Whoo! I am obsessed with Humanstuck stuffs. Hehe. Anyway, enjoy!

Sipping a full mug of coffee, Karkat Vantas glanced down at the world beyond his top-floor suite. Being the leader was no ordinary feat, but leading those insipid sacks of shit was too aggravating. Too aneurism-inducing. He would much rather lead a mosh pit full of intoxicated monkeys than those over-payed white shirt grunts who wasted their days in the office, coding away and dissolving into a vat of mass in front of their computers, and still managing to be late for almost every deadline he set. No, today was his last day there, and after the move he would ensure that he never had contact with them again.

Being that it was his last week at this suite, so many had already visited. From the 'friends' he had acquired during the last three years, to his ex-boyfriend begging for information on his new living requirements, to the countless assholes visiting for a recommendation to his position. They had had their sob stories. How they needed the job, whether for their likelihood with their boss or the extra thousand in their paychecks for their families.

It was always one thing or another with these ignoramus ballclingers, always some form of ass-kissing before he left. Karkat had a replacement already picked out, he was being transferred over from the next city, moving in his family, namely his father, to be able to take care of him. Who the fuck even invests in a nursing home anymore anyway? Surprisingly, John was actually an old friend. It's amazing how his pathetic mop of hair and those disgusting buck teeth hide the true genius and skill as a effective leader. It's surprised Vantas to no end.

Sitting back in his chair, Karkat stared up at the ceiling. He still hadn't changed out from his work clothes. He wore a white dress shirt under a black plaid sweater-vest and a now unruly dark red tie. His black hair stood up, messy against the black sofa-chair. This and his queen-sized mattress were the only pieces of furniture not packed up or already moved. The kitchen supplies he'd need were in a box on the counter. But his fridge was packed up, so it's not like he would even try to cook something now. No, he'd live on leftover pizza and chinese food, a reminder of college life.

Ah to be twenty-six and working in this high-class company. Karkat was a born leader, it's no surprise how well life has been to him. His father was a politician, go figure. Half russian on his mother's side, Karkat's pale skin almost glowed in this lighting. Why the lights were off, and the moonlight was the only illumination in the entire fucking room was beyond him. Honestly, he was that lazy right now. It worked, so whatever.

Sipping his coffee – coffee he had to buy and pour into his red mug, mind you – he couldn't help but space off and stare into the ever luminescent gray wall with a mild boredom. He had already wasted a few hours doing this, right after Strider dropped off a customary farewell bottle of vodka. Not like he even drank alcohol.

Odd, he remembered hearing Dirk mention that his brother ran a club in the town he was moving to. Hmm.

"You just gonna thit there until you waste away to nothing?"

Karkat didn't even budge, or jump or anything. He had so many visitors today, many of them never even bothering to call first. What was so wrong with calling first? It's a proper, common courtesy goddamnit. Standing up, he glanced back expectantly at the Japanese programmer across the room.

Sollux Captor. Sollux fucking Captor. One of the most notoriously late programmers on John's team of lazy fucking assholes. The two of you were old internet friends back in the day, chatting away the hours on Pesterchum, playing MMO's together and sharing a room at the university for all three months until he got so fucking tired of him bringing his girlfriend home and having sex in their damn shared dorm room. This idiot used to be his best friend back in the day. Since graduating he apparently lost his girlfriend, not like he believed what John said anyway, and got a job as one of those pencil-pushers at the sister company yours truly would now be working at.

So why the hell was he here?

Apparently, Karkat's replacement was also John's. This nooktainted fucknub was soon going to be his subordinate. And he heard the stories of his work ethic. Always late with his reports, and portions of code. The cause of many failed partitions, and beautifully completed, perfect scripts. A perfectionist in the most innocent essence, and a code tester's worst nightmare. Sollux, his old friend, and the disgusting sex fiend as he knew him, would now be working under the cancer's iron rule. He was going to be lots of fun to work with.

He figured he might as well give him a proper greeting. Placing his mug on the coffee table, he leaned against the chair and sized up his visitor thoroughly before even beginning to comment.

Captor was freaking tall, so fucking tall it was obnoxious. And lanky, his short black hair framed his face nicely, that poignant smirk etched into his skin. The gemini bee-freak at least wasn't too difficult to look at, from this angle, a stick figure in the stick figure Men's Health magazine. He was slumped over right now, an obvious sign of bad posture. He wore a faded yellow jacket with black striped sleeves over a dirty black t-shirt with his astrological sign etched onto it it pale yellow, and baggy jeans folded up at the ends. Like he used to in college, the shoes where mismatched, black and white.

Sollux's hair was short, bunched up at both ends with sideburns framing his, amazingly, clean-shaven face. He wore those stupid red and blue glasses, a staple in his so-called fashion. Sure, it looked funny, and kind of ironic since he's an avid programmer, but it didn't help him to not come off as an enormous tool. Karkat stood tall (as much as 5'4 would allow) with his arms at his side, his own nice figure showing off through the professional work-attire. Not a six-pack, but not chubby either.

