Rated G
Warnings: Bits of slash. Senseless fun.
Fandom: LOTR
Genre: Author insert
Author: Reona
That Road Goes To My House
Three small heads were clustered around the oven, three pairs of eyes peering through the window. They were small, child size, with short pants and linen shirts. They all had curly hair and youthful faces. Two of them had sandy-blond hair while the third had strawberry blond hair. "This is much better than the wood burning ovens at home," muttered the strawberry blond hobbit.
Another person, also small like a child and dark haired, stood behind them. He wore a vest of red velvet and an overcoat. "Sam, I think Reona wishes to take the cookies out now," he said.
The three hobbits looked up quickly and found a young woman, many feet taller than they, looking sourly at them from behind the little hobbit wearing the overcoat. The girl wore blue jeans and a red t-shirt with a velvet rose print, her feet bare. Her mouse brown hair hung loosely to her shoulders and she wore a pair of glasses, the curse of her family. The three hobbits broke apart and Reona rolled her grey eyes as she pulled on an oven mitt. "Thanks Frodo," she said. The dark haired hobbit smiled and walked over to join the strawberry blond hobbit, Sam. Reona opened the oven door, pulled the cookie sheet from the heat, and slid another unbaked sheet in. The author put the hot cookie sheet on a rack to cool and started to scoop cookies from another sheet onto a decorative plate.
The kitchen was bright, the blue sky outside the windows cloudless. In the sink was piled dirty pots and pans, the testament to the baking currently going on. A large bowl of cookie dough sat on the counter next to an electric mixer. The smell of fresh hot cookies filled the room. Four hobbits stood off to the side, muttering quietly about the wonders of this world. At the island counter, sitting on a tall stool, sat a man with a long beard and wearing a grey habit. Gandalf's dark eyes stared at the screen of a laptop computer sitting on the counter in front of him. "Marvelous machine," the old man whispered.
Reona glanced back at him and narrowed her eyes. "You better not be doing anything I'll regret later," the author said. The things she put up with when her muses came to visit. She sighed as the wizard ignored her and pulled a serving tray out of a cabinet. Glasses then followed and were filled with milk upon the tray. Reona picked up two plates of cookies that were ready and turned to the hobbits. "Frodo. Sam. Could you help me?" she asked. The two hobbits nodded and came forward, receiving the plates. "Follow me please." Reona said as she picked up the tray with the drinks and headed for the archway that would lead to the living room. "Merry! Pippin! Don't you dare touch those cookies!" she yelled over her shoulder. The two sandy-blond hobbits jumped and snatched away their hands, looking shame faced.
The noise of yelling and cheering met author and hobbits as they entered the living room. Two dark haired Elves, pointy ears pink in excitement, sat in front of the TV on the floor, video game controllers in their elegant hands. The identical Elves were playing a Lord of the Rings game, maneuvering their characters through a shooting match with orcs. A Man sat behind them, balancing precariously on the edge of the coffee table as he leaned forward to shout his encouragement to the two Elves. Behind the noisy trio was another Elf, blond haired and blue eyed. He sat curled up on the couch, his attention on a book in his grasp.
Reona sat her tray on the table and smacked Aragorn on the shoulder. "Get your butt off the coffee table before you break it!" she yelled. Aragorn started and slid to the floor, looking sheepish. His dark hair looked freshly washed and his hands were clean. He did not wear his long coat but a tunic of dark velvet and boots of soft leather. He knew better then to show up at Reona's house dirty and unkempt from the Wilds.
The twins laughed at their human brother and Aragorn glared at them. A buzzer sounded and they looked at the TV. "I just died!" exclaimed Elladan.
Aragorn crowed and snatched the controller from his hands. "My turn!"
Reona sighed. "I've created monsters."
"No, I'm pretty sure they were like this before coming here," said Legolas, looking up from his book. He frowned in distaste as the noise started up again. "I can't wait until Aragorn leaves their presence and returns to his usual noble self." The Elven prince wore a tunic of pale blue and black leggings, his hair braided simply. He wore no shoes and curled his feet under himself. Bright blue eyes narrowed at the trio, annoyed.
Reona grinned and handed the Mirkwood Elf a glass of milk. "An Elf after my own heart." The author took one of the plates of cookies from the hobbits and set it down on the table. "Here, fresh cookies and milk for you," she said. The twins and Aragorn didn't hear her but she didn't care.
Legolas smiled and took the food gratefully. "Hennad," he said.
Reona blinked before recognizing the word she used to mean 'thank you'. "Creosolle," she replied, hoping she was pronouncing 'your welcome' right. Legolas' slight flinch told her she wasn't. "Whatever," Reona sighed. She took the last plate of cookies and smiled at the hobbits that had helped her. "Thanks. Now, go make sure Merry and Pippin are behaving themselves." Frodo and Sam nodded and hurried back into the kitchen.
