Title: Watching Over Me
Author: PadawanJessKenobi
Rating: T for some language, but its not all that course…
Summary: Sirius gets hurt in a Quidditch match, and James realizes how much Sirius' friendship really means to him. Just some good buddy-buddy affection. Drama filled with some angsty moments.
Disclaimer: If I was JK Rowling, I'd be richer than the Queen of England… and not writing fanfiction. Instead, I never would have killed Sirius in the first place. So definitely not me.
"Late, late, late, late, late!" Sirius muttered loudly as he hopped around his bed on one foot, simultaneously attempting to put on his boots and Quidditch uniform at the same time.
"Padfoot, hurry up, we're going to be late for the game!" yelled James Potter, though he too was struggling to find his wand through the pile of strewn clothes on his bed.
"Thanks for the update," Sirius called back sarcastically, though he bounded over a few minutes later with a grin on his face as he finished tying up his uniform shirt.
James started running for the door with his broom under his arm when Sirius yanked him back roughly. "Damnit, we're going to be late, what the hell are you doing?" James cried in frustration as Sirius just stood there, fingering his broom and looking away from James.
Remus walked into the room casually, and gave a start as he saw his two friends just standing there. "What the… you guys do know that your match starts in exactly," he checked his watch quickly, "four minutes, right?"
James started to speak when a slow smile started to spread across Sirius' face as he looked away from the door. He nodded his head deliberately towards the window that overlooked Hogwarts' grounds, and the Quidditch field, and grinned again. "I found a faster route," Sirius said mischievously
James stood frozen for a moment, uncomprehending, until the same dangerous look crossed his face. Remus took another second to understand, and started to protest weakly, as Sirius and James had already started running towards the window, and Sirius threw it open.
"…. Know that it's strictly against the rules… big trouble if a professor sees…"
"See you at the game, Moony," Sirius winked charmingly as he mounted his broom and jumped out the window, soaring quickly over to the Quidditch field with James next to him, both of them whooping and yelling as though they didn't understand the concept of discretion.
Peter Pettigrew walked through the door, a confused look on his mousy face. "I thought I heard James and Sirius, but uh, where did they go?"
Remus couldn't suppress a grin as he motioned towards the window, watching Peter's milky-blue eyes grow rounder. "Come on, Peter, we should be able to make the beginning of the match if we leave now. But let's take the old-fashioned way, huh?" Remus said with a small chuckle.
"Best idea I've heard in a while," answered Peter as they left the room and started to walk to the Quidditch field.
They just arrived in time to get decent seats beside the other screaming Gryffindor fans waving banners and shouting, and to hear some of the pre-game announcements.
"… playing Seeker for Gryffindor is James Potter," yelled the announcer over the adoring fans that cheered loudly for their Seeker. "… Beaters Thomas Jenkins and Sirius Black…" shouted the announcer even louder, as the fans seemed to get even more rowdy. Remus rolled his eyes in amusement at Peter as the girls on either side of them let off high-pitched giggles and catcalls at the sound of his name. Sirius, basking in the attention, did a few tricks on his broom, and whooped at the crowd to get them all riled up.
Their opponents, Slytherin, were stony-faced as they faced Gryffindor in this important match that would decide who would make it to the semifinals of the Championship game. Their fans down below yelled encouragement at them, and insults at the Gryffindor team, waving their green banners in the air in excitement.
A deafening roar ripped out of the crowd as the game started, and Remus' quick eyes managed to follow the little golden Snitch for only a few seconds before he lost it in its quick movements. It looked as though James was just flying around aimlessly as he searched for the elusive ball of gold that could win them the match if caught first. The Slytherin Seeker, Gray, was doing the same thing, though he was also keeping an eye on James just in case he could glean any hints from him.
Remus switched his attention across the skies to where he saw Sirius hit a Bludger away with impressive force, earning him screams of approval from the Gryffindor fans. A movement on the far side of the field caught his eye, and he looked at where a Slytherin Beater had flown straight into James and shoved him, causing him to flip over a few times, but come up unhurt. He motioned to the referee to call a foul, but she had not seen the attack. The Gryffindors down below in the stadiums made their discontent known by loud protests, but there was no call and so James continued to look for the Snitch determinedly.
Sirius watched his friend with alarm on his face as James flipped over, but was relieved when he managed to regain his balance moments later. He flew towards the Slytherin Beater who had violently pushed James, and shouted at him using words that no one in the crowd could hear, yet they were given an educated guess as to the nature of them by flaming red color that the Slytherin's face had turned. They motioned angrily at each other for a few moments before Sirius flipped up his middle finger in rage and flew away furiously. The fans down below roared their approval of his dealings with the offensive Slytherin.
Sirius looked across the field and caught James' eye and gave him a questioning nod. James returned it confidently, and this seemed to satisfy Sirius' concerns, as he flew off again to ward away a speeding bludger.
The game continued without much action for the next few minutes, until Peter nudged Remus' arms, and pointed to the left side of the field towards the Slytherin's end, where the Beater Sirius had argued with earlier was conferring with the other Beater on the team, a lanky red-haired guy with a cruel looking face. "That doesn't look good," Peter said softly as the crowd drowned out his words. He watched the Slytherins motion a few times and look over at Sirius, and then they split up, racing towards the bludgers that flew quickly around the field.
