The Journey
Chapter One
The only sounds to be heard in the physician's chambers were a gentle hum and an occasional 'ahh' from Gaius himself. He enjoyed the peace at the start of the day, he had time to reflect on things whilst he made his potions and it gave him the chance to prepare Merlin's breakfast too. Suddenly the door to his chambers opened with a loud bang.
"Where is that useless servant of mine? He should have been in my chambers half an hour ago!"
Gaius dropped the potion he had spent hours preparing, shattering the glass just as the silence had been moments before.
"I believe he is in his room sire, I was unaware you planned to leave so early."
"I can't trust Merlin to do anything" said Arthur as he began the short walk to Merlin's room.
"Sire, it may not be my place to say so I apologise if I speak out of turn but Merlin has only been in his bed for a few hours. It was after midnight when he returned home so I left him to sleep."
"He was in the tavern AGAIN was he?" Arthur replied angrily.
"No my lord" Gaius replied, instinctively protecting Merlin, "He was cleaning your armour, polishing and sharpening your sword, preparing your clothes, sorting out supplies for your journey today , not forgetting repairing and polishing your boots."
Arthur listened quietly, surprised by the sharpness of the physician's words. He felt guilty for a moment but couldn't allow himself to be seen as weak. "He is my servant Gaius, that is what he is there for. Maybe he would have finished earlier if he'd worked harder in the day."
Gaius sighed inwardly. Arthur had no idea how much Merlin HAD done yesterday. He had risked being discovered as a sorcerer again to protect Arthur and had saved his life once more. Merlin never got the praise he deserved from the young king, he was happy to allow Arthur to believe he had destroyed magical creatures, averted ambushes, escaped detection and won battles. His pure hearted behaviour only served to portray him as a weak and incompetent swordsman who cowered from confrontation. At times like this Gaius longed to tell Arthur this, to defend the person he loved as the son he'd never had. He knew that if he did Merlin's life would be at risk. Camelot banned the use of magic and despite Merlin's years of loyalty he would be treated as any other sorcerer would. The thought of losing Merlin held him back, he said nothing and watched Arthur stride to Merlin's door.
Merlin was still grinning after hearing how quickly Gaius had defended him. This rapidly disappeared as Arthur burst in.
"No wonder my chambers are so untidy Merlin if this is how you leave your own room. I hope you have an apology ready for not attending to me this morning, I had to dress myself."
Merlin was used to Arthur's harshness and prevented himself from saying that he should really be able to dress himself as he was the king after all. He decided that no good would come from saying it, instead he mumbled "Sorry sire"
"We have wasted enough time already Merlin" Arthur said watching him put on his scarf. "We need to leave now."
"Look after him" Gaius said quietly. Presuming it was directed at him Arthur replied that he would bring his servant back safely. Merlin and Gaius exchanged an amused look, both knowing it was a request meant for the servant to look after Camelot's king and not as Arthur believed , for the king to protect his servant. Gaius knew that the words were unnecessary as Merlin and Arthur had both been willing to give their lives to save each other. He had never known anyone show loyalty to the extremes they had. If he didn't know better he'd think there was more to their relationship than they would admit, especially to each other.
Chapter 2
Arthur and Merlin had been riding solidly for over an hour. The usual banter between them had vanished after a few minutes. The king had spent the time reflecting on his treatment of his servant. Was he to blame for his quiet and withdrawn state? Merlin was unbelievably loyal to him. He'd spoken up about the snakes on Valiant's shield, he warned him about Lady Catrina being a troll and shared his concerns about Agravaine regardless of any potential consequences. He'd knowingly drunk from a poisoned cup and jumped in front of a Darocha. His servant had also been prepared to sacrifice himself to heal the veil and was willing to drink the poison on the beach to lift the curse unleashed on Camelot when the unicorn was killed.
He looked down and was struck by another thought as he saw the shining armour he was wearing. How many times had Merlin joined him and his knights with no armour to protect him? He'd worn it in Ealdor, Hunith wanted to do everything she could to save him from injury. Arthur was shocked by this realisation. Was he really so self absorbed that he had never realised how much he was putting his friend at risk? He was roused from his thoughts when he heard a voice.
