You Never Knew

by Update

On an old piece of parchment found in a bedroom at Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place.

There are so many things I never told you, things you'll never find out.

I never told you that you used to be my idol.

You'll never find out that I missed you so much after you left that I cried all night for a month.

I never told you that I wanted to be like you. I wasn't brave enough, but I wished so much to be.

You'll never find out that the day you left, I had a screaming row with mother about taking your name off the tapestry.

I never told you that I wanted to be a Gryffindor. I only asked the Hat for Slytherin because of mother.

You'll never find out that when I came home two nights after my sixteenth birthday, I looked at my wrist and thought about what you would say. And then I was sick.

I never told you that you are my brother, first and forever. I would do anything for you.

You'll never find out that the night after you left, I took my wand and stood in front of the tapestry for an hour and a half, trying to make myself blast my name off it too.

I never told you that I knew that half the time you were right, and I agreed with you.

You'll never find out that I betrayed the Dark Lord. Or to what extent.

I never told you that I wrote to Andromeda for a year after she married Ted.

You'll never find out how I am going to die. That it might actually be brave. Or just stupid.

I never told you that I know what you are. The dog suits you.

You'll never find out that I wrote this. Kreacher will get rid of it, or mother will burn it, or it will lie in my room forever.

You never knew how much I love you.

R.A.B.