Chapter I

oOo

More than two years had passed by since the night as both stood in the rain. Kili found himself relying more and more on his servant Fili, who would accompany him wherever the young heir went. Pretty unusual to allow a servant even to come to official meetings and family celebrations which would turn out quite embarrassing, Kili still ordered him to tag along with him. Family celebrations would always offer very good opportunities for a good laugh if uncle Oin would play on his accordion vamping by his son Gloin, who was a pretty good singer. Or if Dwalin, the assistant of Thorin would begin to tell stories about young Kili's childhood as he was trying to build a castle with dog poo and swamped Thorin was trying to hold him back.

His guardian ever since Kili's parents had died, had no choice to refuse the adoption and would never have let this thought cross his mind. Kili knew that Thorin had loved his sister like no one else in his life, but he also knew his uncle was overwhelmed by the how much Kili resembled Dis and Thorin sometimes found it difficult to look at Kili's face. At times, Kili felt the same, despite Thorin's beard; he still looked very much like his sister. But Thorin's eyes and his lips were so damn similar to his mother's that he had often cried if he had seen his uncle as he was younger and the memories of the loss about his parents were still vivid and had kept him awake till deep In the night.

And even Bifur and Bofur knew stories about the time as they taught Kili how to sail a sailboat and how to drive a pleasure craft as the young heir had visited them in his holiday; and even how he had feared the big octopuses living in the deep dark water underneath their boat. On one of these trips as the weather was nice again Bifur and Bofur took a long swim in the blue water and as Kili saw movement under the water the young boy screamed and whined like hell and shouted that his uncles should come out of the water or they would get eaten by an octopus. Kili, only six years old, got a boathook and watched the movement under the water while he trembled like a buoy in the waves, but still tried to protect the two men in the water who were looking curiously around about the boy's reason to scream, but wouldn't get their asses out of the sea. Only when Kili began to plead they should come on board again, still armed with the boathook, the two men listened and obeyed and it took several attempts for the two of them to calm the small boy down as they pulled him in an embrace, comforting him with chocolate and a heroic story about dwarfs who defeated a dragon. Not on this or any other day he saw a real octopus, but it still frightened him to think about what could live in the dark of the seas even though Kili loved to sail and to boat. But as a result of his fear he never jumped off the boat and took a swim, he would always remain at the boat protecting his family.

Well, these were stories among others and Kili was glad he wasn't the only topic during those family celebrations even though it seemed his stories were the most amusing ones. He even saw Fili smirking and his eyes softened again when the servant listened carefully while those stories were told and the pipes of his uncles were glowing and steaming like in the Victorian century.

It was Christmas Holidays that time as Kili went off his usual path to deal with his servants. It wasn't a secret within the family that he had consumed servants like other would consume toothbrushes or chewing gums. So, it had been a real surprise as his uncles saw Fili coming along with Thorin and Kili for the second time as they arrived at Bofur's mansion this year. It wasn't as specious as Thorin's, but it still had several bedrooms, a huge kitchen and a pool for their summer holidays. Enough space for all the Durin men and their family. Even though Kili pretended to have no relatives he still had Thorin's family with grandpa Balin, Thorin's cousins, uncles and their kids. Playing with the kids in the snowy garden as well as having hockey matches on the frozen lake were as enjoyable as listening to grandpa Balin's stories or making wafers with Bombur who could entertain a bunch of kids just with making funny noises or weird faces.

Ever since Kili was a kid he felt as if he could at least be his self here in Bofur's mansion around his family. And Fili gave him the feeling it was alright to laugh wholeheartedly and to discard his arrogant mask he had when around people who only cared about Kili, because they were interested in his money. Yes, Kili ran around in the huge house, chasing the kids who were screaming with laughter if he finally caught them and tickled them all over or if the kids took him by surprise and were chasing him with snowballs or pillows or even more harmless things. The outcome was mostly the same. They had a pretty good laugh and would ran around grandpa Balin, snatching cookies they weren't supposed to eat before lunch and heading off to the garden or horse stalls outside.

