Miserable at Best
Disclaimer: I don't own Instant Star or any of the characters used in this story.
The song is called "Miserable at Best" by Mayday Parade.
"[Katy Don't cry I know you're trying your hardest"
"Girl, you know I wouldn't go if I didn't have to." This is what I hate the most, seeing her like this. This is what I cant stand doing. I pack the last suitcase into the back of the Hummer. Taking off my sunglasses, it's hard for me to meet her eyes, as all I can see is tears. Tears I made.
Reaching out a hand to catch a racing tear on her soft cheek. She flinches away and I drop my hand, as she looks off into the sunrise. And I know, I know what she sees, because I used to be there. Be in her sunrise.
"And the hardest part is letting go of the nights we shared"
I feel her hand slip from mine "I understand, it's ok." Is it? Closing my eyes, as I feel the worst feeling I could ever imagine. Heartache. Knowing she'll run into his arms will kill me, if this goodbye doesn't.
The sunlight highlights her beautiful face, taunting me. Telling me she's not mine, she's only a dream that will keep me awake for endless nights. Hoping…for a different ending.
"Ocala is calling, and you know it's haunting"
"How much longer?" How much longer for us? Well did we hit the dead end or did we expire before we ever got there. Times not on my side today, and neither are you.
"Tommy?" She says my name, but it sounds foreign to me. Is this truly my girl? I look up and meet her eyes and my hearts blinded. Suddenly, I'm lost.
"But compared to your eyes nothing shines quite as bright"
Staring into her blue orbs, I'm not sure I want to find my way home from where I am. "Tommy…" She collided into my chest and for a second I'm stunned. And suddenly I realize this is goodbye. This moment is our last.
My arms pull her closer to me. "Jude.", I choke out, as my head rests above her shoulder, but my eyes refuse to close. I glance up towards the sky wanting nothing more than to freeze each cloud and sunray, because she's in my arms.
"And when we look to the sky, it's not mine but I want it so"
Gripping her tighter, as I watch a cloud move carelessly. Allowing more light to soak us both. A warning of what's to come. Waiting for a moment, I start to move away because she needs to see and hear this.
Nothing seems more important than this instance. "I love you, Jude." Her eyes are glued to mine, but there's nothing there. The moment had past, the window closed. I step away afraid of being swallowed by the ground beneath me if I stay. Opening my car, I slip in and as I shut the door I hear the faintest voice, "I'm sorry."
"Let's not pretend like you're alone tonight"
In the rearview mirror, I watch as she falls to her knees clutching her cell phone. And I know, I know who's on the other end. It's only a matter of time before he's there at her side sharing moments that used to be mine only.
Clenching the wheel tighter, I press the gas trying to fast forward my life in any way possible. And it's done as I close my eyes at the feeling. When my eyes snap open again, he's there with her.
"I know he's there and you're probably hanging out and making eyes"
He's sitting across from her. Like they were meant for each other. It takes all my effort to keep my eyes open. Does it hurt that much? I can't understand what's happening, as I'm surrounded by white and watching through a glass pane.
They're almost motionless as they stare at each other. Someone passes between them and she looks as though she might talk but then glances away, why? He only watches her, because who wouldn't want to savor a moment with her.
"While across the room he stares"
I can't move because I'm so scared they might realize I'm there and put up a façade. My girl notices him and smiles sadly. Her mouth moves several times only letting me know she was talking.
And nothing more, I can't read her lips…not anymore because they're no longer mine. She's no longer mine. She stands up and in a flash he's holding her.
"I'll bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor and ask my girl to dance…and she'll say yes"
Feeling my vision blur in and out, I manage to see them as he rocks my girl back and forth. I faintly grip the side of my chair, willing myself to continue this self torture. Listening to the radio all I hear is a faint beep under a lot of static, but I cant bring myself to change the station.
Tapping my finger, stringing the beeps into a fashion where only feelings could be heard and a special someone was the only to hear.
"Because these words were never easier for me to say or her to second guess"
She doesn't respond and simply buries her head to the crook of his neck and squinting my eyes to battle the light, I see a couple tears escape and roll down the tips of her cheeks. Writing a love song couldn't save me now.
He pulls away and wipes her tears and she lets him. He holds her hand and she doesn't let go. Am I watching love? Or am I dying?
"But I guess that I can live without you"
"I'm sorry, but he was fading in and out. And then he just slipped. We imagine it was extremely painless because of the amount of morphine that was administered. We're going to need you to fill out some paperwork before you leave, but for now I'll let you have your moment alone, take all the time you need. Again, I'm sorry."
She crumbles to the floor with a look of disbelief. Unsure of whether she can handle all of this. Her head drops and she says one thing
"I love you." And all I'm left with are her silent sobs.
"But without you, I'll be miserable at best."
"You're all that I hoped I'd find
in every single way
And everything I could give
was everything you couldn't take.
'Cause nothing feels like home, You're a thousand miles away
and the hardest part of living
is just taking breathes to stay
Because I know I'm good for something
I just haven't found it yet.
But I need it.
So let's not pretend like you're alone tonight
(I know he's there)
You're probably hanging out and making eyes
(while across the room he stares)
I bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor
And ask my girl to dance, and she'll say yes.
'Cause these words were never easier for me to say
Or her to second guess.
(But I guess)
That I can live without you but
Without you I'll be miserable at best"
Fin
I didn't do the whole song because blah I got bored and all. I'ts actually missing the breakdown and chorus as the outro. But I hoped you enjoyed this song fic. This is the very first story thing I've written so lemme know of things I can work on.