My second fanfiction! My first FMA fanfiction! All I can say is enjoy this madness! - Kyo RE-BOUT! – FullMetal vs. Flame Once More!
Let me just say I do not own FullMetal Alchemist, or any of the properties that show up in the story. This is a parody of everything that is fighting games and stupid so to actually laugh-out-loud to the best extent, you need to have a love for fighting games... or Ed. :) - Kyo
The rain had just stopped. The humidity caused the broken road to start steaming, making a hazy backdrop surrounded by an endless road to wherever and dead grass here and there. Inside that haze is a looks like a kid. He had blond hair that was made into a weird braid, donned a red-overcoat with a hoodie that had the emblem of his bloodline on the back, and this in return was covering his suit, which was black. Not just black… but… uh… BLACK black. We're talking blikkity-black, yo.
This small fella stood there looking around with his bright-amber colored eyes, as if he was waiting for someone to show up. This small puny-looking kid happened to be Edward Elric, a 'dog' of the military. The one and only FullMetal Alchemist.
Suddenly, a car pulls up a few yards from the shrimp -
(WHAP! WHAP! WHAP!)
OW! DAMMIT! FINE! I'M SORRY… Let me rephrase that… (Puny lil' sunnuva…)
: Ahem: Suddenly, a car pulls up a few yards from the PIMP (Happy?) and comes to a complete stop. The backdoor opens of that car and the first thing you see is a wave of empty fast-food bags, soda cans, some GamePros, a Nintendo DS, and a half-full bottle of Jack's. To slide out after this was a dark-haired man. A dark-haired man who stood tall after brushing a bit of Zesty-Extreme sauce off his suit. A man who can make fire out of frickin' nowhere. A stubborn man. A man who hated small blond people. This man… was none other than KYO KUSANAGI.
(WHAT? OH COME ON! They look alike, have the same hair, make fire, are freakin' stubborn, and have a rivalry with a blond-haired guy with a ponytail! Oh, all right, I'll tell the story right… morons. /)
Ignore that Kyo Kusanagi comment. I lied. It was none other than Lieutenant Colonel Roy Freaking Mustang, who just so happened to be the infamous Flame Alchemist. He stood up tall, taller than this small dude. He looked at the kid and smirked.
'A rematch, hm? Sure you can snuff my flames this time?' This guy was just as cocky as the Kusanagi Man.
'Kiss my ass, you 'flaming' son of a bitch, and start this already. I ain't got all day, stooge.' Surprisingly, Edward replied to his taunt calmly. He checks his watch. 'Hi-Hi Puffy AmiYumi Show comes on in 30 minutes! So let's get this over with!'
Mustang just simply blew a raspberry. 'Psh, Puffy AmiYumi? Man, don't you know, that show's for fags and small people, like you.'
Suddenly, a vein as far as the eye can see started glowing on the side of Ed's head. 'Oh, that's it. It's on like Donkey Kong.' Without warning, 'FullMetal vs. Flame Part two was under way as an angry Ed ran towards Roy. Ok, so Ed tripped and fell on his face like an idiot trying to escape HummoncuLincoln (long inside story…). But he got up and ran towards him again nonetheless.
'Dammit, Roy!' The driver of that car was trying to start the engine but alas, to no avail. The cool, witty, badass, and overall pimp-daddy, too-cool-to-die-so-he-is-back-alive-so-there Maes Hughes was sick of this car as he tried to get it to start off. 'I wanna leave this damn battlefield, but NO! I had to drive a crappy Ford Mustang carrying Roy Mustang to Saint Mustang Road! What are the odds!' Hughes really wanted to leave so badly he started swearing at the car. I'd repeat it, but this is supposed to barely be a Teen-rating. Anywho.
Fifteen seconds and man! The match was already heated! Elric and Mustang countered each other, punch-for-punch, combo-for combo. Being like a certain KOF'er, ignited on fire was his right fist as he swung to have 'right-fist-meet-Edward-face', so to say. The pint-sized Alchemist was flown right on his back. He slowly got up to rub his face and said perhaps the most intelligent thing in this story thus far –
'RAWRGH. ED ANGRY. ME SMASH.'
With a quick clap of his hands, he followed his motion by slamming the floor in front of him. How sucky it was that Hughes and his car were still in Ed's way. 'FullMetal – NOOOOOOOOO-!' But it was too late. Poor Hughes and that crappy damn car went flying into the air after being projected by a 'Power Geyser' created by the Metal-Armed Wonder. Unfortunately to say, that car done exploded in mid-air. But it's cool, since Hughes is not expendable in this story; he just pulled a Wile E. Coyote and fell to his indefinite pain. You fly and take it like a champ, Hughes.
