Disclaimer: I do not own or claim any rights to Big Time Rush or the characters portrayed in this story. It's all in good fun and because I can't contain the visions in my head that scream to get out.

Author's Notes: Beware, long-winded notes ahead! We all know I like to ramble.

So this story came to me about a year ago, and I blame kathrynew30 for encouraging me. My roommate got me hooked on "The Bachelor," which is the only reality show I find myself unable to stay away from, and while watching last season I kept seeing the boys in my head because the romance between Brad and Emily reminded me of the way I imagine James and Logan. The night of the finale I was sitting in a hotel room with Kathryn after having seen BTR in concert for the first time, and she sat there laughing at me getting all worked up and emotional over a T.V. show but when it was over, I said, "What if I wrote James and Logan in that situation?" She said I should, and then we talked about what it would be like if we included Carlos and Kendall. The idea was an interesting one, but nothing ever came of it because on the way home from Austin I started writing "The Permanent One" instead, while still finishing "I Would Scream to the World." Good times.

Fast-forward to this season, and once again roommate and I are caught up in "The Bachelor" so of course the idea comes back to haunt me. I've been working on a Jagan fic since finishing "Heat," or at least trying to, but it wasn't working for me. At all. One night I got frustrated and just started writing this, and it flowed, so I kept going. And now we have this, which I'm having so much fun with. I can honestly say that even at three chapters in, I have no idea who's going to win this thing. My original plan was for James to choose Logan, but once I started writing I realized it could go in any direction, and James loves them all in different ways so who really knows how it will turn out? Seriously, this is too much fun to write.

So for those who don't know, this is how "The Bachelor" works. Approximately 30 contestants are chosen to compete on the show. They live in one big house together for about six weeks, and each week at least one contestant is eliminated at the rose ceremony. If the Bachelor gives you a rose, it means you stay another week. There are other roses given for other reasons (for example, the First Impression rose is given to the contestant who makes the best first impression on the Bachelor), and once you receive one of those roses you're guaranteed to remain until the next week. At the end of each date the Bachelor also has the choice of giving his contestant a rose or deciding not to, and that decides whether you go home or not. There are group dates and one-on-one dates and the drama gets out of hand sometimes because the competition can be vicious, but ultimately it gets down to two contestants and at that point the Bachelor decides to propose to one of them, or he can choose to propose to neither of them. I've taken some liberties with the rules and the process here, partly because I'm not sure of all the rules and partly because it works better for the story, but hopefully it makes sense and stays somewhat true to the show's atmosphere.

So I dedicate this to kathrynew30 because even though she laughs at me for watching the show, she is always encouraging when it comes to my writing and she's been wanting this story for a long time. My other two betas Aranelle and PromiseMeTheStars also have informed me who they think should win, and while I love how each of them are rooting for different guys, in the end it's up to James. God help him, because the poor guy is going to go through so much emotional upheaval before he's forced to make a final decision. How is he supposed to choose between these three incredible men?

One last thing and then I'll shut up. I still have many reviews to reply to for "If You Can't Stand the Heat" and I intend to get to them. I promise. It's been a crazy few weeks (still recovering from seeing and meeting BTR, OMFG I LOVE THEM MORE THAN EVER), and now it's finally starting to settle back down. I appreciate every single one of you who had such kind words for me and I hope you like this story, too.

Now. On with the show.

When James Diamond was approached to become the next Bachelor, his immediate reaction was to scoff. He already had everything going for him—money, looks, an active sex life, the adoration of many. Marriage was something far from his mind, and at twenty-five years old he felt he was too young to settle down anyway. He immediately turned it down but the idea floated around in his head like a ghost for days, appearing from behind a door when least expected to jolt him into letting his mind get carried away with visions of a mass of men all vying for his attention. He discussed it with his stylist and best friend, Lana, who encouraged the idea rather than ridicule it, reminding James that it would be more exposure and that he didn't have to marry anyone at the end of it; he could simply enjoy the game, watching the contestants cut each other down while fighting over him and treating him like a god.

He also liked the thought of being the first gay Bachelor; his bisexuality was common knowledge, not something he'd ever felt the need to hide, and because he lived in the world of fashion it was never something to be shunned for. There were more gay models than straight as it was, so he fit right in. When Lana also mentioned he'd forever be remembered as the first man to participate in a gay season of the show, the ghost in his mind became less transparent and more solid, a harder obstacle to simply wave away when he wanted to.

