I would give up the only way I can entertain myself?!"
Cas's body tensed. He knew what was about to come. He opened his eyes, slowly looking at the insane angel in front of him.
„Lucifer... Please... Don't… We're brothers…" Cas said quietly, hoping that Lucifer would leave, even though he knew that it was not going to happen.
Lucifer laughed once more. Cas didn't like that laugh at all.
"Don't worry… I promise you'll like our next game…"
Loud scream interrupted silence between two angels who were looking into big dark room through one small window.
"Do you think he'll be alright, Balthazar?" asked Gabriel who was now looking more worried than before.
Balthazar sighted and looked at the ground.
"Of course he's going to be all right. It's Castiel we're talking about, right? Do you know any other angel who would bear more than him? He went to hell, Gabe! He went to hell and he survived it… " Balthazar laughed bitterly.
„Do you know any other angel who would survive hell just to raise poor human from perdition?"
Gabriel smiled a little. "I know, Balthazar. Castiel's strong and he bears a lot, but still. I'm worried about him. He's our brother. We have to do something…"
Balthazar chucked.
"We have to do something? We did everything we could, Gabriel! We got him out of that forsaken room and took him with us…"
"YEAH! WE TOOK HIM WITH US JUST TO PUT HIM INTO ANOTHER FORSAKEN ROOM AND LEFT HIM ALONE!" Gabriel screamed back.
„Don't you hear him? Don't you hear his screams? He's suffering, Bathazar! And you're saying that we did everything we could?!"
Both of them remained quiet looking at the ground.
Balthazar was the first to break the silence.
"Okay, Gabriel. What do you want to do?"
Gabriel looked up to face his brother and slowly gulped down.
Balthazar rolled his eyes.
„Just spill it out, Gabriel"
"Well… I was thinking that since he and Dean Winchester had a good relationship-…"
"Whoa, Gabriel, wait. Are you trying to say that you want to bring Winchester here and let him talk to Cas?" asked Balthazar in disbelieve.
"Why not? Do you have a better idea?!" Gabriel snapped back as he pointed at the room where was their brother still desperately screaming and calling for help.
"Look we don't have so much time and I think we should give it a try. Nothing bad can happen…"
Balthazar rolled his eyes and raised his hand up in defeat.
"Okay brother… Do whatever you want… But I don't think it's good idea at all…"
Dean Winchester was sitting on his bed, waiting for his brother to get ready so they could go investigate their new case.
His brother. His Sammy. Oh, poor boy how much he had to go through.
Dean was always worried about him, but since Cas broke wall in Sammy's head he was worried even more.
Dean's heart skipped a beat.
Cas. His beloved guardian angel. And angel who took Sammy's place and now, he's the one suffering instead of his brother.
Dean felt pain raising inside him.
How is he? Is he doing better than my brother? Where is he? Is he all right?
"Dean, we should go… I'm ready." Sam announced entering room and waking Dean from his thoughts.
"Y-Yeah, Sammy… I'm going" Dean stood up and followed Sam.
"No, I don't think so…" sudden voice behind Dean caught both of brothers by surprise.
Dean slowly turned around.
"Gabriel?" Dean asked surprised.
"Yeah, Dean... It's me"
Both of the boys remained quiet, not knowing what to say.
"What do you want?" Dean asked eventually.
Gabriel frowned. "I'm afraid you're not going anywhere, Dean…"
Dean looked at Sam and let out amused laugh. "Really Gabriel? Why not?"
"We need you Dean…"
Dean raised his eyebrow.
"You-You need me, huh? What for?"
Gabriel suddenly looked worried. Dean didn't like that sign at all. What the hell happened?
"We need you to help us with Cas…"
Dean's eyes widened.
"Cas? What? What happened to him? Where's is he? Is he alright? Wha-"
"WHOA DEAN CALM DOWN… I'll explain, but you need to go with me. I'm afraid we don't have much time…" said Gabriel at sudden Dean's question attack.
Dean looked at his brother who just nodded.
"Dean go… It's okay, I'll investigate alone… You have to go and help Cas…"
Dean nodded in understanding and turned to Gabriel.
"Okay then… Tell me, what's wrong?"
Gabriel and Dean were suddenly standing in big hall.
"Where are we?" Dean breathed as he let go of Gabriel.
"In random hospital in LA. Me and Balthazar took Cas from the hospital he was in, hoping that he'll feel better. But unfortunately it's getting worse, Dean. He is having those awful hallucinations and we can't do anything about it. I'm worried about him, Dean. I hate to see my brother like this. And I was thinking that maybe you could talk to him or something… We really don't know what to do with him anymore… And I won't just sit and look at my brother while he's slowly dying…" explained Gabriel as he led him to Cas.
"Whoa Gabriel, wait. You think I can help Cas? How? " Dean was getting desperate.
What can he possibly do to help him? What can he do when even angels couldn't help?
"I don't know Dean… The thing I know is that you and Cas have some kind of –connection,and I just think that he may react when you talk to him… I think it's worth a try…"
Dean took a deep breath.
"Would you at least try it, Dean?"
"Of course… I'll try my best…"
Everything hurts. Oh, God, everything hurts as hell. I don't know how long can I do this. Oh, crap, even breathing is painful. Maybe I should just give up. I can't make another Lucifer's visit anyway…
A sound of opening door reached his ears.
No. He's coming again. It's time to die.
A strong light overwhelmed his eyes and all Cas could do was just to sit down in the corner, hug his legs, close his tired eyes and wait for another pain.