But since they all were Bofur's guests they had to obey his house rules. And this year he told Fili to call everyone by their first-names and he forbad Fili from wearing his usual black suit, thus he had to wear casual clothes which Kili saw for the first time since Fili's employment two years ago. Kili had to admit the blond looked pretty cool, although he appeared a little nervous and uneasy around all those people who weren't his family. It also seemed that Fili felt quite useless if he was relieved from his usual task to serve Kili in the mansion, but not being able to join them as a part of the family as well, because he felt bound to unseen walls he was not able to climb by himself.

So he offered his help as often as he could in the kitchen and cut tomatoes or carrots for Bombur's cooking or helped Bofur feeding the horses even though they explained several times he could take a rest and enjoy his holidays as a normal member of the family. But Fili would reply he didn't take a day off, because if he had, he would spend his holidays with his... well, maybe alone. He had no family left and his friends would have been busy by Christmas. Of course, he wouldn't say that in public in order to not make them feel uneasy. Kili knew that Thorin was well aware of that fact, too and that he had maybe told the others about Fili's situation. It wasn't as if they pitied the blond, but as if they already accepted him to be part of the Durin's since he was always with Kili over the past two years. But Fili still behaved like an outsider even if they stayed over five days now in the mansion and no one ordered him to do anything. But Fili would still be on guard if he saw Kili's glass was empty or got his Master's dirtied clothes into the laundry or tidied up his room after the brunet got up.

It was just before breakfast as Kili went into the kitchen. He already had expected to meet Fili there as well as Bombur and Bofur who were preparing tea and hot chocolate, as well as toast, croissants, jams, cheese, fruits and several other delicious dishes.

"Just relax, laddie," grandpa Balin just told Fili as Kili entered the kitchen. "You don't have to do it, acting as if you were my grandson's servant. Just enjoy the time you are here, take a walk, have a ride with the horses or play with the children. If that's too childish for you, you could go on a hunt with Dwalin. He wants to go with Thorin this evening."

"Hope, he got us some rabbits for supper," Bombur muffled as he put a delicious looking and lovely smelling cheesecake on a plate.

"Pheasants would be nice, too," Bofur said as he put some cups on the tablet.

"Will you pluck the feathers, Boffy?" The sturdy red-haired man replied with a raised brow.

Kili had to restrain from laughing as he heard how the older brother had just called the dark-haired man who used to smile all the time, not because he was a sly and mendacious person, but because it was just him: lovely and candid, a man who would always try to see only the good in everyone and everything. Maybe Bofur was one of his favorite uncles, but he knew this wasn't true. He loved every one of them.

"Maybe I can convince you with a fine Whiskey from Kentucky I brought with me by chance and you'll do the plucking yourself."

"Oh, Whiskey?" grandpa Balin said and looked really interested to Bofur. "I hadn't a good one for years."

Bofur's face turned into a wider grin. "I guess we will have some anyway after lunch."

"That's a good lad," Balin answered amused.

Bombur opened the fridge which was also overloaded with food, juice and milk and other stuff and pulled a bowel filled with strawberries out. "I'm not into Whiskey as you should know, my dear Boffy. But I may take this as a possibility if you give me your lemon gravy recipe."

Fili didn't join their conversation as usual, he just took the tablet with the plates and cups into the dining room still not seeing the brunet in the other doorway.

"The recipe? It's a family secret, Bommy!" Bofur said with played indignation.

"I'm your family, too, you airhead," the older scolded him as Kili passed the huge kitchen.

"Mornin'", Kili said not stopping.

"G'd mornin'," Balin replied as he watched his grandson passing by.

"Hey, Kee."

"Morning, lad," the other both said, too. "Fili is in the dining..."

"I know. Thanks." Kili bit his lip as he recognized the glances the three older men exchanged between each other, but he didn't care. They were his uncles and grandfather, so of course they would be worried or at least cared for his doings. But most of all they seemed to know Kili more than he knew himself.

He found the blond in the dining room where he was laying the table with Bofur's wife while the kids were sitting under the Christmas tree Thorin and Dwalin brought from the woods one day ago. It appeared Dwalin was pretty skilled with the ax and really useful even beyond his usual job as his uncle's assistant. "Good morning, Mara."

"Oh, hi, Kili," Bofur's wife replied with a friendly smile. "You fine? You look a bit pale."

Surprised, Fili raised his head to have a look at Kili. The blond appeared as splendid as before in his casual clothes,

"No, I'm fine. Thanks." Kili couldn't help but drummed on the chairback. "Could I borrow Fili for a moment?"

