Author's Note: I was listening to The Fray's gorgeously layered song, The Fighter, and it led to the following chain of events. The song really resonated with me. Then, I found parallels for these characters. And then, a less poetic story came out of it. Which you're about to read here:
The lover held her love
She begged him not to go
The fighter wrapped his gloves
The fighter said I know, I know, I know
Just this one last time
I swear you'll still be mine
But he can't promise much
He goes for one last touch, one last touch
Maura Isles hated this. Hate was a strong word, she knew, but the medical examiner truly despised the situation she found herself in.
Loving someone too frightened to love in return.
Growing up, people told her falling in love was the hardest thing a person could ever go through. Stripping yourself bare, entirely at the mercy of another, was no simple task.
For Dr. Maura Isles, falling in love had been the surprisingly easy part.
Jane Rizzoli made loving another easy.
But convincing Jane being a detective and being a partner were not mutually exclusive? That Jane could have one without jeopardizing the other?
That, Maura lamented, that was the one thing that could break her.
Pulling out of her musings, Maura pressed her lips to the shoulder before her, left arm wrapping tighter around Jane's taut midsection. The sleeping detective snuggled deeper into the embrace, sighing contentedly.
Maura relished these moments. The ones where Jane wasn't running doggedly to protect Maura from imagined dangers. Moments where Jane wasn't denying herself the adoration Maura so willingly wanted to give.
A cell phone disrupted the early morning peace, ringing and buzzing from its post beside the bed.
A hand flopped forward, patting heavily around the nightstand until the offending object was reached.
"Rizzoli."
The medical examiner didn't have to hear the other end of the conversation to know what Jane's call was in regards to.
The serial killer Boston Police Department was chasing had struck again. For the first time ever, Maura wished she was on call too.
The on-call detective bolted upright in bed, color draining from her face as she steeled herself for the horror waiting at BPD's newest crime scene.
Maura rubbed small circles across Jane's bare back as the phone call ended. "Jane. This is not Hoyt's doing. I need you to remember that."
Jane nodded imperceivably as she hauled herself out of bed. She stumbled around the bedroom and pulled on the clothes she'd haphazardly discarded the previous night.
Once dressed, Rizzoli sat back down on the bed, clipping her gun and badge to her belt before turning towards the still reclined woman on the bed. "I know."
Jane reached forward to grip Maura's neck gently, fingers padding over the razor-thin scar dimpling the skin she found there, nearly identical to the scar lining her own neck.
"Sorry."
It was an apology for waking the Medical Examiner early. A regret for refusing to acknowledge their relationship far exceeded the 'friends with benefits' label Jane insisted on affixing to their tryst.
But mostly, a deep seeded expression of grief for failing to protect Maura from Hoyt all those months ago. The real reason why Jane wouldn't commit.
Without waiting for Maura's response, Jane bolted up and out the door.
Sighing, Maura fell back into bed. She wanted to believe Jane knew not every serial rapist-killer was a Hoyt in disguise. Wanted to believe Jane understood Hoyt could never get to her again.
And yet, both women had their respective lingering doubts.
Maura was beginning to realize that while Hoyt may be dead, he still haunted Jane's every move.
Several minutes after Jane had left, Maura finally found her voice.
"I know you are." Maura whispered to no one in particular.
Maybe we were meant to be lonely
Maybe we were meant to be on our own
Loneliness has always been with me
But maybe we don't have to be all alone
Even if trapped in an alternate universe, Maura never would have pegged herself as being the even-keeled one in a relationship.
Nonetheless, here she was.
Years of benign neglect and enduring relentless taunts directed at misunderstood quirks had left Maura deprived of affection so necessary for humans to reach their well-rounded potential.
Years of loneliness, delving behind science to lessen the emotional blows, it was what Maura learned to expect.
Until Jane.
Jane taught her all humans were worthy of affection. That she was worthy of affection.
And in an ironic twist of fate, it was the teacher who needed to be taught.
The fighter goes inside
The doubt is creeping in
He swings with all his might
And all that might have been
And she's in love with him
But lovers don't always win
He never even saw the swing
She calls out his name, calls his name
Maura watched from the bullpen window as Jane struggled with her demons.
Catalogued Jane's frenetic movements as calloused hands worried over marred palms. Noted slouched shoulders as Jane angrily tapped out a nervous beat with her pencil. Winced when a boot-encased foot kicked a filing cabinet door shut, papers and folders formerly resting atop fluttering to the floor from the abrupt disturbance.
Deciding enough was enough, Maura marched forward and dropped the paper bag she was holding unceremoniously on Jane's desk.
"Have you taken a break at all since you were called in earlier?" Maura demanded, looking down at the Detective currently reclining in her chair.
"Maura. Don't."
The woman in question perched herself on the edge of the detective's desk, "I'm worried about you. Sleep deprivation is hardly conductive to the concentration necessary to solve this case, and without proper nutrients the body will—"
"Jesus Christ, Maur! This is why I said no on the whole relationship business. What I need is to catch this psychopath, not worry about keeping myself fed so my girlfriend will get off my back!"
Off Maura's wounded puppy look, Jane lowered her voice to a whisper. She reached forward to grab Maura's wrist, tempering her next words. "I appreciate the concern. I do. But it's not needed. This fuck buddies thing is working for us, can we please keep it like that?"
The medical examiner sighed, clucking her tongue. "Honestly, must you be so crass?"
"Yes. Point is, being a detective means sacrificing a personal life. I can't give you more right now. I..." Jane looked up into the hazel eyes staring back at her. She swallowed. "…don't ask me to give more. Being a detective is what I know. All I know."
"Only because you refuse to try. You are so much more than 'just a detective'."
The brunette tried to interject, but was silenced by the delicate finger pressed against her lips.
