Summary: ShikaTem, Shikamaru and Temari are engaged to be married, but have some inner demons about the arrangement. What better way to express those emotions, than to each other...in song.
Disclaimer: Any Naruto characters mentioned here don't belong to me. Neither does Buffy the Vampire Slayer nor the song "I'll Never Tell" from the episode "Once More With Feeling".
Lyrics
Regular
Now, your feature presentation...
Featuring:
Anya-- Temari
Xander-- Shikamaru
I'll Never Tell
It was a bright new day in Konoha, a.k.a. The Village Hidden in the Leaves. It was especially a new day for Konoha's most well known couple Nara Shikamaru and Sabaku no Temari. For weeks now it had been known that the couple had been engaged and all their family and friends had come to help for the preparations.
Of course, like most couples, both Shikamaru and Temari had their own secrets, which they kept hidden from each other. And, like most stubborn couples, neither was as willing to reveal those secrets.
The sun's rays shown brightly through the apartment, in which the couple in question resided together, and lit both their faces in the bed they shared. Temari was the first to wake and so she turned to her future husband and shook him gently awake.
"Shika, come on you've gotta wake up," Temari said softly.
Shikamaru groaned sleepily. "...Troublesome."
"Too bad. You've got to get up sometime."
Shikamaru grunted in response but sat up in bed obediently.
"Now what do you want for breakfast?" Temari asked, also a little tired.
He thought for a moment. "How 'bout omelets?"
"Omelets," she replied, as if having heard it before.
"Yeah, I feel like an omelet..."
He spoke on, but Temari was lost in her thoughts. She couldn't hold it anymore!
Temari: This is the man that I plan to entangle,
Isn't he fine?
My claim to fame was to maim and to mangle,
Vengeance was mine!
But I'm out of the biz,
The name I've made I'll trade for his (fingers engagement ring)
The only trouble is...I'll never tell
Temari gets up to get her slippers and Shikamaru watches her.
Shikamaru: She is the one,
She's such wonderful fun,
Such passion and grace.
Temari gets back on the bed and smiles at him while he smiles back.
Shikamaru: Warm in the night,
When I'm right in her tight...
Embrace! Tight embrace! (hugs Temari nervously and lets go)
I'll never let her go,
The love we've known can only grow,
Well, there's just one thing that...(shakes head)
No, I'll never tell.
Both: Because there's nothing to tell.
Music begins to start in the background as Shikamaru and Temari walk out of their bedroom and into the kitchen/dining room. Shikamaru heads for the refrigerator while Temari watches him.
Temari: He snores.
Shikamaru: She wheezes.
Temari: Say housework and he freezes.
Shikamaru: (opens fridge and looks inside) She eats these skeezy cheeses that I can't
describe
Temari: I talk, he breezes!
Shikamaru: She doesn't know what pleases!
Temari: His penis got diseases from a Chumash tribe!
Shikamaru moves away from the fridge and to the table. Both he and Temari are facing away from each other.
Both: The vibe gets kind of scary.
Shikamaru: Like she thinks I'm ordinary.
Temari: Like it's all just temporary.
Shikamaru: Like her toes are kind of hairy,
Both: But it's all very well,
'Cause God knows, I'll never tell.
Shikamaru picks up Konoha's newspaper while Temari observes him.
Temari: When things get rough he,
Just hides behind that fat kid and the blondie!
Now look, he's getting huffy,
'Cause he knows that I know!
Shikamaru: She clings, she's needy,
She's also really greedy!
She never--
Temari: His eyes are beady!
Shikamaru: This is my verse, hello!
She--
Bouncy music fills the air and makes Temari move automatically.
Temari: Look at me, I'm dancing crazy! (Begins dancing crazy)
Shikamaru stares at her thinking, No way am I doing such a troublesome, crazy dance. But after a few minutes of staring he shrugged and joined in the dancing. Soon he had his hands linked with Temari's and they proceeded to swing dance in tempo with the trumpet sounds.
Soon the music slowed and the two faced each other, affection in their eyes.
Both: You know...
Shikamaru: You're quite the charmer...
Temari: My knight in armor...
Shikamaru: You're the cutest of Shinobis
With your lips as red as rubies,
And your firm, yet supple--
Tight embrace!
Shikamaru and Temari dance some more to high tempo music, but then start to slow dance as the music began to slow. They soon part and sit on opposite seats at the table.
Temari: He's swell.
Shikamaru: She's sweller.
Temari: He'll always be my feller.
Shikamaru: That's why I'll never tell her that I'm petrified.
Temari: I've read this tale,
There's wedding and betrayal.
I know there'll come a day, I want to run and hide!
Both: I lied, I said it's easy.
I've tried, but there's these fears I can't quell!
Shikamaru: Is she looking for a pot of gold?
Temari: Will I look good when I've gotten old?
Shikamaru: Will our life become so stressful,
If I'm never that successful?
Temari: When I get so old and wrinkly,
Will I look like David Brinkley? (holds up picture of David Brinkley)
Shikamaru: Am I crazy?
Temari: Am I dreamin'?
Shikamaru: Am I marrying a demon?
Both: We could really raise the beam in making marriage a Hell.
So thank God, I'll never tell.
I swear that I'll never tell.
Shikamaru: My lips are sealed.
Temari: I take the fifth!
Shikamaru: Nothing to see! Move it along!
Both: I'll never–tell!
Both Shikamaru and Temari fell down on the couch laughing at their antics. Soon after they got their laughter under control Shikamaru looked at her with a raised eyebrow.
"Temari?"
"Yeah," Temari said, wiping tears from her eyes.
"Why didn't we just go to some therapist to solve this problem?"
"Oh. Don't worry 'bout that. Couple therapy doesn't occur until after marriage."
Shikamaru still looked confused, but shrugged. It was too troublesome to worry about things like this, especially when they weren't even married yet.
"So, about that omelet..."
Meanwhile...
Ino and Chouji stood in front of the window watching their friend/teammate and his fiancé acting normal after the spectacle they had made of themselves in the privacy of their apartment. Neither of the two were speaking.
The two friends were just going to go and see if either person wanted to do anything, but had stopped when they heard singing and saw their teammate dancing with the kunoichi from the Sand village. Now, both Ino and Chouji were standing in front of the window with expressions of shock, disturbance and curiosity on how, when and where Shikamaru had learned to sing or dance.
Chouji turned to face Ino, while the kunoichi did the same. He opened his mouth to say something, but was stopped when Ino put up her hand.
"Let's agree never to discuss this again. Ever."
"Agreed," Chouji replied.
And so the two ninjas sneaked off in opposite directions, both trying to forget the horror they had witnessed. To this day, they haven't gotten the image of Temari and Shikamaru singing and dancing, like on Broadway, out of their heads.
Kitty: Ok, I know some people are probably going to kill me for this. But that song has been in my head since this morning... So I decided to put it on computer and put it in other people's heads! All I needed to do was put it with a couple. I was going to do NejiGaa, but ShikaTem seemed so much better. But, tell me what you think anyway and be nice, or polite if you can't find anything nice to say.
By the way, the clip of Xander and Anya singing this is on so you guys can hear it there. (Just type in "I'll Never Tell" and the clip should be right there)