No one has said anything yet about Cynthia in this season and I miss her a lot. So I decided to give her an end similar to the Call the Midwife books, because she deserves it.
Note: no character belongs to me.
The end of the tunnel.
Patrick closed the door of Nonnatus and looked for the keys of the car in his pockets. He was happy, Sister Julienne gave him a nice news and he offered to carry it out.
When he went down the stairs, he found his wife leaning against the car, looking distractedly at the street .
"Shelagh? Something bad happened?"
"No, nothing. I was thinking of accompanying you."
"How do you know where I'm going?" he looked at her with a mischievous smirk.
"I always know where you're going" she answered him in the same way, but her face turned serious. She moved closer to him and played with his tie and he knew that in her mind, Shelagh was looking for the words to tell him the real reason why she was there.
"I thought...maybe she does not want to come back here. I mean, maybe yes but not like...you know. I know what it feels like and it's not nice to return alone to the world when you leave behind the life what you thought you would have forever."
He smiled and caressed her cheek, not caring that the nurses, especially Nurse Crane, were nearby chatting while they kept their bicycles. He simply wanted to convey to her something of what he felt when she was like that, so understanding, and even more so in this moment, when he knew that her mind was lost in memories.
"The kids?"
"With Sister Winifred. Poor thing, it's her day off but I'm afraid she likes to be with them too much and has no problem taking care of them for a while."
"Good, come on then."
"Patrick."
He stopped when he felt her hand on his elbow. She was frowning with her eyes fixed on the street.
"What happens?"
"I just...I did not ask you if you want me to go there" she looked at him with hesitantly "If you do not want to, I'm not going."
"Shelagh, of course I want" he smiled reassuringly.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. After all, I think it's the only thing you need to know about me."
When they arrived at Northfield, the rain that had unexpectedly begun, stopped falling and a summer breeze rose that promised more water in the next few hours. The large park was a bright green that contrasted with the building.
"It is a very nice place" Shelagh said, and immediately reproached herself for making such a stupid comment when she had noticed her husband coolly silent since the road brought them closer and closer to the institution.
"Now it's nicer than before" she saw a forced smile and she sighed taking his hand.
"I think it was not a good idea to come with you, I'm sorry."
"Shelagh, I told you that everything is fine, I have no terrible memories of this place, on the contrary. And also today is not about me, it's about Cynthia."
Shelagh felt more relieved and followed her husband to the door. Patrick warmly greeted the nurse who opened them and made them enter.
"Miss Miller is ready, I'll let her know you came for her."
"Miss?" Patrick asked when the nurse left.
"I knew it" Shelagh said, biting her lip. Suddenly she felt her nerves, some nerves she had felt years ago and she was afraid for Cynthia. The girl came out of a deep depression and these nerves and this anxiety for the new world that awaited her could only make her worse if she did not have help.
"Then I do not think she needs to see more doctors" Patrick put a hand on her shoulder. "I think she needs some other support. I'll wait outside."
She could not contradict him, he was already outside when she heard footsteps and saw Cynthia walking down the stairs with her suitcase, dressed in a blouse and skirt that were visibly large. She also had longer hair, tied with a simple headband. It seemed that she had gained some weight but still had her small and fragile constitution.
"Shelagh?" her voice sounded a little broken but also full of relief.
"Hello" she greeted her approaching the end of the stairs. Unexpectedly, Cynthia clung to her in a tight embrace.
"Thanks for coming. Maybe I should have asked for advice before" Shelagh heard a sob. She broke away from Cynthia, taking her by the elbows, looking at her strangely.
"Why do you say that?"
"I should not have tried. It was not for me, it was not the life I thought I could have and now I failed."
"You did what you wanted to do and it was a very brave decision, like the one you made now. You only made a change, you did not fail at all. I will not allow you to think that." She handed her a handkerchief and Cynthia took it, unconvinced. Then she looked at the elegant woman who years ago walked a similar path. Inside, she wished that a similar destiny awaited her.
"You came because you know what it feels like?" she said with a little fear, since she still did not understand why Shelagh was there for her.
"Let's say that I have first-hand knowledge. And look, the same man is waiting for you."
For the first time Cynthia's face lit up with a giggle, and Shelagh remembered the laughter that Cynthia let out when she was a simple joker girl who had fun with everything.
Outside, Patrick greeted her and took her suitcase.
"Is everything all right, Cynthia?"
She was surprised by the familiarity, but replied with a smile.
"Yes. Thanks for everything Dr. Turner."
During the trip Patrick gave her conversation asking about old doctors known to him. Cynthia spoke cheerfully, asked about Teddy and the children but as they approached Poplar they saw her nervousness grow as she rolled and unrolled the cuffs of her big cardigan. Patrick looked at Shelagh, knowing that she was better for delicate questions.
"Do you want us to take you to Nonnatus?"
The girl looked down at her cuffs again, while denied with her head.
"Perfect, you can come home."
"No, no, I do not want to bother. I'll look for somewhere for me."
"You can come home, if you want. Even if it's just to rest awhile and have tea."
Squeezing a smile, Cynthia nodded.
"That will be lovely."
As soon as they arrived, Patrick left them alone with the excuse of going to look for the children at Nonnatus.
"I do not want Sister Julienne to be offended because I do not go there, but...I don't feel prepared. I also have to sign some papers, isn't it?" with fear she looked at Shelagh.
