She's Not Here
A/N: This is just some random idea I came up with while I was sitting here in Kansas visiting my mom. Anyway, same pairing, though warped. Alex/Margaret.
Disclaimer: Song's not mine.
I remember coming home… Seeing the monument to the founding families… Mine was one I hadn't hoped to see. As far as the family is concerned, I am not part of it, and I haven't been. The family I was part of is now gone… I got there, looking at that monument, and she was there.
Where have you been?
You are a different man...
Almost immediately, she could tell that I'd changed. There was something about both of us that wasn't quite right. I was being simple, saying I was there for Josh, when really I had no idea why I was there. I had had bizarre dreams about him, and thought that I should come home. That's not the only reason I went back. I needed some human contact…. Now I know why I was so shaken when I saw her… I didn' remember being in that nuthouse, isolated from the world. The entire time I was locked up, I didn't really remember anything, but there was something that stuck in my mind; She was there.
You disappeared...
And just like that, you're here...
We stood there, talking…. Shooting the breeze like there was nothing wrong with the world… Too bad there was. She mentioned Elle, and I felt almost guilty. Before leaving I didn't have a chance to say goodbye… Elle would be mad. The odd thing was, that she either acted like she didn't know I was locked up, or she had been brainwashed. Either way, it was like nothing had happened. She did acknowledge that I had come back though. It felt good to really seem like I was wanted…
So did your time, away from here...
Renew your soul... To make you strong...
Going home was a hollow homecoming. I went in, and nobody was there. This didn't surprise me, though. My house was always cold. There was never an ounce of warmth or joy. I always was alone. There was nothing I could say or do when I came back downstairs and saw my mother. All the heat in the world couldn't melt that cold stone face of hers. She seemed to be weakened, tired, senseless… I was sharper in my senses, and there was more there to see than ever before. I saw all the anger, hatred, coldness, and rejection in that house that I forced my eayes not to see before. I saw all my things gone, all my pictures gone, and all proof of my existence gone…
For your return I thought you knew...
It feels good, just holding you.
Going out to the police station, I saw Elle. She hadn't really changed at all, still the splitting image of her mother. We always could tell each other anything, but today was something different. I saw her, but didn't feel the same ties I did when we were kids. Both of us just basically shot our motives at each other. She was putting up flyers for missing people, and I was looking for my brother. We got it out In the open, but I didn't feel her mother's warmth like I used to. It just wasn't there.
She's gone, I feel...
I think there's something wrong...
Have you seen her?
She's been away too long...
After hearing about Nora, it all made sense. Elle was looking for her sister, and that was what was tearing her mother's world apart. Nora had been missing since the entire town started dying out. Nothing was going at all well, and th worst part was that the two younger siblings weren't the only ones missing. Joey Bartlett had been missing too, and nobody saw fit to mention this when I said Josh was missing. It makes me wonder if anyone is who they used to be. Everyone was so cold…. Even her.
Though Elle disappeared in the sewers, I can't say I felt horribly guilty… I had been swimming in guilt since I found out my kid brother was missing. Now I see things as they are. Elle and the others aren't there for my benefit. They are there to show me the consequences of my action or of the action that I didn't take.
So look around...
This dismal place...
Some things have changed...
What can't be new to them...
I went back to her office, seeing no one, but there appeared to be a struggle. The chairs that wre orderly were now knocked down and just lying in the floor. They were abandoned, just like this town was… Just like I was. I headed down to Dr. Fitch's office, seeing the man who used to be a hero, now just a broken shell of his former glory. Everything had changed, and this once amazing hero was now nothing but a paranoid lunatic. Following him through his office and the winding Hell Descent, I saw things that I hadn't planned on seeing. When I gave him back Scarlet's doll, he acted like I just handed his dead kid to him. When the monster bit his head off, right after he begged it to forgive him, just like Bartlett before him, it didn't seem like a surprise to him at all. Wheeler had been right, all of them knew a lot more than tey had been teling, which was a big nothing.
I'm glad you're here.
I see you're well.
