Because of You
Sequel to: "This I Promise You"
Building a Family series
Written by: Chochowilliams
Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation or the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Summary: It is six years later and while Shuichi has moved on with his life, there are those who have not.
Warning: M/M, M/F, Sexual Situations, Romance, Angst, Drama, Fantasy, OOC, Language, M-Preg, OCs, Japan Natives: Surname first
Pairings: Shuichi/Eiri, Hiro/Ayaka, Hiro/Suguru, Tatsuha/Ryuichi, OMC/OFC
Inserts: Scene from Gravitation manga, "Because of You", by Kelly Clarkson
A/N: This is the sixth installment in the Building A Family series. In order they are: "Parental Revenge", "In the Closet", "Give In To Me", "My Heart Beats Like A Drum", This I Promise You, Because of You, "Limelight". Originally, there were 30 chapters plus an epilogue, but I combined the chapters to make the longer and there is now 13 chapters total. Enjoy!
oOo
I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
-"Because of You", by Kelly Clarkson
oOo
Chapter 1: The News and Regrets
Six Years Later - August – Uesugi-Shindou Household - Nara, Japan
At an ungodly hour, the mansion appeared to be as silent as a tomb, but on closer inspection, soft snoring could be heard from the master suite. The rustling of sheets as someone tossed and turned in their sleep floated down the hall from another bedroom. Light seeped out from under the closed door at the end of the hallway. The sound of soft, but incessant tapping of keys echoed in the silence of the home.
While his family slept, Shindou Shuichi worked on the story of his life.
It was something he had been thinking about doing for quite a while now. Eiri would never write an autobiography or allow anyone else to write one about him, because little bits of his life were always showing up in his stories. When a new Nittle Grasper biography came out shortly after Bad Luck retired six years ago, everybody started wondering about a Bad Luck biography.
One by one, all six members of Bad Luck were approached and one by one, they all turned the offer down. None of them wanted anything to do with a biography. Bad Luck had been about the music, not about using events that may or may not have happened in order to out sell Nittle Grasper, even though K did just that on several occasions. What happened outside of the music was of no one's concern and they all wanted to keep it that way, especially now that most of them-the exception being Kei and Kai, of course-had families. They wanted to keep their children safe from scorn and ridicule and keep them, most of all, out of the spot light as much as possible. They wanted to give their children as much of a normal life as they could.
Of course, that had not been the end of that, as much as they all hoped it would be. It was not more than a month later when Eiri heard rumors through his editor, Mizuki Kanna, about an unauthorized biography in the works. Eiri used his connections and influence to put a stop to that right away.
But, unlike the others, Shuichi had not drifted off into obscurity. He was, after all, the famous gay front man who was having an illicit affair with the one and only Yuki Eiri. Now they were "married" and had children. It seemed like there was always something in the tabloids about them. It all has to be rather redundant after a while, because it was the same crap every time, but people ate every little bit of it up.
One time, Shuichi lost his wedding ring while doing the dishes and the press had a field day. Rumors of a divorce spread like wild fire. The tabloids claimed they had been given copies of the divorce papers from a "reliable source close to the couple" that listed the reason as "infidelity". They even had a "confession" from one of Eiri's "mistresses". Bunch of idiots conveniently forgot that it was not legal for same sex couples to marry in Japan, so even if Eiri and he did split, there would be no divorce papers to sign. The ceremony they had in the living room of their old apartment had been a civil union, a promise made to each other, which was what a marriage ceremony was. It just was not recognized in the eye of the law, but why nitpick?
Another time, Shuichi tripped over Keitaro and Kane-who, like usual, were wrestling in the middle of the living room-and ended up bashing the side of his face against the coffee table. Of course, a huge bruise formed and rumors of Eiri being physically abusive spread like wildfire.
The most annoying part of the tabloids had to be dealing with family and friends who storm over acting as if they were the ones who had been wronged, demanding to know what the hell was going on. Talk about redundancy. You would think they would have learned by now that all the shit the press flung around were nothing but lies.
It was like the paparazzi had nothing better to do than to put one and one together and get five, but that was exactly what got him into really thinking about the offer made by Eiko Publishing, which happened to be the same company that published Eiri's books. With all this crap the press seemed to always get from "reliable sources close to the couple", maybe it was time to set the record straight.
Another reason why he chose to write his own biography was because there were some things he had pushed to the back of his mind, things he purposefully decided to forget and not speak about, ever. These things he had not dealt with-being gang raped by Sourpuss was one of them; it was something he just wanted to forget had ever happened, but unfortunately, it was always there in the back of his mind, waiting for the perfect moment to strike.
Writing about an experience can help you get through things when all the kind, comforting words and touches do nothing but leave you feeling even more lifeless and out of touch with reality than before. It helps you express on paper what you could not admit either to yourself or to others. Writing about an experience or event lets you understand something you had never realized before. It allows you to delve into the deepest depths of your mind that you had neglected and start to untangle the snarled knots. Writing this autobiography would help to erase the pain, whether he had it published or not.
When Shuichi went to Eiri with the idea of writing an autobiography, the writer had not been too pleased. He expressly forbade Shuichi from going through with it. Eiri went so far as to call his publishing company and demand in no uncertain terms that they not publish anything they may receive from Shuichi, but Shuichi was unwavering about this. All he had to do was remind Eiri that there were tons of other publishing companies out there and all of them would kill to get their hands on a Shindou Shuichi autobiography. Eiri had been none too pleased about that either and had stormed off in an angry huff.
