I'm a quite optimist person but sometimes I think a lot about the other side which is not the happiest way. You can read a this kind of reading matter below. :)

This is my first story in English so... if you see some sh#t verb or tense please do not hesitate to write me. Thanks in advance.

NEW MOON

New moon again. The weather is fine a bit chilly however it's summer now. It is good, am I right? Always a present. Well as I said present... Happy 450th birthday to me... or just 400th? I don't know. When you didn't be born as an ordinary man, the time passing in other way and with suffer.

"Come ooon... I'll pour you some more sake... I want to drink one more... Kanpai!"

I've already drunk a lot, I don't think I need more.

The year is about 1650... that's where we are now. I know it from Her however she is not by my side in a while I'm still counting.

She is cuddling up to me. So soft. But I can feel on her hands she is worked on the fields since her born, it's dried. But I can't smell her scent. The only positive thing in this period. On the other hand, I can't endure the alcohol well.

We are sitting on the riverside. The sound of the water is nice, behind us not too far away in the village there is some feast. I don't really care about it. You can smell the bonfire's smoke everywhere.

She is looking at me with her starry eyes. She is drunk. I know what she wants, because I want it too. That's why I am here. Only these nights are my chance when I can bring Her back to my memories. In these moments the feelings are overflow in me. Good or bad feelings as well.

She is leaning on my lap and reach out her arms if she wants me to save her. Heh... she doesn't know that she will save me. From myself.

She is sitting up and unknot her hair then she is put it back with one single movement. She is wrapping her arms around my neck. I can smell the sake. I don't let her to kiss me. I turn away with my face so she can reach my neck only. She is turning me on with the kisses. I'm putting my hands under her kimono her body is hot. Her breasts are completely fit in my hands. Smaller than Hers. I'm taking off her clothes and throwing it behind her. Her skin is so white.

I'm doing it again. I can't bear with this tension.

She is naked.

As I.

Now you're mine. I'm reaching between her legs, no need to grimace. She is sitting back and laying on the grass. She is enjoying how I'm playing with her. I don't know why I give this humour for them...

She is screaming.

Panting. I let her to take some breaths.

I'm pulling myself together and intruding in to embrace her. Everything is just happening with us. Usually the want it from back. Just like now. Keh... I hope no need to introduce this pose... yes... you thoughts are right. Laugh if you want... this happens when they give me what I want.

Her voice is not like Hers, it's much higher, but her body is hot and wet. She is just like the daimyo's horse. She is good, very good. I'm grabbing her waist and lean on her back. She is started to slow a bit, now I'm leading her. When I licking her back she is shaking. She is shouting something while panting but I'm not listening, I see only Her face. The more slut I hook up with the more I forget Her, but I want to remember. It is almost exactly like with Her.

I'm feeling confused and bit dizzy.

I must know if it is Her. I'm turning her the opposite side, face to face and put her on my lap. I want to see her face if this is reality or not. Now I know who I don't want. This fucking sake makes it worse. I have to concentrate. I can hear Her voice as she wants more. Yes...

"If you really want is..."

I'm whispering into her ear. I'm giving it to her... She is stressing me. I won't bear it for too long... but can... She've just came. Laying wearily on the ground. I'm defiling her sweaty body with myself.

In wintertime I usually spend more time with them, but not until sunrise of course. But in summer the nights are much shorter, so I leave earlier. I can hear as I whisper to her:

"Thank you and forgive me."

I'm not expecting an answer, she is still pissed. I dres up and going as far as I can from the village through the river. I'm going up flow direction, I know there is a pond near. I need to take a bath, because I'm going to be sick from the smells. It is not her scent. I'm feeling dirty, because I am.

These feelings inside me are so woeful and I don't know how much time I will have to carry them. I feel shame for myself and things that I did. Sometimes I want to end this simply, but I promised Her I won't kill myself.

I think I'm already far away from the village.

I sit down.

Feeling sick.

I'm looking up the stars, cicada's song everywhere...

It's feels like my face is burning.

I don't know if I ever find a woman like Her.

I want to forget everything in my life but remember only you: Kagome...