"Why the fuck not? Nothing to do until the move." He finally responded, as Sollux straightened his back in response, only managing to show off just how tall he truly was. Damned tall people.

"Why not visit your friendth?" Oh god that lisp. He remembered that fucking lisp. "I see you already have the booze." Karkat scoffed at his misinterpretations, like always Sollux had the wrong image of him. It was a quality definitely not shared in this case. Karkat already knew how much of an obnoxious worm this bastard was going to be, and this was the first time he had seen him in five years.

"That 'booze' is the off-handed farewell gift of one of my so-called friends, you cocky dimwit. And why the fuck are you here, anyway? Egbert not want to make my move from this horribly pathetic city any more intolerable than it needs to be?" As yes, the spouts of insults were back. Not since he yelled and fussed with his co-workers today at his farewell party did he have to blatantly call out the idiocy in another's notions oh-so clearly. He almost missed it. Sollux rolled his eyes, something he would soon find happened often for both parties.

"No, he just figured you needed to say goodbye to your friendth in some cheesy, overdramatic way, and figured it was a good opportunity for me to get to know my new bosth." He caught the slacking perfectionist staring at his midriff in the moment the Cancer stretched his arms over his head. Oh, he caught it very quickly. "Though, I'm amazed you even have friends."

"At least I have manners." Karkat spat back. What an asshole, interrupting his day of sitting on his ass staring at the wall to pester him. "Didn't you ever head of calling before a visit, Captor?" The bee eyed him suspiciously, even through those damned 3-D glasses, he could tell by his eyebrows raised up suspiciously. Very suspicious.

"Oh. Tho you do remember me."

"Who could anyone forget that obnoxious fucking lisp?"

"...Good to see you too, KK." He snickered at him. That fucking obnoxious ehehe snicker. Fuck his obnoxious ehehe snicker. "Haven't talked since college."

"Yes, like I really would want to associate myself with the nookstain that had sex with his arrogant rich girlfriend in my. Fucking. Bed." Ooh, Sollux flinched at that one. Asshole, of course he remembered that. Worst roommate ever. "And, to top it all off, I'll be your new lead director, too. I suppose what goes around comes around."

"Didn't take you as the type to hold a grudge that far." Karkat smirked, widely. Obviously when it came to work, he would never use something embarrassing like that against him, or even bring it up. It was just kind of a sore subject for him. College was awkward; discovering his sexuality, finding his tall roommate very attractive, and then the eventual polyamorous experimentation/relationships with Terezi Pyrope and his other best friend. Oh yes, that was humiliating and degrading enough.

Well, it didn't take long to settle his sexuality after Gamzee. Not long enough. And with his mess of a room slowly becoming Sollux's chamber of heterosexual sex, he had to get the fuck out. That last night of him and Peixis doing it in his bed, and walking in on it, yeah, he was pretty fucking sure he was a homosexual after that moment. And pretty sure he needed a new roommate. So instead he moved in with one Equius Zahhak, go figure, and his annoying as fuck little sister. It was still the better option.

"Listen, I don't give a fuck about your love life, Captor. Just keep up with my work schedule and we should get along just fine." He explained, stretching out again. As his shirt hiked up even the slightest bit, the cancer was testing his earlier observation. And yes, Sollux was indeed staring at him at any moment he could get. He was checking him out in a blatantly obvious way. He could almost see his eyes glued to his frame, through those annoying 3-D glasses, undressing him with those eyes, imagining diiirty thoughts. Heh, maybe he was over thinking it a little.

"We'll thee about that." He sounded cocky, and overconfident. Karkat didn't like that. Sollux was still overwhelmingly attractive, and as far as the cancer cared to observe, must not be attached at the hip to his finicky – oh god was that a fish pun? – little girlfriend. "I just so happen to be very particular with my work conditionth."

Karkat scoffed at his little attempts to intimidate his new boss. "Particular as in always late. John already warned me." Sollux must have thought he could control this new boss with a few eyebrow waggles and cocky words. Egbert may fall prey to a plan like that, but Karkat was not so easy. He wasn't going to let some flirty jackass get the better of him when it came to his leadership role.

Blood-red eyes stared into the frames as Sollux finally approached him, reaching out to fix the tie he oh-so easily forgot about. Slowly re-adjusting the wanton accessory, he glanced in just how easily the cancer tensed up at his subordinate and his damn six-foot whatever height overshadowing him. Tensed up, but not budging. He wasn't going to take the advantage of him with those soft hands caressing his-Oh god was he flirting with him? When his ex was due back any seco-

"W-Who the fuck is this." Oh god damnit.

Two guesses on who the fuck THAT is! Smirks.

EDIT: OH MY FUCKING GOD I'M SORRY! SO MANY TYPOS...