A big thanks to Bloody Phantom for all the help and patience. I've worked hard on this story, I hope you enjoy and comment a lot!
Obi-Wan Kenobi sat distressed in the Room of Thousand Fountains. He looked at the cascade without really seeing it, his blue eyes locked in the water that caressed the rocks. His legs were against his chest and his arms were rounded them. His chin was over his knees and there was a scowled in his face for he was considering the bunch of things going on his mind.
Since his return from Melida/Daan, he had sworn he would become the best Jedi he could be. He had submerged fully in his training, absorbing every little bit of teaching he got. He had almost perfect score in all of his classes, meditated more than ever and he exceeded by far the standard lightsaber level his age mates had. Most people would have thought he had the perfect life, but for Obi-Wan it wasn't. The opposite was closer to the truth.
He was in there because even with his new achievements in self-control, sometimes he just had difficulties to release his feelings to the Force. That day, particularly, was presenting more troubles than the usual. Actually, it was very silly the thing that had untied his current issue. It was the General Lightsaber Technique class. Master Drallig taught the basis and from there, the Master's padawan taught the Form that was to become the favored.
That day in class, they were learning the 14th kata, which Obi-Wan already knew. Master Windu had helped him with it one time he had found Obi-Wan practicing late at night. Obi-Wan couldn't understand why the Master,instead of sending him to sleep, had started to teach him. It was a curious thing, but when the experience began to repeat itself he had found out the Master wasn't only cold judgment. As weird as it sounded, they got along quite well.
He remembered that in class, Master Drallig watched him closely as he executed the kata. The boy hadn't understood why but then, the Master had asked for the 15th, followed by the 16th and they continued like that until the 21th kata, the last known to Obi-Wan.
-You went through the katas with perfection far beyond your years- the Master had said utterly calm- I haven't teach you that yet, care to explain?-
And he had confessed. He told Master Drallig about Master Windu's help, and the senior padawans, and that once in a while Knight Fisto and Master Tahl showed him some few things. As he used to spend so much time in the Training Rooms, the list of sudden teachers was quite large.
-Very well- the weapon Master had said- let's see the Tiger's kata before the 22nd.-
Some katas had a particular name apart from the numeration they were assigned. The Tiger's kata had been removed from the general katas because it was necessary a better control and knowledge of the Force. Now, the kata was learned at the beginning of knighthood.
And they had begun. Obi-Wan had watched the movements, understanding the order and significance the Master had mentioned to him. It was very complex. The movements were strong and elegant, large and accurate. It demanded agility and focus because some movements weren't accomplished without the suitable speed. Just like a tiger.
And, at the third attempt, Obi-Wan accomplished the feat of execute the kata from the beginning until the end. He really needed to improve stroke movements but memorization part was over and now he could practice and perfect it on his studying sessions.
It was then, of course, when his universe had found chaos.
-You have improved enough to be able to carry through a kata especially difficult. There are some movements to correct but your level is exceptional. I will suggest to Master Yoda to assign you a class a little ahead of this one. Qui-Gon should be very proud of you.-
'Qui-Gon should be very proud of you.' Right; and he had taught Master Yoda to speak backwards. Qui-Gon had never wanted him in his life, and the whole Temple knew it. He'd never take joy in something Obi-Wan had done, now more than ever. He had himself to blame about it too.
And Force, that thought hurt.
His sense of self preservation pain and his shame was what pushed him to make himself sparse, to make the effort to spare his Master of his presence as to not force the big Jedi to even tolerate him. He wouldn't give anyone an excuse to go to Qui-Gon with comments about him, good or bad... He'd make his Master comfortable by pretending he didn't exist. Keeping distance meant that Qui-Gon wasn't annoyed and that he wouldn't have to experience rejection so often. Besides, he had caused a lot of trouble already; he didn't want to bother Qui-Gon any further. He'd love to please his Master, of course, but he knew that would never happen. Not when he was prone to make so many mistakes. He'd chosen the alternative; he tried his best to at least not bring shame upon the revered Jedi.
And so, he kept out of Qui-Gon's way as much as possible, he did good in classes as to not attract attention and to avoid any sadness the whole thing brought him, he had come up with means of distraction, especially from Melida/Daan's fiasco. So many things had turn wrong because of him and his stupid mistakes… the guilt would never go, he knew, and again there was nothing he could do to about it… and so he had had to organized his free time precisely to lack of it. Every day, he ate in ten minutes and in the rest of the lunch time he finished his homework. After his afternoon classes, if he had them, he stayed either on the Archives or in the training chambers, practicing until nine when his curfew began. Obi-Wan saw Qui-Gon in his private tutorials and at his arrival at night before sleep time. He spent his time mostly by his own, but it was better this way. It was just that it was far too evident how much his presence disturbed Master Qui-Gon. His Master had made that clear enough.
He had learnt to apply that strategy during his first week after he arrived from Melida/Daan; at the beginning he had gone to their quarters directly after class and quickly decided it was not the wisest of things. The coldness was too sharp for him, the hostile environment wouldn't allow him to breathe freely. He was seriously trying to accept that there was only a strict academic relationship between them. There was nothing more in there, he actually bothered Qui-Gon…
Yes, it was best to stay apart from his Master even if he wanted nothing more than to grow closer to him…he'd picked another survival skill, it seemed, because he had focused in getting through his training at the best of his abilities to avoid total heartbreak; it was what he had left of his dreams after all. He'd not let anything come between him and his goal of becoming a Jedi. His sense of duty had become what kept him fighting every day, his life's purpose, and the rest would have to be seen as a distraction, as his Master was fond of saying, no less.
Keeping that in mind, he then had sworn to himself he wouldn't present motives to be rejected from the Order once again. Even if the probation was over, he continued striving to earn his place as a Jedi, to prove he was trustworthy of the title. Because he was meant to be a Jedi, of that he was certain, and he wouldn't achieve knighthood if he permitted his sorrowful feelings to interfere. After all, he had himself to blame for ruining his relationship with his Master and for directly causing the death of two people…
Thinking about all this, he inhaled deeply several times and reached the early phases of meditation. Once in there, he managed to release his feelings to the Force and finally was able to low his shields, the ones that made his Master unable to feel his turmoil.
Qui-Gon may have noticed the improvements in his shields but hadn't made a comment about it. Actually, as things where in the moment, he surprised himself every time he got to his private classes and found his Master in there. Secretly, he expected the day his Master wouldn't show. He chided himself. His Master kept his feelings out of his job. Maybe that was part of the problem, now he considered that… They both would have less uncomfortable moments if Master Qui-Gon wouldn't force himself to take care of Obi-Wan's education, as cold as his treatment was.
The indifference could be as painful as rejection, he figured. Had this been the way things had started, there wouldn't be a problem but before the whole thing, there was some sort of… of…well, not exactly closeness, but there was something in progress… it hadn't been the silent treatment he got now, he hadn't been treated as a ticking bomb or a stinking bantha… Well, that was a bit unfair, he guessed… His Master remained as polite as ever but it was just that now he drew a firm line between them…
A wall, actually.
Obi-Wan scowled.
-The whole thing was your fault, deal with the knowledge. – He said to himself. He sighed but, determined, he putted aside his thoughts and headed to his next class.