Oddly enough, I felt like there was something that kept me here. I knew that I needed to find my brother, but there was something else. All these secrets meant that people were either afraid of the truth, or they were hiding it from me. I knew that since she was missing, that meant Judge Hollway was part of it. She knew more than she was telling. This was what had infuriated me. All these people pretended to care about me, but yet they held something back, not telling me or anyone else the whole truth. I was starting to get a horrible feeling that the two giant and horrific creatures I had seen, the man/tree, and the thing that Doc Fitch mistook for Scarlet, were more than just random monsters. There had to be something to them. The gaping hole that the monster had sank through, and the doll that was in pieces on the floor in Fitch's office… They meant something, but what, I didn't know yet.
And welcome home...
Embrace your hell.
It was then that I understood that I wasn't just randomly coming home. There was something that led me back here… I remember what Margaret said when we first met… "You know how it is… No one ever really leaves this place…" The quote made sense now. I was brought back to do something, or to uncover something. My problem was finding that something.
Going through Town Hall's basement, I came back through Rose Heights, and entered my home. After getting the attic key, I ucovered just what my Dad didn't want me to know. I saw a letter talking about 'the evil in Silent Hill'. Leaving to confront my mother about it, I realized she was a part of all the lies. I knew that she pretended to care, and that she loved Josh more, but I didn't think she'd purposefully keep me from finding him when he needed me… or so I thought. The freaky shit happened again, causing my world to turn into a rust bucket filled with ficked up creatures and blood. Solving puzzles just to get out of my house answered a few questions. I saw that my mother hid her feelings under a mask of coldness, and that she had really been broken down, toward the end… My father had failed in some duties, and failed to love his family like a true father and husband. The puzzle with the moldy Robbie the Rabbit doll didn't really make sense, except that I knew that all the clocks were supposed to be stopped at 2:06. Curtis actually came in handy, for the first and only time. I felt alone, more than ever before now… Nobody was there. Mom, Dad, Elle, Wheeler, or her.
In a town hungry for the lonely...
Lost, innocent child...
Forbidden life taken in a moment...
Life, too late for saving...
Getting out of the house, Elle found me. She was desperate. Apparently she had realized her mother was missing too. This was the one disappearance I didn't understand. Margaret was always straight forward, never mysterious. Now, even she was deceiving me and Elle. I knew that she had the answers…. We had to find her to solve this shit. The problem was, where was she? Where was my mother, and Nora, Josh, and even my father…
...or just in time.
Turns out, Wheeler was able to get us out of Shepherd's Glen, out onto the lake, but he and Elle were taken by the Order. Now I was alone, and that started feeling normal. It blew anyway, though. I went through Silent Hill, shutting off the power, and finally got Wheeler out of the hell of a cell he was locked up in. We went through the prison, him getting me into Solitary, which was where he heard they were taking a woman. I was too late… Losing my mother to my own damned gun made me want to turn it on myself, but I felt like I still had things to resolve. That and that alone willed me to move out of that hellish otherworld of Solitary. Finding Wheeler, we moved through corridors, and there was still no sign of anyone. Finally reaching the end of the line, there was another door with a valve as a lock, I recognized it as the same type of door outside where Fitch died.
In my mind, places keep returning...
I still see her smile.
And the dark fear that I am feeling...
Dies once in a while...
Seeing Judge Holloway restrained was a breaking point. I got sick of all this shit happening. Untying her, I let is slip out of my pocket. The locket Elle had taken fell to the floor, and Margaret saw it. She questioned me on where I had gotten it, and telling her the truth, I thought she was going to have a coronary. The panic and concern in her face was enough to remind me of why I still thought of Shepherd's Glen. There was at least one person there who gave a damn. The next thing I knew, Wheeler was taken away. A beast with multiple arms, hands, and bodies thrown together emerged, setting its sights on my last lifeline. I told her to clear out, and that I would try adnd save Wheeler. That didn't happen. I never fond Wheeler, but I did manage to kill the monster, Asphyxia. It was appropriately nicknamed,, because that's what it died from.
And as the moon leads me through the madness...