"Of course. Is my husband still playing with Bommy in the kitchen?"

"Yeah, I suppose."

"They will never grow up." She sighed heavily, but couldn't resist winking at the brunet.

"No. But I think that's their greatest point, Mara."

"Oh, you have no clue what Bofur's greatest point is." The middle aged woman laughed loudly as Kili blushed.

"I guess, I don't want to know that."

"Ya, ya. Now go. I can handle this myself." She waved her gentle hand and concentrated on the tableware again.

"Please, excuse me," Fili said politely before he went around the table and tagged along behind the brunet. They put on jackets as they entered the foyer and left the mansion just a minute later. The air was cold and freezing, but the sky was still blue and clear without clouds covering the sky. Somewhere were already kids building a snowman. Their voices could clearly be heard from over the huge garden at the background where Mara could have an eye on them.

Kili didn't need to wait for Fili to follow him, he just did it since he wanted to talk to him.

"We shouldn't go too far away," Fili said after a while as Kili didn't show any interest in speaking first. "Breakfast is almost ready and I haven't prepared your coffee yet, Master."

"Is that all you are concerned about?" Kili replied coldly.

"I care about your welfare," the other said while walking next to the brunet.

"Oh, fuck that!" He could barely hide his anger as he turned to his servant. "This is Bofur's house and his wish is that you behave like one of the others, like one of the family. Why are you still acting so servant-like?"

Fili had put his hands in his pockets and seemed a bit irritated. "Because I am your servant. The fact wouldn't change even if we were in China or Ireland."

"But you are rude if you reject his friendly offer to call them by their first-names and even behave like you are part of the family."

"But I am not part of the family." His blue eyes darkened for a second, only so short that Kili thought he was mistaken.

"I know that, but..."

"Master, you know about my circumstances and I would be glad to have a family like this, but this isn't mine. I can't pretend I belong to them, to the Durin family. This isn't me."

Kili pressed his lips together and carefully watched the blond man who stood in front of him. He was nearly his size, but his shoulders were a bit broader and his hair still longer than Kili's. He didn't admit it in public, but in secret he had grown his hair, because he liked Fili's long hair even though he would wear it in a ponytail all the time. "We are not at our home, I mean, this isn't the mansion I live in," he corrected himself as he was well aware that he just called his home our home. "These aren't the rules we made, but Bofur. I could order you to obey him, but I guess this wouldn't make it easier for you."

"No." Fili confessed low-voiced.

Kili bit his lip as he looked at the ground. "Say it."

"Say what?"

"My name."

"I said it a lot over the last..."

"No, just my name."

"I never..."

"Just say it."

Carefully, Kili observed his face and saw that the blond slightly blushed. He never said it without addressing him politely. And it seemed to be too difficult. Normally, he wouldn't care a damn about how he was called, but two reasons made him want to hear his name from Fili. First, because Bofur told Fili he was part of the family and should behave like one of them even though Kili thought it was more difficult than at first glance since he wasn't really biological related to family nor married to someone. His second and most import reason to be so adamant that he was called Kili by him was that he wanted to break the ice between the both of them. Even though Fili was a servant, Kili felt like he wanted more. More than just Fili's obedience. He wanted to see Fili's true face and not only his cold and well-mannered side. And moreover he needed to hear his name from Fili's mouth for a reason.

Sighing lightly, Kili shook his head. "Fine. Take as many days off if you want and leave. I won't hinder you if you want to go. You already had to celebrate Christmas with us the last two years, so..."

"It's not like that," Fili interrupted him. "It's just..." He shifted uneasily as he scratched his neck and avoided to meet Kili's eyes. "I have my principles."

"And those forbid you to call me just Kili?"

Fili didn't dare to nod, but this proved Kili right as he stood silent.

"I thought it would close the gap between us if you'd just call me by my first-name, but it seemed I was wrong," the young man said angrily and disappointed at the same time. "You should depart as soon as possible. I won't force you to stay here any further if you feel so unwell crossing your principles."

"Kili!"