Writing the book was harder than he thought it would be. Some events he could not remember too clearly. Other times, he was not too sure who said what. But other things he could remember as clearly as if they just happened...
oOo
After being chased out of the subway by a legion of crazy fans, I found myself at my rival's apartment, who ironically enough, was now my savior. I owed him big time. Who knew what would have happened if he had not been there?
"Hey, thanks for coming to my rescue, Sourpuss! I was wrong about you! You're not so bad after all," I slurred drunkenly.
Aizawa laughed and rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment. "Thanks, Shindou-kun! It makes sense that we should be allies in this crazy business."
"That was my first time being chased by a mob. I kind of liked it," I laughed.
We clink beer cans in a sort of toast.
"Yeah," Aizawa echoed. "Never gets old either!" The lead singer of Ask studied me for a moment. "It's fun being famous, isn't it?" he asked me with all trace of laughter gone, but there was still a hint of amusement in his voice.
"I'd say so," I agreed with a laugh, but then I really thought about that. Was it really all fun and games? My smile drooped and I placed my beer can down, swung my legs-that were going to sleep-out from under my butt. "There's a downside," I admitted truthfully. "When you're famous, everyone is watching you. Still…I realized something today. You always have to hide. Even to just go to the movies or to get groceries. Or when you're dating…" I dropped my face into my hands, as a well of misery constricted my heart. My white button up shirt fell down around my arms, but I did not have the energy to fix it. "Why would anyone want to put themselves through that? No wonder celebrities always end up dating each other!"
"Let me guess…that Yuki cat dumped you, right?"
My body tensed. Slowly, I lifted my head and stared at him with wide eyes. I was stone cold sober now. What did he just say?
Aizawa smiled at me, but this time that smile was not as innocent as it was earlier. No, it was as sinister as it always had been. "Heh…Well, you know, he seemed like he was pretty hard to get along with anyway. It's hard enough to date in this insane lifestyle without the guy being a total pill, as well."
I sat down with a hard flop and stared at him in shock and terror. "…How do you know about me and Yuki?" As soon as those words left my mouth, I realized that had been the wrong thing to say. I clasped my hand over my mouth, but it was too little too late.
"I didn't really. I wasn't sure until you said that just now." He stared at me behind a flop of his bangs, a sly smirk on his face. "I never would have thought you'd be that gullible."
All I could think was, Oh, shit! People have always told me I have a tendency not to think and that that it would get me into trouble some day. As the door behind Aizawa opened with a silent flick, I had a bad feeling that day was now.
"I can't wait to see the juicy exposé in all the tabloids!"
The door flew open to reveal two guys who could not be much older than I was. They both had smiles just as sly as the one on Aizawa's face. My heart started beating triple time in my chest. Terror froze me to the spot and stole my breath. I could do no more than stare at the men with wide horror filled eyes. Something told me I should get the hell out of there, but the link connecting my brain with the rest of my body had gone on its fifteen-minute break. I could do nothing.
"Thanks for waiting guys," I heard Aizawa say. His eyes never left mine. His smirk morphed into a sinister, self-satisfied expression. "It's time to earn those dollars. Take care of him."
And before I knew what was happening, the men rushed me. The one with the long hair grabbed me from behind, pinning my arms behind my back with one arm. T he other hand covered my mouth.
The one with the hat knelt in front of me. My eyes grew wide as sudden realization struck me. This was not happening! God, please, no! Please let this be a dream!
"Nnmph!"
In vain, I tried to free myself from their grasp, but their hold on me was too tight. The man kneeling in front of me slid one hand under my shirt, groping my chest and tweaking my nipple. I squirmed futilely. I did not want their filthy hands touching me! His other hand was teasing the button of my jeans…
Shuichi threw himself from the desk and the laptop with a violent shudder. His chair rolled backwards and smashed against the wall with a loud thud. The jarring impact sent a jolt through his body.
He panted heavily, his chest rising and falling and his breathes coming in wheezing gasps. His pulse was racing. He could see them mocking and sneering at him, see that twisted gleam in their eyes and hear that insidious laughter. He could feel their cold, calloused hands as they ripped and tore him to shreds...
Shuichi swallowed repeatedly as bile filled his mouth. Feeling suddenly lightheaded, he dropped his head between his knees and took slow, even breathes. His whole body was shaking. Tears were overflowing from his eyes. He covered his head with his hands, squeezed his eyes shut and sobbed quietly as the ache and pain washed over him.
oOo
Eiri opened the door and was greeted with an incredible sight.
The master suite was enveloped by the soft glow of hundreds of candles. A strong, but sweet bouquet filled the air. The white gauze curtains danced gently in the night breeze that fluttered in through the open patio doors.
Eiri's golden eyes swept across the master suite. His breath hitched. His eyes went wide. His pulse started to race. He licked suddenly dry lips. He was hard instantly as he gazed at the prone figure lying prostrate in the middle of the bed. Surrounded by a mound of pillows and atop the feather down quilt, the gorgeous pink gem on the left ring finger and the twin diamonds in his ears sparkled in the candle light.
"Shuichi."
Shuichi's legs were bent, his knees pointing at the ceiling. His legs spread wide in invitation, displaying himself in all his fine, wanton glory. His black shiny locks fanned out around his head like a halo. Those incredible violet eyes sparkled and watched Eiri openly. Eiri's own eyes shinned as they gazed at his husband.
Unsure how he got there, in the next instant, Eiri found himself between Shuichi's legs, their hips grinding together, their twitching cocks locked together in an erotic dance. Eiri's hands were planted on either side of his husband's head holding the upper half of his body up. He felt Shuichi's small, slender hands gripping his upper arms tightly.
His heart swelled as he took in the incredible man beneath him. He smiled down at the mother of his children.
"I love you, Shuichi," he whispered as he caressed the side of his lover's face.