Peter punched Remus' arm and shouted in his ear about his worry, and Remus looked up towards the sky to where Sirius was hovering near James protectively, his eyes searching the area around him quickly.
Remus shouted as he saw the two Slytherin beaters closing in, but his was just another voice in the excited crowd. Peter stood up, his eyes glued to the scene in front of him, and yelled also, though it was to no avail as there was no way that Sirius could possibly hear him.
James caught a movement out of the corner of his eye and for a second he saw the Snitch and grabbed it out of the air expertly and was about to wave it about in triumph, when he saw the other team's Beaters close in on Sirius, and it took him a few moments to comprehend what was happening. By the time he had blinked, it had happened.
The two Slytherin's yelled something to each other, and as Sirius turned to face the red-haired one, the other had slammed his stick into the bludger, and sent it flying. It hit Sirius' ribs with a sickening thud, and he bent over and tottered slightly. For a second it seemed as though he would be able to regain his balance, but as the second bludger connected with his shoulder, he lost his grip on his broom, and started tumbling to the ground.
James shouted in surprise, anger, worry… every emotion poured out of his voice as he saw his best friend fall like a rock to the ground, and even as he flattened himself on his broom to fall into a dive, he knew he wouldn't be able to reach Sirius in time.
The entire stadium seemed to delve into silence as the falling body of Sirius moved closer to the ground with astounding speed, and it was as if no one could move. It was seconds later, too many seconds later, when a professor finally gained enough wits to stand up and bellow out a spell, but it barely was spoken in time, and provided just a small cushion as Sirius hit the ground with a crushing sound that froze the breath in James' lungs. All movement seemed to stall for a minute, and then it was chaos.
The closest professors closed in around the boy, and Gryffindors started pouring out of the bleachers and started to surround him. James reached the ground soon after and jumped off his broom before he could land safely, and sprinted over to the huddled group. He violently pushed through the crowd, the tears in his eyes blurring his vision as he fought to where he knew Sirius lay. The professors standing over him turned to keep him away, but one look at James' face caused them to back away long enough for him to drop to his knees in front of his fallen friend.
"SIRIUS!" he heard the animal-like cry, a noise of pure anguish, and wondered if the yell had been his, or someone else's.
Vaguely he heard the shouts of Remus and Peter as they struggled to get through, and the screams pounded in his ears as his blood ran cold at the sight of his best friend. Sirius laid motionless, his leg and arm bent at an awkward angle. Something white poked out of his leg, and it took James a few seconds before the realization that it was bone sticking out of his shin. Blood was trickling out of his mouth gently, and cuts adorned his face. His raven-black hair framed his face, and as James watched for signs of breathing, he could not believe this was happening.
Not to Sirius, not to his best friend.
"Potter… Potter… Mr. Potter, we must get him to the hospital wing," James heard a voice that seemed to come from far away and he shook his head, still looking for any evidence of a breath.
He heard the professors arguing in the distance about whether moving him was a good idea, because he obviously had internal injuries, and mobilizing him would only aggravate them more. In the end, it was Dumbledore that insisted they stabilize his body and then levitate him towards the school, to where Madam Pomfrey would care for him. They needed to move him immediately, or else it could be too late.
"Mr. Potter, you need to get out of the way, now," a professor said sympathetically, yet firmly as James made no motion of movement as he stared as Sirius. The boy's muscular chest gave a shallow lurch as he gasped slightly for breath. James felt more hot tears stain his eyes in a mixture of relief and fear. Relief that Sirius was still alive, and fear that his injuries were too severe for even magic to heal. He could find no words to protest as Sirius stiffened as though he had been put on an invisible stretcher, and levitated a few feet into the air as the professors led him to the school, and into the infirmary.
The crowd started to split up, a large number of them following the professors and some staying behind in confusion and shock. James hardly noticed Remus and Peter standing beside him, also scarcely able to move. He barely felt them hoist him up off the ground and support his weight as though he could not stand by himself. Which was entirely possible, as he couldn't feel any part of his body and it was as if he were in shock.
He almost didn't register the pretty face and red hair standing and speaking to him. "… Can you hear me, Potter?" Lily Evans said, as James finally came-to and looked up at her with glazed eyes.
Her face softened in sympathy and her heart wrenched at the sight of his pain. She wanted to say something, to do something that would make that look on his face go away, but she knew there was nothing she could do or say that would ever make this better.
She opened up her arms to him, to give him the contact he had wanted since the moment he had met her, but James' eyes weren't on her anymore, but on Hogwarts, towards the window where he knew the hospital wing lay. He took off suddenly in a sprint, leaving Remus, Peter and Lily behind him.
Lily watched him for a while and then looked back at Remus and Peter, who were staring at the dirt that Sirius had fallen and made a mark in. "Oh God…" Remus moaned as it all hit him hard and he had the sensation that he was falling, but he was still standing on his feet. He felt Lily's arm on his elbow, helping to support him, and he looked at her with his strangely colored amber eyes, and she lead him and Peter slowly towards the school.
James exploded into the infirmary without even pausing to look where he was going. "Where is he?" he shouted, glancing around for the first time and seeing a large group of students standing in a corner. The last thing he wanted to do was talk to them, but they probably knew more than he did about what was going on, so he rushed over to them.
The group had been talking loudly, but they stopped suddenly as James joined them, and many looked towards the ground, unwilling to meet his eyes. "Where is he?" he demanded again, his tone leaving no room for argument at all.