He hears footsteps.
He's here. It won't take long and he'll feel another tremendous pain and Lucifer's insane laugh.
He realizes that he's uncontrollably shaking. But he doesn't care. His end is coming.
Cas was very surprised that instead of overwhelming pain he felt a gentle touch on his shoulder.
"Cas…"
Angel let out gasp when he heard familiar soft voice.
His beloved Dean. No, it can't be. Lucifer is messing with him.
Gosh, it hurts so much to hear his Dean.
I failed. I was supposed to be there for him and to protect him. And what did I do? I caused him so much suffering. He would be much happier if he never met me… I'm nothing…
"Cas, buddy, look at me…" Dean pleaded quietly still gently touching his friend's shoulder.
Oh, Dear God, Cas. What happened to you? - It tore Dean apart to see his friend in such a state.
"D-Dean? Is that you?" Cas raised his head and looked up.
"Yes, Cas… Buddy it's me…" Dean whispered and he couldn't help but reached his hand and wiped away some of tears from Cas's beautiful worried face. Nothing else mattered to Dean. He forgot about Balthazar and Gabriel watching them.
Cas shivered at gentle touch, still expecting pain because he just couldn't believe that it was really his Dean he was talking to.
"Dean… You came…" Cas whispered tears filling his eyes again.
"Yes, Cas. I came and I won't let anybody hurt you again, okay?"
Cas slowly nodded and let out sigh of relieve.
Dean smiled at his friend gently .
"Cas, come on. You need to stand…" Dean said softly as he helped his friend on his feet.
Cas was so weak, he could barely stand on the ground so Dean had to practically carry him next to bed.
"Here, Lay down…"
Cas unwillingly obeyed.
Dean suddenly disappeared to find a blanket when his friend's scream reached him.
"D- Dean? DEAN?! Please, don't leave me… Please… Stay…"
Hunter rushed back and found his angel in tears.
"Hey, Cas… It's okay… I'm here… I'm not gonna leave, okay?" hunter reassured and wrapped blanket around his shaking friend.
Suddenly Dean found himself wondering about what he's going to do next. He had no idea what could help Cas.
"Okay Cas, make a room for me…"
Hunter slowly laid down and wrapped his arms around his scared angel.
"Shhhhh, Cas. It's gonna be okay... I'm here..." Dean whispered and found himself rubbing comforting circles on his back.
Cas leaned into him, pulling himself closer to Dean so their cheeks were touching and before he knew, he was quietly sobbing.
Dean cursed. He didn't even want to imagine how terrible things Cas had to get through if he was broken like this.
"Cas, just listen to my voice, okay?" Dean said and grabbed one of Cas's hands into his own, suddenly remembering trick his father taught him long ago.
"Do you feel my hand holding yours?"
"Yes"
"Okay then… Cas, I don't know what horrible terrible things you have seen or feel, but try one thing for me… Just take a deep breath, Cas – You're safe and warm, I'm here and won't let anything happen to you, okay? I'll tell you one funny thing about memories, okay? It'll be our little secret, are you okay with that?.."
Cas nodded and hugged Dean even tighter. Dean couldn't help but smile.
"Okay then... Do you know that you can make your memories and pain melt away? You can do that, Cas… It's simple… Just imagine them melting away from your head… Imagine those memories entering your veins… Blood is our greatest treasure, you know? Blood is able to take your memories and just slowly wash them away if you want to… It's so simple. Let blood do its job. Let it wash all of pain away… Imagine your blood running away through your veins taking all of that crap away… Do you still feel my hand? You blood is slowly bringing everything you don't want to feel or remember into my palm. Do you have any idea how useful palms actually are? They can absorb a lot of things and they don't let anything soak back. So every single pain and memory is locked in it. You don't have feel it anymore… Just rid of that crap, Cas.. Rid of everything that you're afraid of, everything that hurts you… It's simple Cas… I'm here and I'll protect you… "
Dean felt Cas shiver in his arms. His angel buried crying face into his chest and hold his hand for dear life. After few minutes he felt Cas relax and steady his breathing.
"Dean?" angels asked quietly
"Yes, Cas?"
"Thank you…"
Dean chucked and pulled his angel even closer.
"No Cas… No need to thank me… I thank you - You saved my brother… Sleep now, Cas... You need to rest"
Cas mumbled something Dean couldn't recognize and gave him satisfied sound. That was the moment when Dean could swear, that if Cas could be little kitten, he would be surely purring now.
Dean placed loving kiss on angels's forehead before he followed Cas into world of dreams.
Two angels were watching all of this from distance. Gabriel gave Balthazar ironic smile.
"You were right, brother… Bringing Dean Winchester was the worst idea ever..."
Balthazar rolled his eyes.
"Whatever.." Balthazar answered ironically and disappeared.
Gabriel dared to look at them once more. He couldn't help but smile. The two of them looked so natural and peaceful in each other's arms.
Gabriel suddenly felt sad.
He was just as broken as his brother but he doesn't have anyone who would be there for him.
"Isn't Castiel lucky to have someone like Dean?" Gabriel said to himself sadly.
"Who knows? Maybe Sam would be able to fix me as Dean fixed my brother…"
A big smile appeared on Gabriel's face as he thought about Sam.
"I have to try…" he said to himself.
"Take care of my brother, Dean…" Gabriel whispered one last time and disappeared into night trying to find Dean's younger brother Sam.
THE END
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