Shuichi beamed, his whole face glowing.
Eiri lowered his head, holding his lips centimeters from his partner's soft, parted lips. He dipped his head, his face looming closer, closer, and…
A sudden cacophony of noise assailed the writer's senses. He flew off his husband, his heart in his throat as a stampede of elephants burst through the bedroom door with loud hyena cackles.
"Daddy! Otokasan," they screeched at the top of their lungs as the bedroom door burst open.
Eiri cursed. Flopping on to his back, he drew the covers that had somehow pooled at the foot of the bed to cover Shuichi's and his nakedness. He loved his children more than life itself and would gladly walk through the fires of hell for them. He would die to protect them, but was it so hard to have some alone time with his husband?
Kane and Keitaro raced to the foot of the bed, both screaming at the same time, each one trying to speak over the other.
He stared at the ceiling as his sons' screaming match escalated. He prayed to Buddha, to whichever god or spiritual being might be listening, to help him. Lifting his head, he propped up on his elbows and studied his boys.
Kane, the youngest, had tears streaming down his pale face from golden hazel eyes. His long blond hair was mussed into a giant rat's nest. He was wearing jeans and a pink button down dress shirt. Eiri wondered dryly as his studied the boy, which parent he took after.
Keitaro, on the other hand, was wearing a pair of tan kakis and a white stripped button down shirt. His spiky blond hair looked as if the kid had not bothered to comb it.
Eiri groaned and rubbed his temples as the beginnings of a headache pulsed to life. As if things could not get any worse, above the screams of the twins was a sudden sharp, high-pitched wail from the nursery. Eiri sobbing pitifully to himself. Dammit all to hell. Now Kira was awake. There went the rest of his hopes of some alone time with Shuichi.
Speaking of which, the brat had been uncharacteristically silent. Shuichi could not stay quiet to save his life, especially when it came to his children. The singer babied them within an inch of their lives. He turned towards his husband to ask for a little help…and blinked in surprise.
Sitting up, he glanced around the room. "Shuichi?"
Shuichi was gone. His side of the bed was neatly made as if he had not just been there mere moments ago.
Three set of lungs screaming like it was going out of fashion continued to resound through the house. Eiri's head was spinning. He could not think. Growling, Eiri yelled angrily, "Enough!"
Then everything was gone. Kane, Keitaro, Kira and their head splitting cries vanished. The bedroom with its candles and incense and bed piled high with so many pillows and a quilt so soft and fluffy, you sank in it-it was all gone. Then Eiri found himself in a sea of blackness. There was nothing but a black nothingness all around him.
Before he could even contemplate what the hell was going on, something started tugging on his legs, yanking him downwards. There was nothing he could do to fight against the pull.
Eiri jerked awake, his body twitching with the impact of hitting ground that he could not remember, but knew had happened. Dripping in sweat, he stared wide eyed at the ceiling, panting heavily. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, trying to regulate his breathing and slow his racing heartbeat.
Rubbing his face, he sighed and turned to gaze at his sleeping husband, one of his favorite pastimes, but like in his dream, the other side of the bed was still neatly made.
Eiri blinked stupidly and stared at the empty bed. Frowning, he flicked his gaze towards the clock. It was three in the morning. The first thing that popped into his head was that Shuichi went to check on the children, but when he noticed that the baby monitor was gone, Eiri knew that could mean only one thing.
Growling lightly, Eiri sat up, flung back the covers and swung his legs over the side of the bed. He started to push himself off the bed when he heard the door to the bedroom open with an unnaturally loud click in the absolute silence of the house.
"Daddy?" came the soft half-asleep voice.
Eiri recognized the voice immediately. "Kane, what're you doing up? Don't you have school in the morning?"
The boy threw open the door and raced across the room, his bare feet silent on the thick carpet. Shuichi braided Kane's long hair before the boys went to bed and it bounced against his back as he ran towards him. Eiri watched as his son crawled towards him, his nightgown getting caught under his knees a few times.
"Daddy," Kane said as he sat in his father's lap. Golden hazel eyes locked together.
"What?" Eiri hugged his arms around his son loosely.
"Otokasan is crying in the study."
Eiri blinked. "He's what?"
"I had to go potty and get a drink and I heard him crying."
Eiri sighed and raked his fingers through his hair. "Damn," he muttered. His suspicions had been right.
"Daddy?" Kane looked up at his father questioningly.
He knew this was going to happen. It was exactly why he was against the brat working on that damn autobiography. "You're getting heavy," Eiri grunted as he stood up, with Kane in his arms. "Did you go potty?"
Kane nodded. "Uh huh. I got a drink, too. I was really thirsty."
"Okay. Think you can put yourself to sleep by yourself while I go check on your otokasan?"
"Yeah."
"Alright." He gave his son a quick hug and kiss before setting him down. "Now, off to bed."
The boy raced across the hall towards the room he shared with his twin brother, but stopped and raced back towards his father. Eiri watched him with a raised eyebrow. "Night, Daddy," he cried, hugging his father's leg before racing back to his bedroom and shutting the door behind him.
Eiri chuckled, shaking his head in amusement.
His merriment subsided as he realized his night was far from over. This was going to suck big time. The last thing he needed was to stay up all damn night trying to comfort his husband, especially when he had a train to catch in a few hours to Kyoto.
Mizuki set up a lecture at Kyoto University and then an in-store appearance the next morning at the school bookstore for him. She claimed he agreed to this some time ago, though Eiri had no memory of doing so. What he did remember was specifically telling her not to schedule anything for him until further notice when he learned Shuichi was pregnant with Kira. He refused to leave Shuichi alone during his pregnancy. So many things could go wrong, even more so with Shuichi because he was male. Kira was now three months old, but he was still reluctant to go on a business trip and leave Shuichi home alone with the boys, because his legs have a tendency to give out every once in a while. If that were to happen when he was carrying Kira…Eiri shuddered at the thought.
