think, I can blame it on merely looking up an unrelated CD, which led me to another CD,
which led me back to this song, which led me to this.
Ah, the little quirks of Fate, ne?
The song is "Who Wants To Live Forever" by Queen. Also, some of Bakura's ramblings
are partly inspired by another of his age. (I'll say who at the end.)
SANITIZED: LYRICS HAVE BEEN REMOVED. THIS IS THE FFNET APPROVED, SANITARY, MADE-FOR-KIDDIES VERSION. TO VIEW THE ORIGINAL, GO TO MY SITE AND VENTURE UNDER "THE WORKS" AND THE APPROPRIATE SHOW.
MISSING WORDS
It's raining. Fitting, I suppose, for my mood. It had started while I was sitting at the
bench, but I didn't move. There was an roof over me, and I was for the most part
protected from the downpour. I just sat there, staring out at the street. A few people
dashed about under umbrellas, but for the most part I was alone. Even the street itself was
oddly devoid of cars, but I didn't complain. I enjoyed the peace and quiet. Gave me a
moment to lose myself in my thoughts.
How much this world has changed since my day. Granted, I am half a world away from
Egypt, but still. All this technology. Everyone's in a rush for some reason, but I still
haven't figured out why. Always on the go, always late for something... no one takes their
time anymore. I may not have much finesse, but what I do I take care in. I don't want
inferiority. In this world, everyone seems to want to go for quantity, not quality.
It's highly irritating to say the least.
The Pharaoh, of course, is in love with it. If my memory serves me correctly, he always
was like that, even back in our time. I don't mind it, I guess; there are some "modern
conveniences" that are surprisingly useful. It's just that I, of all people, understand the
meaning of overkill. One thing I especially don't like is how everyone is now relying on
someone or something else to do their thinking. They trust faulty machines over their own
minds! How does that quote go? 'Lord, what fools these mortals be!'
I don't think I'll ever understand this world.
MISSING WORDS
I know if Ryou was here, he was say I was having one of my "moments". I still haven't
quite figured out what he's referring to-- my sudden pensiveness or my wanting to be
alone-- but I can't deny it. Some days I just have to sit back and think over things. Take a
moment to live, you could say, which sounds strange since I died thousands of years ago.
Truth is, I wonder a lot about that. Am I really dead? What am I, a ghost? A soul?
Something else entirely? I'd go seek out Shadi, but two things prevent me from that: one,
how would I find him, anyhow? I'm not even sure what he is; and two, I don't think I
want to know. I know many, many things, things I'm not even supposed to know, things I
don't even know how I know, and I don't really want to add this in on top of it. If I want
to be truly honest with myself, I probably could admit that I'm a bit scared to know. I
know when to, ah, what's the phrase? Let sleeping dogs lie.
I've wondered about what's kept us-- the yamis-- going for so long. Hikari after hikari,
century after century, death after death... what's kept us here? The Sennen Items could
hold that blame, but I'm fully aware that we can be destroyed by forces other than them.
Take the Pharaoh for example-- how many times has he tried to banish me to the Shadow
Realm, almost succeeding on a few of those occasions? Which, I'll say now, I will never
understand his reasoning behind that. I mean, I'm a Shadow master! It's like sending me
home with a slap on the wrist! That Pharaoh, I swear. I'm starting to think his hikari has
more sense than he does, and everyone knows my contempt for that particular mortal.
Where was I? Ah, right, this place. I won't lie. I've thought about just plain out giving up
and ending it. Don't get me wrong, I love what I do and always will, but it seems to have
lost the thrill of it. First off, I can't die by most hands, since I'm already dead. Second,
admitting defeat just isn't part of my vocabulary. And third... I've survived this long.
Giving up now would just make it all worthless, and to a thief, worthlessness is a fate
almost worse than death.
Still, I wonder.
