Reader Discretion Advised

This story is rated 'M' for a reason. That reason being, it will cause immature people to get so horny that they start masturbating in the nearest bathroom. If there's no restroom near enough, I feel sorry for anyone within eye shot.

This story may be a crack pairing but it is still, indeed, yaoi. There may be some *cough, cough* scenes that may not be suitable for people who are not prepared. Even though the couple is random, it is still a full-out romance and, as thus, includes stuff that may be more than slightly disturbing. Read at your own risk.

Chapter One: A Night of Pleasure

Orochimaru stood, hidden behind a tree, waiting. He was hoping to see the beauty who had passed here earlier today. Maybe, just maybe, that lovely teen would return and... Orochimaru licked his lips, thinking of the possibilities. That amazing slim body, those thoughtful blue eyes, that long, almost glowing golden hair... He wanted them. Badly. And, if there was something Orochimaru wanted, he would do just about anything to get it.

Here he remained, silently watching the path through a forest of branches. His wait soon paid off. Within half an hour, he spotted a wisp of blonde coming down the road at a reasonable pace.

"Yessssss", the Immortal Snake hissed, preparing himself. "Sssoon, you ssshall be mine."

Taking this as his one and only opportunity, Orochimaru came out from the shadows and faced his victim. At this moment, he realized that this artistry was either a very flat chested woman or an extremely effeminate male. He hoped for the lather as he licked his lips.

"You!" The blonde said, the tone of his voice revealing that he was, indeed, a he. Deidara, for that was this girly man's name, took in the attire of his opponent: a large, purple rope, formed in a bow over his butt; dark, lushious hair that practically advertised L'Oreal just by blowing in the wind; a khaki dress that came down to the knees; slightly puffy pants and sandals. He knew immediately who this man was. "Orochimaru, how I've waited for this moment, hmm. I finally get the chance to show my art to one of the Legendary Three!"

"We don't need to fight," Orochimaru replied silkily. "You're worthless against me. Come, boy." The snake brushed his tongue over his lips and turned around, motioning for the teen to follow.

"Ha!" Deidara snorted. "Do you really think I'll come that easily, hmm?"

Before he could even reach for the bags at his waist, Deidara felt himself being tied up by some force. "Wha-" He looked down to see a python making its way up his body.

"If you try to resist, I assure you that snake will squeeze you to death. Trust me, it's a horrible way to die." Orochimaru didn't even look back as he continued walking with Deidara dragged behind.

Finally, the duo stopped at the opening of a large cave. Orochimaru proceeded, while his prey looked around, trying to remember the labyrinth of tunnels and doors. After about five minutes of being in this hideout, Deidara gave up and hoped for the best.

The serpent stopped, and gave a motion. Deidara felt the python dragging him into the nearest room and began brainstorming an escape. With a snap of Orochimaru's long-nailed fingers, the bindings on the blonde disappeared with a puff of smoke.

Orochimaru licked his lips and locked the door behind him. "It's time for the fun to begin."

At this, Deidara scooted farther into his corner, fear written all over his face. What is he going to do, hmm? He looked around, trying to figure a way out.

"Oh, you can't escape from me," the Immortal Snake attempted a sexy smile, resulting in a very creepy and unsettling expression that, even Deidara had to admit, was strangely attractive. He took a few steps forward, closing in on his prey. "You're mine."

The next thing Deidara knew, Orochimaru was shirtless and coming closer. The blonde tried to look away, but it was useless; the damage had been done. That beautiful pale chest seemed to glow in the eyes of Deidara. Suddenly, he felt a new feeling; excitement. If Orochimaru's abs were that nice, the rest of him could only get better… When Deidara found himself staring at his elder's crotch, he looked away, embarrassed. What's wrong with me? He thought.

Orochimaru had obviously seen were the teen had glanced. He rolled his tongue over his lips, and leaned his face in toward Deidara's.

"You're going to have to earn it," he whispered into the blonde's ear, causing shivers down Deidara's spine. "If you want my body, you'll have to give me yours."

Deidara nodded, understanding fully. He wanted it, all right. All of it. Every thing Orochimaru had, hidden behind those extremely pesky pants. "Yes, hmm" he nodded again, in case the snake had missed it the first time.

