Disclaimer: I own nothing.
I know this is really short but this has been in my head for ages and I just wanted to type it up quickly and make room for some new ideas =)
My father mostly missed out on the first two years of my life. He was very busy and I could not expect him to be there all the time, was what he said whenever I mentioned it. Ima was though, so perhaps I took it for granted... He was hardly ever there and when he was he barely paid any attention to me… but right from the start I wanted to make him proud of me. My first word was Aba and he did not bat an eye... but Ima was so happy, even though I did not say her first. I took my first steps while he was there too, right in front of him. He did not even look up from reading his report until Ima ran from the room yelling, "she's walking, my baby's walking!" That was probably because her yelling caught his attention- not because he actually cared. I remember that Ima videoed me and sent it to everyone, Aba didn't mention it- he did not even say well done.
I remember on my fourth birthday, excitedly glancing at my mother, waiting for Aba to arrive. I stared at the door throughout three quarters of the party, while everyone shot me sympathetic looks and then I realised… he was not coming. I remember the tears streaming down my face as I screamed for my father, but he did not come... He was far too busy for his child's fourth birthday. When I blew out the candles. my wish was that my Aba would come home soon and that he would tell me that he loved me just a little more often- because I had never heard him say it.
I remember my first ballet recital, anxiously peering at the audience from behind the curtain, my whole body buzzing with excitement. I was going to show Aba how good I was at dancing; I was one of the best in my class. I did not see Aba though; maybe he was running late… But by the time I stepped onto stage, nearly an hour later he still was not there… I had practised so hard and he could not even come to see me dance… I tried so hard to make him proud of me… At the end of the recital, with sore feet and a heart that felt even worse, I fell into Ima's arms sobbing. She said nothing, only stroked my hair soothingly. She knew that I was hurting inside; she had and still did feel the same pain…
I remember being seven and winning my first proper fight. I stood over my opponent, fist raised in victory whilst the crowd cheered my name. I was almost delirious with exhilaration and adrenaline but most of all, pride. The people out there were proud of me, me, the person who was a disappointment to her father! I glanced out over the crowd, just wondering if perhaps he might have come to my fight. To my surprise he sat right near the exit of the door, either side of him were his body guards. He gave me a short nod of acknowledgment and my smile stretched even further. Later, as I was getting my wounds fixed my pride at his nod, faded to a bitter pain… "You wouldn't have those wounds if you had practised harder on your moves, Ziva. If you had performed better then you would be fine and someone of your skill you should have someone of his skill level pinned in moments. As for what you did at the end, raising your fist… He could have easily gotten up and caught you off guard! You do not take your eyes and mind off the opponent until he is incapacitated or dead! You were toying with him but that wasn't what you were instructed to do! Why didn't you take him out straight away? Because you wanted to show off! It was foolish and if that had been a proper fight the tables could have been turned and you would have been killed" Aba spat at me before turning and walking out the door, leaving me close to tears. I whispered, as he was close to 6 feet away, "I wanted so badly to impress you… I guess I should have known better…" He heard me, I know he did but he did not turn back or show any recognition of my words other than a slight hesitation. I waited until I could no longer hear the soft tapping of his shoes on the floor before I broke down crying.
What did I have to do, what did I have to say to make him proud of me? I tried so hard, yet nothing I did was ever worthy of his praise. There was always a fault with what I did no matter how much I practised... I would give anything, anything at all just so he would smile at me- it does not even have to include those five words I would kill to hear fall from his lips. I am proud of you.
Should I do another one shot for when her Ima and Tali died? Oh and if there is any spelling or punctuation marks please inform me.
Please review.