A seventh year student he vaguely recognized pointed towards an enclosed room silently, not daring to say anything that could upset him further. James started towards the thick curtain that shielded the bed when the student halted him against his own better judgment. "It's charmed so that no one can get in without permission."
James' eyes glinted dangerously as he moved towards it anyways, but as he tried to pull the curtain aside, it stuck to the ground, as unmovable as a brick wall. He put all his weight into it, but it was useless: the curtain just would not budge. He kicked at it and yelled angrily until he could no longer, and strong arms pulled him back. He would have fought the arms but instead turned his head and saw that it was Remus tugging him back, and with him were Lily and Peter. James allowed himself to be led away from where Sirius lay just behind the curtain and felt himself being taken into an uncomfortable chair.
Lily left him to go back into the throng of people in an attempt to figure out information, while Remus and Peter stayed with James. James slowly started to regain control, and felt like less of a madman, yet the grief still stayed strongly within him, refusing to relinquish his heart.
Dumbledore appeared out of the room, his face unusually pale, and he looked years older. He caught sight of the students and did his best to change his expression into what he hoped was one of confidence and optimism, for their sakes.
"I have to see him, Professor!" James Potter had broken free of Remus and Peter, and rushed over to Dumbledore, and tried to go around him into the room.
Dumbledore's heart broke at the sight of James' concern and grief, but he forced himself to remain hopeful and certain. "Sirius cannot have any visitors at the moment; Madam Pomfrey needs complete isolation to work on him now."
James paused to consider this, and for a second Dumbledore thought he was going to go mad with worry again, but James composed himself this time, and his voice was thick when he spoke again. "How is he?" he choked out quietly.
Dumbledore swallowed before answering the question carefully. "He is alive. He is being given the most advanced medical care we can offer him, and we are doing everything we can. He is young and has a strong spirit, Mr. Potter. He will fight, of this I am sure." Dumbledore gave him a fleeting smile, and put his hand on James' arm. "You can see him in a few hours," he said, hoping that James couldn't read his unspoken words that bore no promise that Sirius would make it through the next couple hours. James just nodded numbly and stared at the curtain as though the sheer force of his need would lift it. But nothing happened, and he was led back to an empty seat.
Dumbledore spoke to the group of students and they all slowly left the infirmary, leaving only James, Remus and Peter behind as Lily cast a remorseful look back at James as Dumbledore ushered her out. "You may come back in hour or so, Ms. Evans," he said quietly to her, "I want you to gather your strength for when you come back; Mr. Potter will need it," he said in that usual insightful voice of his.
The hour seemed to slip by as James sat in the chair and stared silently at the curtain that separated him and Sirius' broken body.
This could not be happening.
Sirius… he was so strong, his spirit was pure fire in its force… there was no way that that could have been him that had hit the ground so hard… no way that it was his shallow gasp that James had seen as he lay motionless on the ground…
James dropped his head into his hands as he felt a hand on his back, assuming it to be Remus or Peter. They hadn't talked much in the last hour, except for shallow words of comfort to each other. James had done his best to pull himself together and even went as far as to try to reassure Remus and Peter, and they had done their best not to show James how hollow his words sounded to them.
He looked up, but instead of what he expected; Lily stared back at him, holding two cups of something steaming in her hands. He saw Remus and Peter walk away holding drinks in their hands also, and he understood that Lily had asked them for a private moment with him.
For once in his life since he met her, he didn't bother to muss up his hair or put on a cocky smile in hopes to impress her, instead he just looked at her as though she were his lifeline and he were drowning.
Her emerald green eyes stared back at him, strong and full of compassion. She remained silent and allowed him to speak.
"This is all so wrong," James said so softly that she had to move closer to hear him. "Sirius… Sirius is always so full of life, I just froze when I saw him like that. He looked like… like he was…" he shook his head as though to rid himself of the unspoken word. "I've never seen him like that. I mean I saw him once when he ran away from his house last summer. He was really beat up… he had a concussion, twisted ankle, a cracked rib and some deep cuts, but he still grinned at me with that damn charming smile of his," James smiled affectionately, "and made a joke about how he could piss just about anyone off, and how he could have kicked all their asses if only they hadn't taken his wand from him."
"His family… they hit him?" Lily hadn't meant to interrupt James, but the words slipped out before she could stop them. Sure, she had seen some strange injuries on Sirius when she saw him after summer vacation, but she had always assumed that since he was so rich and came from some a prestigious family…
"Let's just say that it doesn't take a lot for a Black who disgraced the family name by being placed in Gryffindor, to piss off a Slytherin-worshipping family. It's not like he went out of his way to avoid punishment either; you know how Sirius is. He stands up for what he believes in, no matter what." There was a note of pride in James' voice, but also of envy.
"You love him, don't you?" Lily asked after a moment.
James nodded slightly. "He's like my brother, Evans. We were friends from the moment we met. He endured the hatred of his cousins and other Slytherins and stayed my friend. Did you know that he stood up to Lucious Malfoy when he started to insult my family name? Sirius didn't even bother to take out his wand… he attacked Malfoy and almost broke his nose. That's the type of person Sirius was. If you were his friend, he would stand by you no matter what. No questions asked, no special conditions. He never even expected anything in return except for the promise of companionship. That's all." His voice broke with emotion, and he struggled not to let the tears fall in front of Lily.