The next thing Deidara knew, he was blindfolded. At first he tried to resist, but he felt a finger against his lips as Orochimaru spoke.

"Ah, ah, ah. This part'ss a ssssurprissse. You can be do me next."

Deidara felt his cloak being unbuttoned slowly and his mesh shirt being cut off with some sort of shears. He yelped as the cold metal touched his chest. Almost there, he thought as the elder began taking their pants.

Deidara bucked as the Sannin began caressing his chest with his long, warm and velvety tongue. Orochimaru eased up and began nibbling on the blond boy's neck gently, causing the younger one to moan loudly. Loud enough for Sasuke next door to cease masturbating for the time being and begin cumming loudly.

That amazing tongue soon made it's way to Deidara's mouth and the Akatsuki member allowed instant access. He was surprised at how great the tongue tasted; like everything wrong yet right, like that guilty feeling he got every time he saw Zetsu eating somebody he had hated.

Orochimaru's silk underpants suddenly became two sizes smaller than they already were and he felt Deidara's boxers do the same.

"Are you ready for me, Dei-Dei-Darling?" Orochimaru whispered against their kiss, "Ready or not here I come…"

Orochimaru removed the offending boxers from the blond and stared at the beauty before his eyes.

"Oh…." his eyes gleamed at the large erection. Orochimaru felt as though he was blinded by the glory of a new god. It was amazing. "Big boy!" he exclaimed, and claimed the prize with his mouth. Deidara screamed with pleasure as the older man wrapped his tongue around his length and moved up and down. Deidara was about to cum when Orochimaru pinched the base of his penis with two fingers and his thumb.

"Ah ah ah," Orochimaru answered the horrified gasp that met this action. "You aren't allowed to cum until I say you can." The predator placed a clip where he had been pinching and pulled Deidara onto his hands and knees. He crawled around to the front end and thrust himself into Deidara's mouth. Deidara obliged and began sucking and allowing Orochimaru to move in and out repeatedly. When Orochimaru believed he was ready, he withdrew from the boy's mouth and turned Deidara around, leaving him on his hands and knees. Orochimaru licked his first finger and pushed it into Deidara's opening, causing the boy to gasp loudly.

"Here comes the next one!" Orochimaru said singing and slid the next finger in and scissoring them. Deidara cried out in pain and pleasure, tears running freely from his eyes. His eyes widened as Orochimaru placed in yet another finger.

"Please stop!" Deidara squealed like a girl, "I can't fit anymore!" Orochimaru thrust his fingers in deeply, then paused.

"Do you really want me to stop?" He asked smiling as he brushed the prostrate, causing Deidara to scream with pure passion.

"NO, hmm! Don't stop….Don't stop…" He was sobbing as warm, painful shivers ran up his spine. Orochimaru slowly removed his fingers and started to slide his penis inside Deidara's preped and eager opening. The older man reached down and removed the clip from the teen's erection and thrust himself in as swiftly as he could.

Deidara screamed. He didn't want it to stop, but this was almost too painful. Just as he was about to signal for the snake to stop, the prostrate was touched yet again. The pain was gone, replaced by a feeling of want.

They both jumped when they heard a cough coming from the door. Poor Sasuke had really walked in at the wrong time. Deidara blushed when he heard Orochimaru speak.

"What are you waiting for, Sasuke? Join in." Deidara heard footsteps coming towards him and clothing falling to the floor. Seconds later Sasuke's cock was in his mouth, pumping in and out quickly, keeping up with Orochimaru's pace at the other end. Orochimaru kept going deeper, in and out, making it hurt again on Deidara's end. As if the serpent could sense his victim's pain, he went rubbed up against the prostate once more, causing Deidara to moan in delight against Sasuke's length. Orochimaru pulled out and motioned to Sasuke.

"Want to switch?" He asked and Sasuke eagerly crawled around back. "Ready for the second round, Dei-Dei-Darling?"

Deidara shook his head,

"No more!" The blond rasped, but the Immortal Snake simply smirked and pulled his blindfolded head up.

"Sorry, no stopping until I say so." Orochimaru signaled Sasuke and master and apprentice began again, faster than before.

This was too much for Deidara, and soon, before they had even finished, he had fallen unconscious.