The moment a child is born,

the mother is also born.

She never existed before.

The woman existed,

but the mother, never.

A mother is something absolutely new

Rajneesh

We should have held out, Emery thought to herself. She was now eyeing her stomach in her bedroom mirror from every angle possible in darkness, her shirt pulled up to better display what might, in nine months, be rounded out with child.

That's right. Emery Whitehill was pregnant. Knocked up. In the family way. Well, maybe. If her third pregnancy test held the same positive result as its first two counterparts anyway.

We should have just held out, Emery thought again. The fear of the outcome was nearly paralyzing. Maybe you find it funny, but Emery, after all, had a damn good reason to be afraid. If she was pregnant, it was Roman's child that would be growing inside of her.

There were just too many signs to ignore now. First of all, there was her appetite. It had dramatically increased. Like, Emery was starting to have trouble remembering what it felt like to be full after a meal. It made her parents and friends happy though. Years of sickness had whittled almost any fat or muscle off of her body until she finally, truly, recovered.

Secondly, there was nausea. At first it was manageable. Catching a whiff from foods she had never seemed to care for anyway turned her stomach for a minute or two, but she pulled through it. But just last week the smell of her mother frying bacon had her putting her head between her knees for a full ten minutes before her stomach settled long enough for her to venture downstairs.

The coup de gras came yesterday, when she finally found herself alone to allow herself one, good crying jag over her breakup with Roman. Julia, Lukas, and Taylor had kept her busy since she'd told them, dragging her with them everywhere. It was obvious Taylor was doing so to keep herself occupied, though from what she never said. Emery didn't push it. She was grateful to have her former friend's company.

But anyway, yesterday. She locked the front door, turned off her cell phone, laid down on her bed and let out the sadness and anger she had held in for the last month. She was still sad and angry when it was over, but she knew it was better that even some of it had been alleviated, if only temporarily. A car pulling into the driveway told her one or both of her parents were home, and so she walked into the bathroom to wash away the evidence. And there they were, plain as day.

Glowing tears. Their trail down her cheeks was faint now, but they were still gathered in her eyes.

That put the fear of God into her. Truth be told, her first thought was Oh, Hell. Did I get a weird, Atrian STD? The front door opening downstairs reminded her that she didn't have time to think it over. But in her hurry to get a clean washcloth, she knocked over a basket full of toiletries. Cursing her clumsiness, Emery bent to quickly push everything back in.

And that's when she saw it. A brand new box of tampons. And that made her start counting the days. And that made her realize. She was a week late. And ever since her recovery, her period was like clockwork. And then everything clicked into place. The nausea, the eating, and, hopefully, the glowing tears.

She drove into Baton Rouge to get a pregnancy test. And then she drove to another store to buy a second test. And then a third. Hey, she wanted be sure. Not to mention if she'd bought the tests from a pharmacy in Edendale, a quarter of the town would have found out before she had even pulled out of the parking lot.

But it was just one time, Emery thought. Sex Ed. came back in full force in her mind. All it takes is one time. And one time was all Roman and Emery had allowed themselves.

The memory came back in full force. She and Roman, just walking to her home. Roughly a week before the hurricane, before Castor had revealed their relationship to all Atrians.

It was just after dark, with almost no one on the streets, so they felt free to hold hands. The next thing they knew, the rain that had threatened Edendale all day fell. Not particularly hard, just a pleasant shower. Either way, they were already mostly soaked through as they ran the last block to her house. They were laughing as Emery unlocked her front door and they plowed through straight to the kitchen, grabbing towels from the dryer.

Even with her hair plastered to her head and her very light makeup running, Roman was looking at her like she'd just dropped down from heaven. Of course he usually looked at her like that. He had pushed her hair back from her face, and was carefully cupping her cheek in his hand, leaning in but uncertainty swam in his eyes. She was the one who completed the embrace, leaning into him and kissing him.

His arms went around her waist, pulling her closer. Her arms went around his shoulders, pulling herself closer still. We should have stopped there, Emery thought. They didn't. The rain outside, the setting, the mood. They lost themselves in each other.

Emery remembered leading Roman up the stairs to her bedroom. She remembered that they took their time removing their each piece of their clothing, drinking in the scene before each other. She remembered that it was like she'd always hoped her first time had been, however cheesy and goofy that might sound. Afterwards they'd just laid together, Roman stretched out carefully across Emery, his head resting on her chest, listening to her single heart.

For a while, Roman wasn't the future leader of all Atrians. For a while, Emery didn't have a large target from two sides on her back. For a while they just were. Until the alarm on Roman's watch went off, telling them they had ten minutes until Roman had to be back on the bus to the sector.

They'd felt so carefree afterwards, kissing passionately in her car before driving back to the Bug so Roman could rejoin his friends.

A timer brought Emery out of her reverie. The test should show its results now.

Fear, anger, and frustration all slammed down on her at once. She pushed them all back before she picked up the test. She did let out a little sob and sat down hard on her bed when the results showed a large plus sign.

There was no denying it now. She was pregnant. With Roman's child. She let the fear, the anger, and the frustration slam back down on her now. Tears flowed freely. And yet among them there was a little nugget of... hope. And with the hope... love. She felt her lips tugging up into a smile through her tears. She loved her baby. Already.

Emery brushed the tears away, resolve flooding her. She knew that there were very few people who would look at her pregnancy as a good thing. Very few. She also knew that she would fight, tooth and nail, to protect her baby. But the first's things first. To tell people.

Emery ran through the very short list in her mind. And was surprised with her first choice.

A door opening down the hallway reminded Emery that she was supposed to be in bed. It was, after all, midnight on a Tuesday. Well, Wednesday now. Her choice made, Emery put the used test pack into the box and put it in her purse, where she knew neither of her parents would find it until she could throw it away. That done, she climbed under her bed covers, and fell into a fitful sleep.