She blinked back tears also at the touching words, and clutched James closer to her, placing her head on top of his. No longer was James the popular and arrogant Seeker with messy black hair, he was just a boy who was scared to death of losing the person who mattered the most to him. She didn't see him messing up his untamed hair in an attempt to impress her, he saw him trying to hold back tears so not to admit defeat. She pressed a kiss onto the top of his head, and spoke again. "Tell me more," she said simply.
"He wouldn't want me to tell you this," James spoke after a few seconds of silence, "he said it would be "embarrassing" if you knew, but I don't see the harm it would do. One day he caught Malfoy and Snape with something in their hands, and took it from them; it was a tape of you uh…" he actually turned red with embarrassment, "erm… in the shower…" he said, trying to avoid Lily's shocked and disgusted face. "They had rigged something in the shower to record… all that… and Sirius took it from them and threw it into the lake, and then jinxed them both so badly that they had purple blots on their bodies for days, and he had detention for longer."
"I never knew," Lily gasped in shock.
"He'll probably kill me if he ever found out I told you," James said with a hollow laugh. "Said it would make him sound 'girly' or something like that."
"I think it makes him sound positively wonderful," Lily said earnestly. She watched James' expression change so minutely and quickly that she hardly noticed it, but a look of jealously clouded his eyes momentarily before it flickered out.
"It seems I have misunderstood Sirius… and you, James," she said softly, lifting her head and staring into his eyes.
"I can't blame you, I wouldn't get me either," James said, staring back at her deeply. They moved closer slowly, intent on each other's eyes, when a voice caused them to jump apart almost guiltily.
"You may visit Mr. Black now, Potter," spoke Madam Pomfrey into the silence, and James jumped up, almost completely forgetting that near moment with Lily. He ran towards the drawn curtain now, leaving everyone behind him. "You have ten minutes, Potter, then I must administer the next dosage of medicine," Pomfrey called out after him.
James entered the room slowly now, for fear of what he might see. In the middle of the room lay a long bed with bleached white blankets adorning it. Tucked under the blanket he could see a tall, lean figure. He walked towards it, and finally got the courage to look down at Sirius' face. He looked much the same as he had when James had first seen him lying on the ground. He was still motionless, except for the occasional ragged breath he drew. Each and every breath he took was like a drop of hope for James, and for the first time, he truly felt his spirits lift a little bit. Sirius' face was still unnaturally pale, though still somehow regal looking, and his head was wrapped in a crisp white bandage.
James reluctantly peered under the covers and winced at what he saw. Sirius' ribs were wrapped up in similar bandages, though he was quite sure that they were there as just a marker as to where his injuries were, for the magic hardly needed bandages to help it work. His shoulder was wrapped tightly also, as were both of his wrists. His leg was in a cast to secure it, and on the table next to him, James caught sight of the potion that grew back broken limbs. He forgot the name of it, and didn't have the time or desire to look at the bottle more carefully.
"Sirius, can you hear me?" he whispered shakily, laying a hand next to his best friend. "Please, please speak to me," he moaned, but there was no response from the still form. "I know you're in there… maybe you can't speak, but I can, so you just lay there and listen." He cringed, as Sirius seemed to struggle to take his next gasping breath, and shivered at the same time. "You can't leave me alone, man, you just can't. That would be selfish of you, and selfish was something you never were. You got hurt because you were worried about me, and you picked a fight with the wrong guy. I could never forgive myself if you don't… but you will, so there is no need to talk like this." James sighed.
"I'm scared, Sirius," he admitted softly, his voice shaking. "If you could hear me right now, you would hit me over the head for saying that. But then you would soften up, you never could ignore my feelings for a long time, and you'd grin and put your arm around my shoulder and say 'tell mommy Padfoot what's wrong,' and you would listen to me no matter how stupid or trivial my problem was. And you would try to help me out, either with smuggling me a Butterbeer, or giving me a game plan to try to win Lily, or even just by being there and listening to me. That helped me more than anything else that anyone in the entire world could ever do. I always knew that you were there for me.
"And I still need you, Padfoot. Damnit, I still need you!" His voice rose for a moment, but he lowered it again after he paused. "You're too damn tough to let this lick you. You haven't had enough detentions… you haven't found the perfect girl yet… we haven't snuck out of Hogwarts enough… you haven't perfected that curse that will turn Snape into a girl for a whole day… damnit, Sirius, I'm not done with needing you!" This time he couldn't hold back his tears, and he dropped to his knees next to the bed, his hands gripping the bed. He cried silently for his best friend, and couldn't hold back his fear. He kneeled there for what seemed like a long time, praying for Sirius and hoping that someone up there would hear him.
He was numb when Lily came in and took him away. He had heard her gasp when she saw Sirius, though she had tried to cover up her reaction. He was outside the room once more before he knew it, and this time he paced around the room anxiously. He had regained some semblance of sense, and turned to see Remus and Peter standing by the door, just having missed seeing Sirius by about a minute.
James composed himself; surprised by his ability to even smile a little bit, and give the reassurance to them that he himself did not feel. It did the job though, as he felt Remus and Peter's grief lift just a little bit.
Madam Pomfrey came out a while later, looking exhausted as she regarded the friends. "How is he?" James blurted out immediately.