Mizuki promised he would not be gone for more then two days at the most. It was two days too long in his opinion, but agreed to do it just this once, though he warned her that if she pulled this kind of shit again, he would fire her.
As Eiri made his way to his English inspired study, he could clearly hear the sounds of crying and they were not the usual "why-aren't-you-paying-attention-to-me-I-hate-you" tears. No, these were real tears filled with so much pain and sorrow; it shattered Eiri's heart to hear them.
He reached for the doorknob and slowly opened the door. The sound of the crying got louder. Stepping into the study, he took in the sight before him. Shuichi was sitting in the expensive leather chair, which was backed against the wall and nowhere near the desk. His laptop was open on the desk. The screen was filled with text Eiri assumed was the beginnings of the brat's biography. Shuichi was hunched over, his face buried in his hands. His small, lithe body-that had just regained its pre-pregnancy figure-shook as sobs racked his body.
"Shuichi," he called softly.
Startled, Shuichi gasped and jumped. His heart beating a mile a minute, he stared at his husband in the doorway. Sitting up, he wiped his tear and snot filled face with the back of his hand. Sniffling, he rolled his chair back to the desk. "I'm sorry," he hiccupped. He cleared his throat of another sob. "Did I wake you?"
"No," Eiri said truthfully from the doorway. "Kane did."
Shuichi nodded then bowed his head. He stared at his fingers in his lap. He did not have the courage to look at the computer screen and reread what he just wrote. He knew he let it happen to protect the man he loved with all his heart, but he wanted nothing more than to just forget that it had ever happened. He wanted to be honest with his fans, though. That was the whole point of writing the autobiography. His fans stuck by him through everything, supported him in everything he did. They made him what he was, but at the same time, he had never really talked about it to anyone. Yes, Hiro, Eiri and Seguchi knew bits and pieces about that horrific event, but he had not told anyone everything, not even the psychiatrist he went to for a short time. His parents did not even know that he had been raped. He wanted to save them from living through the hell he had been forced to endure. He did not want their pity, shame, disappointment or sympathy.
He was afraid, though, of what would happen when it got out. What would his fans say? God, what would his parents think? Would they think he had been at fault, that he had not been "pure" enough to stop it from happening to him? That his lifestyle meant he deserved what happened to him? That it was his punishment? That he had brought shame down upon all of them? Hiro and Eiri both assured him it had not been his fault, that he did not do anything wrong, but sometimes, he still felt as if maybe there was something he could have done differently.
Eiri saw the emotions flicker across his husband's face and felt his heart breaking. Pushing away from the doorframe, he walked across the room towards the singer. He grabbed the back of the chair and twirled it around so that he was face to face with his husband. Kneeling before the chair, he grabbed Shuichi's chin with one hand while the other one clasped Shuichi's cold, clammy hand.
"Look at me, Shuichi." He reached up and brushed away a stray tear that traveled down Shuichi's cheek. He stared deeply into his husband's purple eyes. "Shuichi, this was why I didn't want you to write this stupid book."
Shuichi lowered his eyes and nodded.
"But I understand why you want to." Eiri stood up and pulled his husband to his feet. He kissed the top of Shuichi's head as he enveloped the tiny man within his arms.
Shuichi wrapped his arms around Eiri's waist and hugged him tightly. He rested his head against Eiri's chest. Immediately, he felt a feeling of serenity wash over him and he sighed, relaxing in the warmth of his husband's arms.
Eiri caught sight of the text on the screen. He frowned, feeling a renewed surge of anger wash over him. His hold on Shuichi tightened in response. "It's not your fault," he whispered. "You know that, right?"
Shuichi said nothing.
Eiri stepped back and lifted Shuichi's chin . "Right?"
Shuichi turned his head away, freeing himself from Eiri's hold. This was something he did not want to think about anymore. It hurt too much. It was like a black hole inside of him that continued to grow, threatening to suck him and everything around him inside it. If he ignored it long enough, it would go away. Talking about it made it real and he wanted more than anything for it to be nothing more than a dream.
Before Eiri could say anything more, the silence of the mansion was shattered by the sudden ringing of the phone. He glanced at the clock on the shelf across the room. Who the hell would be calling now? It was not even three-thirty in the goddamn morning.
Glad for the distraction, Shuichi walked over to the desk and grabbed the phone mid-ring before it woke up Kira. Kira had fallen asleep right after dinner last night and for the first time seemed to be sleeping through the night. Then over the baby monitor came soft whines of protestation that turned into loud angry cries even as they listened.
Damn, he thought. I knew it was too good to be true.
He glanced at Eiri over his shoulder. "Eiri, could you…?"
"Sure."
"Thanks," he told his husband as the man walked out of the office towards the nursery. Then he remembered the phone in his hand. "Hello?" he asked feeling suddenly tired. He rubbed his aching eyes. All he wanted to do was go to bed and sleep until he had to wake the boys up for school. He covered his mouth as a huge yawn seized him.
"Is Shuichi there?" asked the soft, strained voice over the line.
"This is he," he yawned.
"Shuichi? It's Mom."
Shuichi blinked, confused. He was suddenly wide-awake. His mother usually never called. If she wanted to come over and see him or her grandchildren all she did was just drop by. They were home nine times out of ten most days. Even if they weren't at home, it was not like she did not have a key. But his mother had never called in the middle of the night before. He wondered what was going on.
"I'm sorry I woke you," his mother apologized, sniffling.