"Is something troubling you sire? You seem a bit distracted." The concern in Merlin's voice only served to reinforce all of Arthur's previous thoughts. "I think the horses need a rest my lord, maybe we should stop for a while."
Arthur knew that Merlin was providing a way for him to compose himself without embarrassing him and was grateful for it.
"For once Merlin I think you are right" he said as he dismounted his horse as he said it. He mentally kicked himself realising what he'd said. Why did he continually say things like that? Much as he found it difficult to admit, Merlin was often right, far more than he was. Arthur realised how similar his treatment of Merlin was to his father's treatment of himself. They both acted for the good of others and asked for nothing. Arthur thought of how he'd longed to hear his father acknowledge what he had done, to feel that he was proud of his son's actions. Merlin was different though, he knew his servant would do anything for him even if he was never praised. Merlin's desire to protect him had been obvious to everyone but he had only just realised it for himself.
"Arthur, would you like me to collect some wood for a fire? You seem very pale."
With the realisation of his past behaviour still fresh in his mind Arthur spoke and his words visibly shocked Merlin.
"No, I will collect the wood, you look as tired as the horses." Arthur was surprised by the warm feeling he had when he spoke and even more shocked by the pleasure he felt as Merlin began to smile.
Merlin watched as Arthur wandered off to search for suitable wood to burn. What could be troubling him so much? The thought drifted from his mind as he felt his eyes close.
Chapter 3
Arthur stumbled around in the wood and after getting his boot stuck in some mud and falling over a hidden tree stump he finally collected enough wood for a small fire. As he returned with it he noticed the sleeping figure under the tree. He resisted the urge to wake his servant so he could light the fire, Merlin was so much better at it than he was , and managed to light it himself.
Glancing over at his exhausted servant he saw several leaves fall onto his head. He leant over and gently removed one from his face. Arthur felt a wave of pleasure as he touched Merlin's pale skin. It was as if he was looking at him for the first time. He was pleased when he noticed more leaves in Merlin's hair. He had an excuse to run his fingers through the mop of black hair and took far more time removing them than was necessary. A groan of pleasure came from Merlin's mouth startling Arthur. He noticed that it was in his sleep and momentarily felt jealous of the mysterious person in his dream. He was grateful though in one way as he didn't have to admit his feelings, especially when they were such a surprise to him.
Arthur realised he didn't want to lose the closeness he felt and decided to voice the thoughts he'd had during their journey.
"Merlin, I know you are asleep and can't hear me but there are things I must say to you. I behave disgracefully towards you at times and don't appreciate how hard you work. Not only do you serve me but you assist Gaius and have extra duties to do for him. You always do as I ask, well maybe not ALWAYS, but it is usually for my own good if you refuse. I know I have called you the worst servant in the five kingdoms and I am truly sorry for that.
I have never known anyone like you Merlin and my father taught me that strong emotions can be interpreted as weakness. The truth is that you could not be better. You have always been honest with me and I enjoy your banter. Plenty of people fawn over me just because I am the king but you have always treated me as you would anyone else. Much as it may appear that I find you rude and insolent at times, the truth is that I enjoy your witty retorts and I am prepared to overlook certain misdemeanours regarding the tidiness of my chambers.
George, the replacement servant I was allocated with when you had been captured by bandits, provided me with a breakfast that rivalled any of Camelot's feasts, had my clothes ready before I was awake, happily polished my armour, in fact he could not be faulted for the standard of his work. There was something that he did not have and that was the most crucial of all, something I could not live without. His efficiency counted for nothing in comparison... He wasn't you Merlin...
I find it difficult to express my feelings especially when I don't understand them myself. I trust your opinion above all others, your words have been a great support during difficult times and when you are not being a complete idiot, you are very wise. You encourage me when the situation is bleak and always believe in me. I don't know why I struggle to express my gratitude but I value you more than you know. You have proven to me many times that your loyalty to me has no limits. I am honoured to be your friend. I have been prepared to sacrifice my life to save yours too. I still would if the situation arose. Life without you Merlin is incomprehensible to me. I wish I could tell you that but I don't know how."