After three days of tossing it around in his head, James knew this was something he wanted to do, but still he held back. He was the male model most in demand around the world, and he'd thrived on that for over a year but lately the excitement wasn't as intense when his manager told him about new shows he'd been booked to do. When he discussed that with Lana, she cut right to the heart of the matter—as she always did.

"You're bored."

"What? I'm not bored," he'd argued. "I have everything I've ever wanted."

"Exactly. Nothing to work toward. You're bored, James."

"I am not." Glaring at Lana, James then turned his back on her to check an incoming text message.

"Whatever. But I think you should do it. You might just fall in love, you know."

Making a scoffing noise, James otherwise ignored her words to reply to the text. "I won't be home tonight. Marc wants to get together."

"Oh, great. Marc. King of the Assholes. Just make sure you use protection."

"What are you, my mother? I do what I want. And who I want." Looking back with a wink, James added, "And I always use protection."

"At least you're smart about that. What are you going to do without me when you have to move into the big Bachelor mansion?"

"I'm not doing the show, Lana."

Lana only shrugged and said, "I'll let the house staff know we won't need them for the next few months."

"You won't be staying here?"

"I do have family, you know. I only live with you because you're lost without me."

"And because you love me."

"You're the brother I never had. Now go fuck Marc's brains out and get it out of your system, because once they sequester you, there won't be any dick for at least six weeks."

"Oh. Wow. That...maybe I shouldn't do it."

Sighing, Lana said, "James. Sit down."

He did, joining her on the lavish sofa. "Are you gonna lecture me?"

"You need someone in your life."

"Oh, here we go again."

"Someone who cares about you."

"You care about me."

"Someone who also makes you happy in bed."

"Marc makes me happy in bed."

"So do the twenty other guys you sleep with on a rotating basis. But there isn't one who does both—who loves you and who cherishes you the way you deserve to be cherished."

"Love is overrated, Lana. I couldn't stand to be tied down to one man."

"You haven't met the right man. Don't you ever want to have kids?"

"I thought we were talking about men, not women."

"James, you can adopt. Or if you'd rather take a wife, you can do that, too. But I think you prefer men. Women bore you."

"Lately everything bores me."

"Ha! See? I knew it. You're bored. Go take some time away, meet some nice guys who genuinely want to fall in love, and see where it takes you."

"But you said I should do this because it's good exposure, not to fall in love. You said I don't have to marry anyone."

"I said what I knew would get through to you. What I really want is to see you happily married to a man who is devoted to you, who brings out that side of you most people rarely see. You have a good heart, James. You just don't use it often."

"I learned a long time ago that having a heart is dangerous in this business. It's easier for you to be cut down."

"Fine. You buried your heart for years, now you're on top. Right where you wanted to be. Take some time for yourself, look around and see what else life has to offer. Imagine a tiny voice calling to you from the next room, saying 'Daddy!'"

James shuddered. "Stop that. You know I hate kids."

"You do not. You're wonderful with my nieces and nephews."

"They're not regular kids. They're like...superkids or something. They're cool."

"James," Lana sighed again. "Do this. If nothing else, enjoy thirty guys fighting over you. Just don't fuck them, I think that's against the rules until the last week or something."

James stood up as a text came in. "I'm not doing this. I gotta go. See you tomorrow."

"Just think about it, James. Waking up to the same man every day, one who smiles at you first thing, whose face lights up when he opens his eyes and sees you staring at him."

"Later, Lana!" James was moving toward the door.

"Little feet running in to jump on the bed and shake you, calling you 'daddy'!"

"Goodbye, Lana!" The door was open and he was stepping out.

"I'll let the staff know you're going!"

"Not happening!" he called back just before slamming it.

Three weeks later James was in a limo on the way to the house he would be living in for the next six weeks, about to become the first gay Bachelor.

When Carlos Garcia got the call that he'd been selected as a contestant on "The Bachelor," he wasn't overjoyed. He'd done it mostly to shut up his mother, who constantly hounded him to find a boyfriend and settle down.

