Save Me
ONE SHOT. Clary/ Simon. What if Clary told Jace how she really felt that day? What if she turned to Simon.
Jace stared at Clary for a few moments, she kept trying to talk and he was consistently cutting her off.
"Clary, it's okay, we'll be brother and sister like you wanted-you were right...it's not fair." Clary shook her head in disbelief- after all of that? She wanted to scream at him. She knew it was wrong, he knew it was wrong what they felt, but after so much she knew that the only person she would love was Jace Wayland. Could she let him walk away? "It's what you wanted-Clary." Jace told her carefully, patting her hand.
She sat in silence, turning over everything in her mind. Either Jace was doing as she'd said and trying to ignore these feelings, or he really didn't feel the same way...but, could she just go on not knowing exactly what she felt for him? Not knowing what he truly thought, and pay no heed to what any other idiot said.
"Stop it, Jace," she told him finally, when he continued to act very brotherly towards her-she couldn't stand it, it was fake, and it hurt.
"Stop what?" he asked , puzzled, not only by the words, but the tone of her voice, the look on her face, the way she moved away from him. He hadn't wanted this. Never.
All he wanted to tell her was how much he really did care. In the most terribly perfect way, he loved her. But loving your sister, and being IN love with your sister was two very different things. He couldn't take it anymore. She'd kept refusing to let anything be between them, and now he'd given in.
"Jace, I can't just carry on like this." Clary sighed, looking away from him.
"What do you mean, Clary? I did what you asked me, I-"
"Yes! But don't you see? I don't want you -" she got up from the table and picked up her bag quickly, not wanting to look at him, just wanting to get away after what she had almost said.
"Clary? Where are you going?" she made her way through the diner and towards the door "Clary! Come back!" he shouted after her, getting up from the table himself and chasing after her into the street.
It was raining hard, the city cloaked in a seeping darkness like wet tar, oozing down the streets and buildings as if it were alive. Large puddles hybrid with splatterings of oil from the cars which passed over, shimmered hypnotically, and the heavens continued to pour down their tears for the pair.
"Clary?" Jace looked up and down the street through the sheets of rain, but to no avail-Clary had gone. Where, he did not know, but he wasn't going to just let her walk away. He wanted to know what she had been about to say. He needed to know. More than anything.
**
"Simon?" Clary called pathetically from the other side of his bedroom door. The door opened.
"Clary? What are you doing here?"
"Your Mom let me up" she explained forlornly, her hair hung in damp tendrils around her small faces and she blinked up at her best friend sadly, tears threatening. Simon's brow furrowed slightly.
"Jace?" she nodded slightly, her face crumpling as she began to sob. He sighed, taking her into his arms and hugging her tightly.
"It's okay," he whispered, she nodded slowly.
"Yeah, maybe." Simon took a step back from her and looked down at himself with displeasure.
"You're soaking wet, Clary! Where have you been?" he asked as he plucked at his damp shirt and shivered slightly. She bit her lip, nervously, playing with her hair and looking down at her sodden trainers.
"The diner-with Jace. I left." Simon's expression changed from that of discomfort, to one of annoyance and disbelief.
"And you walked?!" she nodded, sadly, her damp hair falling back into her face and sticking to her skin uncomfortably. He sighed, watching her with affection and pulled her hair from her cheek.
"You idiot," Simon sighed, tapping her nose. Clary nodded in agreement. She was an idiot. An idiot to let herself fall for Jace Wayland when she had Simon, and idiot for ever getting involved with shadow hunters, for delving into the past which her mother had tried so hard to hide her from, an idiot for letting Jace decide what they were and an idiot for walking away from him. Walking in the rain, was the least of her worries.
"Look, there are some spare clothes in the airing cupboard, get changed in the bathroom and I'll get changed in here. The rain's stopped so we can get some air and you can tell me all about what happened. Okay?" Simon asked, raking a hand through his hair. Clary nodded and did as she was told.
Taking a pair of jeans and an old Nirvana T-shirt she locked herself in the bathroom, dried herself and changed, leaving her clothes in the washing basket. Simon's mother never minded. She left the bathroom, and then made her way back along the passage to Simon's room. She opened the door without thinking, and then closed it again. Simon chuckled and walked to the door, opening it again.
"I'm only shirtless, you know. The way you slammed the door, you'd think I was wandering around like I was ready for a nude photo-shoot." Clary blushed slightly.
"Sorry, I just panicked"
"Don't want me to think of you as a peeping Tom?" he laughed, ruffling her hair gently and then hunting through his drawers for a clean shirt.
"Yeah, I guess" she replied sheepishly, sitting down on the edge of his bed.
"Or am I that unattractive you had to slam the door on the sight of me shirtless?" he asked, pulling out a black Rolling Stones shirt with triumph, and chuckling. Clary went very pink and looked at her hands.
"No," Simon turned to her, quizzically.