Arthur looked at his still sleeping companion and realised he could no longer hold back the urge he had been feeling for a while. Staring at Merlin's invitingly soft lips during his one sided conversation only moments before had allowed an unknowable longing to stir inside him. He would sacrifice his kingdom to feel the gentle touch of Merlin's lips on his own. Maybe he should seize the opportunity now but that seemed wrong. Arthur realised he wanted to feel Merlin kissing him back but he was unable to resist a gentle touch.
"What's going on Arthur? What are you doing?" Merlin had awoken to find the king leaning over him.
"I'm catching a spider Merlin, nothing for you to worry about. Now you are awake and the horses have rested we must continue our journey. We need to reach Ealdor within the next few hours."
"Ealdor? You never said we were going there. Is my mother in danger?"
"I'm afraid I don't know Merlin. There have been reports of a strange creature and people are getting hurt, one has died from his injuries and there may be more lives at risk. The villagers believe the creature is magical."
"Why didn't you tell me Arthur? I wouldn't have rested if I knew my mother was in danger."
"That, Merlin, is exactly the reason why. You would have been no use to anyone if you hadn't rested and although you often hide during battles it is helpful to have you there."
"Why didn't you say this to me yesterday?"
"The messenger arrived early this morning with the news. I had originally planned to meet Caerleon's queen today but I sent one of my knights to say I had been detained and would be unable to keep to the arrangement."
Merlin's initial annoyance disappeared. Arthur had delayed matters of state to help Ealdor despite it being out of Camelot. Arthur knew how important his mother was to him and Hunith treated them both equally. Arthur might have a privileged status within Camelot and wanted for nothing but Merlin was richer in other ways. He had a loving mother who always encouraged him and even a blind man could see how much they cared for each other. Arthur's mother died shortly after he was born. He never knew her and Merlin suspected that Arthur enjoyed the affection his mother lavished him with whenever they visited Ealdor.
Chapter four
There was no time for chatting as they rode as fast as they could to Merlin's home town. Hunith rushed out to greet them, giving them both a big hug and thanked them for helping. Other villagers came out too. Arthur had risked his life to protect their village. He had trained the people to defend themselves and despite the grim situation he both motivated and believed in them. Arthur was touched by the genuine affection for him. They didn't care that he was the king of Camelot they were just showing heartfelt thanks and true emotion.
"There is little known about the creature but this is what is happening to our people" Hunith said pointing towards people who clearly had a fever and a rash that spread over their bodies. Merlin went over to them. His work with the court physician enabled him to think of remedies that might ease the discomfort of the rash.
"I remember a poultice Gaius makes to help people who have rashes like this" Merlin said. "I will need to get a few herbs and flowers to create it but I know I can find them in the woods." Arthur was impressed with his servant's knowledge and willingness to help.
"You are welcome to stay with me Arthur, it won't take Merlin long to collect what he needs." Hunith knows that Arthur will enjoy spending time with her. It is clear to see how much she means to him and she loves him like a son.
They walk to Merlin's old house. Arthur is used to the cramped conditions now. At first he was full of disbelief at how Merlin could have lived there for so long. Now he sees it as a home from home and if he was totally honest he prefers the cosiness of Hunith's house to the cold and empty castle of Camelot. As soon as they walk in Hunith spots a small cloth bag. She tells him that it is the bag Merlin uses to collect herbs in so they don't fall as he looks for other plants. Arthur volunteers to take it and Hunith directs him to the place where the herbs and flowers he needs are found. Before he leaves Arthur picks up his discarded sword and puts it in his belt. He doesn't know if it will help if the creature is magical but it is reassuring to him to have it there.
Meanwhile Merlin is wondering what to do about the creature. He hasn't got his spell book and he can't ask Gaius. He decides to ask someone who might know more. As he walks to the small clearing he stumbled and caught his tunic on a bush. Merlin sighed as it tore slightly leaving a small patch of cloth behind.
