Four years ago I had stood in front of David, my heart beating nearly out of my chest, and I am sure his was as well, feeling the world rush around me. From behind I heard the soft neigh of a horse, turning I saw Neil his eyes full of - well I don't know what they were full of. Anger? Happiness? Envy? Curiosity? He was never an easy one to read. The children are giggling, the girls were squealing as they huddled together. Now those would talk of the cove for at least a month. Not that I wasn't used to be headline news around here. Logical versus illogical behavior. Good and right versus wrong and so-called evil. Or as Fairlight put it a days prior following your heart or your head? With shaking feet I walked towards David, felt my heart stink as he smiled proudly, puffing his chest out with pride. In quiet tones that I was sure couldn't be over heard from the circling crowd I whispered I am sorry, before I turned slightly walking straight on to the mission house to my room where I cried for hours.
Three years ago I was laughing with Emma Johnson my friend since early primary school, as we sipped tea gossiping over men, church, and men. I felt and was acting as if I were seventeen again, naive and blind to the world. I left cutter Gap four months after the refusal of David's proposal, I did it partly for him, he couldn't get a transfer and I know him seeing me day after day was hard. Also I had to escape room Neil who haunted me just as much. Only Fairlight knew my secret, only her I could trust with it. Not with Emma would something that sacred pass through my lips to land on the table. I found myself wondering if this was considered running away, trying to forget my two years of teaching never occurred? I was safe here.
Two years ago I received news that David was killed in Germany. He was sent to minister to the troops during the war. I cried for days, cried for him, his family, myself as well for losing a great friend, cried for the cruelty of and unfairness of the world. That same year my father always weak from his stroke died from complications of flu that swept through world. I lost so much that year and it seemed to gain nothing. Under my feet that I thought were planted firm on the ground I felt the world rumble as if it were trying to shake me.
One year ago I giggled and felt myself blush like a school girl as Neil pulled me into him kissing my lips. I kissed him back, blushing again at the soft whispers of those watching us. Alice had agreed to marry us, despite the fact though she accepted my decision I knew she was hurt. Neil was her daughter's husband and though their marriage failed Margaret still had Neil first. Mother cried in the front row, she left the seat next to her empty - in memory of father. Though I had left, or perhaps ran away I returned to the cove was I looking for love with Neil? No. I had decided the fate wasn't aligned for that. Was I looking to start over? To see if a position to teach again was possible? Perhaps assist the new teacher, knowing what a stress the task could be? This time I wasn't as afraid, I had experiences and life under me. Also I was older, mature and didn't run from my feelings for Neil. This time when he flirted with me I had flirted back. I kissed him first in fact. Sure I didn't return here for him, but once here why not? For years I had learned life is too short to wait for second chances. They sometimes never come.