MISSING WORDS
This existence-- dare I say it-- is lonesome. Ryou's around, that's true, but we aren't
exactly on the same level usually. We're like roommates, but closer than that; but neither
are we extremely intimate. I can't define our relationship, which irritates me (notice that
many things do), but he seems satisfied with it, so I drop it. It falls in the same category as
my earlier questioning. I'm not sure I really want to know.
I have Malik and Marik, as well, but most often they're doing their own thing. Malik's a
mortal and can't enjoy the full freedom that I have, so that shortens that. He's not much
into tomb-robbing, but more general havoc-wrecking. And Marik... well... Marik's unto
himself. He's not a true yami, not like the Pharaoh and I, but he's not anything else
definable, either. Whatever he is, that's one question I know I don't want the answer to.
Plus, he's too psychotic, even for me. I don't mind the madness, but when you let it run
wild with yourself, that's too much. I may be a maniac, but at least I'm in control. I don't
think he even knows the definition of control.
I know, I know, my admitting my loneliness is undoubtedly a sign of weakness, but I truly
can't help that. Back in Egypt, I had my companions to help me cause chaos. I may have
trusted them as far as I could throw them, but still, it wasn't bad having them around.
Plus, if I felt really lonely, I could just take up residence in the nearest brothel for a day or
two. I can't exactly do that here. I'm not even sure brothels even still exist in this place.
And if they do, well... I don't think any of them could satiate me. It's not really that kind
of loneliness.
MISSING WORDS
The rain has let up, but I still don't want to leave. Not yet. I close my eyes and listen to
the rain fall, just letting my mind drift on its own accord. I didn't open them again until I
felt a presence near me. Looking up, I saw Ryou there with an umbrella. We held each
other's gaze for a few seconds, before I looked back down. He sighed and sat down
beside me, but didn't say anything. Instead, I did.
"Ryou," I said, which got his attention since I don't often use his name, "would you want
to live forever?"
"No," he replied quietly. "I wouldn't want to."
"Why?"
"To outlive your friends and family is something we all deal with, but we also have the
knowledge that it won't be long until we join them. To live forever... I can't imagine
having to go through that over and over again, seeing all your loved ones die..." he said.
He paused, then looked at me. "It's like that, isn't it?"
I just nodded. After awhile, I had just become so used to being alone. I pushed everyone
away-- there was no point to being with anyone, friends or otherwise, if you were to only
watch them grow old and die. I tried with Ryou, but he was stubborn for all his shyness.
He didn't push me, but neither did he withdrawal from me. He was just... there. Whether
that was for better or worse I can't say. Even now I don't fully accept allowing him to be
so near to me, but it helps the loneliness, so it all balances in the end.
"Bakura? I can't tell what to do about that. I wouldn't even want to try to. But I can tell
you that I try to live everyday to the fullest, as if I would die tomorrow. And I very well
might, we both know that. I don't know if it helps, but... try living."
"Sometimes, I don't think there's a point to it."
"Does anyone?" he asked rhetorically. Another silence passed between us. Some
moments later, he stood. He looked at me, then smiled. "Come on. Let's go home."
I hesitated for a moment longer, then stood and joined him underneath the umbrella.
Maybe... just maybe...
MISSING WORDS
A/N: Ah, yes, I bet by now you either know who I used for inspiration or completely lost.
Well, if you know anything about this song, then you just might be on the right track.
This song was used in the Highlander series, where Methos, the inspiration, was a
character. (A much beloved one, if I do say so myself.)
For those of you who don't know who he is, he was the oldest immortal-- around 5,000
years old. While not entirely bitter, he's a practical person that prefers things cut-and-dry.
He, too, has a past, but if you want to know that, you'll have to look it up:grin:
Back to the story, I hope you enjoyed that. I managed to not to use profanity once! It
wasn't easy, believe me, but I think I did a good job otherwise. At least, I hope I did. And
if Bakura seems rather OOC, I take full blame for that. I could just see him taking a
moment and thinking about this. :shrugs: Hey, it's my warped mind, what can I say?
Well, you know the drill. Review, please!