She looked at them with pity and compassion before answering. "He had a severe concussion, broke all his ribs and almost every bone in his body, actually. He had internal bleeding also. Thank Merlin for whoever it was that cast the spell that cushioned Sirius a little. Even if it just came before he hit the ground, it softened up the impact by about a ten mile per hour decrease of speed" She paused to take a deep breath, as though disturbed, "I think that was the only reason he is still alive right now, if not for just that little drop in his speed, he would have been beyond repair."
All the information rushed around in James' head until he was dizzy with it all. "So… he is going to be alright?"
"It will take him a long time to heal, and it will be a while until he is fully back to himself again, but yes, Mr. Potter, I believe he will be fine."
A grin of relief crossed James' face, as he narrowly resisted the urge to jump in the air and whoop. He could feel Remus visibly relax, and Peter sighed. Lily beamed, and clapped her hands at the good news.
"So we can see him again? Is he conscious?" James asked hurriedly.
"He shouldn't be for a while. Like I said, his injuries were very serious. If he does wake up, however, he may be slightly delirious because I had to put him under a lot of potions to heal him. He also is running a very high fever, but in light of things, that can be taken care of."
Remus was cut off from his next comment by a low groan coming from the other room, and a few unintelligible mumblings. James heard his friend and ducked past Madam Pomfrey so quickly that she couldn't even jinx the curtain to keep him out. He was quickly followed by his friends, and they burst into the room just a few seconds later.
Remus' intake of breath upon seeing Sirius' condition was loud, and Peter looked as though he was going to faint. James immediately went to Sirius' side again, and was followed by the rest. Lily stood next to him and ran her hand through Sirius' silky hair as a comfort; though she wasn't sure if it was for his sake, or more for her own.
"Hey Sirius," she said softly, "How are you doing?" She gave a little laugh as she continued to play with his hair slowly. "That was a bit of a stupid question, huh?" Her voice trembled a little bit, but she took a deep breath and continued speaking. "You don't look so good, but you'll be better soon, I just know it. James here has been driving himself crazy with worry over you, so you better get well soon, or he might lose it completely, and that would just be hell for all of us," she said with a weak laugh.
Remus stepped up next, and looked down at his friend. "You'd be pissed off if you could see yourself right now," he said, trying to force a smile. "You're nearly broken in half, buddy," she said, attempting to keep up the smile, but it faltered with emotion. "Madam Pomfrey said that you would be fine, though, nothing to worry about. This will make you even more of a hero, you know. First years will be telling stories of the great Sirius Black, and you'll probably get a really awesome nickname. You'd like that."
Peter came up next to him, and his eyes roamed over Sirius' still body. "Please get better soon, Sirius," he whispered. "I'll give you an unlimited supply of chocolate frogs for an entire month if you wake up in the next ten minutes, I promise! I just want to see you walking around again, pranking the Slytherins and causing trouble like you always do."
James sat on a free spot on the bed next to where the young man lay, and leaned forward a little. "Hear that, Sirius? This whole 'lying motionless in an infirmary bed' thing really isn't such a good look for you. I mean really, you know what is coming up in the next few days," he said vaguely. He didn't want to mention the word "full moon" due to Lily's presence in the room. "You never missed a single moment of that, and I expect you fully repaired and back in action soon and things will be back to normal." He fingered the blanket covering Sirius' body absentmindedly.
"Why did you have to play hero, and tick off the Beater like that? You always did try to protect me-" James' words were cut short as Sirius groaned and shifted positions underneath the covers.
"Is that good?" Peter asked anxiously as Sirius let off another little moan and tried to move.
"Is he waking up?" Remus questioned at the same time as he leaned forward to get a better look.
Sirius' eyes fluttered weakly, and he crinkled his nose a little before his eyes opened fully, and the sea of his midnight blue, almost gray, eyes flooded everyone around him. He closed his eyelids again, but then they opened once more, and he looked about groggily.
"Where… where the hell am I?" he asked. Before anyone could reply him, he glanced around, "where's James?"
James patted the bed to get his friend's attention, and a smile broke out across his face. 'I'm right here, buddy," he reassured Sirius, "and you're in the hospital."
"Hey buddy… why am I here?" Sirius questioned as he tried to move his arm, and yelped in pain. "Ow… pain… that's why I'm here I guess," he said, slurring his words quite heavily.
"Remmy, Petey, Jamesy Boy and Lils? It's a party… I got all my best friends here," Sirius said with a dreamy smile on his face.
"Oh Merlin, he's really drugged up, isn't he?" Remus said with a laugh that was both heavily relieved and nervous at the same time.
"How are you feeling?" Lily asked, pushing the hair out of Sirius' face gently and tenderly.
"Like I'm missing a few vital organs," he said with a small grin, "how are you feeling? You're standing real close to Jamesy boy, Lils, are you finally together?" Lily blushed heavily at his innocent question, and moved away from James slightly. "Cause that would be really great. Jamesy really fancies you, you know. I mean, really, really he does."
"That's great," Lily said awkwardly, attempting to stop Sirius' rant, but she could not.
"No, really. And he's a great guy, Jamesy. Big heart. If he could only tame that hair, he'd be a total winner. Forget that, he's a good one. You should… you should really give him a chance, he would totally… he's fantastic." Sirius grinned up at James, his eyes not totally focused as the image of multiple James swam in front of his eyes dizzyingly.