The brunette's heart skipped a beat. For at least half a second he really believed Fili managed to jump over his own shadow and forgot about those damn principles. Why did he care about them so much if he was disobedient at some times, too? "Kili!" another voice screamed again. He turned around and saw Nathar and Toba running his way followed by Saba, Ali and little Gimli throwing snowballs at them. "Help us!" Nathar yelled. Another snowball fight was about to start if things would go the way they usually went. Even though Kili didn't feel like it, he raised his arms and started to run into their direction to join their little fight. He couldn't care about Fili's response at the moment and he didn't want to see how the blond took his leave into the mansion. He had never liked to see Fili leaving or even his back. Somehow it made him feel lonely and miserable. He loved his family and being together with them, but somehow he habituated to Fili and his present and Kili knew he would miss him.

As he reached Nathar and Toba he had already prepared a snowball which he threw at Saba, Bombur's oldest daughter. She ducked and threw another one at Toba who was already hiding behind Kili. The brunet shielded the younger kids and took their hands. They dashed through the garden followed by the three children led by the red-haired Saba. But as Kili saw, the two boys, both not older than seven, on his hands were too slow, he pulled them into his arms and was able to run even faster.

It felt good to put space between himself and Fili. It was as if he had held his breath next to him as Fili wasn't able to call him by his name. It had really hurt him and his silence had felt like stitches in his heart, as if it was a pincushion.

Soon they found the snow wall they had built two days ago and jumped behind the wall already preparing snowballs for Saba's gang. Dwalin was chopping wood with an ax and watched Kili and the other two boys carefully. "You need help?" The tall man asked with a grin.

"If you like," Kili replied, but already saw the glimpse in Dwalin's eyes. Even though he was Thorin's assistant he was able to forget about that during the Holidays and behaved just like one of the other family members. So why the hell couldn't do Fili the same? Didn't he like him? Was it all just a job for him?

Saba, Gimli and Ali took their positions behind the other wall of snow and began to prepare balls for themselves.

"Two adults against three kids? Pretty unfair," Thorin growled as he joined Saba's group.

Kili and Dwalin grinned over their walls, but already ducked as Thorin threw a snow ball in their direction as big as a honey melon. Naturally, he didn't use his full power nor did he compact the snow together like a lump of ice, because there were still small kids around and he didn't want to hurt them. Neither of them did.

"Your aim was been better in old days, Thorin!" Dwalin yelled laughing at the dark-haired man who would be his chief in several days again, but now they were friends and even beyond.

Why couldn't Fili join them? Damn! Why couldn't he just come across and stay at his side like he usually did?

Thorin made another movement and hit Dwalin just on his forehead. "Hah! Still good enough for you!"

Kili didn't miss his chance as he saw his uncle distracted with his assistant and hit his shoulder. Thorin gave a short growl and ducked just in time as Nathar threw a ball at him, too.

Small and big, fluffy balls were flying through the garden followed by screams and giggles from different ages as their real fight started. They were soon covered in snow and even Bifur who had just arrived at the mansion joined Kili's side and enjoyed being with his family to his fullest.

"Help!" Saba yelled as she saw Kili, Dwalin, Bifur, Nathar and Toby behind their snow wall on the other side of the garden. "We are outnumbered! Uncle Thorin, do something!"

"Khazâd aimênu!" Thorin called and as if the others had awaited his exclamation Bofur, Bombur, Balin, Oin and Gloin joined them, not only on his side, but on Kili's side as well. And even a few kids were also coming out of the house, some of them only wearing a pullover and a scarf or with chocolate around their mouth.

No Fili.

Kili was hardly able to hide his disappointment as he saw all the men joining their little fight. Even grandpa Balin was with them and seemed to enjoy the sight of his beloved ones playing with each other wholeheartedly. This was what made Kili's family so special. The mutual feelings between all of them. No kid was hurt this day or on any other day. Everyone took greatest care of the other, the older helped the younger or the other way around so that no one had to take any disadvantages. They were one family. Kili didn't get why Fili couldn't join them. He just had to!

Looking around in a split second he found that the sides had already loosened themselves, they weren't just fighting from snow wall to snow wall but the younger chased the older ones or he saw how Bombur build a small snowman with his youngest child and Gloin. Saba laughed loudly as she saw Nathar stumbling over his own feet, but also helped him instantly to get up again and was covered with snow as Gimli passed her by.

"Unfair!" Saba squeaked and rose to her feet. Now, accompanied by Nathar as well they ran after Gimli who giggled as he saw Saba and Nathar following him in a trap he and Ali had prepared.

