Trust

by SilverRain 228

It’s not like he’s never given you that look before, he had plenty of times and of course you knew that you guys were more then just friends but it had never been said out loud like that before. Ryan/Seth SLASH

Trust

By SilverRain 228

Warning: Slash and SnugglySeth

You sigh, finally admitting defeat, and let your head rest on the cold table in the middle of the dimly lit coffee shop. People are starting to stare and you let them. You simply cannot pretend to be ok anymore and so you stay there, head down, trying to tune out the whole fucking world. It's funny really, that you came here so you wouldn't have to think about Seth and now that you're here you can't think about anything except who you're hiding from.

You'd walked around town for hours, trying to push the events of this morning out of your head and finally ended up at this small coffee shop on the pier. You tried to forget the way Seth came up behind you earlier while you were brushing your teeth and wrapped his arms around your waist, nuzzling the back of your neck and babbling on about what you guys should do today. If this were anyone else you would not have tolerated such close contact, but Seth simply lacked any concept of personal space. He was forever sitting too close or leaning against you too much on the couch. He'd always been a little too touchy, it was just who he was. You used to shake him off when he got too close but it had occurred to you a few months ago that you really liked when he touched you like this, paying attention to only you. So you stopped shaking him off and he kept getting closer until one day you found yourself making out with him in the pool house and you realized that maybe you weren't as straight as you thought. The strange thing was, you were sort of ok with that if it meant you got to make out with Seth.

So there you were this morning listening to his babbling that used to annoy you but is now the most comforting sound you can imagine. Somewhere through the babbling he suggested in his offhand Seth-way that since you were both pretty much dating anyway, you might as well quit pretending and just go out with him for real, maybe even let him be your boyfriend. Then he smirked, throwing you a suggestive look. That was when you freaked, stuttered out a weak excuse while untangling yourself from his arms, and practically ran from the house. It's not like he's never given you that look before, he had plenty of times and of course you knew that you guys were more then just friends but it had never been said out loud like that before. He'd caught you off guard and you did the only thing you could think of, retreat.

You'd screwed up and you knew it. For awhile now you'd secretly been wondering if you were actually capable of having a normal, healthy, relationship. Now, here he was offering you just that, and you run away like a kid. The thing is, you're sick of getting hurt by the people you care about. It was pathetic really, because you know it's your fault that nearly everyone you've ever been involved with has treated you like shit. It's your fault because you let them treat you like that and as a result it's nearly impossible for you to trust anyone. There's a reason why you don't let your guard down. The same reason why you spend so much time waiting for everyone you ever loved to hurt you, because they always do. You should be used to it by now. You've learned from your mistakes though, and you're definitely more confident then you used to be, but the thing about new found confidence is that it's easily shaken and hard to get back. If you let Seth in and he ended up hurting you, your not sure you'd be able to recover because you care about Seth more then you've ever cared about anyone and you don't know what the hell to do about it.

Somehow you manage to lift your head from the table and make your way home because the thing is, you do know. When you open the door to the pool house he's sitting on the floor playing video games, waiting like he knew you'd come back eventually. He stands up, all smiles. You cautiously ask him if he still wants to do this for real, if the offer still stands. He laughs and says of course it does and raises his eyebrow, a silent invitation. You tell him your afraid, admitting this out loud for the first time and he smiles before replying

"Afraid of me? Ryan, come on don't be ridiculous"

And you know he's right so your across the room in seconds, backing him against the wall and kissing him the way you should have this morning. You decide to trust him against your better judgment. Something about his crooked smile and his quiet confidence melts you and makes you want to let him in because you think it'll be different this time. He could be the one you've been waiting for. It dawns on you that you should have just been with boys in the first place, or maybe just been with Seth. You realize it's not his fault that you've been hurt and used by everyone else before him. Besides, you know deep down that Seth won't hurt you, ever. He's just not like that. From the first day you met him he's never been anything but completely transparent, to a fault even, and he won't deceive you because there's no reason for him to. The only thing he wants from you is for you to love him and you can do that, easily, because you always have. You're finally ready to take this chance with him because kissing someone has never felt this right, and that's why you trust it.

***END***

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