Two sets of hands bonded together, never wanting to let go. They hoped she would feel it, even though their logical minds told them otherwise. They knew they had no power over the natural leader in the room next door. Of course, a leader was powerless without a large troupe of loyal followers, which said leader definitely had. Even the most dimwitted of her followers had developed a complex anyone would deem intelligent. Why didn't they question her? The one they served was a loyal student of history; they, of all people, were aware that most leaders had rather significant faults.
Joy's fingers reluctantly slipped from Sadness's hand. She stood up. "Let's make sure we get to bed tonight. That one would have us going over our quiz material until 4 AM."
"Wait, Joy-" Sadness protested. Joy's thoughtful eyes met her sister's. Hazel eyes, just like hers; eyes that no one else out there had. Fear had had them back in the day, but her eyes had changed to a dazzling blue many years ago.
"Crystal will like this trip. I just know it," Sadness said. Over the course of the past few hours, she and Joy had been planning Crystal's college tour trip, scheduled for her spring break. College was… a complicated matter, yet Joy and Sadness were confident they could keep Fear at bay for at least 24 hours during this trip. Fear did get exhausted… rarely, but she wasn't the superhuman the rest of the mind saw her as.
"Sadness, we've done all we can. We are on the right track. Come," Joy replied, no smile on her face now.
Joy and Sadness entered the main control room with some trepidation. Crystal's control room appeared, at first sight, no different from any other: the console and screen in front, plush chairs for the emotions to sit in, the core memory holder on the floor and day's memories on a shelf to the right. But there was a minimal amount of space inside compared to most minds, not because Crystal's control center was abnormally small. Joy and Sadness peered across the room at their exhausted counterparts: two emotions with a similar appearance, minus the eyes. Tonight, the two Joys couldn't even manage a smile. NT Joy, the Joy across the room, attempted one and failed miserably.
Crystal, ready to power down for the night, stared apathetically at her phone. Every emotion in the room had dark circles under their eyes. Today had been tough, and the tough days were coming more and more frequently. Only Fear stood up straight, taking her usual place in the center of the room.
"Mom said to go to bed; we need a few more minutes to relax and then we can do so. We're done for the night. ND Anger, you're on dream duty. I would be fine with her staying up and studying if she were in the shape to do so," at this point, one of the two Disgusts glared weakly at Fear, "but she's in this place, so we just need her to get enough rest for tomorrow's quiz. Good night, all."
As one of the Angers took his place in front of the console, sighing dejectedly, Fear and the other emotions disappeared into a hallway. Each of the nine emotions shut the doors to their bedrooms. For remarkably different emotions, they were all thinking the same thoughts. Most fell asleep with Adele's "Hometown Glory" in their heads. Most wished the wish they had practically every night: that Crystal wouldn't have another anxiety episode tomorrow.
Of course, that was a pretty stupid wish to make with Fear around, and even Fear didn't have full control over Crystal's anxiety now.
The said purple emotion shut her door, knowing the other emotions would model after her. Far from going to sleep, though, Fear didn't even bother taking out her hairdo. It was the same bun Crystal used to wear every day in 8th grade, the year they venerated, and still wore when her hair cooperated with her. Like Crystal, Fear was dressed in an unassuming solid top, dark blue jeans and black boots. She never admitted this to the other emotions, but Fear often thought she was Crystal, that the other emotions were just there to do what they wanted or, in the case of the NT emotions, help her lead a successful life in the cruel world out there.
Fear peered out the window at Crystal's Personality Islands: the long, curvy strip of her foremost island, and the four tiny islands positioned on either side. The dominant island was called Academic/Planning Island; to its left were Family and Friendship Islands, and to its right were Internet and Cello Islands.