It didn't last long until Mara called them from the terrace to at least have breakfast before playing in the snow. And she was right. Dwalin and Oin looked pretty hungry and Bifur said the last time he had eaten was before he had left Chicago twelve hours ago. But Bofur couldn't prevent himself to drag Bifur to the ground and wrestle with him in the snow. Both brothers laughed and screamed of joy and only Mara was able to get them apart. They all were wet, red-faced and pretty happy. Something like this united the family like nothing else. Well, maybe eating together.

Kili was the last who took his leave. He still had hoped Fili would appear, but maybe he was still in his room packing his belongings.

A fluffy, but cold snow ball hit his neck and Kili turned surprised around. He knew everyone just went ahead and couldn't imagine who did this.

Fili.

Almost shyly he stepped forward and had just another ball in his hand. "I'm sorry, for taking so long, Ki... Kili," the blond said, hesitating and with a blushing face.

"Don't do that ever again!" Kili growled as he whipped the wet snow from his shoulder and neck. Fili's aiming had been perfect he admitted as he was well aware that the snow was sliding under his shirt already melting by his body heat.

"Oh, I am... I am sorry," Fili mumbled as if he just recognized his fault that he had thrown a snow ball at his master.

"Idiot." Kili stretched out his tongue and managed to smile at him. He was just glad to see him and to hear the word he had longed for for some days now "You could have joined us earlier."

"Yeah, I thought about that," the blond confessed kicking a little snow with his foot to the side.

"But?"

"It took me a pretty long time to think about that."

"Well, I guess, that's just you." Kili shook his head and perked his eyebrows up.

"May I stay now?" The young man dared to come closer, now that he saw Kili wasn't angry with him anymore.

"If you don't behave like a servant for the next couple of days."

"I'll try."

A door slammed shut inside the house and something was instantly rumbling on the snow loaded roof. Kili and Fili looked up the same time, but only Fili was able to move quickly. He jumped just in time and shoved Kili along. The speed let them both fall in the snow a few meters away as a heavy avalanche fell from the roof to the spot where Kili just stood. A little snow from the avalanche was dripping on them, but most of it landed just next to them. It was mixed with icicles and frozen snow, too and it would have hurt Kili if Fili hadn't such a capacity of reaction.

Fili breathed heavily in the crook of Kili's the neck. The younger just realized that Fili was lying above him still covering his body and also still pulling him into an embrace to shield his neck and head. The shock was still written all over Fili's face as he raised his head and looked into Kili's face just an inch from his away.

"You okay?" the blond asked with eyes wide open.

"I'm fine," the other mumbled not sure if he began to tremble, because of the shock or because Fili was resting on him. His plush lips and delicate nose were just too near to his face. Even his blond hair was tickling his sensitive skin. Too near.

But Fili made another step and leaned his head on Kili's forehead. "I'm glad. Really," the blond confessed. "I would love to stay here with you. I won't care for any servant-related things and won't behave like one. But at least let me brew the coffee for you."

Kili fought with himself. He wanted to touch Fili's cheeks, to kiss his wonderful lips or just to pull him into an embrace, too. He didn't dare. He had to stop his affection for his servant. Anything more than friendship wasn't allowed and even friendship was something pretty unusual. If anyone outside of his family knew about his feeling for Fili they would use the opportunity to drag him into a position he didn't want. He would become weak.

But it was Christmas for Mahal's sake! And who would know besides the both of them anyway?

Kili fought the urgent thought back which warned him to go any further and laid his arms around Fili's neck.

Being pulled into an embrace surprised the blond who gave a short but not unpleasant noise and didn't move anymore, he just stood still in this moment and breathed softly on Kili's skin. "Coffee is fine with me." The brunet replied after a few more breaths.

Kili's heart beat stronger and faster than before and he felt his cheeks blushing as well as some tingling in his shoulders, hands and abdomen. His body warmth was almost unbearable. It couldn't be that he loved him, could it?

"Happy Christmas, Kili," the blond mumbled still lying on top of him.

"Merry Christmas, Fili."

oOo

Merry Christmas, everyone!

- to be continued -

(If you want to know two which event I was referring to, read chapter 11 and 12 from my original story (SmlhM), but be aware I rated the original story with "M"!)