Reona put the plate of cookies onto the tray with the remaining drinks and left the living room. The author walked to the sliding glass doors and used her elbow to open them. She exited out onto the patio and used her foot to close the doors behind herself, shutting in the noise. With a sigh, Reona then walked across the yard toward where two people were lounging under the shade of a tree. She stopped in front of them and smiled softly.
A blond Elf in a dark blue tunic was holding another twilight haired Elf in his arms. Glorfindel opened one blue eye to look at Reona and returned the author's smile. Elrond's head was pillowed against his chest, his long dark hair loose. The Elf lord's grey eyes were closed in slumber, his body relaxed as he rested in his lover's arms. Elrond's burgundy robes made him seem as a bright autumn leaf in the mist of summer. "I brought refreshments," said Reona softly, least she wake the sleeping half-Elf. She sat the tray on the grass next to Glorfindel.
"Hennad," whispered Glorfindel.
"Creosolle," returned Reona. Glorfindel's winced told her she had mangled the Elvish language once more. Reona sighed and stood, nodding to the blond Elf before heading back to the house. Merry and Pippin had better not have eaten the cookies she had set to cool. Sunlight on golden hair caught her attention and she turned her head to track the flash. A horrified gasp escaped her lips and she raced off into the garden, banging out of the gate. "No Haldir! That's the neighbor's dog!" she screamed.
The noise and repressed laugher of his pillow caused Elrond to stir and he blinked open his eyes. "What happened?" he muttered.
A laugh burst from Glorfindel, unable to keep it in anymore. "Haldir is hunting the neighborhood pets again," he said, mirth in his voice.
Elrond yawned a little and sat up, a smile on his face. "Just as long as I don't have to treat any more dog bites," the Elf lord said.
"Poor Haldir," chuckled Glorfindel. "I don't think he's ever seen a pitbull before."
"Nor do I think he ever wished too," said Elrond. His eyes settled on the tray and lit up. "Is that for us?"
Glorfindel nodded. "Reona brought it for us." Cookies and milk were soon in Elrond's hands and the blond Elf smiled.
"Haldir! You fool!" yelled Reona's voice from outside the garden. Barking soon followed the yell and a sharp yelp filled the air.
Elrond munched his cookie as he and Glorfindel stared at the gate that Reona had run out of earlier. "Should we go check if they're okay?" asked the blond Elf as an ominous silence settled over the house.
Elrond shook his head. "No, if they wish me to heal their hurts then they can come to me." He then reached for another cookie and drank some milk, no longer concerned about the wayward Lothlórien Elf and irate author. The gate banged open, causing both to jump. They stared as Celeborn stormed through the gate dragging a pouting Haldir behind him by the belt. One could pretty much see the frustrated little dark cloud above the silver haired Elf's head. Galadriel and Reona followed behind, the she-Elf's hair a mess and the author's glasses missing a leans.
The Elves continued into the house while Reona stopped to shut and latch the gate. She walked across the patio and stopped before the door. She turned back to the pair under the tree and smirked. "I told him not to go after the poodle. That thing is vicious." With a wink, Reona entered the house. Glorfindel and Elrond looked at each other and burst out laughing.
"Ow!" cried Haldir. He tried to pull away from Celeborn's hold but the Elf lord refused to release him. Legolas quickly stood from the couch as the March Warden wiggled about. "That hurts!"
Celeborn gritted his teeth as he applied more iodine to the cuts on Haldir's arm. "Serves you right," he hissed. Galadriel snorted delicately before turning and disappearing into the library. Reona snickered as she entered from the garden.
"Why can't you get Lord Elrond to heal me?" cried Haldir. He kicked out but missed Celeborn and hit the coffee table. The edge of the table pressed into Elladan's side and the twin yelped in pain.
"Careful!" yelled Elrohir.
Haldir stuck his tongue out at him and Celeborn smacked him upside the head. "Be nice!" ordered the Elf lord. Haldir cursed and received another smack. "Do you want me to wash your mouth out with soap?"
Reona burst out into loud slightly hysterical laugher and walked from the room, holding her forehead in one head. "Welcome to the Mad House!" she yelled. Never mind the fact that Galadriel was now in the library looking at her brother's 'happy happy joy joy' magazines and the kitchen had caught on fire because Merry and Pippin couldn't keep away from the oven. Gandalf was currently plotting global domination through the Internet and Aragorn was kicking Legolas' butt in the video game. The only good thing coming out of this was that if Glorfindel and Elrond stayed in the garden for another hour she'd have the best roses in the whole city. Elves are just wonderful creatures.