Chapter One: Brain-washing Fairies
The warm sun rose over Korkiri village like it did every day, but this was different. The Great Deku Tree had not slept, for something wicked was stirring about within his hollow trunk. "Navi, the fairy. Come forth," The gigantic tree bellowed, his voice causing the ground to vibrate as he spoke.
"Yes, m- Err..." Navi trailed off, spotting one of the Know-it-all brothers humping the ground as the Deku Tree yawned, causing the earth to vibrate once more.
"Scram, you horny toad!" The Great Tree squeaked, flailing his mighty branches like a little boy, being ass-raped by a pirate.
The boy snorted rather loudly at the Deku Tree and scurried away. Navi opened her mouth to speak again, until she heard the Kokirian 'tard scream. She rolled her eyes, watching a random Deku Baba eat his pants, then shrivel up and die ingesting his crusty trousers.
"Anyway..." The fairy choked out, trying desperately not to laugh. "What can I do for you my lord?"
As Navi fluttered about, her special "dust" was getting all over the Deku Tree. For the first time, a stupid smile appeared on his seemingly emotionless face. "Suck my nutzzZ, G! THEN BRING DAT LINK BOI WHO IS FAIREE-LEZZ SO I CAN B LIK 'LOL LES PARTANG N POOP ON MY INNARDS!' I MEAN S MY D! I MEAN- LOLOLOLOLOL," He gurgled, snored briefly, then shit a flower.
Stunned, speechless, and utterly disgusted, the tiny fairy nodded sagely and set off to find the boy with no fairy.