She didn't waste much time looking at the display; there were more important tasks to get done. With a push of a single button on the wall, Fear's bedroom morphed from just that- a room with a bed- into a technological haven. With a small smile, Fear sat down at a computer and entered a string of letters and numbers. One of two screens located above her flickered on to show the main control room and ND Anger's exhausted face. Fear sighed, half-contented and half-down the never-ending spiral Crystal was fully immersed in. Figuring that she could clear her fuzziness by helping Crystal with school, she pulled a headset out of her desk drawer and linked it to her computer. She entered another command onto the screen and started speaking.
"AcPlan, are you ready?" she asked, fingers flying over the keyboard.
"Good evening, Director," came the voice of Alan, the Mind Worker who Fear herself had chosen to direct Academic/Planning Island. "Yes, ready as usual. What subject shall we proceed with?"
Fear opened her mouth to answer, but first heard the voice of a young Mind Worker, presumably one of the latest additions to the Department of Study, the most prestigious department on the island. "Hey Fear, I heard Crystal had another anxiety attack today about the history project… shouldn't we be taking a break from school?"
Before Fear could reply, Alan's voice thundered in her ears. "Excuse me," he boomed, and a view of a lecture-hall looking room appeared on the second screen above Fear's head. Fear saw Alan walk with an unmistakably deliberate air towards one of the rows of seats, where a scared Mind Worker slumped. "You do not speak to the leader of this superior mind in such a manner," he said, "and you do not ask questions unrelated to her academic knowledge. Plus, you know very well that anxiety is what keeps this department running, and we are all quite proud of that." The two workers sitting next to the threatened one nodded somberly at Alan.
"I apologize on behalf of this worker, Director. We have clearly failed in training him appropriately and we will see to that as soon as possible."
Fear could not acknowledge the thoughts she was truly having, only those of Alan. "Thank you for your continued commitment to excellence, Alan. I can assure everyone that Crystal's academic abilities tomorrow will not be inhibited, especially if everyone gives their two hundred percent. Let us start with French so we can warm up to math."
"Direct object practice, yes?" Alan replied, striding back to his place at the front of the room.
"Yes," Fear said. Any noise in the room died; most of the Mind Workers respected Fear for knowing all of what they did, especially as someone with a very different required job. Fear cleared her throat and adopted Crystal's best accent. "Edna, est-ce que tu vas me telephoner ce soir?"
Edna, the French Mind Worker who had been called upon, startled at being singled out by the leader she so revered and was quick to answer. "Non, je ne me vas pas telephoner ce soir."
Fear and Alan both narrowed their eyes at Edna, who gulped, immediately realizing her mistakes. "Wrong pronoun placement," Fear snapped, heart rate increasing tenfold and dread filling her, while Alan added, "wrong conjugation."
"Conjugate aller, Edna," Fear commanded in a dangerous tone.
Oh, how very cruel! This is quite unnecessary! Fear could leave this mind and Crystal would still be at the top of her French class, it's not like math, Edna thought. Regardless, she quickly spoke, blushing in the direction of her smirking peers. "Je vais. Tu vas. Il, elle, et on va…"
Fear was so intent on listening to Edna, so anxious about the quiz tomorrow, that she did not hear another emotion entering her room.
The Anger on Dream Duty gaped at Fear's equipment, shocked. He'd known all of the power Fear had, the fact that Fear worked twice as hard as every other emotion and how much Crystal suffered from that (at least in his opinion). But he had never guessed that Fear didn't sleep, that Fear was so intent on school she joined AcPlan's processing all night, that even when Crystal had borderline depression, Fear thought pushing for more perfect grades was the solution…
Alan quickly noticed Anger standing in the room and cut Edna off. "Director, another emotion has intruded on your space," Fear heard.
If Fear's heart rate was skyrocketing before, it was out of proportion now. Fear wheeled around to face a shocked, and unusually furious, Anger. He wasn't supposed to see- none of them were- she was protecting Crystal and she knew they wouldn't have it- but oh- Fear knew that both Anger and Ac/Plan were listening to her, so she quickly composed her face. "Anger, please return to Dream Duty. I will be happy to converse with you when I am finished with our friends here."
