The Flash is owned by the CW. Inspired by cold and paperskin by briarsrosie.
Barry couldn't believe his eyes. He'd wanted to know Savitar's identity for some time now. After all, he's been a thorn in his side for ages. Now that he knows Savitar's identity, he wished that he didn't. Never in his life did Barry think he could ever do what Savitar has done.
The thing is, is that he is Savitar, no matter how much he denies it. The scariest thing about it? When Henry was killed, he could have turned into Savitar right then, and there. If he can kill Iris, then who knows what he was capable of? That's the thing that scares him the most.
"No more walks on the dark side" Joe had told him once, and Barry had promised. No more walks on the dark side. The problem was that he'd already broken that promise, when he became Savitar. Savitar could hurt his friends, could Barry?
Barry understands Caitlin's fear now. She was so afraid that she would turn into Killer Frost and hurt her friends, and now? Barry was afraid of the same thing. Barry had been so desperate to get his speed back, but now? Barry would do anything to get rid of it. Funny how things change, huh?
It hits him like a ton of bricks one day. If he was Savitar, then that means that he created Alchemy. Julian was Alchemy because of him. Wally was Kid Flash because of him. Iris was going to die because of him.
He's Barry Allen, but he's the Flash too.
He's the Flash, but he's Savitar too. He hadn't understood why Caitlin would work with Savitar so easily at the time. Couldn't understand why she'd trust him so easily. Now that he knows that Savitar is him, it makes sense. Caitlin was willing to work with Savitar, because Savitar is him.
Eddie was right when he'd said that the Flash was a menace. Savitar is a monster, and so was he. Barry knew who Savitar was now, and now there was only one thing he could do, he runs. He runs until his legs were on fire, his heart was pounding, and his vision blurs. He runs until his breath hitches in his throat and his heart almost stops.
He's scared. Scared of becoming a monster. Scared of hurting the people he cares about. Scared of becoming him. Barry has a dark side, he's seen it. He's seen it in Savitar, and he's seen it in himself.
When Henry was killed, he was so close to that edge. So close to becoming Savitar, and if it wasn't for his friends, he would have. So, he runs. He runs until his legs were on fire, his heart was pounding, and his vision blurs. He runs until his breath hitches in his throat and his heart almost stops.
You're a monster. You're going to kill Iris. You're going to hurt Wally. You made Julian become Alchemy. And you manipulated Caitlin.
He didn't stop until he was in Star City. His fingers clawing at the suit as he tries to breathe. His heart pounding in his ear as his breath hitches in his throat. His vision blurs as he runs, and his heart almost stops.
"Barry." A voice calls.
"You need to stop. You need to breathe." It warns. He can't. He can't stop, not when the threat of becoming Savitar is still out there. Not when he's so scared.
His fingers grab at his cowl, shaking as he takes it off. The material is constricting, and he can't breathe. He's scared. Scared of becoming a monster. Scared of hurting the people he cares about. Scared of becoming him. He's a monster. A terrifying monster, and he can feel himself slipping.
"You need to stay away from me." He warns.
"Allen what are you talking about?" Julian asks.
"If I'm capable of becoming Savitar then who knows what I'm capable of?" He answers, and so he runs. He runs until his legs were on fire, his heart was pounding, and his vision blurs. He runs until his breath hitches in his throat and his heart almost stops. Savitar was him, and he was Savitar. They were one and the same, and he could become him any day now.
His fingers were clawing at the suit now, trying to take it off. He doesn't deserve the suit. Doesn't deserve to be called a hero. He's a monster. A terrifying monster. A monster through and through.
He's going to kill Iris. He's going to hurt Wally. He made Julian become Alchemy. And he manipulated Caitlin.
He opens the suit, his body shivering from the cold. He didn't deserve the suit. He wasn't a hero anymore, he was a monster. A cold-hearted monster, incapable of remorse.
A loud gasp escapes from his throat, his entire body shaking with fear. He needs to be locked up. He needs to be stopped. He doesn't want to become Savitar. He doesn't. Please don't let him become Savitar.
He sees a knife gleaming in the distance. He grabs it, holding it steadily in his hands. He positions it near his abdomen, and pierces it.
He expects to die right away. That didn't happen. He's hit with a vibrational blast, the knife having been knocked out of his hand. His vision starts to blur, and he sees Cisco looking up at him.
"Barry!" He shouts. Barry's bleeding now, his vision becoming more and more blurry.
"What did you do?" Cisco shouts, fingers pressing cloth to the wound. His hearing was becoming fuzzy now, everything was muffled.
"No Barry! Stay with me!" Cisco shouts. He's holding him now, fingers covered in blood as he tends to his wounds.
"Oh, my God!" Julian shouts.
"What did you do!" Joe shouts. He was fading now. In and out of consciousness.
"No Barry! Stay awake!" Iris sobs, and he's gone.
When Barry wakes up everything feels heavy. Everything is too bright, and loud. His head is spinning, and he's exhausted.