"I can't think why else then…" he pulled the shirt on quickly and grinned at her "Ready to go?" Clary nodded, standing up and walking from the room before Simon could look at her face properly.
**
Simon and Clary walked through the darkened streets together in a companionable silence. He turned to her finally and asked
"What happened then?" Clary looked up at him sadly, not wanting to think of Jace.
"He said we would just be siblings-he would act like my brother from now on…." she looked down at her hands again, feeling tears pricking the back of her eyes painfully.
"But, surely that's a good thing-it's what you've been telling him all al-" Simone trailed off, staring down at her and bit his lip "It's not what you really want, is it?"
"I know it's wrong, but…" he nodded, wondering why he was so patient with her.
"It is, by law, wrong. But, well, no one else knows you're related -aside from every single shadow hunter…" Simons sighed, he wasn't really helping "What I mean to say is: if you wanted to be together that much-you could always run away together. No one would have to know you were related-you have different surnames after all…even though they're not your real surnames to begin with, but each to their own…" Clary smiled at him.
"I shouldn't have fallen in love with him" Simon raised an eyebrow, but shrugged.
"You can't help who you fall in love with, I suppose. But, just think-you could've had me." he chuckled "That'd make anyone runaway" Clary grabbed his arm suddenly, and stared at him. "What's wrong, Clary?" he asked her, looking back at her, bewildered.
"I could have had you" he nodded, uncertainly.
"Yes…"
"I'd have chosen you" she told him, seriously. Simon blinked, went to speak and found his voice crack, he cleared his throat.
"You still can" she stared at him for another moment, wondering where her sudden self assertion had come from. She closed her eyes, thinking of what to do. All it would take was three words, and her life could change. She opened her eyes again, Simon watched her carefully before she finally said
"I choose you"
**
It began to rain again, as Jace Wayland trekked his way through the streets of a darkened city in search of his sister. The girl he was utterly, toxically and irrevocably in love with. He finally decided to go and look for her at Simon's house, thinking that was the only place he had left that she may have gone to-away from the landmarks he had visited, he had no other clear idea.
He had almost reached the vampire's house when he saw her, standing and talking to the boy in question. He breathed a sigh of relief, and began to make his way towards them, though they appeared to be oblivious of his presence. As he drew nearer, he caught snatches of conversation, but nothing intelligible. Jace was about to shout out a greeting to them when he saw Simon move, bowing his head to Clary's and kissing her. His hands turned to tight fists as he watched, ready to rip the vampire away and beat him to death, but he was halted again by Clary's reaction. Instead of pulling away and screaming at Simon-or at least rebuking him- for being so forward, she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back-passionately.
Jace was standing only a few feet for the pair by then.
"Clary?" he choked on the name, bitter sweet sugar on his tongue. The pair drew away from each other, and Clary looked at him in shock.
"Jace? What are you doing here?"
"Yeah, what ARE you doing here?" Simon asked, absently. Jace shrugged
"I came to look for you, after you left, I-" he looked at his feet, angry tears threatening to make themselves known.
"You're soaked!" she exclaimed, moving away from Simon slightly reluctantly, and tugging Jace by the elbow. "Come to Luke's and get a change of clothes-you can't go back to the Institute like this" he stared at her, blankly. How could she act like it was nothing? How could she forget him so easily? When his heart felt like it was being slowly shredded and shattered, piece by delicate glass shard? She took his hand carefully, and walked him towards Luke's apartment, saying goodbye to Simon as she pulled him along. Simon nodded to her and left.
**
They reached Luke's apartment within ten minutes, and Clary fished out some clothes belonging to Luke which she hoped he wouldn't mind Jace borrowing, and handed them to her brother.
"There you go," he took them silently, his eyes devoid of emotion, his shoulder's ridged and his jaw tight. He left the room, returning shortly after, fully dried and changed. "Are you feeling better now?" Clary asked, handing him a cup of hot cocoa to warm him up. Jace gripped the cup tightly, standing stock still in the kitchen with her. "Go on, drink it before it gets cold."
"Damn it, Clary!" he yelled, throwing the mug to the floor and watching it shatter at his feet. Clary jumped away from him in shock.
"Jace, why are you acting like this?" she stammered uncertainly, moving as far away as she could.
"How could you?" Jace yelled back
"How could I, what?" Clary replied shrilly.
" 'How could you what?' For god sake, Clary, how easily do you forget? Are you like a fucking sieve? Do you forget who you decide to make out with in the middle of the street? Who you say you love? Are you just that bloody fickle?" he demanded angrily, striding towards her.
" No," she replied calmly
"Then tell me, sister dear-what the hell were you doing earlier?" he asked her, acidly.
"Kissing Simon" Clary replied, anger beginning to fill her
"Why? Pray tell?"
"Because I wanted to!" Jace glared at her
"because you WANTED to? Oh, forgive me, I was under the impression you weren't in love with him!" he screamed, Clary glared straight back
"What would you like me to do then, brother dearest? Live like a nun? Only kiss people I love?" she laughed humourlessly "I do love Simon"
"As a friend!"
