Disclaimers and warnings: I don't own Gravitation. Spoilers for
episode 13.
~ ~ ~
So you're going home. And you're not doing it for your father, or Tatsuha, or Mika... or me. We've been trying to heal you for six years. He's been in your life for a few months, and has already made more progress than we ever could, and he doesn't even know it. But perhaps, just perhaps, just perhaps, it's for the best. I've spent so much time on you that I have neglected others parts of, other people in, my life, especially Mika. Then again, she has always been pushed aside. For you, for work, for Grasper.
I know you think I don't love her. I see the accusation in your eyes. It hurts me so deeply, because nothing could be farther from the truth. It's true. I do love you more. I'd kill for you. I'd die for you. But I love Mika too. The loves are different, that's all. My love for you is deep and everlasting; with Mika, there's more fire. All the music I write is for you two. Those slow ballads of never-ending longing, those are for you. The songs Grasper is famous for, however, the pulsing songs full of lighting and energy, those are for Mika. No one can tell, of course. Ruyichi is the one who writes the lyrics. My meaning often gets lost. I know, though. For a long time, I thought that was enough. But is it, really? I've never truly told her how much she means to me. I've always just expected her to know.
Listen to me, the great Seguchi Tohma doubting himself. Who would believe it? Well, you would believe, and so would Mika. Of course, I know everything about you, Eiri-san, in return. At least, I thought I did. Lately, I've been wondering.
Listen to me. No matter what I'm thinking of, sooner or later it all comes back to you. No wonder Mika thinks I don't care.
Things are going to have to change. You... You don't need me anymore. At least, not as much as you once did. I will have to live with that, no matter how much it hurts.
But I refuse to suffer. I have no use for self-pity. I will take this chance to find her again. Mika will have to wonder if I love her again. I can't promise her flowers or chocolate, but she doesn't want those things anyway. I can promise that I'll never take her for granted.
Eiri-san, we'll both go home to people we love. I may never have you, but I won't lose her.
~ ~ ~
So you're going home. And you're not doing it for your father, or Tatsuha, or Mika... or me. We've been trying to heal you for six years. He's been in your life for a few months, and has already made more progress than we ever could, and he doesn't even know it. But perhaps, just perhaps, just perhaps, it's for the best. I've spent so much time on you that I have neglected others parts of, other people in, my life, especially Mika. Then again, she has always been pushed aside. For you, for work, for Grasper.
I know you think I don't love her. I see the accusation in your eyes. It hurts me so deeply, because nothing could be farther from the truth. It's true. I do love you more. I'd kill for you. I'd die for you. But I love Mika too. The loves are different, that's all. My love for you is deep and everlasting; with Mika, there's more fire. All the music I write is for you two. Those slow ballads of never-ending longing, those are for you. The songs Grasper is famous for, however, the pulsing songs full of lighting and energy, those are for Mika. No one can tell, of course. Ruyichi is the one who writes the lyrics. My meaning often gets lost. I know, though. For a long time, I thought that was enough. But is it, really? I've never truly told her how much she means to me. I've always just expected her to know.
Listen to me, the great Seguchi Tohma doubting himself. Who would believe it? Well, you would believe, and so would Mika. Of course, I know everything about you, Eiri-san, in return. At least, I thought I did. Lately, I've been wondering.
Listen to me. No matter what I'm thinking of, sooner or later it all comes back to you. No wonder Mika thinks I don't care.
Things are going to have to change. You... You don't need me anymore. At least, not as much as you once did. I will have to live with that, no matter how much it hurts.
But I refuse to suffer. I have no use for self-pity. I will take this chance to find her again. Mika will have to wonder if I love her again. I can't promise her flowers or chocolate, but she doesn't want those things anyway. I can promise that I'll never take her for granted.
Eiri-san, we'll both go home to people we love. I may never have you, but I won't lose her.