While it was true Carlos had been feeling loneliness creep up more and more at night, he had enough going on in his life that he was never truly dissatisfied with it. He lived in New York, the city that never stopped going, where excitement was around the corner at any time of the day or night. He owned five dogs who loved him more than enough, sharing his huge bed and keeping the loneliness at bay when he needed someone to cuddle with. His business was a roaring success, having grown from one little hot dog cart that took up residency near a courthouse to expanding into the chain of stands he owned now all over the state, and everyone knew if you wanted the best, you went with Garcia's Dogs.

It wasn't like he needed money, nor did he need anything more to do with his time, so when his mother would call up and ask if he was seeing anyone, he would remind her of this, that he was busy and content with the dogs (of all kinds) that shaped his world.

He had never really expected to be chosen for the show. He'd watched a few episodes of it after his mother urged him to and found it ridiculous but highly entertaining. When she'd called in a flurry of excitement to tell him that the network was doing a gay Bachelor season, he'd laughed it off and swore he would never put himself in that sort of environment. His mother didn't back off, though, and he watched a few more episodes, thinking about what it would be like to have a gorgeous, successful man taking him on adventures and romantic dates. When he argued that he would never be chosen over what was sure to be a group of men more handsome than him, his mother scolded him for thinking so little of himself and assured him he was gorgeous with a heart of gold and if nothing else, he might meet a man on the show that would be worth knowing once it ended. "No one says you have to fall in love with the Bachelor himself, Carlos. I bet there'll be a nice man looking for someone just like you."

It was that thought in his mind as he boarded the plane to Los Angeles. Could there be a man out there who wouldn't mind sharing a house with him and five dogs? Who wouldn't mind the dogs squeezing them out of bed as they made room for themselves and sometimes practically suffocated you in their need to be loved? Carlos thought maybe he could make an exception, though, for a man who would love him the way he dreamed of being loved, who would understand him and accept his eccentricities, a man who would love him through the night but be just as content to lay in bed and talk, too-or play video games for hours, his guilty pleasure.

For a man like that, Carlos left the comfort of his routine and flew into the unknown, his heart soaring in hope for the first time.

For a man like that, he would get the dogs a room of their own.

Logan hung up the phone with a pit deep in his stomach, wondering now what he'd been thinking applying to be a contestant on "The Bachelor." He had to sit down in a nearby chair, feeling his stomach cramp up as it always did when nerves assaulted him. Was he really going to leave Caroline and fly to Los Angeles for six weeks on the mere chance he would find love and a suitable father for his angel?

Logan had no misconceptions about the show or the circus it would be. He'd watched for years, his wife getting hooked on it first and then slowly dragging Logan into the drama. They'd laughed together at the ridiculousness, questioning the sanity of people who would purposely put themselves in a situation like that, where you were fighting for the attention of a man (or woman, in the case of "The Bachelorette") who had the luxury of dating at least twenty others while making up his mind. While it was true that women did tend to be more dramatic than the men, Logan also knew that gay males could put females to shame in the drama department.

This was why he was currently fighting off a panic attack, a hand rubbing his face as he attempted to calm himself down. He'd read all the rules, knew he could leave at any time once the contest began, but it didn't help the notion that he was an idiot for even considering this, that it was a mistake to spend even one week away from Caroline.

When the panic ratcheted up another notch, Logan stood and walked to his daughter's bedroom, peeking in at her sleeping soundly in her Spongebob bed. She normally fought him on naps, though never in a way that tested his patience really, but today she'd gone without protest and Logan knew that meant she was coming down with the cold that had been going around her school. He worried again about leaving her, telling himself she would be fine in the care of his mother (who had of course been more than willing to help Logan find someone to love) but again the panic set in. What if she fell gravely ill and he wasn't here to take care of her? What if he said goodnight to her on the phone and woke up the next morning to the news she'd passed away?

Most would think him ridiculous to fret over a scenario like that, but those people hadn't watched it happened. Logan had lost his wife overnight, when a blood clot went straight to her brain and just like that, he was alone.

Well, not alone. He smiled now, watching Caroline. He'd been terrified after losing his partner, alternately depressed and horrified at the prospect of raising a child on his own. She wasn't old enough to speak much at that point, but her cries for Mommy ripped into his heart and left him a shell of his former self, wondering what in the world made him think he could ever be a proper father.

What had kept him going then was what kept him going now, the need to provide and care for his child, who he loved above anything else in this world. He watched Caroline's chest rise and fall under the bright yellow blanket, and suddenly he was overwhelmed with the need to touch her, to make sure she was real and not about to disappear.

