"A Rose by Another Name"
By Donny's Boy
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Disclaimer: I own neither the characters nor the plot relating to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and I am making no money from this story. I mean no harm.
Warnings: Non-graphic discussion of sexual assault and (minor) character death.
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I never was in love with Hamato Yoshi. I loved him, yes, but I loved him as a brother. As a friend. But Yoshi wanted more than that, and so we became lovers. Though I freely admit that I could have been chosen by many far worse, I never had a choice myself.
I still wish I could have made Mashimi understand. I did not desire Mashimi either, but I loved him too as a brother. And I hated to see him in pain because of Yoshi and I.
"Tang Shen," the Ancient One would always say, shaking his head sadly, "it is not for us mortals to question the wisdom of the universe." But what he meant was that it is not for a woman to question the ways of men. I understood that even at a young age, though. It is a good lesson to learn.
Even the kunoichi—what few have existed over many hundreds of years—are not the same as the men. Their weapons are cunning, deceit, and feminine charm. Strength and steel, meanwhile, belong to the men. They always have, and they always will.
The Ancient One would also shake his head while watching American programs on the television. "Tch! Come look at this, Shen," he would say. "Look at how shamefully the men treat their women."
"Yes, I see," is all I would reply.
"No honor. No honor at all."
How I hated to hear him speak of honor! All I heard about, day in and day out, was honor. Honor from the Ancient One … honor from Yoshi … honor from Mashimi. Honor spoken of reverently, with a completely serious face. I have heard rich businessmen speak honor and then, in dark alleyways, rape the helpless girl fish-peddlers. I have seen priests gaze with greedy eyes at the pockets of rich wives while mouthing words of honor. I have smelt the blood of guiltless young girls, murdered under cover of night by honorable ninjas, murdered simply to settle old scores against the girls' fathers. Oh, yes. I have had entirely too much of honor in my life.
Right now, I can smell my own blood. I too am a sacrifice to honor. Unsurprising.
Years ago it occurred to me to leave, to find something better, something different. But I never did. First, things were comfortable for me right where I was. Mashimi and Yoshi were friendly and fun to play with, and the Ancient One was very kind. I ate well, and I slept well. In the rain, I was dry. In the cold, I was warm. There were many children who could not say these things.
Second, I did not think that anywhere could be much different than here. Not for a girl. I knew a good amount of English, from school and from the Ancient One's television programs. When I was just entering puberty, and therefore becoming somewhat silly and sentimental, the Ancient One gave me a present of an old copy of Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet.
I read it cover to cover in one night. Though I knew that the play was considered one of the great romances of Western literature, I found myself puzzled after reading. To me it just seemed so … stupid. If only someone had thought to ask Juliet what and who she wanted! Nobleman after honorable nobleman died in honorable duels—Mercutio, Tybalt, Paris, and finally Romeo himself—and then, inevitably, Juliet died as well. And earlier, when Juliet asked her trusted nurse what to do? The nurse told the girl to keep quiet. Juliet never had a chance.
I have had entirely too much of honor.
And so it is that I lie here, bleeding and watching the clouds lazily make their way across a pale blue sky. Earlier today Mashimi stormed into my room, wild-eyed and wild-haired. He demanded I sleep with him, and I refused. But Mashimi just smiled. He said that it was dishonorable for me to have let Yoshi have his way with me. He said I needed to be punished. So he took by force what I would not give. And after he was done, he dragged me outside, took his sword in hand, and ran me through like I was nothing more than a pig on a skewer.
Regardless, I have few regrets. Once again, as always, I had no real choice. If I had relented to Mashimi's demand, that too would have been dishonorable, and it would have simply been Yoshi's sword instead to deal me my death. But no matter. One man's steel is much like another's.
My breathing is getting very slow now. I allow my eyes to close. I feel so tired, I simply can't keep them open any longer. As the pain eases, I feel my mind begin to drift. I find myself remembering the fish-peddler who I always visited to get fish for the Ancient One's household. He was little more than a boy, but he was a beautiful boy. Straight hair the color of midnight, shining eyes, white teeth, and a hearty laugh. His name was Nagi, and he always smelt strongly of the yellowtail he sold.
If I could have freely chosen my lover, I would have chosen Nagi. I wouldn't have even minded the fish smell.
But no matter, no matter. It is entirely too late for regrets. I do find, however, that I feel sad for Mashimi and Yoshi. We three had been friends—once. Even through everything, I do not want harm to come to either of them. But when Yoshi finds me, and he will find me, he will certainly seek out Mashimi to avenge my honor. What more, should Yoshi succeed, the Foot will certainly claim Yoshi's life to avenge their honor.
Honor! Bah! It always comes back to that, doesn't it? Honor is the rose that men like to use to perfume themselves, to hide the stink. But it is we women who must go pick the roses and bleed on the thorns.
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Author's Notes: Hey, look! Finally a story that isn't Don-centric!
I wrote about Tang Shen because she's such an enigma … although she plays such a crucial role in setting the events of TMNT into motion, she's not really a fleshed-out character. She's just kind of Generic Beautiful Love Interest. So here's a fuller, though admittedly non-canon concept of Shen.
There are multi-chapter stories in the works, by the way. The next one's taking a while because it's going to be multimedia—my apologies for the delay. Hope it turns out to be worth it!