Arthur walked quickly through the woods. Hunith's directions soon lead him onto Merlin's path and his tracking skills helped too. He saw the piece of Merlin's tunic and, worried that he might be in danger he began to run to catch up with him. As he was running a loud voice startled him. It was in a language unfamiliar to him. He spotted Merlin at the edge of a clearing and shouted out to him. Arthur realised Merlin had not heard him and shouted again. He saw a creature heading down towards his friend and barely felt his feet on the ground as he ran faster than he had ever run before.
"MERLIN!"
Merlin turned around to see a red faced Arthur carrying the cloth bag he collected his herbs in. He was knocked off his feet as Arthur dived on him and they both ended up on the floor.
"What are you doing Arthur?" said a shocked Merlin.
"Saving you from THAT creature" Arthur said gasping for breath, " I don't want you to die Merlin."
Merlin's worst fears were realised as the winged creature landed by them.
"Ah Merlin, how can I help you this time?" It was the great dragon, the same one that attacked Camelot several years before.
Arthur was stunned. Had he been knocked unconscious AGAIN? Was this a weird dream? Was the dragon talking to him? Merlin didn't know what to do either as he didn't want Arthur to find out this way. Before he had chance to speak the dragon's voice was heard again.
"Arthur Pendragon, the once and future king, the other side of the coin." So many questions were in Arthur's head that he lost the ability to speak. "Ah Merlin ... What can I do for you today? I know you must want something when you call."
Arthur looked at a very guilty looking Merlin. What did the dragon mean? He realised that the voice he heard must have been the words used to summon the dragon but surely it wasn't Merlin who did it? He didn't need to wait long for the answer.
"There is a creature attacking Ealdor" Merlin said, "I don't know what to do, I need your help."
"What is the meaning of this Merlin? Did you summon this creature?"
"Yes my lord" mumbled Merlin looking at the ground.
"You can do this but you were happy to let Camelot be attacked?" shouted Arthur. "Why didn't you save us? We didn't need to go to that stinking cave when you were there all the time."
This angered the dragon. "I was locked up at the order of Uther, I was angry and frustrated but Merlin could not help you then. He wasn't a dragonlord when I attacked, there was another who held the power and only when he died did Merlin inherit his abilities."
"Why did Merlin get them? I know he befriended Balinor and convinced him to come to Camelot. Was it his acts of kindness?"
"A dragonlords power is passed down from father to son" replied the dragon.
It took a while for his words to register. "You mean Balinor was Merlin's father?" He turned to Merlin and when he looked at his face he understood the tears that had fallen when he died. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"I didn't know until just before we rode out. My mother never told me, Gaius did. I didn't know what to think."
"So that is why you were so quiet. I knew something was troubling you." Their conversation was broken by a loud cough from the dragon.
"Your destinies lie together Arthur Pendragon . Merlin has devoted his life to protecting you. His magic has saved you more times than you will ever realise." Despite all the devastation Arthur had witnessed as both a knight and king nothing could have prepared him for this.
"NO! Why did you tell him? He wasn't meant to find out like this. My destiny is to protect him and you have just ruined it!"
"You're a sorcerer Merlin?"
"Merlin has risked his life using magic knowing if he was seen he'd be killed. He hid it to protect you, not to deceive." The dragon dismissed the heartfelt cries of the young warlock for him to stop speaking and continued. "Merlin is so bound to saving you that even when poisoned and close to death he kept you safe."
"You mean Merlin sent that ball of light when I was in the cave?" Both men were visibly shocked by this discovery.
"I'd never do anything to hurt you Arthur, I only want to protect you from harm."
"You say it is your destiny to protect me Merlin. You're doing it because you have to fulfil some sort of prophecy?"
"No Arthur, I do it because I want to."
"Arthur, Merlin's destiny may be to protect you but he has a choice whether to fulfil it or not. Merlin's love for you is far more than even I have ever seen. It would have been easier for the young warlock to walk away especially when your actions have hurt him but he would never do that. Merlin's actions are entirely pure of heart. He would willingly give his life to protect yours. Nothing I or any other could say to him could provide that determination. His desire to save comes from his love of you Arthur Pendragon."
