Secret Confessions
Disclaimer: Anything you recognize, I probably don't own. I'm not J.K. Rowling.
July 15th, 1997
I know he did it for a reason. I know he did it to protect me, because he didn't want me hurt, but it still stings, Diary. It hurts like hell. I feel like crying, but I know I'm all cried out for now. I want nothing more than for him to hold me in his arms. I want to smell his shampoo again, feel his lips on mine again. I know its only been a month or so, but it feels like years. I guess love does that to you. I don't care about bloody death eaters. I only care about him. His shining emerald eyes, his soft, dark hair; that quirky smile he flashes every so often... I can't stand being without him, Diary. I know he hasn't left on his "journey" yet, but it feels like he's already dead. Dead and unreachable. I miss him more than you could believe.
- G.W.
July 16th, 1997
I overheard Ron talking to the twins about him. They say he's coming here soon, before the wedding. They haven't told me though. I think they think I'm over him, or that I don't want to talk about him. They're right there. I don't want to talk about him. Its like I'm torn in two. Part of me wants to forget him, and move on. Not because I hate him, but it just hurts so much. And yet, I know I could never forget him. He became part of me, in a way, during the short time that we dated. I know I've dated other people longer, but I was never really committed to those relationships. It was kind of part of my denial. Denial that I didn't love him; that I was over him. I know I never was though. From the moment I first saw him, that September, when he was starting his first year. We were meant for each other, in my opinion. A perfect match. I could see it in his eyes, when he looked at me. He loved me, I know it. Bloody war. If it weren't for the war, he would have his parents, and Sirius. Dumbledore would be alive... We would be together. But I can't change the past, only the future. We'll be together. We're meant to be.
-G.W.
July 17th, 1997
I feel like my heart breaks repeatedly everyday. Hermione came over this morning. I watch her and Ron together, and can't help but feel a pang of jealousy. We could have had that, that love. I watch them cuddled up together on the couch, Hermione's head resting on Ron's shoulder, and I can't help but replace their faces with ours. I think we deserve that, after all we've been through. I'm not saying Ron and Hermione don't, as they've been through just as much... but... it's complicated, Diary, and I don't know how to explain it.
-G.W.
July 18th, 1997
What would he say if he were here now? Would he apologize to me? Would he make it up to me? I would like to think so. I know he loves me. He looked so heartbroken when he told me we couldn't be together. I knew it was eating him up inside. I could see it in his eyes. His eyes. They're like.. A window to his soul, or something else like that... even if he hides his emotions behind his actions, you can still see everything in his eyes. Their expressive green always betrays the sadness, grief, and despair in his mind, and the... resignation. There's no other word for it. He always seem so resigned. To what, I don't know. He didn't tell me. But I can see it, in his emerald eyes.
-G.W.
July 19th, 1997
I miss him, Diary. I want him back. Fleur and Bill came back from a visit to Fleur's relatives. They looks so happy together. I watch Bill and Fleur, Ron and Hermione... it makes me regret things, Diary. I don't know why, or what I regret, but I do. Sometimes, when I sit here alone, my mind wanders, and I find myself thinking... did I do something wrong? Did I say something that betrayed the fear inside me, causing him to want to shield me from the outside world? Was it, in some way, my fault?
-G.W.
July 20th, 1997
I caught Bill and Fleur kissing today, in the linen closet. It made me happy for them, but I couldn't help but think of all the times me and Harry were kissing in a closet, cut off from all the misery outside. I know this sounds odd, Diary, but inside a closet, you feel safe. Its just you and him, in that closet... no evil, or sadness... no death, or despair... just me and Harry, safe in our little.. Bubble, I guess. And nobody could get us in that bubble. We were free of worries, grief... I miss those times, Diary, and I want him back, so we can go back to that bubble of safety, and feel free again.
-G.W.
AN:
Review please! Should I continue?
It will mainly follow the plotline of my other story, The Horcrux Quest. It will all be from Ginny's point of view, as this is her Diary. However, I may alter some things, and dates might not all be the same.