Author's notes: This is just a little interlude I wrote to the episode Dagger. There was so much left out between the shooting in the bus and the final moments where Gibbs got to tell Amanda what had happened. It couldn't have been an easy moment for Gibbs as he was obviously physically but most likely also emotionally hurting and I figured he needed somebody, really bad. I chose Ziva.
No romance. Sorry, I don't write romance.
Disclaimer: Sigh. What would I do with them if they were mine? Let's so not go there...
Spoilers: well, season 6, Cloak and Dagger... don't read if you haven't seen those eps.
Rating: K+ I think
Officer Ziva David let out a breath of relief. They'd successfully dragged the girl from the booby-trapped bed, shielding her both on the floor as the bomb detonated. They were all fine, which was a miracle alone, the blast had mostly been directed upward from the bed, she realized.
Looking at the girl, who seemed to be in shock, she then let her gaze shift to her partner, Tony DiNozzo, her eyes asking the silent question.
"I'm okay," he replied softly, then turned his attention to the girl. "Amanda? You're Amanda, right? We're federal agents, Amanda, and we're here to take you home. You're safe now."
Ziva watched in wonder how the little girl looked at her partner and slowly relaxed. For somebody who could be extremely annoying, Tony sure had his way with children.
"We're going to take you with us, now. Is that okay, Amanda? You think you can walk?" his voice soft and gentle, Tony slowly got to his feet, reached out a hand and let the girl grab it. Smiling encouraging at her he helped her up.
Ziva felt the urge to get back to the restaurant. With her and Tony here and McGee in MTAC, Gibbs was on his own. He had other agents there, of course, but he was used to them watching his back, not somebody else. She chose not to say anything, as she was afraid it would scare the girl, but she was glad when Tony had managed to get her on her feet and followed them anxiously to the car. "I'll drive."
"Ziva, are you sure that is a good idea?"
She looked at him. He shrugged. "I'll sit in the back with Amanda."
They got in the car and she raced back, ignoring the complaints coming from the back-seat. Concentrating on her driving, she heard Tony call McGee, telling him that they had Amanda and that she was safe. McGee then informed them that the operation had gone sour and that Gibbs was chasing the suspect into a bus.
She'd made it the four blocks back to the restaurant as quick as they had raced towards Amanda's rescue. Slamming the brakes, Ziva parked the car on the safe side of the restaurant, threw the door open and jumped out of the car, "You stay with the girl. I'll see if I can help Gibbs."
She ran around the restaurant, drew out her gun and looked at the bus. It had come to a stop, due to a flat tire. Gibbs, she realized. The front door was wide open, the back door closed but the window was shot to pieces. Some people were hiding behind cars, they could be either passengers who had gotten out or pedestrians. Scanning the interior through the windows, Ziva saw nothing moving and heard nothing either, no gun fire, no yelling.
She entered the bus through the front door, shards of glass breaking under her feet as she took the steps. Ziva noted drops of blood on the floor, between the glass, saw some people still hiding in their seats and then her gaze rested on Gibb's back. He was crouched down next to agent Lee, who was spread out on her back, the suspect Bankston lying behind her.
She slowly moved through the small passage, taking in a girl kneeling near the back-exit from the corner of her eyes. "Gibbs?"
He didn't move. As Ziva stepped closer, she saw the blood drops on his right shoulder before she was close enough to see the blood matting his face. Scanning the scene in front of her she took in the broken bone, sticking out of the finger of his hand, the badge he was grasping, the three bullet-holes in agent Lee's body and a matching pair in Bankston. In that split second she realized how this had gone down, and cursed inwardly.
"Everybody remain in your seat. An agent will be here soon to take your statement," she called over her shoulder at the remaining passengers. Although Ziva knew chances of survival with that kind of bullet-holes were slim, she stepped forward, pressed her fingers on Ted Bankston's neck first, then on Lee's neck. They were dead. Glancing at her boss in worry, she gently closed agent Lee's eyes then tugged at Gibbs' arm. He got up slowly and let her guide him until he was sitting on one of the seats.
"Gibbs," the firm voice of Director Vance came through the mike, "sitrep!"
Ziva responded for him, "We're clear. Suspect is dead, so is agent Lee. We need the paramedics, Gibbs is injured."
McGee's gasp was heard, before Vance replied, "How bad?"
She'd taken out her handkerchief and gently placed it over the still bleeding wound above Gibbs' eye."He'll be okay. A broken finger and a bleeding gash on his temple. Could be from broken glass flying around from the window, or a bullet scraping his skull, I can't tell."
"Ziva, the paramedics have arrived and are parked around the corner. I'll send them over," McGee informed her.
"Thank you, McGee," Ziva replied then, with everything that needed to be taken care of done, switched her full attention to Gibbs. He was sitting completely still, staring at agent Lee's dead body with an anguished look on his face, seemingly unaware of what happened around him.