"It's too much, I can't think. I need to get away, I have to go back" and with that Arthur turned and ran back the way he came.
"Don't go Arthur, please don't leave. You need me ... and I need you."
The words rang in Arthur's ears. Only a few hours ago he had longed to hear those words but now... he just didn't know. All he could think about was leaving. How could Merlin have kept this from him? He was sorcerer AND a dragonlord. It was too much for him to think about and he felt tears running down his face.
Chapter Five
Hunith looked up from her washing to see a staggering and sobbing figure blindly coming towards her. His cries were so heartfelt that she wrapped her arms around him and led him in to her house.
Back at the clearing Merlin was in the same desperate state. His sobs rang out and the dragon bore the force of his anger.
"Merlin you need to stay strong. The people of Ealdor need you to help them get rid of this creature. It is too strong for your powers alone, we must work together. We are kin Merlin and I feel your pain but Arthur will need time. Uther made him believe all magic is evil so to find out you possess it has made him question what he believes. I sense that Arthur cares for you far more than he has ever shown you young warlock. Do not despair, use this passion for good."
Merlin realised there was truth in the dragon's words. "Okay, what do we have to do?" The dragon smiled and the two worked out a plan.
Meanwhile back in Ealdor Arthur was quietly sobbing. "What is it Arthur? Is it Merlin? Is he hurt?"
"I saw him talking to a dragon. He has magic. All I have ever known is that magic is evil but my feelings for Merlin...I just don't know what to think."
"I need you to listen to me Arthur. Hear what I have to say and then only you can decide what to do."
"I don't know what good it will do. No amount of talking can rid him of his sorcery but you have been good to me over the years Hunith. You have treated me like a son and I owe it to you to listen."
"During the great purge your father wanted to rid the kingdom of all who practiced magic including dragonlords. He spared Balinor and asked him to summon the last dragon so he could make peace with it. As you know, he did not do that and chained him up deep below Camelot. Balinor was angry that he had been tricked and others quietly agreed. Those people helped him escape and he came here to Ealdor, out of Uther's kingdom.
I took him in, he was good to me, and we fell in love. We didn't know that there was a traitor in the village until your father's knights turned up to have him executed. Balinor knew he had to escape but he wouldn't take me with him. He said he wanted me to be settled and happy not to be always listening for the sound of hooves and the fear of execution.
Soon after he left I found out I was pregnant with Merlin. Balinor never knew and I didn't tell Merlin either. I wanted to protect him especially when it became clear that he had inherited some of his father's powers. He could make things move before he could speak. Food was scarce and one day when Merlin was about two I stumbled whilst carrying milk and eggs. As I got up I saw them suspended in mid air and Merlin was grinning in the same way that he does now. I knew then that he would be in danger if others found out about him.
We kept it secret until not long before he arrived in Camelot. When one of the villagers found out I knew Merlin would not be safe. I wrote to Gaius asking if he could look after him. I felt sure that his wisdom would help Merlin control his powers and to find a good use for his gift. You know the rest from there as you two met when he arrived. There is more that you don't know though."
Arthur gestured for her to continue. Hunith understood that there was a lot of new information for him to digest and was not offended by his response.
"Merlin has changed a great deal since he left for Camelot. He has found direction and made some good friends. Gaius looks after him like he would a son and I am incredibly grateful for that. You have played an even bigger part though. Merlin has focussed his magic on protecting you. I know you have been told that magic is evil but it is the intention of the sorcerer that makes it so. He has never used it for his own gain he uses it to protect you and Camelot. He has saved your life so many times and I know he would walk the earth ten times over if he thought it would keep you safe.
I have never seen him like this. I know he will always love me but as a mother you have to accept that there will be others who will share your child's love. You are the other person Arthur. Merlin loves you like he never has another. His eyes sparkle when he talks about you even when you could treat him better. He may have magic but he would rather die than use it against you. He is pure of heart and incredibly loyal. I know how much you care about him and also know that there is nothing that Merlin wouldn't do for you. He isn't to blame for his powers please don't think less of him."