"It's fine," he assured her dismissively. "I was up anyway."
"…Grandpa," Mrs. Shindou choked. She cleared her throat.
Shuichi's grip on the phone tightened.
"Grandpa-passed away."
He lessened his hold on the reliever and blinked stupidly, a frown on his face.
"He passed away in his sleep," his mother was saying. "He didn't suffer. They said he went quickly. He just…fell asleep and didn't wake up."
Shuichi suddenly felt numb and cold. His legs gave way and he collapsed to the leather desk chair with a painful thud. He stared blankly at the laptop.
"Shuichi," his mother called softly over the line after a few moments of silence. "Are you okay?"
Am I okay, Shuichi repeated to himself with a mental laugh. I just found out my grandfather is dead! Of course, I'm not all right! Aloud, though, he said, "Yeah." He was surprised to hear how even and emotionless he sounded.
"The funeral will be on Saturday. Okay?"
"Yeah," Shuichi said automatically.
"I love you, Sweetie," his mother's voice cracked.
"Okay…Bye," he squeaked as his chest tightened.
Shuichi hung up the phone and slapped a hand over his mouth as he started to sob. His vision blurred behind a thick veil of tears. Burying his face in his hands, he tried in vain to muffle his sobs as a well of sadness and guilt washed over him.
He was not sure how much time passed when a sound to his right caught his attention. Tears streaming down his face, he lifted his head and saw his husband standing in the doorway, Kira, wrapped tightly in a white blanket, sucking forcibly on a bottle of milk in his arms.
"Shuichi," he called softly. "What's wrong? Who was that?"
"Mom," he sobbed.
Eiri stepped slowly into the study.
"My-grandfather…died?"
oOo
The Next Day - Morning
"That's not really my problem now is it?" Eiri asked his editor as he walked out of the study. His voice was strained and tight as his annoyance reached its pinnacle. "…Because if memory serves me, I specifically told you not to schedule any personal appearances until further notice and yet you did just that. So," he continued, raising his voice over her stuttering protestations, "you have no right to throw me a guilt trip when something more important comes up."
As Mizuki screeched her protestations, Eiri clamped the cordless phone between his shoulder and his ear as he gently switched the sleeping lump of lead that was Kira to his opposite shoulder, the one that did not feel as if it were about to fall off. Releasing the phone, he held it to his other ear, the one that was not ringing and going deaf. He looked up when he heard the heavy stomps of tiny feet.
Kane raced out of his bedroom and threw himself at his father, knocking Eiri off balance. "Daddy!"
Eiri took a step back to catch himself and tightened his hold on Kira then glared down at his son. Ignoring his editor's rants about how unfair he was being at canceling his trip to Kyoto at the last minute, he clamped the phone under his chin, freeing his hand, which he used swiftly to smack his idiotic son upside the head . The impact sent Kane's head snapping forward. The boy tightened his grip as he buried his face in his father's pants leg. "I told you not to do that when I'm holding your brother," Eiri snapped angrily. "What part of that do you not understand?"
"Yuki-san?" came Mizuki's questioning voice over the line. "Did you say something?"
"Nothing that concerns you," Eiri told the woman. He was beginning to get a headache. Mizuki was trying desperately to get him out of canceling his cancellation of the lecture he was supposed to give at the university. He glanced down at the top of Kane's bed-head when he heard muffled sobs. He sighed heavily. It was too early to deal with this shit. As if that were not bad enough, Kira stirred against him. Great, he thought. The last thing he needed was for Mini Brat III to wake up. He had enough to deal with without that. He breathed a sigh of relief when Kira settled back down.
"Okay, about the lecture-"
"Get someone else to fill in for me," he said, cutting her off. He pulled the phone away as the woman screamed at him angrily. "Look, Mizuki," he said when she had calmed down some-what. "You're the one that promised the university a noted author would come speak. So, this is your problem and has nothing to do with me…Mizuki, you have other clients. Bother them for a change…Because Shuichi's grandfather passed away yesterday." Immediately, he was greeted with blissful silence; it was something he had not been privy to for almost two decades. He wondered what it would be like to be surrounded by absolute silence. "…His mother's father I believe…Shut up, Mizuki…We're going to Tokyo after breakfast…Yes, I'll pass on your condolences," he said. "Now if you'll excuse me…Yes, good day to you too." Eiri pressed the talk button, ending the phone call, and sighed heavily. Should have said something about Shuichi's grandfather sooner, he realized, then he would not have had to endure all of Mizuki's crap. A tug on his pants drew his attention. He glanced down at his son who was sobbing quietly against his leg. "Kane, stop it and go wake your brother up."
Kane pulled away from his father and wiped his tear and snot stained face. "Okay," he hiccup-sobbed.
Eiri felt a pain of guilt and sighed. It would make things so much easier if both of the boys took after him. Keitaro was exactly like him. The boy loved to read and actually wrote several short stories that Eiri had bound and was now in the library/office. Yes, trying to get him up in the morning was like trying to wake the dead, but at least he did not run around the house like a chicken with its head cut off, screaming and yelling and turning the place upside down as if a typhoon hit it, unless Kane bothered him too much and then there was hell to pay. Kane on the other hand, unfortunately, was more like Shuichi then Shuichi was and that was not always a good thing.
Eiri squatted down in front of his son, keeping a tight grip on Kira. Setting the phone down besides him, he tapped Kane's chin gently to get him to lift his head. "Hey," he said softly. "You know what? You don't have to go to school today."
That got his attention. Kane's head snapped up, a bright smile on his face. The tears dried instantaneously. "Really?"
Eiri nodded.
"Yeah," Kane cried out enthusiastically. He threw his hands up and jumped up and down.
