Mario/Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter:
Okay. So mario was jumping around in the mushroom kingdom when he suddenly found himself in the late 1800s. He realized that he was on drugs the whole time. He then went to a nearby villager and asked, "Where's-a the owner of this-a place?"
The villager said, "This is America. You probably can't get ahold of the ruler of such a large place."
Mario said, "Thank-a you. Yes I can! OOOWHAAA HOOOOO!" He JUMPED all the way to Washington DC. Abraham Lincoln was taking a stroll at the time, and Mario bounced off his giant fucking tophat and landed right next to him, doing a triple somersault on the way down. Mario said, "Are you-a that...Abraham guy they were talking about?"
In his booming presidential voice, Abraham Lincoln said, "I AM ABRAHAM LINCOLN, THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. PLEASE GO AWAY."
Mario responded, "Im-a bit lost in this new non-drug-induced world. Can you help-a me find a princess?" Abraham Lincoln ignored him. THEN, suddenly, a vampire came from under a bridge! Abraham Lincoln, being a vampire-hunter, had an axe in hand and swung at the vampire, but the vampire bit his arm! But it wasn't fatal, so he wouldn't turn into a vampire.
He fell onto the ground, moaning "uuuuuuuuauuuughhh," and the vampire went in for the final hit. But something stopped him. Something...Mario-y.
IT WAS LUIGI!
The end.