There, standing alone.
Going from the prison to the church, I thought I was walking through hell. The ground was cracked, and there was iintense heat coming from the slits. Worst of all, Josh was sitting there, jst doodling. I approached him again, and all he could do was run from me, into the church. Getting there, I had several things to retrieve, the basic keys to the Order's lair. I even heard a confession from my father. In the end, it didn't matter.
I feel a breath, coming from the shadows...
Streets, almost alive...
My father died, being ripped in half by the demon from my dreams. The brutish man had always plagued me as a kid, rippng through all thos people I actually cared about, which was maybe three. Still, he was incredibly real, tearing through my father, like there was nothing to him. My only thanks was that it wasn't my mother who had to die like that. I only oped that neither Elle, her mother, or Wheeler wold die like that either. Descending through the recognizable mine, I came across the same mining gear that those damned soldiers wore. Getting past steam jets, I called the elevator up, and Curtis met me, giving me some lecture on how he was enlightened. By this point, it was no secret that he was with them. As I was about to step off, I felt a white-hot pain shoot through my skull, and saw no more until…
I heard a sound (I heard a sound!)I heard a voice (I heard a voice!)Why, making a choice? (Why, do you have no choice?)
The light above me was brutally bright, shining right into my eyes, until my head lolled to the side. Judge Holloway sat there, looking as though she had either been waiting, or she expected me. Either way, it was suspicious. She began explaining about the families' pact with God, and how one child from each family every fifty years was to be sacrificed, so that God would protect the remaining members. It hit me then that Josh was next. I didn't know how wrong I was. I told her that I was worried for Josh, and all she did was laugh. She tole me that Josh wasn't supposed to die, and that my father had failed in his duty. Now they were all paying for his failure. Everything was clear. Josh wasn't supposed to die, I was, but why was Josh missing? This didn't get answered, though. At that point, she and Curtis agreed to end this, before the Order could. Curtis took the circular saw that had been in our garage, and left, whistling as he went. That left the drill.
I need to know...
I need to know...
I need to know...
Before she could start, I demanded ansers, begging her to tell me what everyone else had been to afraid or angry to. Before she plunged that drill bit into my leg, I remember her saying that the wrong one had been killed. I had been chosen, and by the other one dying, the pact was broken. The drill destroyed my leg, and there was a look on her face that in all my days I wouldn't be able to read. I forced it out, causing more pain, but ending the initial. Then she headed for my skull, right between my eyes. My hands were free, so I fought back, pushing the drill away, eventually causing it to impale her. It lodged itself into her brain, causing blood to go all over me… I freed my legs, knelt to the floor, and took in the life I had just stolen. The only one I had learned not to be suspicious of was now not here.
And all these words take me back to my home...
So now I sit, restrained in a white straight jacket. The doctors come to check on me every now and again. They refill the IVs and force powdered pills down my throat. Shepherd's Glen is just a memory now, a painful one that still haunts me, in my waking dreams. During the day, I'll have two visitors… First, my mother will walk in, and I still se the place where the rack stretched her lifeless body. She will stay for a little while, and I will say nothing, knowing the doctors will come and bring more medication. Then there is another visitor…
Can I trust who you say that you are?
And who I am now... (And who am I now...?)
Most days, she'll sit there, looking at me, hoping that I will give some explanation for what happened. Most days, I hear her say she needs me to talk, just to let her know I'm still there. Why should it matter. She's not. I see the blood all over my hands, when I look at her. The blood is an everyday reminder of what I am capable of… How can anyone trust me or want to have any contact with me? I looked at myself, a teen, and now I see myself as one of the hideous monsters that plagued my memories. Still, she sits, hoping I'll say something… anything…
Too late for me...
The doctors say I am not improving. They say I have no concept of realty, and that I am living in a dememted and twisted version of the real world. Perhaps I am…. Maybe it is the world I deserve, a world full of corpses, blood, rust, and locked doors. Maybe there is no room for redemption. All I know is that I am sinking into the cold and slippery hands of death…
...or just in time.
And she's not here…