Logan moved to the bed and settled on the edge of it, running a hand over her tangled hair (even at five she hated having her hair brushed) and brushing a thumb over her cheek. Yes, she was starting to feel feverish, and another wave of guilt washed over him. How could he even consider leaving her for six weeks?

Pale blue eyes blinked up at him, the eyes of her mother that still squeezed Logan's heart. "Daddy?" she croaked.

As if it would be anyone else. "Hey, sweetheart. How you feeling?"

"I'm hot."

"Yeah, you're getting sick."

"Do I get popsicles?" she asked, waking up quickly at the notion.

"I think we can manage that," Logan chuckled. Caroline loved the electrolyte-heavy freezer pops he plied her with when sick. "You want one now?"

"Yeah." She kicked off the covers, Logan standing to accommodate the movement, then she shivered. "Now I'm cold."

"I know. Come on, pumpkin." Logan scooped her up and carried her to the kitchen, waiting until she was done rubbing at her eyes to pass her the "treat."

"I want a red one."

"We don't have any more red ones. You ate them all."

"Nuh uh, there's red ones."

With an inner exasperated sigh Logan showed her the open box. After she perused it carefully, her bottom lip stuck out. "The store has red ones."

"Yes, but we're not going to the store. Green or purple, take your pick."

Caroline hesitated as if that would make the red ones suddenly appear.

"Caroline, we're letting all the cold air out. Green or purple?"

"Greeeeeeeen," she sighed, obviously preparing herself for the worst kind of torture.

"The green ones are good. They taste like apple. Or is it lime?" Logan returned the rest of the ice pops to the freezer and shut it. "You want to watch some cartoons?"

"Animals."

"Okay, we can do that." He deposited Caroline gently on the couch before flipping the television to the wildlife channel, which never ceased to fascinate her. After joining her, he asked, "If I needed to take a trip for a little while, how would you feel about that?"

"Where you going?"

"To Los Angeles. It's a big city far away."

"Can I go?"

"No. Grandma would stay here with you."

"How come I can't go?"

"Because it's for grown-ups only."

"I want to go."

"I know, but you can't."

Caroline thought it over, her tiny pink lips moving over the green ice, and finally asked, "Will Grandma play Candyland with me?"

"I'm sure she will."

"Okay then."

Logan chuckled, ruffling her hair and leaning down to place a kiss to the top of her head. Children could be so complicated, yet so simple at the same time. While it hadn't been easy raising Caroline alone for the past three years, he'd never once regretted her.

"I'll be back," he said, standing up.

"You're leaving already?"

"No, honey, I just need to call Grandma. You doing okay?"

"I'm cold."

"Right." After propping her up and covering her with a nearby blanket, Logan smiled. She was sick, but she had a "popsicle" and animals; she was in heaven. "I love you, kiddo."

"Uh huh."

Chuckling again and leaving her to the lemurs, Logan stepped into the kitchen and called his mother, staring at the tiles that were peeling up from the floor and the pantry door that kept falling off because he couldn't afford a new one.

Yeah, the little girl in the next room was worth anything he might have to suffer in order to make sure she was taken care of.

Kendall Knight got the call when he was leaving a meeting with his head coach and general manager. It was with a heavy heart that he stepped out of the office, almost immediately regretting his decision and tempted to go back in and retract it, but the ringing of his phone from a Los Angeles area code distracted him. Having played for the L.A. Kings hockey team for a number of years prior to his current team, the San Jose Sharks, he'd met and made a lot of friends in that area and it could only be someone he'd love talking to.

He was surprised to hear an unfamiliar voice on the line, a woman informing him he'd been selected as a contestant for "The Bachelor." His jaw dropped slightly as he listened to instructions and it became real, and by the time he was behind the wheel of his car and hanging up, his mouth had formed a huge smile.

Kendall's fingers pulled up his mother's number next, and when she picked up he gushed, "Mom! The Bachelor people called! I'm doing it!"

"Are you serious? Honey, that's wonderful! I'm so excited for you!"

"I know, I can't believe it actually worked! I mean, it's probably only because of the hockey, because I'm already a known entity and they figure I'll pull in ratings. But who cares? If I find love, I don't care why they chose me."

"Exactly. But you know it won't be easy. There will be a lot of catty behavior and you might even get your heart broken. That's my only fear for you, Kendall."