"I'm not sure you do know I feel Hunith for I am not certain myself. May I lie down for a while to gather my thoughts?"
"Of course you can Arthur. Merlin's old bed is still here. You are very welcome to lie on that."
Arthur lay on the bed and suddenly a thought drifted into his head, an image of Merlin lying in that same space and he smiled. He soon forgot those thoughts though as he heard a sobbing noise that made his heart break.
"Mother, Arthur's left. He found out I have magic and was so angry. I didn't choose to be like this and I have only ever used my powers for good. Without Arthur my life means nothing. I would gladly swap all that I have and all that I am to have him back."
Hunith listened and realised that Arthur would be able to hear her son's heartfelt words too. She could tell that Merlin wanted to say more and prompted him to continue.
"I have never spoken about this to anyone. There is nobody I could trust enough in Camelot, not even Gaius."
"What about Arthur, I thought you could trust him with anything?"
"I do mother but it is about him and I did not know how he would react."
Merlin went quiet again but Hunith suspected she knew what he was trying to say.
"Do you have feelings for Arthur?"
The question hung in the air and Arthur, who had heard all that had been said, was curious to know the answer.
"How did you know? I haven't told anybody."
"Merlin I have known you all of your life. I see how you look at him and there is a glow of happiness around you when the two of you are together. You look at him in the same way that I looked at your father. You'd do anything for him and you constantly risk being found out to protect him. You may be his servant but your level of both loyalty and protection are far higher than they need to be. You might moan about him sometimes but I know you are proud of him and support him in all sorts of ways."
"It's all true but he doesn't know. It is all just a hopeless dream. I can't provide Arthur with an heir and I doubt people would accept me as both a commoner and a servant. He can never know how I feel, I will continue to look after him and keep him safe. I will have to accept that he will marry but it will be hard to do. I need to protect him though, however much of a prat he is being."
Arthur chuckled at being called a prat and realised that he had been unfair. Merlin had not chosen to be a sorcerer, his concern was genuine and so was his willingness to sacrifice his life to protect him.
"It doesn't matter how I feel though. Arthur has left and won't want to speak to me again." Merlin began to sob again and didn't notice his mother walk towards his old room. As she opened the door she saw Arthur in the same state.
"I didn't know he felt that way. I knew he was loyal but I had no idea it was that strong. Do you think he will want to talk to me?"
"I'm sure he will, Arthur. Why don't you see?"
Arthur walked out, stood behind Merlin and put a hand on his shoulder. Merlin was confused as he had never felt that strength from his mother before. He didn't let himself think who else it might be and his tears continued to fall.
"I'm sorry" said a familiar voice and instinctively Merlin leapt out of the chair and flung his arms around Arthur.
"I thought you'd left" said Merlin and with that Arthur pulled away from Merlin's grasp and looked into his eyes.
"I could never leave without you Merlin. I don't think you realise how important you are to me."
Merlin's face broke out into the cheeky grin that Arthur knew and loved and his eyes sparkled too. As they continued to look into each others eyes their heads moved closer and they began to kiss. Arthur couldn't believe how good it felt to feel Merlin's lips on his and kissed him gently again. He broke off to look at his face. Was Merlin happy to do this? His answer was almost instant.
"Why did you pull away Arthur? Did I do something wrong?"
"No Merlin, it was perfect, though maybe you could do with a bit more practice just to make sure..."
He didn't need to be asked twice and began kissing him again, first gently and then more hungrily as his longing for more increased.
Hunith walked through and mumbled something about forgetting she was due to meet someone. She felt guilty for lying but knew that they needed to be alone. She realised that she would have to find someone who was willing to let her eat with them as it may be some time before she could return.
After the door closed Merlin broke from their kiss and whispered that they might be more comfortable in his old room as it was warmer in there. Without waiting for a reply he took Arthur's hand and led him into the bedroom.
"Maybe you should take your armour off sire? I am happy to help."
"I'm sure you are Merlin" said Arthur with a glint in his eye. "I trust this eagerness to help will be evident when we are back in Camelot."
"Yes of course my lord" laughed Merlin as he began to undo Arthur's armour as quickly as he could.