The Forgotten Place

by TDL54

I wanted to leave you forever. I never wanted this. I never wanted this obsession. In fact, I still don't. I don't know who would.

There were times I wanted to strangle you. I wished I could just drop your lifeless body beside the lake and not even care. I wanted to leave you somewhere, and never return, never think of you again. I wanted you to be another one of the countless, blank faces I had killed and left behind forever. A face I never considered again.

I wished I could lock you up in that part of my mind. The part that always stayed buried beneath the hate and the reasoning and the rage. Below everything. I wanted to keep you where I kept the others. In a place I would never need to visit.

I tried many times. I tried to put you in that part of my mind. I tried to write you off forever. I just wanted to leave you. I still want to leave you. But it obviously never worked. I could never put you in the place you belonged.

Really, the opposite happened. I could not rid myself of you. No matter how many times I plotted and planned my escape from your tight grip, it never worked. I could never fool myself for long. How could I?

I never even missed a lesson. Not once. Every day that I walked the slow path to your mirror I told myself it was the last. It was the last time I would ever come to you again. And because of that, I relished every lesson even more. Because each one was the last.

And I think that's how I fell even more in love with you. Because every day I savored our time. I memorized every part of your face, your voice, your words. I never forgot one thing. I could never forget you. And that is why I could never leave you. I could never push you out of my mind. I could never put you in the part of my memory that I kept locked and buried. It just wasn't possible, no matter how much I tried every single day.

And deep down I always knew that.

I find it rather ironic that in the end you accomplished what I had been trying to do all along. In the end, you left me. You left my lifeless body near the lake. You have pushed me into the forgotten part of your mind where I will always stay.

Even in my sadness, I can recognize this irony. You did all that I could never do. And right now, while I weep, I can hear myself laughing a little too at that revelation. Just for a second.