"Shh," Eiri warned his son. "Otokasan and your brothers are sleeping." Though truthfully, both Keitaro and Kira could sleep through Armageddon.
Kane's eyes widened in shock and horror. He slapped his hands over his mouth. "I'm sorry," he whispered.
"That's okay. How would you like to go visit Grandma and Grandpa Shindou for a week?"
"Just me?"
"No," Eiri said shaking his head. "We're all going."
"You too, Daddy?"
"Yes, me, too."
Kane's eyes sparkled with excitement and he began hopping up and down again.
"Listen to me for a minute, okay?"
The boy nodded, his excitement dwindling slightly at the sudden serious expression on his face.
"You have to be careful around Kira, okay? He's just a baby. You can't go running into people like that. Okay?"
"Okay," Kane answered quietly.
"You're not a little kid anymore, right?"
Kane looked up and shook his head defiantly. "Nuh uh. I'm five," he proclaimed, holding out five fingers. "I'll be six pretty soon," he announced proudly. "I'm a big boy!"
Eiri nodded. "Okay, then you shouldn't have to be treated like a baby, right?"
"I'm not a baby," Kane said boldly.
Eiri smirked. "Then I don't have to repeat myself, right? You'll never do that again?"
Kane shook his head.
Eiri kissed his son and pulled him into a one armed hug.
The boy giggled, stepping away and rubbing his cheeks on his shoulders. "Your face's all scratchy, Daddy!" he exclaimed.
Eiri ran his hand along his jaw. "Guess so," he noticed. Having been up since three o'clock this morning, dealing with Kira and a husband who just lost his grandfather had consumed all his attention. Shaving had been the last thing on his mind. "Guess I'll have to go shave huh?"
"Yep!"
"Okay," Eiri said standing up, "why don't you go drag your brother from bed while I put Kira to bed and then we can go have some breakfast, alright?"
"Okay," he cried as he tore down the hallway. "Keitaro," he shouted. "Daddy said to get up now!"
Chuckling, Eiri stood up with a grunt and walked towards the master suite, setting the phone down on the small table outside the door. He pushed open the door and stepped into the cave like room, shutting the door behind him. The lump on the bed stirred.
"Shu, you up?"
"Mmm," Shuichi mumbled. He flipped onto his back and stretched, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and stared up at the ceiling hidden within shadows. His eyes felt heavy and gritty. He could barely keep them open. His mind was cloudy and his reflexes slow to start. All he wanted to do was curl back under the covers and slip back into oblivion. He turned his head and watched as his husband carried an obviously sleeping Kira towards him. A smile flittered across his face. "'Morning," he whispered.
The bed dipped as Eiri sat down. They exchanged a soft, lingering, chaste kiss. "Mmm," he smiled as he pulled back. "How'd you sleep?"
"Pretty good," Shuichi yawned. He pushed himself up and leaned against the headboard. "Are the boys up?" he asked. "Here," he commanded with another yawn. Damn, he could not stop yawning.
"Kane's up," Eiri said as he gladly handed over his infant son. He shook his arms, trying to get the circulation back into them. "Keitaro," he continued, "on the other hand-"
Suddenly the door was flung open startling both men. "Daddy! Keitaro won't get up," Kane tattled. Eiri and Shuichi watched as the boy raced through the doorway and across the room.
Shuichi chuckled. Keitaro was definitely not a morning person. Just like someone else he knew. His gaze slid to his husband, a sly glint in his eyes.
Eiri felt his husband's gaze on him and turned to look at him. He peered through narrowed eyes at the younger man. "Don't even," he warned.
That prompted Shuichi to laugh harder.
Eiri glared at his husband, but was soon distracted by a tug on his sleeve.
"Tell him to get up, Daddy! I'm hungry," Kane whined.
"Yes, Daddy. Hurry up. There're hungry people waiting to be fed," Shuichi reminded his husband, his voice low and husky.
Eiri's breath hitched and his cocked twitched. Slowly, he turned towards Shuichi. They stared at each other with matching lustful expressions. Eiri found himself drowning in his husbands gaze. They pulled at him, sucked him in.
"Dad~dy!"
Eiri and Shuichi snapped back to reality. Shuichi looked away, a blush tinting his cheeks. Eiri cleared his throat and stood up.
"Here, put him in the bassinette for me," Shuichi told Eiri. He gently handed the still sleeping Kira to Eiri and watched as the blond writer placed him carefully in the bassinette several feet from the bed.
Eiri walked back over to the bed and kissed his husband. "Get some sleep, okay?"
Shuichi nodded as he wiggled back under the covers. That sounded like a very good idea. A huge yawn seized him, making his eyes water and his jaw pop. Sleep weighed heavily upon his shoulders once more.
"I'll take care of the boys."
Shuichi had no problem with that. He mumbled out, "I love you" and "good night" as he rolled over onto his side and pulled the covers around his shoulders. He was out like a light as soon as his head hit the pillow.
Eiri shut the door behind him and let Kane drag him across the hall towards the twin's room. The sight that greeted him had him chuckling. Keitaro and Kane's room was literally split down the middle and you could clearly see which side belonged to which brother.
Kane's side look like everything else he did, like a hurricane hit it followed by an earthquake and than a flood. Things were flung in every direction. Clothes spewed out of several open dresser drawers as if it had exploded. His closet door was wide open and a quick look told Eiri that it was in an identical condition as the room. Kane's covers were thrown back and were hanging over the foot of the bed, covering the trunk. His pillows were nowhere in sight. The floor was gone, hidden under mounds of stuff.
"Kane, before we leave, you are cleaning up this pig sty."