Debris now littered that vacant 'forever-road'. Mustang did a damn good job dodging most of it, but unfortunately tripped on the spoiler. Roy fell right on his ass, with a shock that temporarily stunned his legs.
'OH NO! I- I can't feel my legs! Damn you FullMetal!' Another clap from Elric and a tug of his metal arm turned his arm into a Buster Sword. 'It ends RIGHT NOW, MUSTANG!' With the greatest of ease Ed jumps into the sky, eclipsing the sun in Roy's view and then coming down with a hard swing. Using quick wit, Roy had a plan; in order to win, he had to channel a bit of Evo2K 2004 champion Daigo.
Edward, using all his might, charged that mofo right for the Mustang man. SKLAH-KLACK! Ed was suspended, only having his sword-arm hold him up right in the sky. Was Mustang gone? Was this Ed's glory moment? Hell no. Suddenly, something caught Ed's eye; Mustang was holding the blade of the sword with one hand!
'No freakin' way! How did you- da' hell! I don't even know – derp!'
The amazing FullMetal was dumbfounded as to how Mustang could've single-handedly parry and catch one's weapon. Suddenly, with unexplained strength, Mustang started beating the ground with Ed's sword-arm, to the point until his arm went back to its normal state now actually ripping his metal arm from his body. This caused the pipsqueak to fly a few yards away and into the blackened Ford Mustang with an unconscious Hughes foaming at the mouth. 'WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, MAN!' Hey, if you just had your arm ripped right off you, you'd be as pissed as Ed too.
'Take your opponent's strength – and make it their weakness!' With that familiar line said, Mustang proceeds to downswing on his little rival… with his own right arm. That dirty bastard.
'Oh, damn.' Ed was in a state of shock right before getting the crap beaten out of him with his own arm. As long as Roy had a way to win, he didn't care about fighting fair. But you already knew this.
With each 'whack', Edward made a girlish whelp, sounding like a weak puppy being beaten by his abused owner. Kinda like Nintendogs. Blood followed by cartoon-stars flew out of each area Roy proceeded to beat. He even kicked him a bit, because Roy was a bastard. As he kicked and whacked him, he laughed maniacally like an evil genius that just finished his Death-Ray-of-Doom. 'MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!'
'Give up, FullMetal? If you surrender, I'll stop. HOWEVER, if you surrender, you must dress like Mai Shiranui of the King of Fighters, LIKE YOU PROMISED. HAHA!' With that said, Ed held up a hand, signaling him to stop.
'Does this mean you give?' Roy had that devious smirk.
Ed just shook his head and picked up a container of liquid with his left hand and broke it right on him, making the liquid inside splash all over Roy. As this distracted the tall one, Ed punched him right in the balls, and snatched his metal arm back, followed him scurrying away like a mongoose that just attacked a snake for dinner.
Grabbing on to his whatnots, Mustang muttered a few swear words under his breath. 'Ugh, sunnuva-bitch… that bastard no good- I'LL MAKE YOU INTO FRIED SHRIMP, SHORTY!' He gets up, while staggering from groin pain and quickly snaps his right fingers. Did fire come out? Well it did, but not the way Roy wanted. Out of nowhere, Roy's vicinity exploded of fire and shrapnel as he flew backwards 35 feet away from the battlegrounds! 'THE HELL! HOLY CRAAAAAA- ' Roy landed with a thud, face first.
Like freakin' MacGuyver, Ed re-attached his arm and proceeded to flick him off with that arm. 'HA - Take your opponent's strength – and make it their weakness! ASS!' Ed was basically being a prick now. Turns out, what Ed cracked on Roy was a container of gas, like you didn't see that coming. How it survived the car blast, God only knows.
Roy gets up and brushes some debris off his suit. Suddenly with no warning, Roy looked to the sky and just screamed. 'EeeeEEEEYAAAAAAAUUUGH!' Roy was pissed and now ran right into Ed, throwing his best Tae Kwon Do skills at him. Punch for punch, kick for kick, and all that crap. Ed countered all this quickly like a bad episode of Dragonball Z. Suddenly they both jumped back. Ed charges both his arms to his right side and thrusts it forwards. 'RAH-SHEPPOKEN!' He chucked a fireball towards Roy Mustang, who magically spun around (Rather gaily might I add) and, being followed by a trail of pink and purple, Roy magically teleported behind Ed after screaming 'TEREPOHTO!' (Teleport)
'You gotta be kidding me.' Ed couldn't believe what the hell just happened. Suddenly without stopping to gloat, Roy jumps up and starts spinning around with his leg sticking out, kicking the crap out of Ed. 'TATSUMAKISENPUUKYAKU!' screamed Roy as he did his best Tornado Kick Attack at Ed. With awesome skill, Ed dodges and rolls to the other side of Mustang, as he made two sweeping motions on the floor, creating a slipstream of energy towards Roy, knocking him on his ass yet again. 'DOUBLE SHIPPUKEN!' Ed did it twice to give him a scare. Roy jumped up and came down knocking his fist right into Ed's face. 'POWUH-DUNK!' Roy made sure that Ed felt every connection of that last hit. Ed back-flips to recover from falling over and stands there staring at his opponent. Roy is adjusting his uniform and then proceeds to make a hand symbol, signaling Ed to bring it on. 'Hey, Come on! Come on!' Ed just responded with a simple 'Kocchi, Kocchi!' and made a two-hand taunt near his head, followed by turning around and slapping his ass, basically telling Mustang to kiss it.
