Minxy: Hello! I'm Minxy and I've come to ruin the Earthbound fandom with a horrible crack fiction. Anyways, even though this is a crack fic, I would LOVE to get criticism so I can become a better writer!
Chibi: You should just give up because nobody wants to review your crappy stories!
Minxy: Can you please leave, Chibi? You're not even a fan of Earthbound.
Chibi: Earthbound is nothing compared to Undertale! And Sans is way hotter that Prince Poo! In fact, Poo is shit!
Minxy: Keep your Poophobia as far away from me as possible, PLEASE! And as for the readers, I hope you enjoy my story.
Once upon a time, in the city of Fiveford, lived two best friends named Pippi Smith and Sayuri Saboten Kuroyuri Aijsai Oniyuri Kiiroibara (AN: Isn't Sayuri-chan's name so cool?) and if you ignore that fact that Sayuri-chan is a princess and is part angel, part demon, part vampire, part werewolf, part neko and part Japanese, they are both just your normal teenage girls. Pippi has long black hair style into a ponytail, emerald green eyes, white skin and often wears a short collared purple and green dress with black pantyhose and boots. Sayuri-chan has kawaii pink and blue hair styled into the most sugoi futatsu-yui, one purple eye and one blue eye, beautifully clear and perfect rosy pale skin, G cup breast, a fine hourglass figure and she often wears a violet neckband, rainbow tube top, a turquoise sports jacket, a sky blue microskirt, pink fishnet stockings, a pair of green highheel boots. One day, Pippi and Sayuri-chan were walking home from school and they were chatting happily but then they ran into Mindy Nomei, Yuki Jackie and Samantha Park; the school bullies! "Look who me have here," Mindy said mockingly, "If it isn't SwaySway and Buhdeuce!"
"You should never try to roast again. Because your roasts are so dry, the tourist mistook it for the Sahara Desert," Pippi joked.
"Shut up, Nerd Girl!" Mindy demanded, "We're going to kidnap you and take you to the Aesaekki Island!"
"How the HELL are you going to take watashitachi to Aesaekki Island?" Sayuri-chan questioned.
"The emperor, Kim Kong Kang, has hired us to work with him so the army will help us too!"
"Not on my watch!" Sayuri-chan cried, "Sugar Sugar Magi Henshin yo!" And Sayuri transformed into Tsukai Mahoro. Everyone was taken by surprise! Then, Tsukai Mahoro flew into the sky and blasted the bullies into the sky with her Harmony Rune Blast! After that, she changed back into Sayuri-chan, "AND NEVER MESS WITH WATASHI OR MY BEST TOMODACHI EVER AGAIN!"
Pippi was in shock for a while but then she remembered that the most batshit crazy things has been happening to her ever since she met Sayuri-chan so she snapped out of it. Then the two girls continued walking, "Have you ever fallen in love recently, Pippi-chan?"
"Are you talking about real boys?" Pippi asked.
"Why would you ask that?"
"Because I haven't been attracted to a real boy for years. In fact, I don't plan on dating until I finish college."
"But you used to be love crazy when you were a kid!"
"Don't remind me," Pippi muttered as she remembered all the relationships she used to be in and how badly they ended.
"BUT YOU CAN'T GIVE UP ON LOVE YET, PIPPI-CHAN! YOUR SAMURAI IS WAITING FOR YOU SOMEWHERE AND YOU WILL GET MARRIED AND HAVE LOTS OF BABIES! WATASHI WA SORE O SHITTE IRU!"
"Alright, alright!" Pippi grumbled,"But you didn't have to make me deaf, you know!"
Sayuri said sorry to Pippi in Japanese and they continued to walk. Both girls lived in the Sunrise Orb Villa which was the main reason why they walked home together. After saying goodbye, Pippi went down to bottom floor because that was where she and her family lived. Her father, mother and two sisters were in the living room eating Fiveford Fried Chicken which meant they came home not too long ago, "Hi!" Pippi said cheerfully.
"Hi," The others replied in unison.
"How was your day?" Mr. Smith asked.
"Eventful," Pippi answered, "Two girls from my class got into a fight for a boy." She didn't tell them everything that happened to her because who'd believe the fact that her best friend is now a magical girl and Kim Kong Kang wanted them for some reason?
"I don't get it," Mrs. Smith commented,"They'll always do anything for a boy but they'll put that same effort into school."
"And then that same boy will ultimately ditch them for another girl," Lilli, Pippi's big sister, added, "Anyways, your food is in the microwave."
And the rest of the evening went normally for Pippi; she ate, she relaxed a bit, she did her homework, did all the other shit she usually does and went to bed at nine o' clock.
CRASH!
Everyone who lived in the Villa and a bit beyond was rudely awakened by the sound of something crashing. Pippi quickly got up and went to the living room to look out the window. To her shock, she found that it an asteroid had crashed right in the villa's yard. She was soon joined by her family, "Wow!" Mrs. Smith explains,"That's not something that happens everyday!"