"Yeah, I know. But like you said before, even if I don't end up with the Bachelor, I'll meet a lot of other guys looking for love. Hopefully normal guys who are sane. Oh, and can handle my schedule during the season."

"How did your meeting go?"

"As well as can be expected, I guess. They weren't happy that I'm sitting out the rest of the season, and it wasn't an easy decision for me, but I've already missed so much of it with this injury and it's gonna take me time to get back in shape. By the time that's done, the season will be over anyway."

"Unless you get to finals."

"Well...yeah. And now they're gonna think I did this just to do the show, but I do have a doctor's note with a recommendation for me to continue healing before trying to play again."

"I know you fought that at first, and I'm so glad you're taking the time off instead. Now you can try dating."

Kendall sighed, chuckling. "That's what the show is for, Mom. If I can't find a good match in a group of thirty men looking for love, I might as well give up."

"No. Never give up. But I think you have a good chance." She hesitated, then said "I know you don't want to hear this, but I'm glad you got injured."

Eyebrows raised, Kendall responded, "Mom, what the hell?"

"Wait, that came out wrong." His mother sighed and started again. "What I mean is I'm glad you were forced to take time to look around at your life. It showed you what's missing."

Kendall was silent, unable to argue because his mother was right. It wasn't until he was stuck at home with nothing to do that he'd realized there was more to life than hockey, because one day hockey would end. What would he be left with then?

"You're lonely, aren't you?" she asked delicately.

"I wasn't," Kendall argued half-heartedly. "Not until I stopped going long enough to really see things. In the off-season I keep so busy catching up with everyone and staying in shape and I just...never stop."

"But one day you will, sweetheart. I don't want you to be alone when you do."

"I know." Kendall leaned his head back against the seat, eyes closed. "I don't want that either. The past few months have been hell, Mom. I just need...someone."

"Of course you do. I've been there, it was years before I decided to date again after your father left. Once you kids were grown, I realized how lonely I was."

"And look at you now," Kendall grinned, thinking of his stepfather. "Happier than I've ever seen you."

"Exactly. And you deserve that, too."

"What kind of man would understand and be okay with my work schedule, though? And all the traveling?"

"He's out there, honey. Maybe not on 'The Bachelor', but if not there then somewhere. It's a good way for you to break into the dating world again. Just give it a chance, okay?"

"I am. I'm actually excited, those Bachelor guys are usually pretty hot."

"Yes, they are," she laughed. "They didn't tell you anything about him, did they?"

"No, we find out the day we all arrive. They take us through the rules and get us settled in the big mansion, then tell us a little about him. And the first night we get to meet him, do that whole 'exit the limo' greeting thing. I still can't believe you got me watching that stupid show."

"I know, it's addicting. Do I have permission to tell Katie about this?"

Kendall groaned. "She's gonna find out anyway. And she won't let me live it down. She'll tease me mercilessly, Mom."

"Yes, but she'll also be sitting right next to me rooting for you each week. Of course by then we'll know if you won, but...still. It'll be fun."

"I'm sure I'll be sitting right next to you watching it, too."

"Nope. You'll be watching it with your new man."

"Mom, stop," Kendall laughed, blushing slightly. "This may lead to nothing."

"Or it might lead to happiness with the man of your dreams."

And that was the bottom line. The chance for that made it all worth it, even the drama he knew he'd be subjected to. He imagined he'd be the one sitting back and trying to stay out of it, but inevitably he'd be pulled in and forced to break up fights, as he always was; it was his nature, apparently, and his entire life he'd been the peacemaker. "I hope you're right," Kendall said to his mother. "Because it's not going to be a picnic."

"Don't worry about everyone else, honey. Just focus on your future. You're an incredible man, I just know he's going to fall for you. And if he breaks your heart, Katie and I will find out where he lives and break all his bones to get even."

Laughing, Kendall shook his head. "Okay, I've gotta get home. Looks like I have some packing to do. I'll call you later, Mom. Love you."

"I love you, too. Now go get yourself a man."

As Kendall pulled out of the lot a few minutes later, he was smiling again. In Los Angeles, his future husband was waiting for him. There was no guarantee Kendall would even want to marry this man once they met, but if he did, he knew he could win.

One thing Kendall Knight could always do once he set his mind to it was win.