Ziva stepped into his line of vision, softly calling his name, "Gibbs!"
He looked up at her, weary, one eye bloodshot, sorrow etched on his face, then in one fluid motion he switched to full agent mode. "I'm okay."
She knew that was far from the truth. She knew how hard this case had been on him. First, he had to deal with the death of agent Langer, believing he was the bad guy despite the fact that Gibbs had recommended the man. Then, it became obvious that Langer hadn't been the mole but had been innocently killed, something Ziva knew Gibbs blamed himself for. Going after agent Lee hadn't been easy either, especially when Michelle explained she was protecting her daughter. It had been a painful interrogation, bringing up bad memories for Gibbs. Last, whatever had happened Ziva didn't know exactly, but it was evident that Gibbs had shot through Lee to get Bankston. An act, although without a doubt legitimate, would haunt Gibbs for a long time.
"Yes," she acknowledged him with a nod, "but we need to get that hand looked after. It must hurt, even for you. And you need stitches. Are you dizzy?"
He made a futile attempt to shake his head but stopped at the last second. Getting up, he did sway a bit as he prepared to move to the exit.
Ziva moved closer, grabbing his arm. "Easy, Gibbs." She held onto him, steadying him as they got off the bus.
"I can walk," he protested as she slid an arm around his waist.
"I hope so," Ziva sneered, "As I have no intention of carrying you to the ambulance. But I'll allow you to lean on me a little if needed."
------
They went to the hospital. The gash above Gibbs' eye had been sutured in the ambulance, requiring a couple of stitches, but there hadn't been much the paramedics could do for his hand except putting a splint on it. The finger needed minor surgery to stabilize the fracture, and the paramedic also ordered some X-rays to rule out a serious head injury, already having determined that Gibbs had a mild concussion from the bullet that had scraped his skull.
Ziva had driven him to the hospital. It became the most gentle ride she'd ever done in her life as she was afraid her usual style would make her boss nauseous.
In the ER, Gibbs had received a shot of morphine, just before they had taken him away to do the repairs on his finger. Ziva had taken the moment to call Abby and tell the frantic lab-girl that Gibbs would be all right.
It was almost midnight when a nurse came to take her to Gibbs. He was lying on a hospital bed, still a little out of it from the medication. His finger was splinted, his whole hand wrapped in bandages. The wound above his eye was now properly taped as well. A doctor was waiting for her, and after the formalities told her he really wanted to keep Gibbs overnight.
Ziva disagreed. "He goes home with me." With the mental anguish she'd seen on his face, she knew the last thing he needed was to be confined to a hospital bed. He needed privacy. He needed solitude and would only get that at home. "I'll stay with him, I can wake him every two hours if needed, but he's not going to stay."
"All right, but yes, I do advice that you wake him up every two hours. The X-rays revealed no serious injury, there's also no swelling of the brain but he's been responding sluggishly, his pupils are not responding quite equally and the medication needed for his hand, although we used the bare minimum, could cause complications. Are you sure you want to do this?"
Ziva looked at Gibbs. He'd opened his eyes and was looking at her. He was still drowsy but she was certain she saw a flash of gratitude. "Yes, I'm positive."
"Very well. I'll go and tell the nurse to get the discharge papers. As soon as agent Gibbs is up to it, you are free to go.
Half an hour later, she parked the car in front of his house. Wrapping her arm around his waist again, she silently led him inside and brought him straight to bed. "Rest," she advised, knowing that with the medication left in his system, this would be the moment for him to sleep.
Barely an hour later, she found him tossing and turning. His face screwed up, he mumbled the name Kelly over and over. Sighing, Ziva stepped closer to the bed. "Gibbs," she called out, then a little louder, "hey, Gibbs, wake up!"
She watched as his eyes trembled, then opened, looking around in confusion before he found her face. "Ziva?" his voice sounded raw from emotion.
"Yes, Gibbs. Do you know what day it is?" Ziva asked, testing how lucid he was like the doctor had instructed her.
He answered her questions, slowly but without hesitation as he ran a hand over his face before getting into a sitting position.
"How's the head?" Ziva asked, although the way he looked at her through half-shut eyes told her he had a serious headache.
He shrugged, unwilling to answer but realizing Ziva already knew.
"You should go back to sleep," Ziva suggested.
He shrugged again, then placed his elbows on his knees and rested his head in his hands. "Too much on my mind," he replied with a rough but soft voice.
"Amanda?" she asked, hoping to get him to open up.
He tilted his head a little to glance at her. "What do I tell her, Ziva?"
"The truth," Ziva opted. She sat down next to her boss, leaning forward like him, her arms resting on her knees.
He snorted. "Yeah, like your sister was a traitor, and I killed her. That'll work."
Ziva sighed. There just was no way of offering comfort on this. "You want me to tell her?"
