A/N: Happy Destiel week! I plan on uploading at least one One-Shot or Chapter of 'Insane' a day, If you follow me on Tumblr, there will be updates for my Destiel Week plans. They'll all vary in length, but hey! I hope the quality is good! Remember to Review please.
Today's Theme: Angst
Suggested Music: I Don't Wanna Die – Hollywood Undead
I Don't Wanna Die,
I Don't Wanna Die.
'I'm sorry. I'm sorry.' How many times would Castiel have to say it before Dean would believe him? He did this for him, all of it. He did it to protect him. He did it to make the world safe, safe for him and his brother. But mostly for him.
Now look where he is, now he's God. He's a better God, a just God. Now his best friend fears him, hates him. This isn't how things were supposed to be. It was all supposed to be different. It was supposed to be different.
"Dean, Please."
"No, you had a choice! You made the wrong one!"
"But—"
"You did wrong and I can't trust you anymore!"
They were getting stronger. He could hear them speak. As they tried to push their way through, they kept yelling 'Let us out! Let us out!' No! He couldn't! It wasn't his fault they came through! He didn't even know they existed.
Stronger and stronger. They were getting so powerful.
I keep on asking the question, can I be saved by confession?
"Father, was I wrong? I thought I was doing the right thing, but none of it is going….what do I do?" He prayed and prayed, but no one ever answered. How could they? He was God now, wasn't he?
His vessel is wearing thin. It can't be much longer.
"Dean, Let me make it up to you."
"You can't,"
"Help me get rid of these souls." He dropped to his knees. He'd do anything. Anything! Anything to gain Dean's forgiveness.
"Fine, this changes nothing." He knew that it wouldn't, but it was a start.
When the night came, he was more than ready.
He released the souls, all of them. Almost, all of them.
Crashing to his knees, this was it. They were breaking through.
"Dean, I can't hold them back anymore," He said, standing up slowly. Agony, the pain was incredible. His vision was blurry, it felt as if his every bone was broken, three times over.
"Hold what back?"
"LEVIATHAN!" He cried, "Dean you have to get out of here!"
"N-no!" Now Dean was struggling with something. He was angry with Castiel, hell, he hated him! But there was something there in the pit of his chest; something was tugging, right in the center.
"Please, Dean." He was using his last reserves of energy to hold them back. 'Just a little longer. Just until Dean's safe.' He chanted his mantra in his head several times over.
Blood is getting hotter, body's getting colder.
I don't wanna die, no I don't wanna die.
He looked straight at Dean, his eyes screaming 'I'm sorry! I'm sorry!' There was no recreating that look in his eyes. Never. Dean knew it too, there was something there. Some unspoken words, some emotion that scared both of them to their core. They both knew it was there, but too afraid to act on it. Even now, they couldn't face the unspoken feelings that were there.
Cause I'm an Angel, a demon. I'm Hell, I'm Heaven.
"Cas," The way his name flowed from Dean's mouth broke his heart. He can't hold them any longer. He tries so desperately to say it before he's gone.
"Dean, I don't wanna die!" He couldn't say it, but this right now, it held the meaning. I don't wanna die. I want to stay with you. I don't want to leave you. Please just run. Run far away and never look back. I'll hurt you.
All of this, all in one sentence.
The lights were going out. Everything was getting darker. The last thing that held light was Dean's eyes. The only thing he could see.
Now he couldn't hear. Dean was screaming, but only one word came through it all, "Castiel," His name. His full name.
"Forgive me," He gasped out. He fell, first to the ground. Then farther. It's all dark now, he can't see, he can't hear. He's falling forever. Gone, he never said it. Not even sure if he was forgiven. He's gone, and he'll never come back.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry."
I don't wanna die, no, I don't wanna die.