As predicted, Kane groaned. "I don't wanna!" he whined as he crawled onto his bed.
"Either you do it or I will," Eiri warned.
"You do it," Kane said as he stood up on the bed and started bouncing.
"Hey," Eiri barked. "Down. Now."
"Awww!"
"Kane."
With a final bounce, Kane plopped into a sitting position.
Eiri walked through the disaster area to the clean side. "If I get in here, I'm going to start tossing stuff."
Kane's eyes went wide in horror. "No!"
"Yes."
"No!" Kane jumped off his bed and flung himself at his father. "Daddy!"
"Will you clean your room, then?"
Kane nodded his head vigorously.
Eiri smirked. Works every time. "Good. Why don't you go downstairs while I drag Sleeping Beauty from bed?"
"That's Keitaro, not Sleeping Beauty. Silly Daddy," Kane laughed.
"Oh?" Eiri feigned ignorance. "Really? My mistake." He planted a kiss on his son's head and swatted his behind. "Now, go."
"Okay!" Kane started out of the room, but stopped halfway out the door. "Can I watch TV?"
"If you keep it down."
"Okay," Kane shouted as he tore out of the room. Eiri could hear him pounding down the staircase.
Eiri strolled across the bedroom towards his comatose son.
Keitaro's side was the complete opposite of his brother's, just like their personalities. All his toys and books were off the floor and in there appropriate places. The toys were in the toy bin and his books, which there seemed to be hundreds of, in the bookshelf. He had them in alphabetical order, which he claimed made it easier to find the book he was looking for. Shuichi did not understand what the point of that was. Eiri thought it made perfect sense. Keitaro's clothes were neatly folded and placed in their respective drawers . The top drawer was for socks, underpants, undershirts, second drawer for pajamas, third drawer for shirts and bottom drawer for pants. His school uniforms and other dressier, more formal clothing were hung neatly in the closet. His shoes were placed in an orderly fashion on the floor of the closet. Keitaro kept his bed straight and as neat as a pin. Put simply, Keitaro was a neat freak.
Eiri stood by his son's bed with his arms folded over his chest and smirked as he watched the boy sleeping.
Keitaro had kicked his covers off sometime during the night and they were now crumbled at the foot of the bed. He was lying corner to corner on the bed, spread out on his stomach with his feet hanging off the side of the bed. His pant legs were hiked halfway up his legs and his shirt was riding up. His blond hair was sticking up and his mouth was hanging open. There was a crease mark on the left side of his face.
Eiri snickered. He bent over the boy and shook him. "Keitaro. C'mon. Time to get up." As expected, Keitaro remained an impassive log. He did not as much as twitch. Eiri chuckled. Sighing, Eiri braced himself-knowing how heavy the boy was-and lifted him out of the bed. Only then did the boy start to stir.
"Ugh," Keitaro moaned, reaching out towards his bed.
"C'mon sleepy head," Eiri said as he tucked him under his arm as if he was a piece of luggage. Turning on his heel, he started out of the bedroom. He had not taken more than a step when Keitaro started groaning and wiggling around.
"No," the boy whined.
"Don't give me that, Uesugi-Shindou Ichiro Keitaro." He was having a hard time keeping a hold on his son. Eiri placed Keitaro over his shoulder in a firemen's hold. "It's past seven o'clock. Time for all little writer's to be up and out of bed."
"No wanna!"
Eiri chuckled. He sounded exactly like Kane. "I don't care if you don't wanna. You have to."
"Daddy!"
"Keitaro!" Eiri mimicked as he started down the steps. Then an idea hit him. "You don't have to go to school today or tomorrow or the next day and the day after that…"
All movement stopped immediately. "Really?"
"Really."
"Really really?"
Eiri sighed. At times like these, Keitaro reminded him of Shuichi. "Yes, really really. We're going to Tokyo to visit Grandma and Grandpa Shindou." The only answer he received was stone silence. Curious, he slid Keitaro off his shoulder and set him on his feet. He knelt before the boy and noticed the disappointed expression on his face. "What's wrong? Don't you want to go visit Grandma and Grandpa?"
"But I wanted to go to school today! We're supposed to have a party!"
Eiri nearly fell over in shock. Chuckling, he stood up and escorted the boy to the kitchen. As he passed the living room, he called out to Kane. "Come on. There's something I need to talk to you about before we eat, okay?"
"Okay," they both said as the three blond haired, golden hazel eyed, pale men entered the kitchen.
oOo
The seatbelt snapped together with a resounding click.
"There you go," Shuichi cooed to his son.
Kira's large brown eyes darted around the inside of the black SUV.
It was amazing how different Kira looked from his brothers. They did not even look like they were related. Where Kane and Keitaro had their father's pale looks, Kira took after him. The three month old had a head full of raven black hair and a dark complexion.
Grabbing the diaper bag from the floor, Shuichi placed it on the passenger seat. Backing out of the car, he grabbed his suitcase that was sitting by the tire and kneeling on the backseat, lifted his luggage into the back of the vehicle. The only other things in the back were Eiri's suitcase and a small cooler that he packed with drinks and munchies for the long road trip to his parent's house.
As Shuichi turned back around, he caught Kira staring intently at him. "What?" he breathed with a giant smile. He felt an overwhelming surge of pride wash over him. His heart swelled as he stared down at his son. Kira smiled widely. His mother said it was only gas when babies smiled. She used to say the same thing when Kane and Keitaro were babies too. Whatever. A smile was a smile and it was beautiful, just like his son.
Shuichi giggled. He reached over and brushed a lock of hair out of Kira's eyes. He would have to cut his hair soon, if Kira let him. The kid already needed his nails cut, but refused to let him cut them. He certainly was something.
