Shoebox, a gossip girl fanfic

Title: Shoebox

Author: Jenna

Pairing: Lily/ Rufus (of course!), Kate/ Rufus (who's kate, you'll have to read to find out)

Inspired by: Brie Larson's song 'Shoebox'

I kept your picture in my shoebox

Two days before the wedding, when everything is stressful and she is hardly able to breath she excuses herself. She goes to her room, shutting her bedroom door behind her. She kneels down and her wedding dress that had been getting fitted falls down around her. She reaches to the farthest corner and picks up the shoebox. It's old but it looks perfectly new, it hasn't been opened in such a long time its gathered dust. She blows the top off and watches dust go flying. She scoots over to the wall, and leans her head against the wall for a moment then opens the box. There is everything Rufus had given to her, but on top is his picture.

Right now is all we need
'Cuz this feels pretty good
And I would stop the world
Just to give us more time

Her phone rings, she wasn't going to answer it. Why interrupt a trip down memory lane? But she decides to check the caller id first, once she sees who it is she is glad she decided to check it after all. It's him, and she picks up.

"Hey Lil."

She can't stop that small grin that appears on her face, not that she would.

"You there?"

"Yeah, I was just… why are you calling?" She decides to stay instead of telling him she was just looking at him.

"I just… I wanted to tell you, best wishes."

Her smile disappears, and instead is replaced with a saddened look.

"Well, that's all. I bet you have last minute preparations to make, so I'll let you go." He said, and then she hears the dial tone.

I kept your photograph and sometimes I take a look
Do you think I should

Rufus hangs up the phone. He regrets he called her, but he needed to hear her voice. He wishes that she felt the same way. He looks down at the picture on his lap, it's of them. Rufus was kissing Lily on the cheek while she was staring at the camera with a smile on her face. He wishes he could go back, to that time, even for a couple minutes. He would tell her all the things, he didn't. Most of all, he wouldn't let her leave.

Then the doorbell rings and he stands up, slipping the photo in a drawer. He walks to the door and there is Kate, his date for the evening. She's the opposite of Lily, Kate has dark brown hair, she's tall, and she's a lawyer. But she's not stuck up, she loves sports and kids… and she's not afraid to admit she likes Rufus.

Are you gonna leave
is she a better girl
and does she know about me.

She wanted to stay in her room all day, and keep looking at him. But she knows she can't so she changes out of her dress and puts on a casual black dress. With high heels and a purse she makes her way out of her room then out of her apartment. She sees the limo, Bart had hired, and she can't help but think it's unnecessary. The restaurant that they were eating at was less than two blocks away. But she still enters the limo, and looks up at her apartment window, wishing she was there instead.

She sees him at the restaurant. She can't help but feel surprised. He's there with a date, a beautiful date. A million questions fly through her head, is he dating her? Is it serious? Does he love her? Does he like her more than me? Does she know about me?

Hey you
I think you're going in the wrong direction
Hey you
I could be everything you want

He sees her at the restaurant. And he can't help but feel that as she sits there with Bart and the kids that she's making a huge mistake. She isn't supposed to marry Bart, it wasn't their plan. They were going to marry each other, and a part of him still hoped that plan would happen.

And it's true
you must have been something special to me
'Cuz after all this time
I kept your picture in my shoebox

She can't help but be jealous. And she can't stop staring at him the whole time during dinner; luckily the kids were there to distract Bart. She starts to feel regrets, what if she wasn't supposed to marry Bart. She meets his eyes as he looks up and she gives him a small smile. She then turns back to her new family as Serena announces that Dan broke up with her. Lily hides the smile; Serena had been the big thing that had stood in the way of Rufus and her being together. She says that she's tired, and had a long day and says she's going to go home and get some sleep. Bart tries to protest but then he decides better of it and lets her go.

Tonight was you and me
and it felt pretty good
Just like we stopped the world
For a minute in time
And then you made me laugh
About all the things we did
Do you think we should

She meets his eyes as she leaves. And she purposely rubs against him as she leaves the restaurant. She waits outside of the restaurant and he's out there in a couple minutes.

They decide to go for a short walk; he told his date that he needed to take a call. They talk, as they walk. She misses this... she misses him, but she doesn't tell him. He says a joke, about a time when they went for a walk and ended up running away from security. She laughs, she can't help it. She wishes she could go back, she would change so many things, she'd say so many things, but most of all she wouldn't leave him. Because that was the worst day in her life.

Did you have to leave
And the other girl
Does she know about me

But eventually, it felt like hours later, but she knows it was only minutes. He says he has to go; she nods and knows he's going back to her. She can't help but wonder when he goes back inside, if he ever talks about her.

Hey you
I think you're going in the wrong direction
Hey you
I could be everything you want
and it's true
You must have been something special to me
'Cuz after all this time
I kept your picture in my shoebox

He knows he shouldn't have gone outside, and he can see it on Kate's face when he returns inside. He apologizes and says his daughter needed him to go home. She nods and acts like she understands when he knows she doesn't. And that's because that was a lie, he had hoped he could still reach Lily before she went home. He grabs his coat and apologizes once more.

I hear you talk but your mouth is closed
you say the words and let me know
I can't speak I'm petrified
Wanna tell you what I feel inside

He sees her outside, trying to get a cab. But they are downtown and it's impossible to get a cab at night. He walks up behind her and says a simple greeting. It makes her jump. He tells her he's still not over her; he says he's trying to be but that it's hard. He says he may never be over her, but he won't call her again. She wants to say something but of course, nothing comes out. She's scared, about getting hurt again. But that doesn't stop her from leaning forward and feeling his lips brushing against hers. She moves her hand up and places it on the back of his neck. He moves his hands to the side of her face. And they stay there, for several minutes. Until eventually they separate and he walks her home.

I kept your picture in my shoebox