The terminal beeps beside Commander Shepard as she stares blankly into the Galaxy Map.
"You have a new message," Traynor reports. She keeps her voice steady but shakes in silence. They were all anxious to see what situation the Normandy would be flying into, the warzone surrounding Earth.
Shepard, she felt it too, deep beneath the numbness. She tried desperately not to let it show, not to let anything show, to just be the fearless leader her crew needed to see. She had died before, hadn't she? Why was this time any different?
Because she had so much more to lose this time. Because she had lost a lot of friends and couldn't stand to lose more. Because Kaidan said he couldn't be without her again. What would happen to him this time?
She could picture him waiting, year after year, for someone to bring her back to him again. She doubted that being brought back to life would happen more than once. But he would wait, he had seen this miracle performed before, and his heart would break a little more as each year passed. He wouldn't give up on them, not this time.
Another beep from the terminal. Shepard sighs and steps down from her platform, away from the map.
Both emails are from Kaidan. The first says to meet him in the engineering hold before they reach the Milky Way. The second says for her to stop ignoring her emails, this is important. She laughs to herself a little as she heads to the elevator. No one notices her departure. They all just stare ahead.
The silence in the hold is eerie. Everyone who can leave their station is upstairs, staring out the windows, awaiting fate. Those left downstairs are keeping to themselves. There is only the sound of the engine, then the sound of her footsteps as she descends beneath.
He is pacing. "Kaidan," she calls to him, nodding her head.
He freezes, only whipping his head toward her. "Shepard."
"What are you doing down here by yourself? Why aren't you up on deck with everyone else?"
She notices for the first time that his fists are clenched around something. He looks nervous and his eyes keep flickering from his hand to her eyes. "I have something important to do," he replies, anxiety in his tone.
"And that involves me?"
He nods, then looks down at his hands again. When a few seconds pass and he doesn't speak, she cuts in. "Kaidan, I have to be-"
"Marry me."
She stares, rapidly blinking, a confused look on her face. "Did you just-"
"Marry me, Shepard."
He closes the gap in between them and wraps her firmly in his arms. She complies, still frozen by shock. "Please say something," he chuckles, but she can sense the uneasiness behind it.
"Why now?" she manages to choke out.
"There was never going to be a perfect time to ask. I met you on a mission that went downhill, and look what chaos we're about to head into." He kisses her forehead. "I need to do this now, before something else happens." He pauses before adding, "Before I lose you again."
He takes her hand in his as he takes a knee on the ground. She feels a sharp press of something in her palm. From the feel, she thinks they're his dog tags. "Commander Johanna Lynn Shepard, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?"
He's right, it was never going to be perfect, be the right time. But wasn't this playing on the thoughts she had on deck? "I want to, Kaidan."
He gave her hands a gentle squeeze. "Then say yes."
"I can't do that to you, Kaidan. If something happens to me…"
"Something will always happen to you, Jo. It could be today or it could be in 50 years. Whenever it happens, I will just have to live with it. But right now, Shepard, I just want you to say yes so I know that we made the most of our time together. And also because my knee is starting to hurt." He laughs at his joke, making her chuckle.
She swallows the lump in her throat. "In that case, yes."
He jumps up. "Say it again."
She smiles as tears pool in her eyes. "Yes! Yes, I do, Kaidan! I will marry you!"
He kisses her, first her nose, then her cheeks, then her lips. When he finally pulls away, they're both beaming. "Turn around," he commands.
She places a hand on the back of her neck as she does so, feeling his fingers fumble with the clasp of her dog tags. As he places his own in their place, he speaks up. "There's a ring in Vancouver that's been in my family for generations. When this is all over, I'm going there to get the ring from my mother. I want it to be your engagement ring, but right now, my tags will have to do." He plants a kiss on the back of her neck. "I love you, Johanna."
They both turn around so that she can place her tags on him. She copies him by kissing the back of his neck when she finishes. "I love you, Kaidan." She looks down at the tags around her neck, fingering them. "Whatever happens, don't forget that."
He places an arm around her shoulder as they head back up. He sneaks a kiss in the elevator, and as the door opens, the Normandy arrives.