"Er, that's great Sirius, thanks for the recommendation," James said, looking like he wasn't sure if he was supposed to be confident or embarrassed. "It's like you're piss drunk," he said with a nervous laugh. He glanced over at Lily to see her reaction to Sirius' words, and he saw her lean closer to Sirius and whisper something in his ear. His reaction was clearly delayed, but a few moments later he began to laugh, though it was cut short by a wince as the laughing irritated his broken ribs.
A worried look crossed Lily's face, and she looked around almost helplessly. James' face mirrored hers, and Sirius laughed again when he saw their expressions.
"S'okay, guys, really, this isn't so bad… at least its not you, Jamesy boy," Sirius said weakly, "I couldn't take it if it was."
"Then you have it easy," James said, trying his best to fake a laugh, but then his face turned serious at Sirius' little groan of pain.
Lily bent down to feel Sirius' forehead and jerked her hand back in surprise. "He's burning up," she said softly to James, her face wrinkled in concern. James leaned over to feel his friend's forehead also, and was surprised by the heat emanating from him.
"Damn it," James swore.
"Maybe I should get Madam Pomfrey," Remus said worriedly, as Sirius coughed painfully some more.
"No!" he said with surprising force in his voice. "I'll be fine, really. Please… please don't get her, I want you guys here," he pleaded his blue eyes boring into Remus' until the boy had to concede. "I'm glad you guys are here," Sirius said as the coughs subsided, and he was breathing normally again.
"We'll always be here, Sirius," James said sincerely.
To his surprise, Sirius let out a soft laugh at his words, "I'm not on my deathbed yet, Jamesy boy, no need to get out the corny sentimentality," he said with a smile that was almost as strong as his usual grin, but the look in his eyes told James that he was thankful for him.
James laughed loudly, "I think the drugs are wearing off, he's becoming more annoying by the minute," he joked.
Sirius made an effort to punch him, but found that he couldn't move his arm very far. "Just wait until I get out of here, I'll remember you said that," he joked, his voice mock threatening.
"Is that a threat, Sirius Black? Cause I'd hit you right now, but I don't hit cripples," James said with a laugh.
"Damnit, Potter, do you have a death sentence? You're bloody lucky that I'm not in the mood to move right now, or you'd be so screwed."
James' joyful expression faded a little bit at the word "death" as he thought back to how close he had been to losing Sirius, but he struggled to keep his expression firmly on his face. Even though he could see for himself that Sirius was going to be all right, he still couldn't shake that feeling of seeing Sirius falling… and then lying still as death on the ground. But he had to keep up pretenses, if not for personal pride, then at least for Sirius' sake.
Madam Pomfrey came into the curtained room, and looked with disapproval at all of the people standing around her patient. "I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to cut this visit short for most of you. I'm afraid that all of you in here will tire Sirius out, and he can only have one visitor right now."
The friends all looked at each other, then at Sirius, than at James. "Potter should stay," she said softly. She leaned down to Sirius and ran her hands over his hair one last time, before she spoke. "I'll see you later, all right, Black? At least this will give me some free time without worrying about any mayhem going on," she said with a sweet laugh. Her face turned a little more serious as she gave him one last look. "I hope you feel better soon, you're really not that much of a bad guy."
"Coming from you, Lils, that's gotta be one of the biggest compliments in the world," Sirius said happily. Lily smiled at him, and then waved to the group and left. She cast one more look back at James as he stood over his best friend, but he didn't notice her.
Remus stepped forward next and spoke softly. "Yeah, I think I'll go finish up some homework, you know how I love to study," he said with a wry smile. "Besides, you'll be back in action soon, and heavens knows I can't get any work done with you riding my ass about pulling off some prank," his smile relayed the care he had for Sirius, despite the jokingly harsh words.
"Aint that the truth… you study too much anyways. I'm always worried your brain is going to fall out of your head, and honestly, that's just gross, and a horrible mess to clean up. Someone's gotta distract you, and waste your time for you," Sirius responded cheekily.
Remus laughed, and then took a serious look down at his friend. "I want you to rest, ok? Get better soon, we're going to need you in a couple of days," he said cryptically for the sake of Madam Pomfrey in the same room.
"Don't you worry you're studious little head, Remus, this won't keep me away," Sirius responded in typical fashion.
"See you soon?" Remus asked, as if looking for Sirius' promise that he would get better.
"You can't keep me away for too long, you know that," Sirius answered as he said his goodbyes to Mooney.
Peter was the last one in the room besides James, and he came forward to say his goodbyes as well.
"Petey my boy, I'm trusting you to be the collector of food for me, alright? When I bust out from this God-forsaken place, I'll be damn hungry, and so would you accept the mission of being my General of Consumable Goods?"
Peter snorted in laughter, and nodded his head. "You can count on me," he said with mock seriousness. "You better escape soon, though, 'cause the spare food won't be around forever, if you get my meaning," he said, patting his slightly rounded stomach. He ran a hand through his blonde hair nervously, and looked at Sirius seriously.
Sirius chuckled at the look on his friend's face. "Get that look off your face, Petey, you look downright depressing!"
Peter smiled, and then laughed hollowly. "Just get better, alright?"
"Sure, mom," Sirius answered, as he waved goodbye to Peter until he was left alone with just James.
