Disclaimer: I do not of House M.D or any of its characters or themes.
Wilson takes a Sick Day
"I can see you, House," Wilson snapped, not taking his eyes off the patient he was hooking up to the IV.
"But I could just be a hallucination… " House said, disregarding all sense of patient privacy by walking in the private ward and crashing on the chair. "Judging by your congestion and empty Flu-cap bottle on your desk… that is a very good bet".
"Ignore him, he just wants attention…" Wilson paused for a moment, ducked his head down into the crook of his elbow and sneezed. He held his head there until the tickle in his nose had died down before looking back up.
"Bless you," the young girl said, handing him a Kleenex from her nightstand.
"I'm not the one who's looking for attention here…" House retorted, waving his cane accusingly towards Wilson. "That mommy hen is the one who's looking for sympathy".
Wilson groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose impatiently, "Unlike you, some of us actually enjoy our job…" he shot back, a cough working its way slowly up his throat. He turned away from the young girl again, just in time to catch the coughing fit.
"Dr. Wilson… you shouldn't be working if you feel sick…" she said and scratched lazily at the IV in her arm. "Dr. House is right".
"See, Wilson? The brunette road-runner agrees with me," House said, grinning lazily as he crossed his arms behind his head in victory.
Wilson looked over to the young girl, Becky, again. Except for the worn sneakers at her bedside, there weren't any telltale markers to identify the girl as a runner. He couldn't help but still be slightly impressed by his best friend. "How did you-"
"Flexed feet even while she's lying down… short hamstrings, she doesn't completely stretch her legs… even when she walks normally, she keeps her arms still," House explained, reminding Wilson of the fact that House had joined Wilson on his morning rounds to his six patients. Wilson had encouraged Becky to go for a walk with them… and that was where House must've picked up all of this…
The oncologist would've been even more impressed if House didn't just say "Are you going to SNEEZE?" just when he really would've.
He screwed his eyes shut, slapping his hands over his nose. "Damnit, House! It's stuck now!" Wilson growled out, dropping Becky's file back into the case at the end of the bed. He rubbed his nose angrily and glared at House.
Becky giggled but quickly tried to stifle it when Wilson switched his glare towards her, "Sorry… but you just looked so cute!" she laughed again, but threw the bedspread over her head and continued laughing.
"I'll be back around four… the blood cultures should be done by then. Alright, Becky?" Wilson said, his voice switched to his normal smooth voice… until he turned to House, "AND you! Don't. Follow. Me!"
House huffed as he watched his best friend stalk out of the room. "You just call him 'cute'?" he abruptly asked.
Becky sat up and shrugged, "Yeah… just a shame he isn't like twenty years younger…" she said and suddenly glared at House, "If you tell him I said that, I'll-".
House waved his hand dismissively and stood up, "Yeah, yeah… I'm shaking in my sneakers".
Ignoring all else, including one obscene hand gesture, House headed to the one person who could move the immovable.
Who busts balls just by glaring at them for a minute.
Who can fire someone just by slapping a paper on their desk.
And no, that wouldn't be Chuck Norris.
"Cuddy!" House yelled, barging into Cuddy's office, sending the glass door flying open.
"I'm busy… go away," she snapped, trying to cover the receiver of the phone with her hand and shoo him away at the same time.
"Wilson is trying to infect the Children's ward with influenza," House said, his voice as convincing and deadpanned as ever.
"You may have to think up things to amuse you while Wilson is away on work and not there to baby-sit you, but I do!" Cuddy whispered loudly, still covering the received with her hand… although, it looked more like she was strangling the receiver now.
"This will be a perfect opportunity for it…"
"For what?"
"Wait for it…" House stepped to the side, just in time to allow Chase to pass through the door.
"Sorry to burst in like this, Cuddy… " Chase apologized quickly, doing a double-take on House's smug expression, "Wilson's in the Children's wards right now, doing his rounds… he looks like he has a cold… I don't think he should be working with any patients right now".
"The perfect opportunity for …. An 'I told you so'" House concluded, waltzing past Chase with a whistle.
"Ugh…." Cuddy groaned exasperatedly and hit her intercom, "Can someone please head up to the Children's ward and tell Dr. Wilson to take a Sick Day? …. And ask Dr. Foreman to take over his rounds for the next two days".
"Right now?" her new assistant quipped, the shuffling of papers sounding through the com.
"NOW," Cuddy almost yelled before stabbing the intercom with her pen.
"….Thank you…" Chase muttered, exiting as fast as he could.
The only person who didn't plan on leaving was in the process of being forced to do just that….
"Go home?" Wilson practically yelled. He instantly grabbed his ears and winced painfully as the sound assaulted his ears and sent pinpricks right into his brain.
The young woman shushed him and waved her hand, "Cuddy said 'Go home'… that's all…" she said and quirked an eyebrow, "What's the big deal?".
"Am I fired!" Wilson said, his voice darkening. His thoughts racing into all the dark and depressing places he could imagine…
"I don't think so…" she replied and headed back to her own department without another word.
Wilson coughed again, clearing his throat and dropping the last file on the nurse's station. He really wasn't up to dealing with… well… whatever's gone wrong now. His head was too thickly stuffed with cotton wool, his eyes burned too much to keep them open long enough to glare at anyone, his ears too sensitive to yell… all in all… not in the best shape for a fight.
He shuffled back to his office, wanting just to crawl into a dark corner with a blanket, some Flu-caps, Med-Lemon and stay there until his misery passed… or he croaked, whichever came first.
"See? Am I good or what?" House said, catching up to Wilson on the last corner.
"What? It was you? I'm fired!" Wilson yelled and paused before shaking his head, "Or… suspended or…"
"On sick leave… where you should've been since this morning," House said and held out a brown case and jacket towards his friend.
"What're those?" Wilson snapped, still fuming.
"Your bag and coat… I picked them up for you," House said and passed it to his friend's numb arms.
Fumbling with the items for a moment, Wilson gaped as he looked up, unsure of what to say. He answered himself though when his head shot sideways and he sneezed harshly.
"You look like crap," House quipped, pushing his friend towards the elevator. "Go home".
Wilson looked up, rubbing his nose, "T-thank you… Greg," he said, the smallest of smiles tugging on the corner of his lips.
House grinned, "Hey, you can thank me by buying me Jimmy Blue for Christmas," he said and walked towards his own office.
"Hilarious," Wilson retorted and stepped inside the elevator.
The two friends turned back and their eyes met for a moment.
"I really appreciate this…" Wilson thanked, sniffing softly before digging out his handkerchief in his jacket pocket.
"Anytime," House replied once the elevator doors had closed.
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