"Yes, that's why you'd better go when you feel like you can do it" Shelagh sat next to her on the sofa "It does not take long but it feels like an eternity." Then she forced a smile both for Cynthia and for herself, to bonded herself out of painful memories.
"I'm sorry if everything is very messy. We still do not get someone to take care of the house, or the children, or both. We had an au pair but she left."
"What?"
"An au pair. She was a foreign girl. Long story. I'll find you some clothes."
"I know these clothes are big, I got them in the hospital but I can have them."
"You lent me clothes that time, don't you remember? It's time to return the favor. It is also getting hot, you need something light."
"It seems that we are destined to exchange clothes" Cynthia smiled. She remembered Shelagh becoming Shelagh, not knowing how or what to dress and Trixie and Jenny overwhelming her with the best of their closets, and finally she choosing Cynthia's clothes for simple and size. She also remembered seeing Shelagh in her old uniform when she returned to nursery, on the same days when she was given the habit of a certain Sister Bernadette.
"Cynthia, are you okay?"
She left her thoughts and smiled at her.
"Yes, I'm perfect."
She recognized in Cynthia that nervousness, that strange feeling of not belonging to any place or knowing where to put a foot for fear that everything would turn around. Although the girl had worse, she came from a depression that perhaps had not overcome yet and she was trying to handle it. The insecurity for everything must be terrible and for the first time in a long time Shelagh felt useless for not knowing how to help recover the Cynthia that was before things went wrong.
"Do you want me to call Trixie? She would be delighted…"
"No, please no."
She knew that she had missed again. The Cynthia of before would be happy with Trixie, but she did not know what had happened between the two friends in recent years.
She decided to give her a little time alone while going upstairs to look for clothes for her.
"Can I make the tea?" she heard her say when she started up the stairs.
"I'll do it, don't worry. You should rest."
"I'm tired of doing nothing. Please."
"Then, of course, do it to your liking."
When the tea was ready, Shelagh came down with a few dresses and skirts that she thought Cynthia might like. She saw the girl looking out the window, thoughtful, while the tea steamed in the cups. She made a noise on the steps so as not to scare her if she spoke directly and Cynthia turned to see her, she did not seem scared or frightened, she just smiled gratefully.
"There are several here, you can keep the ones you like. I left a pair of shoes in your room."
"My room?"
"If you want to stay, of course. I know that now everything is about your decisions and what you want to do. If you feel you can't, or maybe there is too much noise here, you can leave and no one will be offended. It's your choice, but you know you can stay as long as you like."
"Only if you let me help you with the children" she said after thinking for a moment "Since you do not find a nanny…"
"That would be wonderful! You are very good with children and they will be delighted."
She followed Shelagh to the sofa and they sat down ready for tea. Both wanted to ask many questions, but out of fear they did not dare. After all, before what happened, they had not been extremely close. They were joined only by faith, something Cynthia had begun to lose months ago.
"Cynthia I would love for you to help me here with the children but ... will not you miss the work? You have a huge talent for nursing, it's a shame that you waste it" she felt that for the umpteenth time in the afternoon, she did not say the right thing. Cynthia turned serious, as if analyzing what to say. "I'm sorry. Maybe I should not mention the work, or maybe you think I'm pressing you..." she sighed and pushed her cup away. "I'd love to help you, but I do not know how. I do not know how you feel and I do not want you to think that I treat you like a child or that I'm abrupt.. Look, with Patrick we are used to telling us everything to be able to help us. I know this is not the same, of course, but you can tell me what happens to you, whatever it is, and I can or I will try to help you."
"I'll do it." Cynthia nodded several times looking at her tea "I understand what happens to you because sometimes I don't even know how to treat myself. It has been all so confusing... but now I am well, recovered and I want a normal life. Just treat me like nothing has ever happened, that will help me a lot. And about work...I still don't know what I want. I miss it and at the same time I think I'm not in a position to return. With the children I will be happy for now."
"Perfect" she smiled.
"Thanks for everything, you are an angel."
"Oh no, the angels of this house are there" she pointed to her husband who came with Angela by the hand and Teddy in his other arm "Well, about angels you will see that it is not entirely true."
Cynthia laughed and was surprised when Angela ran straight to her to hug her.
She looked surprised at Shelagh.
"Love, do you remember who she is?"
Angela nodded energetically looking at her mother.
"Sister Mary Cynthia" she said clearly. Shelagh looked at Patrick, to see if he mentioned his daughter about the visit they had at home. He denied, passing her to Teddy.
"It's good that you remember me" Cynthia smiled at the girl. Shelagh saw her almost moved "Though now you can call me only Cynthia."
"She will be with us until she decides. She will take care of you and your brothers" Shelagh explained. Angela seemed happy.
"Let's play?" the girl asked, looking at Cynthia.
"Oh sure! I would love to."
Angela took Cynthia by the hand, forcing her to stand up, while pointing to the courtyard of the house, where there were some toys scattered. Shelagh followed them, saw Teddy smile at Cynthia without showing a hint of mistrust.
Just a few minutes later, Cynthia and the two little ones seemed like best friends and everything was laughter and little cries.
Shelagh also smiled, thinking that life might still take a while to help Cynthia, but she knew she would be fine.