James looked at him, the smile gone from his face. "How do you feel, Sirius?"
"Fantastic, really, almost as good as new!" Sirius answered, his voice chipper. But he couldn't fool his best friend, who could see through his lies almost immediately.
"That's not true, you feel like shit, don't you?"
"Well, define 'shit', really…"
"You look terrible."
"I do not!" Sirius cried indignantly as he tried to reach up to smooth out his hair, but found he couldn't move his arm very far, and gave up after wincing. "Sirius Black never looks terrible," he muttered to himself.
James struggled to hold back a grin as he conjured a mirror and held it over Sirius' face so he could look at himself.
Sirius examined his reflection in the mirror, taking in his flushed cheeks, sweat-matted hair, and unfocused eyes. "I don't know what you're talking about. This look is so in right now. If I were a girl, I'd totally do me right now. Right on this bed."
James grimaced, "please tell me you're kidding!"
"Yeah, yeah, ok… well let's see how good you look after falling out of the air like a shot bird!" he said, meaning his words as a joke, but instantly regretting them as James' expression became strained, and twisted into one of sadness.
"I was really scared, Sirius," James said, all traces of humor gone from his voice.
"It's ok, buddy, I'm alright, this is nothing that staying here countless hours bored out of my mind as Pomfrey practices the devil's work on me won't fix," Sirius said, trying to force cheerfulness into his voice for his friend's sake.
James' face didn't change, and he sat down on the far side of the bed heavily, misery evident on his face. "You just fell. There was nothing I could do…"
Sirius, even in his slightly delirious state, could see where this was going, and he wanted to stop James before he could continue. "I know, mate. Look, you're doing everything right by just staying here with me."
But James could not be dissuaded from the feelings that had nagged him the whole time. "If only I had reacted a little faster, had gone into a deeper dive… I could have reached you and saved you."
"And what? I would have landed on you, dragged us both to the ground, and we'd be sharing a room, both of us looking uncharacteristically beat up? I wouldn't want that."
"It would be better than having to sit here, seeing you like this. It would be better than knowing that I failed you, by failing to protect you."
"You didn't fail-" Sirius began, before James cut him off angrily.
"Yes, yes I did, Sirius! I bet you don't even remember all the times you've been there for me, all the times you've saved me, because that's just how you are. You've always come through for me, every single time. Like that time that we were racing to get back to the Common Room so we could start planning a new prank… you jumped the stairs though they were starting to move and you made it, and I jumped after you and just barely made it to the bottom step! I started to lose my balance, and started to fall backwards, and you were right there, and grabbed me just in time and saved me. You were watching to make sure I was safe, and you were right there to get me!"
"That was a completely different circumstance!" Sirius cried out, his voice starting to rise and sound more lucid. "It was my stupidity that caused you to try to jump the stairs anyways, it was the least I could do to get off my ass and make sure you didn't die on my watch!"
"That's not the point. You've done that so many times, you don't even know. You always watch out for me, and the first time I get to return that, I fail and can't even do anything to help you when you could have died."
"You didn't-" Sirius started to say, as James cut him off once more.
"YOU COULD HAVE DIED, SIRIUS!" James shouted, silencing him for once. "I watched you get hit… the way you tried to hold on, but the second Bludger caught you and you tottered off the broom… and the way you fell through the air. The way you hit the ground and made such a sickening noise… you don't even know the thud you made when you landed. Merlin, it sounded as though you broke each and every bone in your body. Which you practically did, but the sound of it… and how you lay there lifeless, and I yelled in your ear and you wouldn't wake up…" James' words trailed off, and he kicked the chair in the far corner of the room in anger and despair.
Sirius lay silent for a minute, the quietness heavy between them. "Remember that day you were so sick and ended up fainting in the middle of Potions class?"
"Is this supposed to make me feel better? You were there to catch me, Sirius, you were there for me-"
"SHUT UP, JAMES!" Sirius roared, this time being the one to cut James off. "This isn't about me being macho and being there to magically catch you when you fall. Yes, I caught you in my arms when you pitched backwards from your desk. And yes, I carried you up to the infirmary myself. And I sat next to you for hours, praying that you would wake up. You were so pale, and you would switch from shivering to sweating, and no matter how many times I would put a damn blanket on you to stop your shivering, you would start sweating and I would take it off, and then you would shiver again.
"After the second hour of you being unconscious I think I finally broke down. You weren't moving, and no matter what the hell I did, you wouldn't fucking wake up. I felt like the most useless thing in the entire world," Sirius' breath hitched, but he kept talking. "I was more scared than I ever was in my entire life at that moment. James, you're more of a brother to me than my own could ever be. I was scared shitless for you."
"Sirius-"
"Yes, this hurts like hell. My body is on fire, there's a pounding in my head, and breathing is more painful than having to sit through six straight hours of a History of Magic class. But I can take this. I can handle this. What I couldn't handle is if you were in here too, lying in that bed over there, and I didn't know if you were ok. I'd rather it be me than you, James. You did all that you could do, and you have no idea how much I appreciate it."
"What, Sirius, what did I do?" James asked in confusion.
"You were there for me when I woke up," Sirius said simply and honestly.