Chuckling, Shuichi planted a kiss on his son's forehead and backed out of the car. He glanced around and spotted Kane playing on the swing set. Keitaro, he knew, was in the playroom with his nose buried in a book. Eiri was up in the study. He was not sure what exactly his husband was up to. Shuichi looked up at the closed double doors where the study he and his husband shared curiously.
"Is it time to go yet?" Kane shouted across the lawn.
Shuichi snapped out of his thoughts and watched his son. Kane had a goal to swing above the bar and was determined to do so, but so far had been unsuccessful. Shuichi could remember when he had been as driven to achieve that same goal. It had been such a thrill to go higher and higher, to feel the wind against his face, but to think of his own son trying to do the same thing scared the shit out of him. What if he went too far and he went over the bar or crashed into it? What if he lost his grip and slipped off? Sometimes he hated being a parent.
"Yes, it is," he called back.
"Okay!"
Shuichi nearly had a heart attack as he watched his son jump off the swing mid-swing. Kane landed neatly on his feet as if he were a cat then raced across the yard towards him. Shuichi sighed heavily and fell back against the side of the car, a hand over his racing heart. That boy is going to kill me one of these days, he thought.
"Go get your and your brother's suitcases for me."
Kane's face fell. "Aw! Why can't Keitaro do it?"
"Because I asked you."
Grumbling, the boy stomped up the front steps and into the house. Shuichi watched him in amusement. He shook his head with a snort. A couple of seconds later, Kane reappeared, dragging two suitcases behind him. It was easy to tell which belong to what twin. Keitaro's was the plain black one and Kane's was the pink Dora the Explorer one. "Here, Otokasan," Kane said.
Shuichi bent over and kissed the top of Kane's head. "Thank you. You're very helpful."
Kane grinned broadly up at Shuichi, his face beaming with pride.
"Did you clean your room like Daddy asked you to?"
Kane nodded. "Yes and I did it all by myself!"
"You did? Good job. Looks like you really are a big boy."
Kane's smile was so bright it could light a city for a month.
"Alright," Shuichi said. He grabbed his son's ponytail and gave it a tug.
Kane laughed, grabbing his head.
"Why don't you go potty and tell your daddy we're all set to go."
"Okay." The boy raced back up the stairs and vanished into the house. "Daddy," Shuichi heard him call and rather loudly. "Otokasan said it's time to go!"
Shuichi sniggered. Guess they really do have my lungs, he thought as he grabbed the suitcases and placed them in the trunk. He slammed the lid of the trunk and peered through the window at Kira, who appeared to be asleep. A soft smile crossed Shuichi's face, but his smile slipped into a frown and a deep well of sadness washed over him.
He had not seen his grandfather, the boys' great grandfather, since he was in middle school, but he remembered clearly what the patriarch of the Todono family looked like. It had been like looking at an aged photograph of him. Their appearance was not the only thing they had in common. Shuichi got his love of music from his grandfather as well. This commonality was what made the two of them so close when he was growing up, but it was also what caused the huge rift between them.
Kira blurred behind a threat of tears. Sniffling, Shuichi stepped away from the car and breathed in deeply through the nose and out through his mouth, trying to loosen the tightness in his chest.
He could not believe his grandfather had passed away. It was impossible to stop his mind from reminiscing about all the things he used to do with his grandfather, all the laughs they had and tears they shed, the stories and secrets they shared. They had been so close. They used to do everything together and to know the man he used to believe was as invincible as Superman was not going to be there when he walked into his grandmother's house was not something he wanted to think about.
He had crushed his grandfather's heart. Not once, but twice. When once they were so close, they soon had become worlds apart. His grandfather was a proud and stubborn man and refused to admit the world was changing and not the same as it was when he was a boy. In a way, Shuichi was just as stubborn as his grandfather and refused to let others tell him what to do. He knew where his life was heading and what he wanted to do with it and he was not going to let someone else dictate what that was. Because of that, he had not spoken or seen his grandfather in over twenty years, that was, until the other day when he returned home from getting ice cream with Eiri and the boys to hear a familiar gravelly voice on the answering machine.
o
"Shuichi? This is Grandfather. I got your number from your mother." There was nothing but the sound of breathing for several long seconds. "It's been a while. If you could give me a call as soon as possible, I would-greatly appreciate it. Shuichi, I-," he started. "Or maybe you could have your mother set something up…," he said instead. "I need to speak with you, Shuichi. Thanks…" There was a click and then nothing.
"End of new messages," the mechanical voice said.
Shuichi stood, staring blankly at the answering machine, not really believing what he just heard. Even after listening to it two more times, he still was not fully convinced this was not just some sort of joke. Shuichi had been nothing more than a giant disappointment to his grandfather. He tried several times over the years to try and mend the rift between them, but his olive branch had been snapped in two and thrown right back in his face. His grandfather had made it clear he was dead to him, so why the change of heart now?
Standing up from the chair he had collapsed into, Shuichi reached for the phone with a trembling hand, but at the last second his nerve broke and his hand veered off course.
"Message erased," the mechanical voice said.
o
After all that time, his grandfather had reached out to him and what had he done? Nothing! Absolutely nothing! If he would have sucked up his pride and made that phone call, he would have been there. He would have been able to say goodbye.
Shuichi dropped his face in his hands and sobbed. Turning around, he leaned against the back of the car and slid down until he was sitting on the bumper.
From the doorway, Eiri watched his husband in sorrow, a lump in his throat and a frown on his face.
…To Be Continued…
A/N: The scene with Aizawa is from the manga and "Otokasan" is a combination of "otosan" and "okasan".
Preview: "The Tokyo Tales & Adult Time"