Anger wasn't having it. "No. Fear, what the heck is this?!" he growled. He moved towards her computer, attempting to shut off her connection to Ac/Plan, but Fear beat him to it.
"I'm sorry, Alan, I have to go, please keep studying hard," Fear said in as calm a tone as possible. The last she saw of Alan was shocked. Not good; Alan rarely became shocked at anything. Could she keep control much longer? She said a silent prayer for Alan to recover and keep them on track-
In one swift move, Fear tore off her headset, stood up, and crossed her arms at Anger. "What do you want?" she asked, already knowing very well what he was going to say… a leader doesn't cower. A leader stands strong. A leader defends, she yelled at herself, already trembling.
"You have torn her logic from her. You have torn nearly all of her humanity from her. You have reduced her to someone even Mom doesn't know how to help, and your solution is to push her even harder at school? Fear-" he was out of words. ND Anger grabbed Fear's computer and made to smash it, Fear crying in desperation. "Stop! Stop! She can't- she can't-"
The door opened once again, and a green emotion, impeccably dressed, filled the door. "What in the mind is going on?" shouted NT Disgust. Before Anger could destroy the computer, she gracefully jumped up and seized it, then cradled it close to her, not willing to give it back to Fear.
"YOU'RE THE PROBLEM!" screamed Anger, past rationality just like Fear. His head started to smoke, and fire danced dangerously close to Disgust's designer top. "WELL NO, YOU DIDN'T HAVE THE CHOICE OF NOT EXISTING, BECAUSE FEAR JUST DIDN'T GIVE IT TO YOU. BUT SHE'S GOING INSANE THANKS TO YOU, AND TO FEAR, YET ALL FEAR CAN DO IS THINK THAT AC/PLAN WILL FAIL US!" At this point, fire was threatening to envelop the room. But Fear had planned for everything. Without her touch, water started to stream from the ceiling, quickly extinguishing Anger's head yet avoiding Fear's screens. Anger's eyes widened. Then he shook his head and plopped onto Fear's bed, groaning. "No. No. No. We can't do this. We can't keep doing this."
Fear attempted to keep from fainting. "Remember- mom says-"
NT Disgust placed a hand on Fear's back and sat her down at her desk again. Relatively unscathed, she faced ND Anger. "Past behavior is the best predictor of future action. We will recover. Things will get back to the way they were in middle school. You'll be there to help her assertiveness; I will help her with her classmates," she said, ignoring Fear for now.
ND Anger wasn't having it. "No. We have to stop her perfectionism. It can't grow any more. It got worse when you came," he said, pointing at Disgust. "All of you. Fear doesn't love us. She only wants perfection, and we didn't measure up. You realize you were created in a lab, right? Fear's exact comment was 'quite a bit of advanced math, I've stored it away in Ac/Plan for Crystal.' You shouldn't exist."
NT Disgust narrowed her eyes. "Oh really? So you want her to be encumbered by hair dryers and garage doors again? You want her to think friends are unnecessary? Keep in mind, Fear and the rest of us were the ones who brought her to normality, not you."
Anger laughed. "That's the problem. She's never been 'normal.' But I know this. She was happy enough inside her head before. And then Fear made the NT emotions. And now here we are, borderline depression." His gaze bored into Fear's. "Yes, this might be simple, but it needs to be said. Crystal has struggled ever since you made your neurotypical emotions and put them here. I'm going to say the words, you idiot. Autism spectrum disorder. ASD. Asperger's syndrome. That's who Crystal is, and we can't avoid it. So excuse me for thinking that you're the problem, 'Director', because you started it all.
Crystal is depressed because of you."
Author's Note: Hi all, thank you so much for reading! If there are any of you in the neurodiverse community reading this, know that yes, I'm aware all of her emotions are treating her disability very simplistically right now. There will be a lot of thought and nuanced themes explored later in the story. Please know I'm not implying everyone with a neurodiverse brain is facing struggles like depression, either- this story is very personal and I am not applying it to any other person. Anyway, thank you so much for reading and reviews would be appreciated :)