"However," Maura began, "while I fail to see what one has to do with the other, I'd never ask you for more than you were comfortable giving."
Breathing out in relief, Jane turned her focus back to her paperwork, glad the conversation was over.
Maura watched silently for a long moment before reaching out to still Jane's shaking hands with her own.
"For what it's worth? I love you regardless. There's tuna in the bag." Maura nudged the previously unnoticed brown paper bag resting on Jane's desk forward.
Then, the medical examiner stood, allowing her hand to gently squeeze Jane's shoulder before the demure woman turned on her heel and ventured back to the morgue.
"I wish love were enough." Jane called out into the silent bullpen, head dropping into her hands.
Maybe we were meant to be lonely
Maybe we were meant to be on our own
Loneliness has always been with me
But maybe we don't have to be all alone
"Damn it" Jane Rizzoli cried out as she sat in a stall in the woman's restroom for solitude.
All she wanted to do was bitch and moan to Maura. To have the woman correct poor grammar and spout off statistics to distract her chaotic thoughts.
But Jane was nothing if not a glutton for punishment, and refused to burden Maura with the details of this case. Refused to show anyone this case was slowly unraveling her at the seams.
Last time, Jane thought, last time I let Maura in, Hoyt almost killed her.
Jane stared at her reflection in the mirror, wincing at her sunken eyes and uncharacteristically pale face. "Never again."
What breaks your bones
Is not the load you're carrying
What breaks you down
Is all in how you carry
Monday turned to Tuesday, Tuesday into Wednesday, until suddenly, it was 7 pm Friday.
Which meant, according to the Medical Examiner's calculations, approximately 103 hours, 12 minutes and 42 seconds had passed since she'd last spoken to Jane.
It was always the same.
When cases were run of the mill, Maura could almost pretend she and Jane were more than best friends releasing sexual tension with each other.
Jane was attentive and present, initiating lingering touches and sidelong glances with a frequency only a woman in love could.
But the moment homicide caught a case comparable to Hoyt, Jane retreated. Avoided talking to those closest to her, shut herself off from the world. Dove headfirst into leads and evidence, never once stopping until justice was served.
And even though Maura was well versed in the cyclical nature of their relationship, it still didn't make it any easier when the detective closed herself off.
Maura wiped an errant tear from her cheek as she reached to answer her ringing cell phone.
"Doctor Isles speaking."
"Doc, it's Barry. We got the rapist. Nailing him hit Jane hard though…"
The lover held her love
She begged him not to go
She unwrapped his gloves
The lover said I know, I know, I know
Kissed his trembling lips
She touched his fingertips
But somehow they both know
He's not coming home
10 minutes after Maura hung up with Barry, a rap on her door yielded a disheveled Jane Rizzoli.
Jane slumped forward as a means of greeting; clinging to Maura as the smaller woman gently stroked her unruly curls.
"Frost called, didn't he?" Jane asked, voice muffled by Maura's neck.
"He told me you made the arrest, yes."
"He didn't…mention how it went down?"
Maura pulled back, hands settling on the detective's slim hips. "I only know what would be found on the arrest report. Any other…events…I find out will result from your re-telling."
Jane squinted; trying to determine whether Maura was withholding any other information her work partner may have told her…other partner.
Attempting to fill in the gaps Jane clearly was working to fill, Maura continued while ushering the shivering detective further into her home.
"Barry mentioned you may still feel under the weather when you arrived. He wanted to give me a 'heads up', as you would say."
The detective groaned as she shrugged off her blazer and dropped in on the back of Maura's couch. She flopped down on the cushions unceremoniously, one long leg dangling over the couch's arm. "So you know I barfed all over Frost, then."
Settling beside Jane, Maura dipped the washcloth she held in her hand into the water basin she had prepared in anticipation of Jane's arrival.
"I surmised based on Barry's overly cautious word choice, but no, I did not know you vomited on Barry. Tell me about it?"
Ever the doctor, Maura dabbed the washcloth across Jane's brow, wiping away the dried blood and dirt that had crusted over while she waited for Jane to talk it out.
"I…we got a tip. Went to the location. Top floors were clear, so we checked the basement."
Jane shuddered. Maura tucked a curl behind Jane's ear, trying to soothe her without startling her.
"The dickwad was in the process of…raping Kate. Korsak shot the bastard. I couldn't swallow it. I puked all over Frost."
Maura gasped. Jane cleared her throat, failing to eliminate her quivering voice.
"He was leaning over her like when Korsak found me. He fell on top of Kate when Korsak took the shot. She was screaming and crying. Once I stopped throwing up, I leapt forward to help but…God. I should have helped her sooner."
"I'm so proud of you, Janie." Maura murmured as she pressed a tender kiss to Jane's trembling lips.
The kiss was Jane's undoing.
"I'm so tired of reliving it." Jane choked back a sob, falling sideways so she could rest her head on Maura's shoulder.
"I know, baby. I know." Maura cooed as Jane wept quietly in her arms.
Loneliness has always been with me
Maybe we were meant to be on our own
But I got to try or it will destroy me
Cause maybe we don't have to be all alone
Eventually, the women moved to Maura's bed, the stress of the past week finally catching up to them.
For a while, Maura simply spoke of random musings, her melodic voice soothing Jane and washing away the frightening ordeal. But soon, Maura drifted asleep, her head finding solace on Jane's chest.
Despite her exhaustion, Jane lay awake, watching as sleep overtook the woman resting in her arms.
And as Jane listened to the even cadence of Maura's breaths, Jane pressed a kiss to Maura's temple and whispered the words she all too often swallowed during the day.
"I love you too Maura"
Author's Note 2: Forgot to mention up top, the characters and the song are not mine. Just borrowing them for some fun.