Gibbs shook his head. "No. I killed her. It's my job."
"What happened?" Ziva asked with a soft voice.
Gibbs remained silent for a long time, making Ziva fear he wasn't going to tell her but then he talked, his voice sounding mechanical, like a robot, "He dragged Lee into the bus. I followed them, we fired... I got hit and went down. I got up, he shot a woman who was trying to get away, then aimed for the backdoor. McGee's voice came over the mike, Lee heard Amanda was safe and started struggling for the gun. She looked at me, her eyes begging me... then she mouthed, shoot." Gibbs paused for a long time, then continued, "And I did."
"She was in front of him, yes?" Ziva asked, remembering how the two were lying dead on the bus' floor.
"Yes."
"So there was no way you could get him without harming her."
"No."
"And your vision was impaired by the blood in your eye, yes?"
"Yes."
"And your finger was broken so you had to aim with your left hand."
"I have a good aim with my left hand," he objected.
"Yes, but still... You did what you could," Ziva reasoned.
"I got her killed," he argued.
"No, she got herself killed, Gibbs," Ziva said firmly, "she saw no way out, there was a little girl blocking the exit, Michelle must have seen that, too. She knew she was going down for killing two agents and committing treason, so she took the best way out."
He sat up straight and angrily slapped his knee with a flat hand. "She should have come to me!"
Ziva looked at her boss, studying the way he vented his anger. His left hand was firmly balled to a fist and his eyes seemed to be shooting fire from fury.
"Langer could still be alive, Lee could, too!" He got up fast, swayed a bit but steadied himself quickly and began pacing the room. "Why, Ziva? Why didn't she come to me? To the director, to anyone?"
Ziva shrugged, not knowing the answer to that question. "She probably thought what she did was the best way to protect Amanda." It was lame, she knew it, but she couldn't give him more than that.
"Protecting somebody over the lives of other innocent people is wrong on so many levels!" Gibbs was almost yelling, hitting the wall with his fist out of frustration. "And how dare she ask if I wouldn't do the same thing for my daughter!"
ZIva sighed. Here she was, to offer support for her boss because she knew what he was going through. The problem was, she had no idea how to do that What was there to say? How far would she go, if she had another chance, to save her sister Tali, she asked herself. And just how far would he have gone? "Wouldn't you?" she asked, searching his gaze, trying to get through to him.
He stared back at her, his eyes wide, anguished from the ever returning memory of the murder of his wife and daughter.
For a moment, Ziva was afraid he would turn his anger on her for daring to ask, then she wondered if her question would shut him down.
He looked at her for a long time, leant with his back against the wall and slowly slid down. "No." He leant his head back against the wall, staring at the ceiling before dropping his chin to look at her, with tear-filled eyes, but a gaze that was deadly honest. "I would give anything, everything, including my own live, if that's what it would have taken to save them, Ziva. Hell, I even got the bastard responsible for their deaths myself. But I draw the line right there. Couldn't be an agent if I didn't."
She got up, moved over to the wall and sat down next to him, placing one hand on his knee. "I know, Gibbs, I know."
They sat in silence, Gibbs spent from his outburst, Ziva rerunning their conversation over and over in her head, trying to determine if they'd gotten to the bottom of everything. She could feel his body trembling and kept her hand on his knee, thinking he needed the silent comfort more than anything else at this moment.
Slowly, the trembling faded and his breathing evened out as his head slowly slid sideways until it rested on her shoulder.
She kept as still as possible as she realized he'd fallen asleep, satisfied that he felt comfortable enough to sleep on her shoulder but sad that he had to go through an emotional turmoil that drove him that far in the first place.
She woke him, every time he was getting restless and murmuring Kelly's name over and over again. She made sure he answered her here-and-now questions, placed her arm around his shaking shoulder and pulled him closer as he went back to sleep.
By the time it was morning, she was exhausted, stiff and emotionally worn out herself. Gibbs woke up, looking in surprise and embarrassment at their position on the floor then gave her one look that said more than a thousand thank-you's. They didn't speak, both took their showers then they had coffee before she drove him back to NCIS headquarters where he went straight up to the Director's office.
Amanda was at Tony's desk and she sat down and started to draw with the girl, trying to wipe Gibbs' anguished cries for and apologies to Kelly from her mind.
She looked up as Gibbs came down the stairs and watched him holding out his hand for Amanda, remembering his raw pain from last night and how he had struggled to figure out what he was going to tell the girl.
She watched them sit down at the window, and how he gave her Michelle's badge, knowing how much these past couple of weeks had cost him and how desperately he had wanted it to end differently. She remembered how he had trembled, emotionally spent, and how he'd finally drifted to sleep in her arms. She wished she could have spared him from all of this and wondered how many nights this would still haunt him. She couldn't stop the tears that slowly started rolling down her cheeks.
Ziva David silently cried.
THE END