A/N: This is my new story. I recently lost dozens of other stories when my laptop crashed, but I found this story on an external hard drive. It's unfinished but I've been writing a couple of chapters and I thought that it was worth posting.

The prologue is the only part written from anyone's point of view. The rest of the story will be normally written. There will be some flashbacks in this story. If you have any questions you can always ask. Let me know if this is worth continuing.

I don't own criminal minds!

Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.

~ Dale Carnegie

Prologue

Hotch's point of view

November 5th 2012, Washington DC

Days, weeks, months and years passed by and we had no new hopes of ever finding JJ alive. It had been six years since we last saw our friend and colleague. Every day was harder to get through. Luck was never on our side during the investigation. We stumbled upon new leads multiple times, but they always ended in another dead end. Each day my team was falling apart a little more. I could see it on their faces. God knows I should've done more to keep my team together, but I just couldn't. I know they all tried to keep hope, but it was eating some of them alive. I will never blame them for giving up because I personally know that hope can be the worst thing in the world. It can make you blind.

Jason Gideon was the first one who left the BAU. After the death of his friend, he could no longer keep moving forward. It had been the last straw. He had seen agent after agent die. He left, but vowed he would never give up on JJ. I know he loved her like a daughter and I knew he would do anything he could to get her back.

Emily was the next person to leave. I believe she was hurting the most of us all. She was there when JJ disappeared. The quilt was consuming her and she could no longer function within the BAU. She had changed after JJ disappeared. She spent the next two years wondering what had happened and what she could've done differently. The what-ifs were killing her. But she stayed despite all the heartache. She tried to fight, but one day it was all she could take. I'll remember that day for the rest of my life and I can't blame Emily for leaving after that day. It was two and a half years after JJ's disappearance. I got a call from MPD, saying they found a body matching JJ's description. Emily was with me when I got the call. I told her what was going on. She wanted to be the one to identify JJ, but I didn't want her to bare that kind of responsibility. I was Unit Chief after all. But Emily insisted. She told me: ''Hotch, let me do this. Please!'' Her saddening expression convinced me to let her do it, but it's something I'll regret for the rest of my life. Emily and I decided to do it together. I couldn't let her go in alone. That wouldn't have been fair. The moment the medical examiner lifted the blanket from the body, Emily dropped to the ground. Tears were falling on to the floor while her entire body was shaking violently. It wasn't JJ, but I know that was Emily's breaking point. The thought that JJ was dead, was just too much for her. I took one last look at the body before kneeling down next to Emily. I pulled her into a tight hug, trying to calm her down. There wasn't much I could do for her in that moment. I wished I could've taken away her pain. I knew then that she was done. And she confirmed my suspicions the next day. She was going to back to the Chicago field office. I promised her I would never give up on JJ. She deserved to hear that because it was the truth.

The events that followed only made life harder on everyone. Derek was offered a job in New-York. He decided to take the job offer after a lot of consideration. The BAU reminded him of everything he had lost. I still believe Derek was the one who silently blamed Emily for JJ. Derek was always an honest person and I know he would've never admitted to make a mistake like that. And I believe he forgave Emily, but I know he was never going to forget. I think he still hasn't.

Reid, Garcia and I were the only ones who stayed with the unit. As we went through all the changes to our team, I knew they were barely holding on. Reid had never been the same goofy kid he used to be and Garcia lost all of her unique qualities. I never thought JJ's disappearance would affect them all so much. But seeing them every single day proved me wrong. It showed what an impact the blonde beauty had on all of our lives.

As for me, my life was forever altered the moment I heard Emily's voice over the radio. When I woke up that morning I had no idea what was going to happen. If I had known I would've told JJ how much I loved her. But I was never able to tell her that I did and still do. I was afraid to open up my heart to love again, but now it's the one thing I regret the most. I still see her from time to time. When I walk down a street, I can almost imagine her hand in mine. Her smile haunts my dreams and there are mornings when I wake up, hoping she's in my arms again. Reality is worse than a blow to the face. I realize all at once that I don't know where she is or if she's even alive anymore. But I haven't given up and I never will until the day I die. I don't why haven't given up hope. Maybe it's because I feel like I owe JJ something. Because I do. God, I owe her my life. Our relationship started off as an unexpected fling. My marriage to Haley was falling apart and JJ was there for me. She talked to me after our cases. She gave me a sense of security that I hadn't felt in so long that it almost made me cry. At first we were just friends. But it turned into something more when I accidentally kissed her in my office one day. Well, it wasn't an accident at all. Every part of my body was aching to feel her soft gentle lips against my own. I ached for that too long to let it pass by. In the following months our relationship continued and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. It was like she was the reason I could breathe again. She gave me my sanity and it completely shocked me. But I wasn't living the dream I wanted. I mean, how could I? I was married. I had responsibilities. And I never thought I would be the person to cheat on my own wife. I hated myself for being that person. But I didn't regret what I found because of it.

I found my other half and my reason to live. There are no words for me to describe JJ. Breathtaking, stunning, pure, graceful, divine are just one of the many. The way she changed me showed me what kind of a person she truly was. She changed so much about me and I don't regret any of the time I spent with her. It's something I'll cherish the rest of my life.

I still dream about the day I get to hold her again. I know I'll never want to let go of her again. I would tell her every single day that I love her. For now I can only keep hoping. Hope is all I have left these days and I'll never let it go until the day I find her.

Little did we know what hell was about to unfold…