"Have the aliens come to have their revenge us?"
"Don't be silly, Mimmi," Lilli debated, "They'll get their asses handed to them of they even tried."
"I don't care if there are no aliens," Pippi suddenly added,"I'm not going near that thing." Then they all went back to bed. But then they were rudely awakened by someone knocking on the door. After hearing her father grumble about something, he probably got up and answered the door, "Pippi!" He called, "Sayuri's here to see you!"
Pippi reluctantly went downstairs to speak to her friend, "What do you want?" She questioned, "It's three in the morning."
"Pippi-chan! Watashi has made the greatest discovery!" Sayuri-chan announced, "There was an alien in the asteroid!"
"Wonderful!" Pippi tried to go back to her room knowing fully well that Sayuri-chan would drag her into that situation but she was unsuccessful since Sayuri-chan grabbed her hand.
"Pippi-chan! We have to find the alien!"
"Okay, first of all, we don't know where the alien went. Secondly, my parents would never allow me to do such a thing," Pippi said. She was also quite honestly relieved that her parents would never allow her to go on adventures. But then...
"Don't worry, Pippi," assured her,"You can go with your friend. But you must changed out of your nightgown first."
"What?" Pippi's mouth was agape.
"You heard your otou-san, Pippi," Sayuri-chan said happily,"He said that anata can come with watashi."
"But what if I don't want to go?" Pippi asked quietly because while she wanted to object, she was deadly afraid of making Sayuri-chan mad. The pink and blue haired girl glared at Pippi which was enough to get the message across to the latter. Pippi knew that she had no choice but to go with Sayuri-chan so she did. (AN: She changed her clothes, okay?)
The two girls went straight into the Dark Forest because Sayuri-chan knew this was where the alien went. In there, they encountered many enemies like obese snakes, buzzing annoying mosquitoes and out of place lions. Pippi was having a really hard time with them since she has never been on an actual adventure before but since Sayuri-chan was so special and perfect, she always saved Pippi. Anyways, in the heart of the forest, they found a small pink poodle with rainbow eyes, "You're here!" it screamed excitedly with its annoyingly high pitched voice, "I knew I landed in the right place! Anyways, my name Precious and I am your new cohort!"
"Kon'nichiwa Precious-san!" Sayuri-chan greeted cheerfully, "Watashi wa Sayuri Saboten Kuroyuri Aijsai Oniyuri Kiiroibara and this is my best tomodachi, Pippi Smith!" Sayuri-chan then noticed that Pippi had the fact of shock plastered unto her, "Dō shimashita ka?"
"I'm shocked because we've just met a strange talking poodle from space," Pippi answered, "And I'm also shocked at the fact that I still even get shocked at things."
The poodle started to walk around them, "Anyways! Legend has it that two girls will join the other four heroes and fight to defeat a new enemy called Auzuzie. You are weak now, but fear not! You'll get stronger as you go along and you got me to protect you until you can fight your own battles!"
"Great!" Pippi explained, "It'll make everything easier for everyone!"
"Yay! Let's go home and celebrate with some sushi and pocky!" Sayuri-chan announced. And the three set off to go back to the villa. Suddenly, they were stopped by a giant fat blue cat, "Not so fast, Precious!" the cat barked, "I will never let you get in the way of Auzuzie's plan!"
"There's not point, Fat Rat!" Precious roared, "I've already found the two girls and we are all going to beat you!" And then the battle began. Precious quickly surrounded the girls and himself which PSI Shield Σ before they could do anything else. Then Sayuri-chan transformed into Tsukai Mahoro. Pippi threw a rock at Fat Rat and it did minimum damage while showing the cat's belly physics. Fat Rat tried to use PSI Fire β but PSI Shield Σ nullified the attack. Precious decided to use PK Thunder γ and it was very effective which took half of Fat Rat's life. And the finish it all off, Tsukai Mahoro used her Harmony Rune Blast and it killed Fat Rat. The three were extremely victorious, "Great job, girls!" Precious raved, "You both did a wonderful job! I knew you were ready!"
"But we were not that great, " Sayuri-chan debated.
"I should be saying that about myself," Pippi commented, "All I did was through a rock at that thing."
"Take a goddamn compliment, you ungrateful bastards!" Precious demanded, "When you save the world from Auzuzie, you'll only get half the attention you need and they'll focus more on whatever bad is going in the world!"
"You're right..." Pippi and Sayuri-chan sighed in unison.
"Well, watashitachi better get home and get some rest before we start our great big adventure," Sayuri-chan said. And with that, the three began to walk back to the villa. The enemies they were dealing with earlier were trying their best to avoid them, much to Pippi's relief. Soon they found their way back to the villa. Sayuri-chan took Precious to stay with her for the night and Pippi went home to get some well deserved rest. Tomorrow will be a really big day for the two girls.