James was silent as Sirius' words hit him. "You're my best mate, though," he said, still trying to argue feebly, "and if only…"
'Fuck the 'if only's,' Potter. I told you what meant the most to me, and that was that you were here for me when I woke up. Do you know how depressing it is to wake up in the hospital wing all by yourself? Wickedly depressing, that's what. I heard you talking before, before everyone else came to visit too. You were right, I could hear you, but it was like you were so far away, and I couldn't answer. But I heard you. I've never lied to you, mate, and I'm being straight with you when I say that you've done what I needed you to do, and being my friend is all I've ever wanted from you. "
James felt wetness come to his eyes, but he fought them back. "You're uh, you're still kind of drugged up, aren't you?" he asked, trying to lighten the mood a little bit.
"Oh God, you have no idea," Sirius answered with a laugh.
Madam Pomfrey came in at that moment, eyeing them both critically, as it was likely that she had overheard their shouting earlier. "I'm sorry, Mr. Potter, but I need to ask you to leave now. Mr. Black needs some more treatment and his rest after that."
James nodded, and got up to leave. "Bye for now, Padfoot, I'll see you soon."
"Get over here, Prongs," Sirius said, his voice stern. James walked over to him again, looking confused. "Lean closer," Sirius said, and James complied, his eyes widening in surprise when Sirius tried to wrap his arms around James to pull him into a hug. James instantly complied, and fell into his friend's embrace. He pulled away a moment later, and looked at Sirius.
"That couldn't have felt good," he remarked airily, motioning to Sirius' injured arms, though his voice was filled with more emotion than his words could express.
"Hurt like fuck, really," Sirius said back to him, grinning.
James turned to leave, when Sirius called out again. "Prongs?"
"Yeah?"
"Thanks."
James smiled at him, and a moment of understanding passed between them.
THE NEXT DAY
James plopped down on the Common Room couch next to where Remus sat reading a book. Remus looked up and gave him a smile, though James noticed that he looked particularly tired today. Probably because the full moon was getting closer and closer, and James could tell that it weighed heavily on his friend's mind. Peter sat on the floor, his face screwed up in concentration as he attempted to figure out the Potions homework.
James looked around the room, half expecting to see Sirius bounding down from their room, but he didn't. Instead his eye caught Lily Evans as she sat reading on a chair in the corner of the room. She happened to look up at that moment too, and she looked away quickly when she saw James staring at her.
James sighed, and turned his attention back to the homework he was trying to do. He couldn't seem to concentrate, however. He had gone in to visit Sirius this morning, but Madam Pomfrey told him that Sirius had had a rough night earlier, experiencing the pain of almost all of his bones growing themselves again. She had implied the painfulness of it all, and since he was finally sleeping, she didn't want to risk him waking up before he should. James had wanted to protest, but thought twice and convinced himself that it was better that Sirius get some rest, and he would visit again in the afternoon, though he would be insistent on not taking 'no' as an answer again.
The door to the Common Room opened, but no one looked up until the Marauders heard a familiar voice. "What the hell is this?" the voice cried out indignantly.
Joy rose in James as he looked up to find Sirius' handsome and aristocratic face staring back at him, a grin playing on his lips. "I leave you guys alone for a few days, and all of a sudden you've turned into good little girls who do their homework on a Saturday morning? And to think I escaped from the brink of Pomfrey's devilish ways to come back to this? I am disgusted, absolutely appalled!"
Sirius limped over to James and knocked the book from his hands. "Come on mate, not you too? What have they done to you? This is why you need me around, huh?" he said with a laugh, as he looked around the Common Room.
More people had noticed his presence and some came bounding over, questioning him over his health and pains, and how he was doing. Sirius spoke to them all, making the crowd laugh and they continued to fawn over them, until he spread himself on the couch, looking worn out, and they all got the hint and left him alone with his best friends.
Remus eyed the way Sirius limped around critically, but then broke out into a smile. "How are you? How did you sneak away?"
"Well if I told you that, then I would be giving away a secret, no? And Remmy old boy, a master never gives away his tricks," he answered with his loud, barking laugh.
"I came to visit you this morning and Pomfrey said you were supposed to sleep for a long time… didn't she drug you some more?"
"I swear that that woman is always putting me on drugs. I think she does it so she can ravage me in the middle of the night without me knowing. I mean really, I wake up in the morning feeling sorer than I did the night before… though I prefer not to think about that much. And yeah I was supposed to be under her potions of doom, but I didn't take it, and so here I am, returning back to my rightful place. Petey, tell me you kept up your duties!"
Peter smiled mischievously and pulled a muffin wrapped in a napkin out of his robe pocket, and handed it over to Sirius. "Premium, top of the line muffin, sir, for your consumption."
"Good man, Wormtail!" Sirius exclaimed happily, and Peter beamed with pleasure at the compliment.
"So you know what I've been dying to do? I've been thinking about how best to get back at those Slytherin bastards," Sirius' face went dark for a second as he thought about the boys who had nearly killed him, but then he brightened up again. "I'm thinking some serious hexing and general harassment might be necessary to rectify the grievances we have suffered on their behalf, don't you think? We need to plan fast, though. If I'm correct, Pomfrey should check on me in about an hour and half, and she'll flip when she sees I'm not there, so we have about an hour twenty eight minutes until I'm screwed, so let's make it good."
James laughed and threw an arm around his best friend, and they looked at each other, each grateful for the other. "The world isn't the same without Padfoot around," he said with a laugh, though his words were completely sincere.
"Oh, I know," Sirius said with a grin.