Mustang had enough of this. Suddenly, the clouds turned black as Mustang held his hands up, creating fire. But not just his hand, his whole body was now surrounded. He charged this bad-boy technique up and specialized it just for Ed.
'What the hell is he doing now?' Ed moved in closer to see what's up.
Suddenly, with a swipe from his other arm, Mustang creates a giant 'snake-like' wave of fire that traveled towards Ed. 'Gwoooh! KURAI YAGARE!' Roy wanted Ed, as he said in Japanese, to eat this. Ed took in the fire as a 'hot-wire' of energy with his metal arm, using it as a conductor.
'What the?' Now Roy was confused. With a cocky smile, Ed used that metal arm and bashed it into the ground, followed by a bang with the left arm, and a final one with the right arm again, thus creating multiple energy geysers knocking Roy up into the air. 'LIVEWIREEEE… GO BANG!' As Roy was going to safely land, Ed didn't think he deserved a break and thus, wound his arm up for another powerful attack. 'ARE YOU OK!' Ed asked him this.
'Am I… OK?' Roy obviously didn't play the King of Fighters, or he would've understood this question. Without an explanation, Ed flew right into him, fist first and created a huge wave of energy, giant enough to be considered the ocean. As Ed released this energy, it was so powerful; he had to grip his metal arm like gun recoil, holding back from flying away form his own attack. 'BUSTAH-WOLF!' But unfortunately, not only did it knock Roy away; it made the lightweight Edward Elric fly a few yards back.
They were both lying there, breathing hard. The devastated road was in worse condition before this whole match. They both slowly get up, still having a bit of fight in the both of them. This fight had to end. They both knew this and couldn't drag this on forever. Was it FullMetal or was it Flame? Was it Elric or was it Mustang? Who was the better alchemist? With these obvious questions they mentally asked themselves, they started running for each other.
'Burn in hell, FullMetal!'
'Not before me, Flame!'
As they were going to collide, a huge crater opens knocking them both on the floor again. The crater exploded with hot strawberry jelly, flowing out with yummy goo and preserves. Suddenly, a submarine busts right out of the crater right in front of them. The figure that emerged from the submarine left the two in shock and awe-
'F' YEAH!' A cool looking dude wearing white baggy raver pants, a black tube top, and an eight-foot-long ponytail smirked mischievously, like a certain pink-haired woman who drove a Vespa. It was Musashi Miyamoto, the infamous Japanese Hero of Time. 'DRINK EFFING HEMOGLOBIN DEWB! F' YEAH!' He jumped off and with his sword he magically made a giant meteor and he started dancing and jigging on this meteor as it rode off into space. Never to be seen again. All Ed and Roy could do was stare at this weird feat. As this happened the submarine exploded and sank back into the hot boiling strawberry jelly. The two warriors stood up and walked to the edge of this crater and looked down at the hot boiling jelly. A thousand thoughts ran into both their heads; who was Musashi, another Square-Enix character, or some psycho nutjob? Why does this strawberry jelly exist in the ground? What the hell was Hemoglobin Dewb?
'Perhaps…' Roy started talking. '…There's a message or a moral to all this. Could this be the one? Is this what we've been aiming for?'
And before Roy can answer his own question, Ed lays a hand on Roy's back… and pushes him right into the crater, like a cheap bastard.
'DAMN YOU FULLMETAL! I'LL GET YOU NEXT TIME, EDWARD ELRIC IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DOOOOOOOOO – ' Plop. Roy sank into the hot jelly.
The skies cleared up. The sun was showing. Hughes was still knocked out on the broken car. Ed smirks as he takes off his overcoat and puts it over his shoulder, walking off and proceeded to find a phone to call for a pick-up.
'Man, I feel like a strawberry jelly sandwich.'
Winner is… EDWARD ELRIC!
Wow... didn't see that coming, eh? How's that for a rematch? Who knows? Maybe Ed Elric will travel around and fight people stronger than him! Who do you think he should fight from any anime? Send in your suggestions! - Kyo