"What difference does it make to you?" Clary screeched
" It makes every difference, Clary" Jace told her seriously
"Why?" she cried helplessly, staring at her older brother with desperation "Why, Jace?"
"Because you love me" he replied slowly
"Who said that? I didn't"
"I know you do, Clary Frey-don't lie to me!" she chuckled, tears sliding down her cheeks
"Fuck you, Jace"
"Don't talk to me like that, you know it's true!"
"Who cares? It's wrong, and I can speak any way I choose" Jace gritted his teeth angrily.
"I care!" she looked at him pityingly
"But why? There's no reasoning behind it, you just want all the attention"
"That's not true" she raised an eyebrow
"Oh, really? Then why, Jace, tell me once and for all, why you act like that, why you're so damn horrible about anything that doesn't involve you!" requested Clary with a certain degree of pleading in her voice. Jace closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose, and breathing carefully for a moment, then looked back to his younger sister.
"Because I love you," Clary blinked, grabbing onto the counter for support. She stumbled from the room and towards the door, wrenching it open and pointing to the landing.
"Get out!" Jace looked at her with surprise
"What?"
"Get out, Jace" she held the door angrily, waiting for him to leave
"Why?"
"I don't want you in my life-I don't ever want you to say anything like that to me again. I don't want to see you ever again, or hear from you. I don't care what you do, have fun with your little deamon hunter friends" Jace staggered backwards away from her, shaking his head in disbelief
"Clary! Don't say that!" She slammed the door and strode towards him.
"I am tried of having you in my life, you bring deamons and vampires after my family, you live in danger and I'm not interested. I won't clear up our messes anymore!"
"I've never put you in danger! Never! Nor, have I ever gotten you to clear up my messes"
"So breaking you out of jail-coulda done that by yourself, then?" she asked sharply.
"No, I couldn't…"
"Just leave! Now!"
"You can't never want to see me again!" Clary put her head on one side, studying him
"I can live without the view, thanks" she replied after appraising his handsome form.
"Stop saying things like that!" he pleaded, grabbing her wrist and glaring at her, trying to see the truth.
"I don't want to"
"You never said how you felt" he sighed
"Does it need saying?" she hissed back
"I need to know, once and for all-just like you, if I'm alone" Clary stared at him, the anger draining from her face.
"You already think you know it all" she informed him, although she wasn't shouting back anymore, or staring daggers at him.
"Maybe, but I'd like to know just the same" he told her, calming himself slightly. Clary looked away from his burning gaze, biting her lip and trying to work out what to do. Jace reached out with his other hand, taking her by the chin and turning her to face him. Tears began to stream down her upturned face again, making him feel guilty for his anger.
"You were right," he sighed, wanting to cry himself
"Clary, say it. Please." he let go of her chin, and she gulped slightly, blinking away her tears and then training her gaze on him.
"I do love you, Jace" she choked slightly, deteriorating -once again- into noisy sobs. Jace half laughed, half sobbed, lifting Clary up into his arms and kissing her cheek.
"It doesn't matter-we can be who we like, Clary. We can leave." he told her, spinning her round giddily and then putting her back on her feet.
"Can we?"
"I don't mind. I don't care who we are. You'll never be my sister, no one has to know. I'll take care of you-I promise" He spoke quickly, cupping her face in his hands and smiling down at her.
"For someone who was chucking mugs around you, seem awfully happy" she commented, dryly.
"I am happy" he replied, kissing her eyelids gently, and then wrapping his arms around her, holding her to him. "I've never been so happy" she gazed up at him.
"Why?" Jace chuckled
"We say 'why' a lot, don't we? Maybe, we don't need to know 'why' anymore, just what we mean to each other." Clary bit her lip
"But, what about everyone else?" she asked him worriedly
"We can always write-and if they care about us, they'll understand" he stated confidently, Clary smiled.
"Okay then,"
"Really?" he asked her excitedly, she nodded slowly, mentally saying goodbye to everything, ready for a new life.
"I do love you, Clary Frey" Jace told her seriously, holding her hand in his and kissing the knuckles.
"I know" he laughed slowly "I'll always love you, Jace"
"Or should I say, Clary Fairchild?" she smiled
"Jonathan Christopher Wayland, or Morgenstern?"
"Wayland. Always. I will never be Valentine's son" he told her determinedly
"Frey. I'll never be his daughter." they smiled at one another, Jace kissed her lips lightly once, before she turned to go and pack her belongings. Ready for a new life somewhere, with no one to tell them they were wrong to love one another.
Simon sat silently on the roof of the apartment building, thinking.
"I always knew it would end up like this" he sighed
"It's not your fault-at least they're happy" Maia said beside him.
"You're right" he smiled, taking her hand carefully in his own
"I always am." she laughed, he pushed her shoulder with his own playfully, bending down to kiss her
"I know."