Written with the prompt of "Ogling Your Wife Indiscriminately" which popped into my mind with such fervor I was almost disgusted.
Ten Things About Elizabeth Darcy (nee Bennet) that No Other Man should know.
Found written on a piece of heavy paper of about 250gsm to be exact, a fine piece of vellum. Cold pressed and in longhand, script barely intelligible due to age. Transcript was marked "PRIVATE" and the bottom signed F—Darcy Unknown origin, presumably belonging to the famous Fitzwilliam Darcy of Austen's book.
Found on 12 March Year 2005
1. Her restless, boundless energies in bed
2. The dimples of Venus on her back—a nice hollow and curve that fits my hand nicely.
3. Her voice when we are together—I am sure it hits a high G.
4. Her favorite books—raunchy novels. (I remember being certainly surprised at this however…) [Here, there are ink blots, which prevent anything more from being read. However, the names of a Sir W—were presented as well as a F-; probably the names of the authors she read)
5. The way her "W" falls off her tongue as she pronounces my name.
6. The way her nose wrinkles sweetly [More inkblots present] Blue Stilton. [I can only guess that Mrs. Darcy disliked the smell of Blue Stilton.]
7. The very nape of her neck. [Quite the amusement that Darcy had a nape fetish.]
8. The very way her handwriting loops itself gracefully, a [Inkblots present, probably to hide Darcy's mention of her upbringing. A footnote present, seemingly an afterword clarifies this fact.] Certainly amusing, no other woman writes as beautifully as she does I am certain.
9. Her reactions to my teazing [sic] [Was this the Austenian times' way of spelling?]
10. She is mine, and not theirs ever.
I hope this made someone laugh! I wrote it in a span of a few minutes, something more of an idea I shall improve on once I'm off hiatus xD